To feel sad my looks are fading

[Losinglooks21]

Name changed for this, I know Aibu but just feel so sad that in every photo anyone takes of me I look awful. I am now 42, feel like I have progressively aged over the last two years (maybe covid/ lockdown related). Does it ever get better in your mid forties or should I just hide from the camera forever more?

@oakleaffy love it!!

@grumpyterrier I don’t have a clue but I did the Darcy Busell’s Pilates video for 6 weeks when I realised that for the first time in my life I had a chiselled jaw

@GrumpyTerrier

Important to remember that you dont have to 'compete with a 20-30 something hottie' to be gorgeous. The playing fields are totally different. 20s may have nubility, youth and no lines but older women can have good figures, lovely faces as well as elegance, gravitas, and a je ne sais quoi. You can't have that when youre 20 because it comes from experience, from the confidence and self knowledge you can only get when you're older. And it is hot!

Completely agree with this! Which is why I don't get so down about the ageing process. I also didn't look great in my twenties anyway (combination of lack of money, no idea how to do skincare - get hair that looks nice and not much money to invest)

So I feel much more confident being mature, personally.

I think Botox could be one to consider for me personally but I wouldn't go any further with surgery. Fillers look not very good in most cases IMO

Oh I also really recommend belly dance if you've lost your feeling of being powerful and gorgeous. I lost that big time. I was so disgusted wih my body and I kind of lost any sense of being a sexual adult woman. I started an online class during lockdown and I have found that it taps into a deep feeling of being female and feminine and sexual and the power of that. 'm quite shit at it but still I get that surge of energy from it. Maybe all dance could do that-- I tried ballet and it certainly didn't but horses for courses.

Its hard accepting the aging process isn't it! I'm 40 and I've definitely visibly aged since I had my kids, but I am trying to embrace it. I am fitter than I ever was and I think possibly more confident.
I've got greys increasing by the day so I've been having highlights, and my foundation was looking too heavy so I'm using a bb cream which is way better. I don't like to follow fashion trends really and I don't want to try to look younger than I am, I just want to try to look my best. I think that's all we can do. I am quite happy in my skin, but it is sad looking back! We never appreciate our youth!

@GrandmasCat Right! I'm gonna try this

@Thewiseoneincognito

I ❤️ These threads. I’ve got a few tips OP, good luck!

Do you take a multivitamin? The Well Woman range is excellent and will make subtle differences to skin, hair texture and energy levels. Always on 3 for 2 in Boots. Take 1 with your main meal.

Address your skincare. Caroline Hirons book is excellent if you’re overwhelmed by all of the lotions and potions on the market. Double cleansing, Glycolic toners, chemical peels, retinol, hydration, vitamin C serum all make huge differences. It’s not an overnight fix but a few weeks of a solid skincare routine will change your life.

I second the advice to drink more water- aim for 3 litres minimum and try to cut down on the tea and coffee except maybe morning and noon?

Alcohol is extremely ageing on the body. Just saying incase you drink more than the odd glass once a week.

Don’t buy new makeup yet until you’ve made changes to your habits as above. Ideally you want to wear less makeup as that can be extremely aging, one slight mistake and you’ll ruin the full effect.

Botox and fillers are only temporary and should be your last option, you’ll stilllook older only with a frozen swollen face if you don’t address the basics beforehand.

Be careful looking at influencers, remember they are paid to sell products. They can be good for style ideas though.

If you smoke give that up, we all know why.

Teeth whitening either by laser, gels or strips will make a big difference in photographs. A whiter smile can take years off people.

No one needs 3 lts water a day- I'd never be off the loo!

The guidance is 1.5 - 2ltrs of fluid which can include tea and coffee.

Also the Botox comments. You can only tell if someone has had it if it's done badly. same with fillers. The people you see online have overdone it if it's obvious.

Sleeping for longer, each night, helps to look your best.

I build a lot of "accidental socialising" into my life, I will always be the one to take DS to football, watch and chat to the other parents, I used to go to Church and am a member of the PCC, I voluntered at a homeless shelter, have a running buddy on sunday mornings. Looks a lot when you write it down...

I’m 50 and I’ve found I age then plateau for a few years. This started around 45, all was going well until then! I don’t have lots of wrinkles, I avoid sun bathing, I wear shades all year if bright which helps as I’ll squint I wear a hat if sitting on a beach etc and spf 30 every day on my face.
I get blonde shades in foils regularly and always wear make up. I agree brows (not fake slugs) make a difference. I use an angled brush and a pomade to lightly shape and fill. I did start using The Ordinary retinol and that did help and is affordable so might revisit. I find facial exfoliation. Aldi La Prairie copy cat face cream is good too. As for weight, I’m at my 20s weight and maintain that within a few pounds as I find that makes me feel good and look better in my clothes. I won’t go thinner though as that can be bad for faces.
Despite all of those superficial things, I am always aware of the privilege of ageing and my freedom to dress how I like. A freedom not every woman has.

Sorry wrong thread ignore me

I'm 62 with completely grey hair, botox and a very small quantity of some very skilful fillers. Physically fit. Loss of oestrogen at meno clearly makes a woman less sexually attractive, but attractiveness is not only sexual. You will always have your bone structure, the personality that shines through, your basic skeleton shape, your features, your experience, wisdom, humour etc.. Yes things creak and have gone south a bit but honestly I don't feel invisible and I know even those who only know me in passing still find me "attractive" for my contribution to the lives of those around me. I have better relationships with young women now than I had when I was that age myself when I was always viewed as a competitor. Life is easier now, I just feel the attention is of a different type, no less valuable. I understand that we mourn the loss of looks but it's really only in the sexual way. Loss of health or mental capacity is a completely different ball game.

It got immeasurably better for me. At around 42 I looked probably the worst of my life, I'd gained weight, was constantly exhausted, my face had started to sag around the jowls, my hair was awful. Looking back at photos I can't believe I went round looking like that. But a combination of way too busy life, poor diet and coping with peri menopause meant I didn't much care at the time. I'm now 52 and whatever people may say, I'm not deluded when I say I look great, and years younger than I did in my early 40s. I can tell in the mirror, photos and from friends and strangers comments, and yes, from the extraordinary amount of male attention I now recieve. I'm really slim size 8, from improved diet, with a much nicer figure than I had when young, i have more time and money to spend on hair and skin now, and get much more sleep which helps loads. So, for me it's very much about lifestyle and the amount of free time and money I have that makes the difference, with age pretty irrelevant.

When I was 26 and looking very pleased with myself after an impressive promotion an older German colleague smiled at me and said to our other colleagues "ah ladies, isn't it great seeing a gorgeous young woman doing well?! We remember those days fondly!" and the other women agreed enthusiastically. And I remember thinking that that's how I would like to approach aging when it comes, to not lament the loss of my own youthfulness but to look back fondly knowing I enjoyed it at the time, and take pleasure in the beauty of others around me.

I also think there is a very distinct beauty, or sexiness, that comes with aging. I find it really hard to articulate but my friend's sister for example has always been an attractive lass but in middle age there's a softness to all her features that wasn't there before, her breasts are fuller and she just carries herself with a don't-give-a-fuckness that she definitely didn't possess when she was younger. It's not youthful but it is hot.

@PearlyRising

It wasn't me that said I looked better at 49 than 29 but I really get that and like my 51 year old face more than I liked my 31 year old face. Back then, I was anxious about everything, hated my job, my boyfriend was manipulative and controlling, I felt trapped I suppose, I was trapped, I wasn't very brave, I had a lot of pressures on me to GET MARRIED though, I think my lovely 31 year old face was seen (by me) through a lens of anxiety, pressure and depression. So when I looked at the reflection of my 31 year old face I felt nothing but sadness and fear. When I look at the reflection of my 51 year old face, I feel a lot more content. I know I look 51 but I'm so much kinder to myself. So yeh, I think I can look at my face now and prefer it to what I saw 20 years ago. It doesn't make me sad any more.

This is a fabulous post. 👏 Ageing has so many benefits over the insecurities of youth.

Why do we invest so much value in how we look?

If we have good relationships with others, enjoy our work and are healthy shouldn't that be enough.

There is sometimes a sense of mismatch when I look in the mirror and see an older rather than a young person. I'm in my early sixties, A lot depends on mood and how I slept.

More generally my colouring has changed because my dark hair has gone grey. I cannot be bothered with hair dye, make up etc. All I have done is wear clothing in slightly different changes as bright tones now can make me look rather faded, while more muted shades bring out my natural eye and hair colour.

Just to add that I have 2 extremely attractive daughters who are now young women. I look at them and they worry about how they look and they are just beautiful. They won’t appreciate it until they’re older. It saddens me. I’m constantly telling them they look beautiful BUT also to think more about their character and contribution to the world around them.

I'm a similar age and had been feeling the same. Not helped by starting a new job and being surrounded by gorgeous 20 somethings and realising that I'm just not even in that same category (and feeling quite invisible!)

But actually, a couple of months in, and I'm realising that I'm not invisible at all. I have a weight (pun intended 😉) and a gravitas that the younger women and men just don't have. I'm experienced in my field, people listen to me, people come to me for advice. Some (not all) of my younger colleagues say/do quite inappropriate things, they don't know how to act in all situations, they're often tying themselves in knots, or even just unaware that older colleagues are biting their tongues a bit. And I remember I was just the same! I thought I was a hot young thing, and that everyone would automatically feel privileged just being in my gorgeous presence - what a dick I was 🤦‍♀️🤣🤣 (ok, not quite that extreme, but you get what I mean)

So basically, I wouldn't go back in time. I wouldn't trade 20 odd years of life experience for 6 inches less round my waistline and a smoother forehead.

@MargotEmin

When I was 26 and looking very pleased with myself after an impressive promotion an older German colleague smiled at me and said to our other colleagues "ah ladies, isn't it great seeing a gorgeous young woman doing well?! We remember those days fondly!" and the other women agreed enthusiastically. And I remember thinking that that's how I would like to approach aging when it comes, to not lament the loss of my own youthfulness but to look back fondly knowing I enjoyed it at the time, and take pleasure in the beauty of others around me.

I also think there is a very distinct beauty, or sexiness, that comes with aging. I find it really hard to articulate but my friend's sister for example has always been an attractive lass but in middle age there's a softness to all her features that wasn't there before, her breasts are fuller and she just carries herself with a don't-give-a-fuckness that she definitely didn't possess when she was younger. It's not youthful but it is hot.

I love this post!

I'm 52. I think I looked my almost best at 50. Age seemed to suit my face. I swim every day so despite being a little fat I have great muscle tone and look taller.
I started using The Ordinary skin products in my mid 40s and my skin's great. I started to droop a little over the last 2 years despite doing facial exercises for the last 30 years so I started using a microcurrent device. It just makes me look subtly improved.
My friend who's the same age does baby botox and it does make her look better . I got quite a shock when I saw her after lockdown and she hadn't had it for 12 months. But its v expensive and it just moves the wrinkles from one bit of her face to another.

I read that there is a magical cut off age or something like 47 when you become invisible. I thought it was depressing at the time but now aged 51 I genuinely revel in it. I just don’t care anymore what people think and honestly everyone is so nice and chatty and I don’t know it’s because I am more relaxed now and or because I am no threat or competition to anyone 😂. It’s the gift I would give to my younger self if I could.

How shallow and sad that something as natural as aging is now seen as the enemy. So much for progression.

Tbf some of us never had the looks in the first place, so are less stressed about losing them!

Yep, having always been ugly I find the idea of still valuing your self based on looks at 42 really odd.

Are you a good person, OP? Do you have people in your life who care for you? Do you do things that matter and contribute positively to the world? This is what matters.

I thought that I would really care about ageing, but I don’t. I’m 50 I think I look fine. I’ve got very few lines. I dress well. If people think negatively about my appearance I really couldn’t give a stuff.

The great thing about getting older is you stop caring what other people think of you.

So yes I think you’re BU OP. Stop worrying about cameras and get on with life.