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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say being late all the time isn't a trait you are just rude

999 replies

username4s · 05/09/2021 20:21

AIBU to thinks it's not funny. it's plain rude and shows a lack of respect for the other person?

I often see/hear about people who are always late and it's as if it's just a funny trait of theirs. I don't agree it's shows a lack of care for other peoples time. Are these same people always late for work/school runs/other important commitments or do they suddenly manage to organise themselves and be on time.

OP posts:
BakedTattie · 05/09/2021 20:48

Drives me mad. I had a very close friend who was habitually over an hour late to things we had planned. No excuses, no apologies. When is call her out on it she’d laugh it off. Muggings here put up with it for years. Not now. My time is just as important as hers

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 05/09/2021 20:49

This comes up a lot on MN. I agree it's rude and there's no need. Everyone can misjudge the traffic or be on a train that is late from time to time, but if you value the friendship/meeting, you will be on time.

People who say they have a condition which means they cannot judge time still manage to get to work on time or to airports on time. If they don't, they lose their jobs or miss their holiday flights. So they have strategies in place to deal with that.

By not putting those strategies in place for a meeting with a friend (or colleague) they show those people they don't value them.

It's very straight-forward in my opinion. You get to places (and online meetings) on time.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 05/09/2021 20:49

This reply has been deleted

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Iamclaracowbell · 05/09/2021 20:50

The worst is when you're going on a night out and have to pick up late friend in a taxi...and you're sat outside in the taxi with the driver getting crosser and crosser, and you have to keep apologising and eventually late friend comes out cool as a cucumber going 'oh sorry haha what am I like tee hee'

yellowsofa · 05/09/2021 20:50

@londonrach

I grow up in a house where my dad ways arrived vvvvvv early to things...hated it...I'm not as organised and arrive abit late but friends are kind and just know that's me...I'm not being rude just struggling to keep everything together....also being dyslexic I struggle with time... Yabvu as there be reasonbehind it ...
@londonrach Why does being dyslexic make you struggle with time? Genuine question.
ForTheTamini · 05/09/2021 20:50

This is something I really struggle with, I have autism and struggle with time, have lost jobs over it and missed things I wanted to go to. It's a struggle but there are techniques that I try and use to combat it.

Kanaloa · 05/09/2021 20:50

Yes it’s very rude. I have poor timekeeping naturally, so if I was meeting a friend at a new place I would check up on google maps how long it takes to get there then leave myself a twenty minute ‘sponge time’ just in case anything happens.

Of course if it’s just once that can happen to anyone, it’s just an accident, but chronically late people are just rude. I presume their bad time keeping does not extend to work/special events they are attending.

MadeOfStarStuff · 05/09/2021 20:50

YANBU

It’s really selfish and rude. Anyone can be late as a one off is something genuinely unexpected happens. But being late constantly is unfair on the poor buggers left waiting around because you couldn’t get your shit together.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/09/2021 20:51

It's not funny. Its embarrassing and stressful

lazyarse123 · 05/09/2021 20:51

We had ndn just like this. We became very good friends and invited them for meals as we had young kids so was easier. They were consistantly late sometimes up to an hour as they had things to see to in the garden or on the computer. We stopped inviting them eventually, we didn't fall out just blamed the kids getting older.
Lovely kind and generous people so no idea why they were like this.

cheesemarmitepanini · 05/09/2021 20:51

@BillyBearSpam

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

A similar thread was done on this not so long ago.

People have genuine reasons for being late. Anxiety, ADHD, OCD, IBS, childcare, pet care as a few examples. It's not personal.

My friend decided to wait for her washing machine to finish and to hang out the washing. She was 30 mins late to meet me.

Sometimes people are just rude

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/09/2021 20:52

"People who say they have a condition which means they cannot judge time still manage to get to work on time or to airports on time. If they don't, they lose their jobs or miss their holiday flights. So they have strategies in place to deal with that."

I am consistently late for work. They are fine with it as i work hard and am consistently late leaving work as well, and do more hours. It's not just other people it screws over - its myself, I have missed flights and trains for weekends away.

GreyhoundG1rl · 05/09/2021 20:53

So many posters claiming they absolutely cannot be blamed for their constant lateness, and dismissing the person being kept waiting with a blithe "it's not about them" 😂🤦‍♀️
How can people be this self absorbed?? Awful.

itsgettingwierd · 05/09/2021 20:53

Agree.

I get their are reasons some people struggle with time management (my ds also has asd) but it amazes me how people manage to never be late for work but are always late to meet people.

I've actually taken to saying to people who are always late and turn up with the "oh I'm late again - how funny attitude" how they don't drive their boss nuts being late for work everyday and how far they are off being sacked for it.

For some reason lost just breezily reply "oh I'm never late for work" and so I'll say "so you can time manage then?".

Kanaloa · 05/09/2021 20:54

It is personal though. Having ibs or anxiety or caring for a pet isn’t an excuse to be consistently late. If you know you have a pet to sort out/have a condition that may delay you you sort yourself out to leave earlier, or arrange to meet later.

Flatdisco · 05/09/2021 20:54

@Buffoonborisisatwat

What about those annoying people who are consistently EARLY! Say you agree to meet them at say 1 o'clock and they arrive at 1230 and make you feel guilty for keeping them waiting. How bloody rude is that?
Are you often late then?
cheesemarmitepanini · 05/09/2021 20:55

@Stroopwaffle5000

It can be a sign of Executive Dysfunction which people with ASD and ADHD suffer from. Also Time Blindness. As someone with ADHD, I have to plan to leave an hour earlier than a neurotypical person or else I will be late.
So you understand you have an issue with timekeeping, and have found a coping strategy that allows you to be on time. Sounds good to me.
Twillow · 05/09/2021 20:55

@GreyhoundG1rl

It's like being a night owl or a morning lark - one comes naturally to most of us. God, I don't agree with that at all Confused. Totally different.
Why is that confusing? To me, they're both traits that have opposite ends of the spectrum. Some people are night owls, some are morning larks, and some function in the middle ground. Similarly, many people are neither strongly one or the other - generally on time- while others are super early and some always seem to be late.

I really cannot relate to people who plan to arrive half an hour or more early. But I didn't realise that those types of people see lateness as intentionally rude.

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 05/09/2021 20:56

I don't mind if people are late (obviously only a bit late, not hours late) but I really, really hate it if people are early, particularly if I am hosting and they turn up early 'to help'.

Excelthetube · 05/09/2021 20:59

@Twillow
I’m a night owl. And 45
I still manage to get up and go to work every day on time. Even if it’s harder for me.

AntiSocialDistancer · 05/09/2021 20:59

I'm learning that personality traits that are thought of as being 'better' and wholesome are just luck of the draw.

I have ADHD, it's more common than people realise. My defects are neurological - not personally set out to offend you.

Running late, sleeping more, crying more - I can't help it. If people dont like it? I dont care any more.

I'm trying my best and I'm not a bad person. You're not better or more caring than me.

1 in 7 people are neurodiverse, living in a world that the neurotypicals designed.

Shapesorted · 05/09/2021 20:59

but I seem to have a horror of arriving somewhere with nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs. Hard to explain.

And yet you're quite happy to leave the people you're meeting somewhere with nothing to so but twiddle their thumbs waiting for you to show up?? 🙄

londonrach · 05/09/2021 20:59

@yellowsofa dyslexic effects people in different ways...I struggle with time management...tbh there's a few other things I struggle with too I mix up eg table and chair and say take your cup of the chair rather than table...tbh it can be funny snd makes life interesting...but in answer to your question I struggle to get organised..it may seem simple to some one but when I need to get eg to somewhere for 1pm my brain thinks I need to leave at 1pm....I find it hard to factor in travel time...its better now with dh but I'm fight myselfto get on time hence why I always look rushed.

HeartsAndClubs · 05/09/2021 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AntiSocialDistancer · 05/09/2021 21:00

@Kanaloa

It is personal though. Having ibs or anxiety or caring for a pet isn’t an excuse to be consistently late. If you know you have a pet to sort out/have a condition that may delay you you sort yourself out to leave earlier, or arrange to meet later.
Yes, just set an alarm for when you need to shit people! It's 👏 not 👏 difficult 👏

/sarcasm