To feel sad my looks are fading

[Losinglooks21]

Name changed for this, I know Aibu but just feel so sad that in every photo anyone takes of me I look awful. I am now 42, feel like I have progressively aged over the last two years (maybe covid/ lockdown related). Does it ever get better in your mid forties or should I just hide from the camera forever more?

@MsTSwift

A good cure is to work with the very elderly. To my 90 something clients at 45 I am a mere slip of a girl 😁

😂

I think it’s so sad that women feel so badly about themselves despite having years of wisdom and probably looking beautiful from the inside out
I was never good looking but I haven’t aged badly- sunscreen is a major one that no one has mentioned but you need a good facial one every day. Interestingly, my very good looking friends have found the aging process much more difficult than I have. Where they’re trying to save their looks I’m still the same in terms of how I feel about myself.
I do dress ‘young’ as in leggings, bright colours and pinafores etc. I hate his idea that we all have to have our hair cut and wear muted shades as we age
Anyway OP drink water, wear sunscreen and enjoy your life as you’ll never look this hung again!

I felt like this for a while

But soon got over it. I’m still attractive and I’m not clinging on to youth it’s passed

I think it’s mind set you have to accept you will have that youthful attractiveness it’s different but that’s fine

It’s wasn’t until recently I realised I am more than just a pretty face sadly from a very young child being told how good looking I was did nothing for my inner confidence

Looks really don’t mean so much as we get wrapped up into thinking they do

@AudreyTattoo

Lifting weights is really important as we lose muscle mass as we age. I've started lifting lately and I do feel better.

Yes agree, I do a lot of this and tbh my body is better now than in my twenties - and is a body I would be proud of at any age (appreciate that sounds bigheaded AF lol but I'm being honest!!)

@DevonDame

Honestly, OP, at 42 you are pretty much still in your prime! You will look back and wonder what you were upset about.

I am almost 25 years older.

People who don't know me (genuinely) think I am 50. I get ID'd when I have to ask for concessions.

I am lucky that all the women in my family have youthful genes BUT I can share some of my own tips.

I don't drink- can't for medical reasons and stopped at 40.
I use sun block every single day and have since 37 when I had a skin condition and treatment included sun block and I've just carried on.

I eat very healthily. Avoid almost all refined carbs, sugar, fizzy drinks etc except for the odd treat.

I am the same weight within about 3-4 lbs that I was in my 20s.

I keep up to date with make up trends and use make up daily (usually Bobbi Brown as I like a natural look.)

My hair colour has faded from dark auburn but I have a few lowlights a couple of times a year and I've grown out the short cut I had at 45.

Honestly, you CAN do this! You won't look 20 but you will look the best for your age.

and as for Helen Mirren, she has had countless face lifts and she doesn't look great even now. She has presence but that's her confidence coming over.

I'd love to see a photo of you (not fishing for one, just saying.) You sound amazing looking for your age.

• you will not have that youthful attractiveness

I ❤️ These threads. I’ve got a few tips OP, good luck!

Do you take a multivitamin? The Well Woman range is excellent and will make subtle differences to skin, hair texture and energy levels. Always on 3 for 2 in Boots. Take 1 with your main meal.

Address your skincare. Caroline Hirons book is excellent if you’re overwhelmed by all of the lotions and potions on the market. Double cleansing, Glycolic toners, chemical peels, retinol, hydration, vitamin C serum all make huge differences. It’s not an overnight fix but a few weeks of a solid skincare routine will change your life.

I second the advice to drink more water- aim for 3 litres minimum and try to cut down on the tea and coffee except maybe morning and noon?

Alcohol is extremely ageing on the body. Just saying incase you drink more than the odd glass once a week.

Don’t buy new makeup yet until you’ve made changes to your habits as above. Ideally you want to wear less makeup as that can be extremely aging, one slight mistake and you’ll ruin the full effect.

Botox and fillers are only temporary and should be your last option, you’ll stilllook older only with a frozen swollen face if you don’t address the basics beforehand.

Be careful looking at influencers, remember they are paid to sell products. They can be good for style ideas though.

If you smoke give that up, we all know why.

Teeth whitening either by laser, gels or strips will make a big difference in photographs. A whiter smile can take years off people.

I forgot SPF! La Roche Posay 50 is amazing, but in the UK on grey days in autumn and winter unless you’re planning on being outside the whole day it’s not necessary. But once spring arrives slather it on!

At 50 I lost 2 stone and felt reborn. 10 years later when I look at myself in the mirror I ignore the wrinkles and the grey hairs and see my nice friendly smile.
Be who you are, be clean, neat and tidy and wear clothes that flatter you. It's who you are that counts, really.

Well judging by the plastic surgery thread, young women ferl sad anout their looks hemce fillers and micrroblading etc. Women are programmed to feel shit as it makes patriarchal capitalists ££££. Ive haf botox twice. Cost me lots and didnt last . Good results for a few weeks tho.

Feel sad about*

Personally, I found my 40s a strange time physically. My body changed (start weight training now, it'll stop the midage spread), my hair changed (went curly) & my skin changed (Japanese skincare worked best for my maturing skin). Took me a while to find out how to make the most of & look after everything again, but now that I have, I've never been so confident. Ride it out, have fun experimenting & remember that your 50s will soon be here & they are amazing! It's like being in your late teens again but with the cash & confidence to take having an absolute ball to the next level.

@Lavender24 oh no I didn’t know that. I think as you get older looking good takes more effort and changes in how do make up etc and being realistic about what doesn’t work anymore but it is possible. It is also harder to get back to groomed as get older if that is what you want and more expensive. Gamine charm and not much stress produces some beautiful young women but not so much later, I think even Kate Moss falls into this category. Realise this might sound bitchy and that is not what I mean but I think it’s the truth. Also if it doesn’t bother you that is fine. Sounds like you have made some changes which make you feel better. Maybe watch some YouTube on make up for 40+, these are all things I did….

Thank you for this thread. I’m 42 & through lockdown I got into running & lost weight then anxiety hit & ive piled it all back on. I think the fact we’ve not been able to do anything has made me less inclined to take care of myself & ive definitely been drinking too much.
Anyway, I started back on healthy eating & no alcohol over the weekend so that’s a start. Some of these tips are great. I’m going to get some well woman vitamins, drink more water, check out some make up ideas & get my hair colour changed slightly. I already have a decent skin care routine.
I think some of the points about no completing with youth & dressing elegantly & with confidence are spot on.

I find older women truly beautiful - more so as I've got older myself (I'm 43). I think older faces are more interesting and compelling. Whilst we can't claim the radiant dewy glow of youth, we've got our own thing going on and I prefer to celebrate that.

@AudreyTattoo

Lifting weights is really important as we lose muscle mass as we age. I've started lifting lately and I do feel better.

Yes - not just for maintaining muscle mass but also bone density.

Hi OP
My mother is 81 slim and very glam of COURSE you shouldn’t hide!
Mum - Adoptive mum
Alas, wish I had her genes- is incredibly physically active too.
Keeping fit and to a reasonable weight keeps people looking much younger than their real age.

I need to heed Mum’s methods.

@Thewiseoneincognito

I ❤️ These threads. I’ve got a few tips OP, good luck!

Do you take a multivitamin? The Well Woman range is excellent and will make subtle differences to skin, hair texture and energy levels. Always on 3 for 2 in Boots. Take 1 with your main meal.

Address your skincare. Caroline Hirons book is excellent if you’re overwhelmed by all of the lotions and potions on the market. Double cleansing, Glycolic toners, chemical peels, retinol, hydration, vitamin C serum all make huge differences. It’s not an overnight fix but a few weeks of a solid skincare routine will change your life.

I second the advice to drink more water- aim for 3 litres minimum and try to cut down on the tea and coffee except maybe morning and noon?

Alcohol is extremely ageing on the body. Just saying incase you drink more than the odd glass once a week.

Don’t buy new makeup yet until you’ve made changes to your habits as above. Ideally you want to wear less makeup as that can be extremely aging, one slight mistake and you’ll ruin the full effect.

Botox and fillers are only temporary and should be your last option, you’ll stilllook older only with a frozen swollen face if you don’t address the basics beforehand.

Be careful looking at influencers, remember they are paid to sell products. They can be good for style ideas though.

If you smoke give that up, we all know why.

Teeth whitening either by laser, gels or strips will make a big difference in photographs. A whiter smile can take years off people.

Botox and fillers are only temporary and should be your last option, you’ll stilllook older only with a frozen swollen face if you don’t address the basics beforehand

Yes they are temporary but the rest of what you have said is the usual Botox nonsense . Yes, you get the people who get it wrong but for every one of those there are masses of people who look better because of it . I could say the same thing about teeth whitening - " don"t do that as you will end up like Rylan" but that doesn't make sense does it ?

I’m 42 and I naturally have inherited chubby cheeks so wrinkles aren’t a massive issue and I’ve always looked young. But it’s the jaw line!! Urgh it’s disappearing by the day and I e never had a defined one really but I really don’t appreciate the sagging!

I e never been ‘hot’ just very average anyway but it’s a strange thing ageing. I now see my mum/grandma in me when I never did when I was young! I have ventured into different skincare and I don’t wear much make up anyway.

So to help ageing I eat nutritionally well when I can and drink water. Alcohol is minimal maybe once a week unless holidays. I exercise. I’m doing everything I can to look after myself. The beauty goes on here have introduced me to retinol etc although I’ve not ventured into the higher doses just shop bought In trying. Im unsure about injecttiobs and fillers but even just skin treatments are evolving so ask me in 5 years!

I work in healthcare and tell myself when I feel crappy about ageing that I am so lucky to get to my age when I work with some that don’t.

I feel The lockdown/working from home has had that effect on me. I have even lost an inch on height due to inactivity (I used to walk an average of 6 miles a day at work while at home I only do 4 few yards trips to the fridge a day.

If it helps, you are not late to recover your looks, although hormones may be already playing up in your body due to your age, there is still a lot of “good functioning” in your body to reverse the clock.

I looked very old when I divorced at 40. Within 8 months I was at the best I have been in my life.

I started eating a lot of salads at lunch, mostly because that was the only thing I could keep in in the early days after the split, and I just kept the habit when I felt better I lost 10 kilos.

I started doing Pilates at home with a video before DS woke up, which helped me to deal with stress but also gave me a flexibility (and a body) I had not had since I was a young teen.

I can honestly say my best years were my 40s, now over 50 the weight is back and I struggle to convince myself to get out of bed to do Pilates but… I am still looking and feeling much better than I did on my late 30s so don’t give up on yourself

I have a neighbour (who must be well into her 90s) who used to model in 1950/60s for all the couture fashion houses. She still has the most beautiful face and smile, snow white hair, good posture (years of ballet training i suspect) and still dresses elegantly. She's an inspiration!

Ps. Pilates are also great for the jaw line

Important to remember that you dont have to 'compete with a 20-30 something hottie' to be gorgeous. The playing fields are totally different. 20s may have nubility, youth and no lines but older women can have good figures, lovely faces as well as elegance, gravitas, and a je ne sais quoi. You can't have that when youre 20 because it comes from experience, from the confidence and self knowledge you can only get when you're older. And it is hot!

Mum at 81
This is what Yoga and Pilates do !

@GrandmasCat Oh really!? How does that work with pilates? I have a tiny non-defined jawline and am always looking for ways to perk it up.