To feel sad my looks are fading

[Losinglooks21]

Name changed for this, I know Aibu but just feel so sad that in every photo anyone takes of me I look awful. I am now 42, feel like I have progressively aged over the last two years (maybe covid/ lockdown related). Does it ever get better in your mid forties or should I just hide from the camera forever more?

I'm 37 and I also feel a bit like I've aged over the pandemic and also suffering some bereavements and other stressful stuff in extended family.
, plus having two babies. I've never been a looker really, but I do look a bit haggard now. I can live with it, but I do think the stress of the past year and a half may have aged a few people. I'm one of them!

I had one round of Botox recently. It was ok, but I realised (too late) that it actually wasn't necessary. Wrinkles aren't the issue (yet), it's just an overall tired, drained, unwell look I've got going on lately. I have been doing more exercise, so I get a post exercise glow. It does make me more tired though and while kids were off school and preschool, they had later nights, so I had later nights and that hasn't helped. Think things will get better in terms of my energy levels and therefore my looks now they're back at school.

Yep, focus on making yourself look as good as possible as you are - which will mean reviewing make up, hair, clothes every few years. Be a bit French about it, they are good at appreciating older beauty and the wisdom and wit that come with it.

I would go out and get yourself something today, but would book in a make up session - whether that’s just at a Bobbi brown counter or professionally to make sure you keep updating your look - that’s not just about making changes as you change but in making sure you don’t get stuck in the styles of your youth, which is very aging.

I'm 41 and have found the past year has really aged me. I've started softening round the jaw which ages me I think. I'm lucky in that I don't ha e too many wrinkles and my skin isn't bad but I feel like I've been drained of colour a bit if that makes sense?

Agree with the poster who said some have let their.hair go over the past couple of years - mine used to be my crowning glory but it has thinned a lot and never looks right.

@stillvicarinatutu

I'm 49 and feel and look younger than I did 20 years ago.

No wrinkles yet thank god ! Bit of grey hair mind but nothing a box dye can't sort !

I'm sorry but this is just completely impossible. No-one at 49 looks younger than a 29 year old. No-one. You might prefer how you look, and that's great, but you don't look younger.

Having said that people do age so differently, and I think most of that is just down to genetics. High cheek bones hold skin up. And genetics determines when your skin starts to sag and how. And that is way more ageing than lines and wrinkles.

I guess you just have to appreciate how your face looks today, as you'll never look as good again as you do today! It does make me sad to hear late 30's / early 40's women on here decry how old they look, as I think, Jeez, you have no idea how great you look! Treasure it!

Checking in to say hi, I’m 43 and Feel exactly the same as you do

I’m pretty fit and healthy generally. I run etc. However I feel that the social effects of lockdown have really got to me and affected my mental health. Making yourself look nice takes longer when older (IMO) and most of the time I really struggle to be bothered.
It’s the bags under my eyes that bother me the most.

Botox for forehead and "11" lines is a game changer

A good cure is to work with the very elderly. To my 90 something clients at 45 I am a mere slip of a girl 😁

I don't think many women look in the mirror and think "Yay, wrinkles!". I also think it's ok to mourn the good bits of being young and attractive (while remembering the downsides too).

But then you have to move on and focus on enjoying the rest of your life, instead of looking backwards.

For me, exercise has been key to feeling better about my body as I've got older.

I totally understand. I was getting away with things until about a year ago but I am really noticing a change now and I’m not liking it!!

However, I had a haircut on Friday and feel 50 times better already now. I also bought new make up as the old stuff is looking ‘wrong’ on me lately.

I’m going to try the collagen and retinol, I’m not desperate to look younger, Just not as dried out looking! I need to up the water too and make the most of what I have, which is a lot.
I can walk talk, see and hear. I love my family and have so much to be grateful for. I’m luckier than loads of people who are younger than me!
Every day I can get up out of bed is a gifts I’m just going to drink tons of water, make a few skincare changes and hope for the best.

I'm 60 and I think I look better now than I did when I was in my 30s and 40s. Good skin care, good diet, exercise and tweakments help but not as much having a stronger sense of my own style combined with not being afraid to try out new looks. IMO people who have the same haircut/wear the same makeup for decades look dated and tired.

My body shape has changed since the menopause but there is more to looking good than a small waist.

And - always wear sunscreen!

I put on over 2 stone during lockdowns due to baking out of boredom and no daily commute/exercise. The weight definitely aged me in photos (and OMG on Zoom!) more than my grey streaks and i felt old and tired. I've found since getting back into exercise since april and gradually losing the weight has made me look and feel much younger, fitter and much less tired. My fab hairdresser helped too

You're only 42!!! Drink loads of water. Do yoga. Lift weights. Update your hair and wardrobe. These worked for me in my late fifties. They'll definitely work for you, you wee fountain of youth!

I'm in my 50s and sometimes when I look in the mirror I think ' Shit when did THAT happen?!'
Yes my face has sagged...no doubt about it, and I also have the long all natural (ie greying) hair that was mentioned up thread.. except I did it deliberately pre pandemic .
I've never been into makeup or massively bothered about my looks, but I do keep myself slim, walk miles with my dog and look active and I think that helps.
Weirdly I get compliments about my hair all the time ..I'm lucky it's thick shiny and healthy and the grey streaks look like deliberate highlights but actually I jusr resented the cost of coloring it.
I still feel like ME just a less worried about what others think version of myself and that's fine.
Embrace the changes, it is more freeing to do so that battling ageing and being upset... it's not a fight you can actually win!

Lifting weights is really important as we lose muscle mass as we age. I've started lifting lately and I do feel better.

Not fading, just changing.

I spent my 40s feeling very frumpy. Lockdown caused weight gain and i came out looking tired and bloated. In February, i overhauled my diet, Ive started having botox and exercise more. I think i look far better now. Im 50, Still look 50 but a good, healthy 50. That's all I strive for.

One thing I've noticed, even with my teenage DS, who has a tendency to hibernate in his room, is that a lack of sunlight can impact the complexion and take away that youthful glow.

Lockdowns probably made people feel there was no reason to go out but I think it's important to keep tanking sunshine (in moderation).

Otherwise you can start to look like asparagus grown in the dark.

Honestly, OP, at 42 you are pretty much still in your prime!
You will look back and wonder what you were upset about.

I am almost 25 years older.

People who don't know me (genuinely) think I am 50. I get ID'd when I have to ask for concessions.

I am lucky that all the women in my family have youthful genes BUT I can share some of my own tips.

I don't drink- can't for medical reasons and stopped at 40.
I use sun block every single day and have since 37 when I had a skin condition and treatment included sun block and I've just carried on.

I eat very healthily. Avoid almost all refined carbs, sugar, fizzy drinks etc except for the odd treat.

I am the same weight within about 3-4 lbs that I was in my 20s.

I keep up to date with make up trends and use make up daily (usually Bobbi Brown as I like a natural look.)

My hair colour has faded from dark auburn but I have a few lowlights a couple of times a year and I've grown out the short cut I had at 45.

Honestly, you CAN do this! You won't look 20 but you will look the best for your age.

and as for Helen Mirren, she has had countless face lifts and she doesn't look great even now. She has presence but that's her confidence coming over.

I have 4dds in their early twenties and am reminded of my own faded looks every day. I don’t mind though and am philosophical about aging. I have plenty of products to try, as with 4 dds our bathroom is like walking into Boots.

I had no looks to lose - I've never been attractive. I do look at old photos and marvel at the freshness of my complexion and how thick and dark my hair was (now limp and greying) but 'youth' was the only thing I could claim in those days. I'm glad to be middle-aged and invisible because at least I don't get random men insulting me in the street.

I suppose it's a bonus not to have loss of looks to worry about and to be already accustomed to trying to 'make the best of it' with clothes and grooming. If you've been a person who can fall out of bed in the morning, throw on some clothes, go out with unbrushed hair and no make up, and still turn heads, it must be a shock when that stops happening.

Our colouring changes over time so you do have to reconsider what you wear, make up needs to change too (if you wear it).
I sympathise but can't really quite get bothered about it myself. I'm happy in my skin but occasionally catch sight of myself and am a bit surprised by the slightly chubbier, older version of myself looking back - but I am ok with that.
I'm less noticeable to leery men and don't miss that one little bit.
If ever I feel a bit glum about the grey hair I imagine myself as an old lady laughing at my present self and saying 'if you think that's bad, you just wait!'

It's strange how we are all different. I'm late 50s, the menopause completely took my looks and my mental health. I'm actually relieved not to have unwanted male attention. Not that I ever put up with it, they just got told. Im happier now, hated my teens and 30s (bad times in my life). 40s was about the best until my health issues started. Ive started to walk as my health issues have got slightly worse and Im determined to improve them. I understand how you feel but I've got to say I never really cared about my looks anyway. You can still wear your nice things and put on your make up. Visiting the hairdresser is my favourite, you always feel better there. I have lived longer than many of my family and friends. During these times I feel even more fortunate to be here getting older at all. A few in my family havent made 40, let alone 50, they sadly died over the years due to different illnesses/circumstances. Honestly, you will feel better about things eventually.

When I got my first hot flush it was just downhill in the face department. So I started weight training and what I'm losing in the face I'm gaining in the body. It's never looked better.

You must drink water though, the skin is the largest organ in the body and the first to suffer from lack of water.

I am late thirties OP and starting to feel it, which is why I work hard on maintaining a good body as I think no matter what happens to my face (which I cannot control and I don't want surgery), then my body is something I can control and with hard work can look good with! A toned body IMO makes you appear much youthful even if you have a mature face etc

I actually though don't want to look young again either - I much prefer as someone said the 'she looks good for age'.

The male gaze doesn't happen hardly anymore and I'm fine with that - I suspect they can see when you're of a certain age you've matured past the point of being easily manipulated so don't bother!

What a sad thread and so many of you . It's sad that you feel this way about yourself but I would dispute that it is all over once menopause hits ! You should not be trying to "compete" with 20 - 30 year old hotties anyway . Since menopause and a hysterectomy I like my look better now than I did from my 30s and 40s in many ways - I am confident , OK my body is not the size I may want it to be but I know how to dress and I have more money to do so than I did then . On a daily basis I see men checking me out - they are not 20 - 30 either but I wouldn't expect that . I look after myself . I am fortunate in that I have inherited good skin and I have little bits of Botox to deal with the lines that age you . However the best thing I love about myself is my attitude and confidence and this is what can lift a person to a whole new level . On the basic level it involves a good haircut and colour , some good make up that hides the blemishes , simple dressing ( by this I mean a nod to trends but stay away from garish on trend clothes and patterns ) and watching what you eat and drink , loving yourself and being thankful for every day you wake up . I would add though that often women in their 40s are at the time of life when they are a bit "through the mill" with children and seem to have lost that "self care" mode. Love yourself and other people , laugh and make those little changes.