Is this CF’ery or am I just a mean spirited old grump.

[Missymisenthrope]

I’ve lost perspective on this so am hoping you’ll all put me straight. I live on a street that leads down to a train station and is close to town so residents require parking permits. We can also pay extra (£12 per year) for a visitors permit. My next door neighbours moved in about seven years ago and since then they have borrowed my visitors permit EVERY single time they have visitors, which is most weekends. I live alone and they are a family with small children, they get a lot more visitors than me. I’ve made the odd comment about getting their own permit but they always laugh it off with things like ‘oh I know, we’re terrible with admin’ etc. I know for a fact it’s not a question of money for them, I think they just can’t be bothered when they can use mine all the time. Incidentally, they very often knock the door for me to ‘lend’ them milk/sugar/store cupboard ingredients. It’s really getting to the point where I feel like refusing to lend it to them anymore because I feel resentful about it. Is that silly?
My question is, AIBU to feel this is cheeky or am I just being a mean spirited cow? If I’m not using it what’s the problem etc.

You remind me of me though I am getting better! you are a kind neighbour but enough ! Take back control with a smile/ being unavailable and no .No.no Good luck x

I think I would be like you, especially if I had left it for so long without saying anything. Well done to you for putting a stop to it. I know it is embarrassing having to put your foot down but it was certainly necessary.

They sound extremely entitled. I could understand it if you had neighbours who reciprocated kindnesses but it sounds like all they do is take - and they are totally unashamed of their scrounging and inconsiderate behaviour.

And unless they replace the milk, sugar, etc, etc., they are not "borrowing", they are taking.

So can you say, well I will pay for it this year but you must pay for it next year and I am free to use it whenever I like as you do with my pass

Well done OP!! You should be so proud of yourself!

@Missymisenthrope you’re brilliant !!

Hello Everyone, thanks for all the replies, I haven’t got much to update as I’ve been out with a friend tonight - see I do have some, honest!! 😂
Guess what though!!?? The visitors car is still there with the borrowed pass! Now I don’t know if it’s the same borrowed pass but I’m pretty sure whoever lent it to them wasn’t expecting it to be gone for over 24 hours! I’m not in the office tomorrow so I plan on popping over to my friends house to see if she found anything out.

You have shown that you're a generous kind person but enough is enough... I agree with Beamur, say you dont have the pass and give an excuse for the other items 7 years is one hell of long time for them not to get organised. They're taking advantage now

Oooh... the plot thickens..!

Really though, I imagine new NDN mug won't be as patient as you OP. You have too polite/niceness writ large on your person.

But this may be an interesting development now you have said No...

Well done OP. Fabulous work there. Keep it up!!

Unless they are reciprocating your generosity then no they are just CF’ers and taking advantage of you next time they ask say sorry I’m having a visitor later today so I need it myself. Any more knocks for store ingredients say sorry I’ve run out and It’s on my shopping list

Maybe it's time you learned to say no - frankly they are taking the p*ss - and you are enabling them

So they know how to apply yet cannot be bothered to do it?

@Bertiebiscuit

Maybe it's time you learned to say no - frankly they are taking the p*ss - and you are enabling them

Maybe it's time you learned to RTFT, or at least OPs answers - she did, over 24 hours ago

This is a wonderful thread, it’s like a CFery fairytale *sighs in satisfaction
Thank you @Missymisenthrope

You're being taken advantage of, and fairly shamefully. Next time they ask to borrow, tell them you are out of whatever it is. Can you call to have the car removed from your spot? If so, let you neighbors know that if they do not get their own spot, you will have their visitor's cars removed, starting in X days. Then do it. They're going to think you are a grumpy cow, but moochers always do when cut off from their supply chain.

OP, you are an inspiration, you take this new found assertiveness and run with it.

Oh and just an observation, apologies if PP’s have already said this but surely it’s much more hassle for the CF’s to keep bothering OP and other neighbours for the past 7 years each time they need a visitors pass? If I was a CF (honest governor I’m not one) I really couldn’t be fecked doing that every time. But maybe I haven’t got CF logic? 🤷🏽‍♀️

Tell them you've lost it and need to replace it, but haven't got round to it yet.

i bet they have rented out their pass to a commuter who is using the station - they paid their annual £12 and have 'sold' it to someone

I love this thread! Started reading as my baby son woke me for a night thread. It’s kept me entertained until he dropped back to sleep, and I was so happy to get to the post where you told them no. Yay, good for you! Can’t wait for the next instalment…who lent them the pass & when will they get it back? How many times will you have to say no before they get the message? Will they ever buy their own pass?! This is better than Coronation St (which I don’t watch btw, it just sounded good).

Just say 'sorry I can't find it' and that's it. Every time they ask. Say 'it's really easy to get your own, and only 12 quad'.

When they ask fir the next store cupboard item say no sorry you've run out too.

Every time.

They'll stop.

Oh dear me🤨
You need to practice saying 'No'.
Next time they ask, say 'Look I've been patient for 7 years, lending you bits here and there plus the use of my permit, whether or not I use it. I'm afraid it's all going to stop from now on. You are taking me for granted yet do nothing to get your own permit.
I've decided that the only way you'll ever get your own is if I deny you borrowing mine.
I think 7 years is long enough to take the mick.'
If she gets huffy that's her fault.
I wish I lived near everyone who hasn't the courage to deal with people like this, because I learned to say no and to take their reaction with a smile. I might hire myself out as a fixer.
Just do it and do t give in. No more lending or borrowing either. You're not a convenience store.

I'm astounded at some posters saying don't mind the borrowing of tea, sugar, milk store cupboard ingredients. Over a period of 7 years?
The OP needs to put her big girl pants on and say a firm polite NO to everything.
Don't make up lies as excuses. Just say that, after 7 years, it's worn thin and "I won't be doing it any more"
Whether or not the OP uses the parking pass is neither here nor there. Would I let my neighbour use my spare room for her auntie when she comes to stay? Would I let a neighbour's kids use my garden if they don't have one? NO NO NO.

Some PPs keep saying about OPs visitor parking spot. It isn't a parking spot, it is a parking pass that you use in your car so you can park in general permit parking areas on the road. Lots of housing streets have these. Each house can have a visitors permit but only one and they have to arrange and pay £12 a year for it.

👏👏💐🥂 to the OP for finally finding your voice. I feel very chuffed for you.

Please keep updating us OP. I want need to know if they come back and ask for anything anything else. I don't even care if it takes a month 👀