To feel sad my looks are fading

[Losinglooks21]

Name changed for this, I know Aibu but just feel so sad that in every photo anyone takes of me I look awful. I am now 42, feel like I have progressively aged over the last two years (maybe covid/ lockdown related). Does it ever get better in your mid forties or should I just hide from the camera forever more?

I'm 49 and feel and look younger than I did 20 years ago.

No wrinkles yet thank god ! Bit of grey hair mind but nothing a box dye can't sort !

Yes, absolutely! From November 2019 my life has been an epic shit show of gigantic proportions
I have held it together from event one and people have commented on how well I'm doing and how calm I am etc. Well I can only assume its a good thing they can't see inside my head I have shoved every bit of stress/anxiety/fear and frustration inwards and I can see it all over my face and my (really rather disgusting) stomach!
Like you I have massively decreased my water intake (replaced most of it with gin I think with an odd cup of tea for health reasons haha) I haven't been eating badly as such but definitely less fruit and veg than I need.
The sad thing is I have never been a looker as such but I did look young for my age (attractive enough with makeup!) But now I can see the damage done even with a full face of slap on.....I'm 37 btw

I am losing my looks and I hate it.... Whilst there's things I can do to look better, I will never look better than I did in my twenties. I can make myself look good for 40, but it will always be a poor substitute for the old me

I look at women who have self confidence and are happy, they look attractive.

@AWonderfulNewName

I find older women beautiful. You are not invisible. What's wrong with ageing? Whilst we should look after ourselves, we should also embrace the lines and grey hair etc.

Me too! I'm the sandwich generation and I see my mum as a pretty old lady (at 80 she's still got twinkly eyes and a gorgeous smile!) I really like my 50s because I've finally got confidence in my looks, and I dress less conservatively than ever before. My female cousins and I all resemble our maternal grandmother 😍 I love to see all that play out in our friends as well. Seems its the sort of thing you notice in middle age

We have six beautiful young women in my immediate family and two little girls and I have come to the conclusion that we are all beautiful.

A bit of a twinkle, a lot of drinking water and a decent haircut help us all though.

Bet you're gorgeous 😍 OP!!

@stillvicarinatutu

I'm 49 and feel and look younger than I did 20 years ago.

No wrinkles yet thank god ! Bit of grey hair mind but nothing a box dye can't sort !

That's fab that you feel like that. And I'm sure you look great and maybe better now than years ago, but I cannot fathom how you look younger at 49 than you did at 29, unless you're Benjamin Button.

@malificent7

I started botox over the pandemic and it is effecrive. Im 43...shame it wears off and is so frickin expensive!

And looks very strange in natural light.

Tbf some of us never had the looks in the first place, so are less stressed about losing them! Im 50 and I am told look much younger. I don’t have a single grey hair etc. However whatever age I look, I’m still going to be unattractive.

So aging isn’t necessarily a bad thing, you will still have your looks, you might just have to tweak them a little

Oh and genuinely not getting bothered about it can knock years off you

I was thinking this the other day too. I feel I've aged quite a bit over the last 2 years. I'm also 42. Specifically my eye bags that have deepened and gone all creepy. Make up gets wedged in there and looks awful.

This is natural. I'm over it now at 51 but at around about 45 I remember feeling sad about it. I made a concerted decision to change my focus to looking healthy and happy and stylish rather than attractive. One doesn't really have a choice in that but it helped.

Unattractive to whom?
You might not be in fashion, so to speak, (I'm not either)
But I'm certain you have redeeming features

Sorry that was for @LukeEvansWife

Slippery slope after periods stop. I get dermal fillers done but practitioners vary.

I use good skin care and try to have 6 large glasses of water daily.

Im a bit older than you .However look better than I did a few years ago simply by using a hair colour to "go blonde"! and upgrading my make up to a slightly darker shade .Also use night cream every evening before bed and drink lots of water . I think you probably look great! Thing is as we age, its better than the alternative (not ageing ) not being here any more

I’m mid 50s. The thing I find depressing is that by the time you reach a certain age, however good you look, the best you’ll achieve is “looking good for your age”!

I’m going to my DP’s daughter’s wedding soon. I exercise regularly and managed to get quite slim over lockdown, so I was almost looking forward to buying a nice dress and getting my hair done and so on. But the sad fact is, no matter how good I look, it’ll only ever be good “for my age” . I’m not going to come anywhere near the 20-somethings who’ll be there.
It’s sad but it’s life. There’s no escaping it. I had my time of turning heads, now it’s someone else’s turn.

It wasn't me that said I looked better at 49 than 29 but I really get that and like my 51 year old face more than I liked my 31 year old face.
Back then, I was anxious about everything, hated my job, my boyfriend was manipulative and controlling, I felt trapped I suppose, I was trapped, I wasn't very brave, I had a lot of pressures on me to GET MARRIED though, I think my lovely 31 year old face was seen (by me) through a lens of anxiety, pressure and depression. So when I looked at the reflection of my 31 year old face I felt nothing but sadness and fear. When I look at the reflection of my 51 year old face, I feel a lot more content. I know I look 51 but I'm so much kinder to myself.

So yeh, I think I can look at my face now and prefer it to what I saw 20 years ago. It doesn't make me sad any more.

@Bagamoyo1

I’m mid 50s. The thing I find depressing is that by the time you reach a certain age, however good you look, the best you’ll achieve is “looking good for your age”! I’m going to my DP’s daughter’s wedding soon. I exercise regularly and managed to get quite slim over lockdown, so I was almost looking forward to buying a nice dress and getting my hair done and so on. But the sad fact is, no matter how good I look, it’ll only ever be good “for my age” . I’m not going to come anywhere near the 20-somethings who’ll be there. It’s sad but it’s life. There’s no escaping it. I had my time of turning heads, now it’s someone else’s turn.

Yes I agree. You can look great for your age with a lot of effort but it will never be like it was in your twenties. I miss turning heads...!

I find most women look better as they age. Somehow faces become more defined and interesting after they lose the smoothness of youth. This is certainly the case with most famous women I've seen over the decades.

And there's lots you can do to bring out the best in your looks, whatever that means for you. A new hairstyle, wearing different colours, new make up, skincare, exercise, diet, new glasses if you wear them and so on.

@BronzeBalonze what a lovely post.
I think it absolutely can come down to taking a positive view on things. On a low day I can feel that I look run down but if I’m feeling positive it’s not so bad. I had been thinking about Botox too, but wouldn’t if, as a previous poster mentioned it involves animal cruelty.

I don't miss turning heads. I always felt a bit threatened. I don't think I realised that at the time. I don't mean strangers psasing you on the street but in a social setting or at work, if somebody was talking to you only because they found you attractive, it wasn't something that ever made me feel comfortable. I was always trying not to offend!!! ARGH

Do try retinol it's cheaper than botox and keeps the worst of it at bay I find. (I am 45)

I am 20 years older than you and get more compliments now than l did in my 20s. From other women. Looking back l looked great then but never really knew that. The compliments now are , l know, for my age but l enjoy them and refuse to look back . Enjoy every stage because by 60 you will look back amazed at how good you looked at 40. Obviously if there are little things you can do..haircut etc do it but don't waste much energy putting yourself down. And remember selfies can be very cruel to a lot of people's looks

I think the trick is looking elegant and happy rather than trying to look young and hot. And appreciate how you look now-because when you’re 70, you’ll look back at photos and think you looked great! Good posture helps massively. I see a lot of older women in my job and the ones who look good move well, have a good haircut with no beige blonde or black hair dye and have good posture-watch those round shoulders!