Is this CF’ery or am I just a mean spirited old grump.

[Missymisenthrope]

I’ve lost perspective on this so am hoping you’ll all put me straight. I live on a street that leads down to a train station and is close to town so residents require parking permits. We can also pay extra (£12 per year) for a visitors permit. My next door neighbours moved in about seven years ago and since then they have borrowed my visitors permit EVERY single time they have visitors, which is most weekends. I live alone and they are a family with small children, they get a lot more visitors than me. I’ve made the odd comment about getting their own permit but they always laugh it off with things like ‘oh I know, we’re terrible with admin’ etc. I know for a fact it’s not a question of money for them, I think they just can’t be bothered when they can use mine all the time. Incidentally, they very often knock the door for me to ‘lend’ them milk/sugar/store cupboard ingredients. It’s really getting to the point where I feel like refusing to lend it to them anymore because I feel resentful about it. Is that silly?
My question is, AIBU to feel this is cheeky or am I just being a mean spirited cow? If I’m not using it what’s the problem etc.

Tell them you’ve given up your visitor permit and let them do whatever they need to

@Flatdisco

Seven months would be stretching it for me!

I think you'll find if you read the OP, she said 7 YEARS not MONTHS!

It's CFery in every sense of the word!

They need to apply and PAY FOR their own visitor parking pass and their own groceries.

You do not need to subsidise them!

Keep a really nasty carton of longlife milk or small sweeteners for sugar and a stale loaf of bread. Next time give whatever they are asking for and see if they ask again. Surely the permit is only for your car registration. I wd be tempted to say that you lost yours and this is the new one that has been sent which is for your car only

Blimey what cheeky fuckers!

re the "hushed tones" I obviously don't know your personal life OP but if you're single & you said your "friend" was coming over "later" and (perhaps) needed the pass overnight... they're probably not only speculating about why their meek little worm-next-door has turned, but also about WHO your hot sleepover date is with

Congratulations Missymisenthrope, please accept this Jackie Weaver Award on behalf of all of us who have thought “I wish I’d said that”

The fact that they have never applied for the permit sounds dodgy! Maybe they don't want to give that address officially for some reason! Well done on being assertive though - you should be very proud of yourself for striking a blow for the self-reliant and kind!

I agree with @Nikkibrad There are a myriad of non dairy milk alternatives about- I got some long life pea milk free recently which no one would drink, and I also saw it being given away on olio. Basics or green tea bags. .. you’re on a health kick/ lactose intolerant/ given up caffeine. If asked. I know you say you don’t mind this bit, but it’s engendering their belief that you’re there to help them with anything, at their convenience

Well done @Missymisenthrope, I’m not particularly assertive myself but the few time I’ve had a bit of back bone I always feel great after, like I can take on the world 😂

I would just say they've run out. Absolute fucking piss take and I lived with permit parking for many years.

Oh well done @Missymisenthrope, I've been following, and I'm thrilled to read how assertive you were.

@BagelandEggs

The fact that they have never applied for the permit sounds dodgy! Maybe they don't want to give that address officially for some reason! Well done on being assertive though - you should be very proud of yourself for striking a blow for the self-reliant and kind!

Some people just genuinely believe that the world is there to give them things they want! Probably nothing dodgier than selfish entitlement i.e. the neighbour has milk, I want milk, therefore she needs to give it to me.

Oooo, please keep us updated. I’m invested in this now and need to see the CF’s getting the elbow by all your neighbours

Are you technically breaking the rules of the permit?

Next time they ask to "borrow" milk etc, ask when they're going to pay back for everything they've borrowed so far.

Just say sorry I think it's time you get your own asi I pay for mine. They are being CF though

Now they've said they're going to apply for their own, you have an excellent answer for next time they ask - "I thought you were getting your own pass?"

So you've saved them £84 on the visitor permit (are you even allowed to loan it to neighbours like this? This kind of thing generally that's not allowed)

How much have the constant "loans" of sugar etc cost? I reckon at least the same again as they've saved on visitor permit so if you think of it in terms of they've cost you £160-200 does that not make you angry enough to stop bailing them out? It would me! But then I AM a grumpy old sod and would never have said yes in the first place! If I can manage to get the visitor permit/ensure I have enough food in then they're capable too!

Stop being a walkover!

Do some assertiveness training, learn the power of "no"

I'm not being flip saying that I genuinely think it would be really good for you as I doubt it's an issue just with these people.

Well done on being assertive today - build on that, get more practice in!

Cheeky fuckers can spot a soft touch a mile off and will keep taking the piss until they're stopped

Just tell them that you haven’t renewed it. Or that you let someone else borrow it. I understand how you feel. It’s nice to be nice but I often feel that nice people are walked all over. I personally don’t want anyone knocking on my door. I like my own space, and it’s for reasons like yours that I prefer not to get to know my neighbours. If you tell them you can’t find it or that you have visitors coming over at some point, they may stop asking and get their own. If you have to pay for it especially. You have worked for what you have and everyone else should do the same. You should learn to say NO!

[quote Harmonypuss]@Flatdisco

Seven months would be stretching it for me!

I think you'll find if you read the OP, she said 7 YEARS not MONTHS!

It's CFery in every sense of the word!

They need to apply and PAY FOR their own visitor parking pass and their own groceries.

You do not need to subsidise them![/quote]
The poster goes on to say 'But seven years takes the piss.' So they clearly did read the OP.

How long until they claim they "lost it", while actually keeping it for their own use ... and if you challenge them on seeing it in a car, claim it's "the one they applied for"?

Well, as it's been seven years and they haven't claimed to have lost it yet, it is unlikely that they will start now.

Oh no... you need to apply for a replacement as you left yours on the hob and burnt it to a cinder ......

No they do not return the favour but in fairness I’ve never asked them to. If I don’t have something then I go out and buy it

This is not the same situation, but our next door neighbours take my DD to school with theirs every day. I do not drive, so I can't repay the favour in the same way - so I get chocs/sweets for them every so often and say how we appreciate their help.

Would be nice if your neighbours did similar, so that you'd feel appreciated, and it would show their gratitude for all the help you've given them.

I understand your reluctance to just say "no", it's not easy - and nobody wants to fall out with their neighbours.

Like Zammo used to say 🤔Just say NO .

@Missymisenthrope

I am absolutely rooting for you! I read through in the hopes I would see a "they've knocked" post🙌🏾🙌🏾 fantastic. Love how he still asks to borrow it....CF

I wouldn't renew it. Then when they ask, you want to say, we'll I don't need it anymore. So I am saving myself some money.
Then they have to buy on, if the do and you gets visitor's, go to theirs and ask to borrow theirs.