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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say being late all the time isn't a trait you are just rude

999 replies

username4s · 05/09/2021 20:21

AIBU to thinks it's not funny. it's plain rude and shows a lack of respect for the other person?

I often see/hear about people who are always late and it's as if it's just a funny trait of theirs. I don't agree it's shows a lack of care for other peoples time. Are these same people always late for work/school runs/other important commitments or do they suddenly manage to organise themselves and be on time.

OP posts:
ShrimpBarbarian · 05/09/2021 21:18

@BillyBearSpam

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

A similar thread was done on this not so long ago.

People have genuine reasons for being late. Anxiety, ADHD, OCD, IBS, childcare, pet care as a few examples. It's not personal.

And some people are thoughtless arseholes, who think that your time is not as important as they are.
OnTheBoardwalk · 05/09/2021 21:18

BreadInCapivity actually I’ll accept a delivery excuse but only from Yodel

I had expensive item being delivered and the delivery time got being pushed back by hours . I told them deliver to neighbour that they ignored and left it on my doorstep overnight

If had engagement I wouldn’t book a delivery that day these days

StoneofDestiny · 05/09/2021 21:18

Yes, it's rude.
Imagine if you were kept waiting for your bus, train etc just because the driver had to attend to their washing machine, pet etc etc. Imagine planes were held up for all those people who frequently run late? Can you imagine chaos at the doctors/dentists if frequent late arrivals were accommodated. How pissed off would you be if there were no cashiers to serve you because they were 'running late again'.

Or do these 'constantly late' people get their kids to school on time and turn up for work on time and just decide their friends should tolerate their tardiness?

TheLeadbetterLife · 05/09/2021 21:18

I used to be late all the time when I was in my late teens / early 20s.

It was a bad habit that I think grew out of growing up in a laid-back rural area, and always being at the mercy of unreliable public transport. Being late was just an everyday thing, whether it was circumstances or just faffing around. My friends and I were all the same.

I only realised how noticeable it was when I went to university. My friends there used to take the piss and had a nickname for me, but they probably weren’t as good-humoured about it as they pretended.

These days, I’m always on time or early. It can be learned. I’m embarrassed about how I used to be, and get annoyed with old school friends who are still like this.

Bollindger · 05/09/2021 21:19

Funny isn't it that the" Oh I am always late, aren't I cute !" manage to arrive to catch a plane or a train...

AntiSocialDistancer · 05/09/2021 21:20

@MyPatronusIsACat

Gonna explain then *@AntiSocialDistancer* how these perpetually late people who have these 'ISSUES' you mention always seem to be on time when it suits them?

They are never late for anything that is important and valuable to them! Convenient that their ISSUE doesn't rear its head when they are catching trains, or a plane for their holiday... Hmmmm. Funny that. Hmm

It's not funny, people miss important things all the time. I have numerous anecdotes of things important to me that I've missed.

And people might concentrate on nothing else other than an event for 3 days, to the detriment of eating and sleeping etc in an anxious state just preparing for a time and getting to a place.

Lateness for important things is not a particular issue for me, but it comes at a huge mental health cost in order to be on time.

EarringsandLipstick · 05/09/2021 21:20

Or do these 'constantly late' people get their kids to school on time and turn up for work on time and just decide their friends should tolerate their tardiness?

I'm sure some people are like this.

However, I and other posters, have explained that for some people 'constantly late' means that, exactly

I think what's important is someone not caring if they are late or taking any steps to remedy it. That's rude and unacceptable.

BreadInCaptivity · 05/09/2021 21:20

@OnTheBoardwalk

BreadInCapivity actually I’ll accept a delivery excuse but only from Yodel

I had expensive item being delivered and the delivery time got being pushed back by hours . I told them deliver to neighbour that they ignored and left it on my doorstep overnight

If had engagement I wouldn’t book a delivery that day these days

GrinGrinGrin

You might have a point about Yodel!!!!

Keep it quiet though as all the late people will see it as a reasonable excuse!!!

AntiSocialDistancer · 05/09/2021 21:21

@Bollindger

Funny isn't it that the" Oh I am always late, aren't I cute !" manage to arrive to catch a plane or a train...
I wonder why your friends dont think you'll just drive off without meeting them if they're a minute late?
IcedPurple · 05/09/2021 21:21

@StoneofDestiny

Yes, it's rude. Imagine if you were kept waiting for your bus, train etc just because the driver had to attend to their washing machine, pet etc etc. Imagine planes were held up for all those people who frequently run late? Can you imagine chaos at the doctors/dentists if frequent late arrivals were accommodated. How pissed off would you be if there were no cashiers to serve you because they were 'running late again'.

Or do these 'constantly late' people get their kids to school on time and turn up for work on time and just decide their friends should tolerate their tardiness?

Yeah I've known people who were persistently late - and I'm not talking 5 minutes, but considerably late - for social gatherings, but always managed to be on time for work or other 'important' meetings.

It's basically a sign that they don't consider keeping you waiting worth being bothered about. So yes, it's rude.

MyPatronusIsACat · 05/09/2021 21:22

@IcedPurple

Everybody has a genuine reason for being late occasionally.

Nobody has a genuine reason for being late all the time.

This. ^

Babdoc · 05/09/2021 21:22

If you have a friend who is habitually late with no valid excuse, why not give her a taste of her own medicine?
Invite her to meet you at say, noon. At 12.30, text her to say you are running a bit late. At 1pm, text and say you are just waiting for the washing machine to finish.
At 1.30 text that you won’t be long.
See how she likes it. She will either get the message and do better in future, or the friendship will be over. Win/win!

IWantT0BreakFree · 05/09/2021 21:23

@MeredithGreyishblue

It really annoys me. If you know you're a rubbish timekeeper, do something about it. Allow for it. Don't treat my time as less valuable than yours!

If it mattered to them, people would. They manage to get to work on time.

Nope. I'm late to work all the time, and lots of other habitually late people on this thread have said that they are also late for work, flights, trains etc.

I get that people have strong feelings about other people being late and of course it's understandable to be angry when someone keeps you waiting, but it seems a bit daft to be angry that it's because they don't value your time, or because they have no respect for you etc when people are telling you that's simply not the case.

I hate being late. I am embarrassed about it constantly and I hate the fact that it must irritate the hell out of my friends. It's really stressful to live like this and to be in a rush all the time and know that people are waiting for you. I just can't explain why it happens. It's like a complete inability to judge time or manage it properly. No matter how early I get up I am never out of the house on time.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/09/2021 21:24

@Buffoonborisisatwat

What about those annoying people who are consistently EARLY! Say you agree to meet them at say 1 o'clock and they arrive at 1230 and make you feel guilty for keeping them waiting. How bloody rude is that?
I tend to arrive early, because I’m paranoid about being late, but I wouldnt dream of making anyone else feel guilty because I’ve had to wait - that is just plain rude, I agree, @Buffoonborisisatwat.
AntiSocialDistancer · 05/09/2021 21:24

Or do these 'constantly late' people get their kids to school on time and turn up for work on time and just decide their friends should tolerate their tardiness?

Speaking on behalf of all chronically late people, no, we don't get to work and school and to appointments on time 🤣

It's really weird you would assume they do? That tells me how personally you take other people's behaviours. Most of the time, people's lives revolve around themselves. It's not you, it's me.

FortunesFave · 05/09/2021 21:24

ADHD is far more common than you think. This is a common cause for lateness. YABU.

EarringsandLipstick · 05/09/2021 21:25

And people might concentrate on nothing else other than an event for 3 days, to the detriment of eating and sleeping etc in an anxious state just preparing for a time and getting to a place.

Genuinely this is a position I found myself in a few years ago. I had to fly to the States for work. Hadn't needed to do that in years. We do pre-clearance here (Ireland) so I needed to allow extra EXTRA time. I also couldn't check in before a certain time via the app so timing was overall tight.

I was beyond stressed. I really did spend days working everything out, really panicking about the steps. I was parking at the airport in a different long term carpark, I worried about missing the shuttle bus.

It worked out. But a few things did go wrong, and I was a basket case right up till I boarded the plane 😑

hangrylady · 05/09/2021 21:25

YANBU. The odd occasion is fine but it's those bellends who always make a joke of it, like it's quirky or cute in some way that annoy me. I bet they wouldn't be late for a plane if they were going on holiday.

Tallisimo · 05/09/2021 21:25

It’s just rudeness, in my book. It shows disrespect to others. My ex was / is very poor at being anywhere on time … hairdresser, medical appointments, dinner with family, meeting friends, you name it, he’s been late for it. And it was never his fault. Ever. My family and I ended up telling him an earlier time to meet because we all knew he’d be late.

Pippapet · 05/09/2021 21:26

A family member is always late for occasions, (birthdays, Christmas etc) and social gatherings like Sunday lunch, meals out, BBQs or even coming over for a coffee etc, however if they have a 9am at the doctors or a 2.30pm at the hairdressers, they are bang on time....

IcedPurple · 05/09/2021 21:26

@FortunesFave

ADHD is far more common than you think. This is a common cause for lateness. YABU.
On what do you base your opinion that this is 'common'? I've never known someone to be persisently late for this reason.
beastlyslumber · 05/09/2021 21:26

it seems a bit daft to be angry that it's because they don't value your time, or because they have no respect for you etc when people are telling you that's simply not the case.

Actions speak louder than words. The act of being late is disrespectful and rude.

EarringsandLipstick · 05/09/2021 21:27

I bet they wouldn't be late for a plane if they were going on holiday.

This phrase is the 'cancel the cheque' phrase on this & every other thread like it. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Several posters have explained it's often not the case.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/09/2021 21:27

@BuddySpice @itsgettingwierd I've heard of that but never looked into it, so will have a look, thanks. I have a lot of ASD type traits but never been formally tested for anything as hold down a job and everything.

Am leaving this thread now as feel a bit embarrassed to be honest, have tried to be honest about how I genuinely struggle with timekeeping, to my own detriment as much as others, and lots of responses saying nonsense I'm never late for flights or work and am just a selfish / rude / shit friend and probably selfish and shit in most other areas of my life as well.

Waitwhat23 · 05/09/2021 21:27

I had a friend when I was a teenager who was always late and I don't mean a few minutes late - often an hour or more late. As this was pre-mobiles, I would often find myself in town, having gotten a bus there to meet her, standing there waiting. I would eventually slope off to find a pay phone to phone her house phone to find that she had only left minutes before so would be at least another half hour, with no way to contact her so no choice but to just keeping waiting. I've no idea how much of my time was wasted, standing waiting for her and she didn't care if I said how annoyed I was. Conversely, on the very odd occasion I was late (less than 10 minutes), she would be furious that I had wasted her time! She genuinely thought her time was more important than mine and the friendship cooled.

I can certainly understand a bit late - things happen. I can't understand regularly being more than 30 - 40 minutes late and being surprised when the other person is annoyed about their time being wasted.