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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say being late all the time isn't a trait you are just rude

999 replies

username4s · 05/09/2021 20:21

AIBU to thinks it's not funny. it's plain rude and shows a lack of respect for the other person?

I often see/hear about people who are always late and it's as if it's just a funny trait of theirs. I don't agree it's shows a lack of care for other peoples time. Are these same people always late for work/school runs/other important commitments or do they suddenly manage to organise themselves and be on time.

OP posts:
Cupoftea53 · 05/09/2021 20:41

I always used to be late. But since being with DH I have massively trained myself as he hates lateness - he doesn’t like rushing and stress and doesn’t understand why you would put yourself through that. He’s quite right, its horrid rushing and the sense of panic when you realise you will be late, especially with the kids.

londonrach · 05/09/2021 20:42

I grow up in a house where my dad ways arrived vvvvvv early to things...hated it...I'm not as organised and arrive abit late but friends are kind and just know that's me...I'm not being rude just struggling to keep everything together....also being dyslexic I struggle with time... Yabvu as there be reasonbehind it ...

Cupoftea53 · 05/09/2021 20:42

I think its rude not to organise yourself though. You have to be respectful of commitents

Miniroofbox · 05/09/2021 20:42

I think people can struggle with those sort of executive function tasks (is that the right phrase?).

It’s irritating though, but I don’t know that they can help it.

My ex was regularly late for flights, doctors and missed a job interview once because he was late.

OnlyFantastic · 05/09/2021 20:43

Yanbu op.

I have a relative who is always late everywhere. What pisses me off though is that the plans she makes inevitably mean she WILL be late.

If we have a table booked for 7pm which is a 15 minute drive away...she'll leave home at 6.45pm. If we're meeting at my house 9am to go shopping - she lives a 20 minute drive away from me - she'll leave home at 8.40. Not a second sooner.

She leaves no time allowance for traffic, parking/unforseen events etc.

If she was late because she'd planned to leave at a decent time but xyz happened, I could kind of accept it and brush it off...shit happens.

But she plans to be there to the minute. It's like she has to ensure she's not a second early and I just don't get it. It infuriates me.

5foot5 · 05/09/2021 20:43

I feel the same. I think it was drummed in to me by my Dad that if you want to be on time for something then aim to get there 10 minutes early. I hate being late.

@BillyBearSpam I understand that sometimes unavoidable issues can crop up nd people may be late through no fault of their own. But why is it always the same people time and again?

I think with many people it just is lack of planning. If they have to be somewhere at a certain time they seem incapable of doing the simple maths - it will take me about 30 minutes to drive there, another 5 to park, then 5 to walk from car park to wherever, so leave home 40 minutes beforehand. And that is when I need to leave, visiting the loo, finding my keys, getting my coat on etc needs to be done before then.
But FFS it isn't rocket science

Twillow · 05/09/2021 20:43

Have to disagree. It's definitely a trait rather than a deliberate rudeness. It's like being a night owl or a morning lark - one comes naturally to most of us.
However, as a person who is often late, it is an embarrassment and I would always apologise. I don't understand what happens, try to be oganised and efficient but I seem to have a horror of arriving somewhere with nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs. Hard to explain.

saveforthat · 05/09/2021 20:44

Most people who are late to meet friends manage to get to work on time and catch flights.

Stroopwaffle5000 · 05/09/2021 20:44

It can be a sign of Executive Dysfunction which people with ASD and ADHD suffer from. Also Time Blindness. As someone with ADHD, I have to plan to leave an hour earlier than a neurotypical person or else I will be late.

GreyhoundG1rl · 05/09/2021 20:44

It's like being a night owl or a morning lark - one comes naturally to most of us.
God, I don't agree with that at all Confused. Totally different.

doadeer · 05/09/2021 20:45

I agree. It drives me mad. It's very disrespectful

CookieMumsters · 05/09/2021 20:45

YANBU to say its not funny and it is rude, but I do think its a trait.

DH is always on time for everything. If you're leaving the house at 8.57 and 16 seconds he will open the front door at 8.57 and 15 seconds.

I am not. I find it really hard to judge time, how long things take, how much time has passed. It just doesn't mean anything to me. I try to plan and organise and set alarms. I try really REALLY hard to be on time, I do value other peoples time. DH helps me a lot, but when I ask how he does it he can't explain. I think its something, a skills, a talent, a trait, that I just don't.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/09/2021 20:46

@greyhoundG1rl I dont know. I know it sounds mad if you've never experienced it. I will just get absorbed in something for one second and an hour has gone. Or more often than not will misplace something vital (phone/ keys / money) just as I'm leaving that will take ages to find. I've got myself brightly coloured things and places to put them but I just lose things (this sounds mad but I lost my breakfast the other day when i was eating it). I have a degree and a good job but i cant manage time for shit, genuinely. I have to pho my kids in breakfast club as I am terrified of them being those late children every day. And I still sometimes miss breakfast club and they go straight into school

baceBen · 05/09/2021 20:46

Lateness really bugs me. I have a friend who is always late. She says it's because she's 'flaky' as if that's a cute trait. She's sometimes hours late if she has arranged to pop over.
Id hate to be the mum who keeps her kids waiting at the school gate because I can't organise myself, or them to miss out on things because I can't organise myself.

MeredithGreyishblue · 05/09/2021 20:46

It really annoys me. If you know you're a rubbish timekeeper, do something about it. Allow for it. Don't treat my time as less valuable than yours!

If it mattered to them, people would. They manage to get to work on time.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/09/2021 20:46

I'm aware of how stupid and pathetic this sounds, no one apart from my family knows how bad I am at this in real life

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/09/2021 20:46

Yes, rude. They’re saying your time is less valuable than theirs.

drpet49 · 05/09/2021 20:47

YANBU

* I cannot abide lateness. It's rude. It's basically a statement that your time is more important than someone else's.*

^This

EarringsandLipstick · 05/09/2021 20:47

@saveforthat

Most people who are late to meet friends manage to get to work on time and catch flights.
Many people struggle to be on time for anything, including flights & appointments.
baceBen · 05/09/2021 20:47

@saveforthat

Most people who are late to meet friends manage to get to work on time and catch flights.
Totally!! It's selective lateness for a lot of people!!
TheLovelinessOfDemons · 05/09/2021 20:47

DF really tries everything not to be late, he sets all his clocks quarter of an hour fast, but his brain compensates and he still ends up being late. DS2 has ADHD and no sense of time, like many people with it. I can manage his time now, but I don't know how he'll cope as he gets older.

Thanksihateit · 05/09/2021 20:47

Absolutely agree. And failing that, if you’re running late, LET PEOPLE KNOW. Then I can stay at home a bit longer myself, or do other stuff while I wait. Total dick move to let someone hang about for you in a particular place when you’ve not even bothered to let them know you’re running late

FizzyLizzie · 05/09/2021 20:47

I know someone who is continually late for social activities (although always manages to get to work on time). It pisses me right off. She thinks it’s hilarious 🙄.

MeredithGreyishblue · 05/09/2021 20:48

@Twillow

Have to disagree. It's definitely a trait rather than a deliberate rudeness. It's like being a night owl or a morning lark - one comes naturally to most of us. However, as a person who is often late, it is an embarrassment and I would always apologise. I don't understand what happens, try to be oganised and efficient but I seem to have a horror of arriving somewhere with nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs. Hard to explain.
But it would be ok for me to be twiddling my thumbs waiting for you?

OK. That's not on.

BorderlineHappy · 05/09/2021 20:48

I'm the to early type.
But I wouldn't make anyone feel guilty if they're on time.
I just like having a potter around the shops while I wait.

I hate lateness though.Especially people who are constantly late.
Leaving people standing in the cold waiting is not very nice.

In fact my df was so late meeting me I got pissed off and went home without letting her know.

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