So for anyone joining late, the mashup we have from this thread is:
"It's not a trait, you're just rude"
"Nothing I have read from the late people on this thread makes them sound anything other than entirely self absorbed"
"Habitual lateness just translates as SELFISHNESS 95% of the time."
"If somebody is perennially late as a matter of habit that is a failure of theirs in being able to become an adult and respect other people."
"I am not impressed by the posters throwing up their hands and saying it is too hard for them"
"People who are always late, and expect you to wait for them are wasting your time and are just selfish and thoughtless"
"So, you know you have a problem accurately estimating how long it takes you to get ready. Fine. Give it your best estimate and then double it. Sorted."
'Umm, some people have ADD or autism.'
"Nearly every late person is thoughtless and does not have unmentionable ADHD"
'About 10% of the population has ADD or autism, a lot of it is undiagnosed, especially in women.'
'We don't mean you.'
'We do mean you, but since you can hold down a job, obviously you should also be able to meet every coffee date with me, punctual to the second, as well.'
"If someone has a disability that genuinely causes lateness, then I still can’t fathom why they would arrange to meet people at set times" [clue...maybe because you insisted?!?]
'I would make reasonable adjustments for an ADD person at work, but obviously they should be able to get to every coffee date on time.'
'I have ADD but my symptoms don't include lateness, so everyone else with ADD is just being a victim, because their brain MUST be exactly the same as mine.' [
I don't have problems with my finances, but that doesn't mean I dismiss the fact that many OTHER people with ADD do.]
"I've started asking for accommodations for my ADHD after years of trying to get by without them because why the heck shouldn't I? You should see how people react. Eye rolling, mocking, even borderline abusive comments."
"Those of us who have tried to explain that we have ND conditions and how these affect our abilities to function day-to-day have repeatedly been disbelieved, patronised, shouted down, and told that we are selfish and arrogant."
"Definitely rude and disrespectful"
"People who are regularly late are just wan*ers"
...there was plenty more, but I think anyone skipping to the last page will get the idea.
I think we've all agreed (except maybe @Snog thanks for truly opening your ears and listening!) that we are incompatible as friends. It just won't work. I've been castigated for long enough about a condition I've only recently been diagnosed with, which has made sense of it all. I don't try to piss you off, but my coping strategies don't always work 100% of the time. I don't need you to stay if I'm late. I don't need you to keep me as your friend. I don't need you to make me feel more shit about myself than I already do.
I'm not a victim. I'm happy to own my lateness, tell friends about it when it happens, and own my condition. I'm also happy to hold down an £80k job and deal with the abnormal stress and cortisol levels that come from keeping myself on track to meet key meeting times, while flexi-timing my way through the day to day. That doesn't mean I need to add all of the cortisol and military precision planning again once a week to meet you with Swiss train punctuality for coffee. If 8 minutes out (sometimes) is too late, that's fine, drop me - that's how my friendship group works. That's not being rude on purpose, or making a judgement call on you being less important, it's just when the distractibility, impulsivity and risk taking cards might all come crashing down around my head.
But don't trot away muttering that it's because I'm thoughtless and I don't try hard enough when you haven't made the vaguest effort to understand how bloody difficult it is keeping the job, the household, the kids out of social services for not being collected from school on time, and 7 clubs a week attended. (Have a look here, if you're actually tempted to try to understand why your strategies don't work in the same way for me www.additudemag.com/secrets-of-the-adhd-brain/ ).
I'm not a victim. I have ADD. Our brains are physically different. americanhealthimaging.com/blog/brain-scan-help-diagnose-adhd/ I manage it. I might not manage it to your satisfaction, but from my perspective, it's better than topping myself because you're perfectly happy to tell me I'm a weak, useless human being who's not trying hard enough to turn up on time and I'm clearly not as good as you because you can.
ADD has bounteous upsides as well. One of them appears to be some of you lot not wanting to be friends with me. Counting my ND blessings!