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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this CF’ery or am I just a mean spirited old grump.

408 replies

Missymisenthrope · 05/09/2021 12:28

I’ve lost perspective on this so am hoping you’ll all put me straight. I live on a street that leads down to a train station and is close to town so residents require parking permits. We can also pay extra (£12 per year) for a visitors permit. My next door neighbours moved in about seven years ago and since then they have borrowed my visitors permit EVERY single time they have visitors, which is most weekends. I live alone and they are a family with small children, they get a lot more visitors than me. I’ve made the odd comment about getting their own permit but they always laugh it off with things like ‘oh I know, we’re terrible with admin’ etc. I know for a fact it’s not a question of money for them, I think they just can’t be bothered when they can use mine all the time. Incidentally, they very often knock the door for me to ‘lend’ them milk/sugar/store cupboard ingredients. It’s really getting to the point where I feel like refusing to lend it to them anymore because I feel resentful about it. Is that silly?
My question is, AIBU to feel this is cheeky or am I just being a mean spirited cow? If I’m not using it what’s the problem etc.

OP posts:
TonytheDog · 07/09/2021 11:13

Next time they ask say 'of course, that will be £12'.

Missymisenthrope · 07/09/2021 11:44

So….. the visitors car was still there this morning! God knows!
My friend down the road found out it was the man two doors down from her who had lent the pass to them and he said they told him they needed to borrow it because their neighbour (me!) was using theirs!!! The actual barefaced cheek of it.
Anyway she put him straight along with the fact they’d been borrowing mine for seven years. The CF’ers also told him that they would bring the pass back in the morning (as in yesterday morning) and he was glad my friend had brought it up because he wasn’t sure which house they lived in to get it back.
I’m sat in my front bedroom working with the windows open so I heard a glorious exchange about half an hour ago when he finally went to retrieve it. There’s a man who doesn’t need any assertiveness training! I was practically cheering him on. Not ashamed to admit I went into full on peeping mode and am delighted that I’m working from home today. When lending neighbour told them flat out that he wanted it back that instant and no they couldn’t bring it back later, the woman visitor actually huffed past the poor man, went to her car, snatched it off her dashboard and basically threw it at him while saying something to the effect of ‘glad I don’t live around here’.
It turns out their friends are no better than them! I’ve seen better behaviour from toddlers when asked to share toys! I’ve been giving them the benefit of the doubt all these years and it turns out they just have no shame. Little did I know when I started this thread, it would turn out to be so dramatic!
I hope that made sense, there’s quite a few players in this drama now! 😂

OP posts:
Missymisenthrope · 07/09/2021 11:47

Oh and the visitors have just left! I have never wished for anything as much as I was wishing for a traffic warden to appear while they were without permit! 😂

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 07/09/2021 11:48

Entirely satisfactory update OP, thank you!

CF's cards are well marked now :)

Can you arrange for the entire street to spend a 24 hour period taking turns knocking at CF's door asking to borrow things? Actually, I feel a film script coming on. Suspect Bill Nighy would take a featuring role ...

EKGEMS · 07/09/2021 11:51

"Glad I don't live around here" My response would've been "That makes two of us!!!-I did you a favor and lent my pass and that's the attitude you have? Didn't your parents teach you any manners or were you raised in a cave, you cheeky woman!!!"

OhRene · 07/09/2021 11:52

Omg how rude of them! How dare they tell people your pass is theirs and act like you're the unreasonable one! Making you look bad to all the neighbours.
I wonder if their friends know that it's your pass?

WellLarDeDar · 07/09/2021 12:00

I really enjoyed this thread!! I kind of want the antics to continue so I can read and laugh about it! Well done OP for sticking up for yourself!

Trudij123 · 07/09/2021 12:02

Oh my goodness, wouldn’t the traffic warden have just finished it off perfectly Grin

So glad you’re home today @Missymisenthrope, it would have been awful if you’d missed it!!!

LadyAddle · 07/09/2021 12:06

@Missymisenthrope
Do you fancy giving us occasional updates?! I'd love to know more of your excellent friend down the street, and Assertiveness Man, and the shameless borrowers, and you do bring them all brilliantly to life.

IntermittentParps · 07/09/2021 12:29

My friend down the road found out it was the man two doors down from her who had lent the pass to them and he said they told him they needed to borrow it because their neighbour (me!) was using theirs!!!
Grin I do have to slightly applaud them for the sheer chutzpah of that. Note to selves: make sure we know who is friends on the street before telling lies about anyone...

Well done, OP. I'm guessing they won't be asking for a cup of sugar any time soon either.

BlackShadowCat · 07/09/2021 12:32

Some people are just so entitled!! Shock

Missymisenthrope · 07/09/2021 12:32

Oh and I should add that it appears many of the neighbours have the CF’ers cards marked already. I told you my friend would get to the bottom of it and it sounds like she was out there all day yesterday gossiping about them while pretending to weed her front path. I love her! 😂
They regularly borrowed another neighbours pass until their visitors drove off with and subsequently lost it (news to me, I thought it was just mine).
They borrowed a mans lawnmower regularly until they broke a blade and never replaced it.
And my personal favourite, they once asked a lady who gets Ocado deliveries if they could add a few bits to her weekly shop. They wanted some bits from Waitrose but not a full shop. She did it once and had to chase them up for the money.
It’s not just been me! I am, however, the only one who has put up with it for SEVEN YEARS! 😂

OP posts:
Missymisenthrope · 07/09/2021 12:35

If I didn’t have first hand experience, I would struggle to believe such people existed!

OP posts:
Noshowlomo · 07/09/2021 12:44

Oooo they are cheeky ones! Looking forward to hearing what they try and do next !

Pr1mr0se · 07/09/2021 12:58

Don't use the 'I've lost the pass' line AND get them the form to apply for their own as that way you'll be back to square one. They just 'forget' to fill in their own form as they're hopeless at admin (or whatever) and then know you've got a new one! Just say it's not convenient as you're expecting a visitor. It doesn't matter if it's true or not, you don't have to explain who or when to them. If they take 'the hump' about it then get them a form to get their own.

Pr1mr0se · 07/09/2021 12:59

And I agree, they are taking advantage of your good nature. You are clearly a nice neighbour.

SoosanCarter · 07/09/2021 13:03

I think a pp was correct; they have sold their pass to a commuter.

prettybird · 07/09/2021 13:04

I suspect that no one in the street will now lend them their visitors' pass Wink

I wonder how long it will take them to apply for their own Hmm or have they already "sold" theirs to a station user?

Their shopping bill may be going up too Grin

I wonder if the next thing you're going to see is a For Sale sign as they move on to find new suckers ?Wink

LookItsMeAgain · 07/09/2021 13:31

They have taken the level of CFery to a whole new level....they even rival Mexican House thief to be honest.

They've been playing you all off each other.

I'm so pleased that you stood up to them at the weekend and I can only imagine that they will be saying to each of the neighbours in turn "Oh isn't X so mean that they won't loan us their lawnmower anymore" or "I don't know what we ever did on Y to make them turn on us by not loaning us their parking permit anymore" or whatever...but they will be saying it...that or they'll finally realise that they can't sponge off everyone...finally.

NapoleonOzmolysis · 07/09/2021 13:51

Well they say it takes a village to raise a child - and a single gossiping gardener to take down a cheeky fucker.

JingsMahBucket · 07/09/2021 13:51

@Missymisenthrope wow, these neighbours are even worse than you/we first thought. Did your friend’s NDN confront them about lying about you? I’d be interested in how they tried to play that one off or if they even bothered.

Annoyingly, nobody else in the neighbourhood told you about their antics the whole time!! I’d have to ask your friend about that too! 😂

JingsMahBucket · 07/09/2021 13:52

@NapoleonOzmolysis

Well they say it takes a village to raise a child - and a single gossiping gardener to take down a cheeky fucker.
Excellent. It’s like something out of Rosemary & Thyme
Montauklighthouse · 07/09/2021 13:56

The stuff of MN Legends!

HopeHappy · 07/09/2021 13:58

Ha ha! I think it's fair to say you've answered your original question OP and you are definitely NOT a mean spirited old grump!

We had a neighbour like this. Used to borrow everything from everyone - broke a garden tool of ours but we didn't notice for months, so couldn't really go back to him, borrowed his NDN's petrol lawnmower every time NDN cut his own lawn (to the point that NDN started cutting his grass when neighbour was out!) and not once ever offered to top up the fuel for it. Was rumbled by another neighbour who had a big bit of equipment he wanted to borrow. That neighbour obviously saw through his CF ways and said he could borrow equipment if, in exchange, he manned said piece of equipment at an event he was running!

We were doing some gardening once and commandeered his child to jump up and down in the bin to squash the rubbish down. Kid thought it was great fun and was about the only bit of reciprocal neighbourly relations we ever got out of them!

memberofthewedding · 07/09/2021 14:12

Get a "ring" doorbell or small outdoor camera from Amazon (about 50 quids) whch will link to tablet, phone or similar. Then decide if/when you want to open the door. If you are an "older" person (Im in my 70s) people will accept that your hearing is no longer so good/you didnt have your hearing aid in/did not hear the door.

Selective deafness/short sightedness/poor memory are wonderful things.

In the end they will get the message.