To feel sad my looks are fading

[Losinglooks21]

Name changed for this, I know Aibu but just feel so sad that in every photo anyone takes of me I look awful. I am now 42, feel like I have progressively aged over the last two years (maybe covid/ lockdown related). Does it ever get better in your mid forties or should I just hide from the camera forever more?

But it is worth stressing that everyone is unique. Some might benefit from HRT, others might not. Additionally, some will find menopause will play havoc with their body and their looks, others will not. There is no one size fits all advice or solution. You need to find what works for you.

@sansucre

But it is worth stressing that everyone is unique. Some might benefit from HRT, others might not. Additionally, some will find menopause will play havoc with their body and their looks, others will not. There is no one size fits all advice or solution. You need to find what works for you.

Thank you for responding. Your posts are really helpful. It's so difficult to know where you are with menopause. I thought it was finished after 12m+ with no periods, only to find it isn't and they're back. So while I assumed this was the post menopause me, I now know I was wrong! Gp is very unhelpful and won't offer hormone tests, so i guess it's just wait for symptoms to manifest and take it from there.

"Some might benefit from HRT, others might not"

Who would not benefit? Seems beneficial for everyone unless the risk is too much for certain people? Even women who don't get bad menopause symptoms will have a higher risk of osteoporosis etc.

Wrinkles is what I’m concerned about.

Who would not benefit? Seems beneficial for everyone unless the risk is too much for certain people? Even women who don't get bad menopause symptoms will have a higher risk of osteoporosis etc.

I never felt the need.
HRT is not without risks, including DVT, some cancers, heart disease etc.
If osteoporosis is a concern there are other non hormonal medications that can address that issue separately and more specifically.

Menopause is a natural process, not something that always needs medicated.
No doubt it helps many women, and I have been lucky, but not all women need HRT.

@3luckystars

Wrinkles is what I’m concerned about.

Sagging and jowels are worse imo. Wrinkles can add charm. And little things like your eyelids closing in on your eyes (or maybe that's just me). And getting fat.

"No doubt it helps many women, and I have been lucky, but not all women need HRT."

How would you know at permienopause which one you'll be though, one who suffers a lot or not? Thinking of the poor poster with painful atrophy.

I've heard that HRT is all very well but when you have to stop taking it (and you WILL have to stop taking it - you can't stay on it for the rest of your life) the symptoms/ageing is horrendous.

Luckily I've never needed it and have been post menopause for 7 years. I look better now than I did just before, and during, menopause. I definitely am slimmer and still have a waist. I remember during menopause I did feel that I would never look good again however. To anyone dreading menopause - don't. The scare stories get more airtime than the stories from people who don't have problems.

How would you know at permienopause which one you'll be though, one who suffers a lot or not?

Surely if you start to get symptoms that are troublesome you go see a GP?

Should all women take HRT at a certain age to avoid menopause- what age should that be?

I don't see menopause as a disease. For some women menopause will be easy and uneventful. Why take medication for no reason?

RainCloude

That is my experience too. I am slimmer now menopause has passed, fitter- my skin is clearer and brighter, my hair is glossier.
My mental and emotional state has never been better now hat I am no longer subject to monthly fluxes of hormones.
Women who have easy menopause are unnoteworthy and don't make for interesting reading.
We hear far more about women who have a difficult menopause.

Why medicate healthy women?

"The scare stories get more airtime than the stories from people who don't have problems."

I'm not sure about this because there's still a stigma in talking about it for some people. It could be even worse than we're led to believe.

"I don't see menopause as a disease. For some women menopause will be easy and uneventful. Why take medication for no reason?"

I see all ageing as a kind of disease to be honest. It's a degeneration and in the end we die of it.

I see all ageing as a kind of disease to be honest.

So popping pills at every stage in natural life processes would help fix what then?
I think a reliance in medication may prevent many people addressing deeper root causes of ill health.
Medication saves lives and improves quality of life for many.
But so much ill health is more to do with lifestyle than ageing.

@RainCloude

I've heard that HRT is all very well but when you have to stop taking it (and you WILL have to stop taking it - you can't stay on it for the rest of your life) the symptoms/ageing is horrendous.

Luckily I've never needed it and have been post menopause for 7 years. I look better now than I did just before, and during, menopause. I definitely am slimmer and still have a waist. I remember during menopause I did feel that I would never look good again however. To anyone dreading menopause - don't. The scare stories get more airtime than the stories from people who don't have problems.

This is incorrect. You can stay on HRT for the rest of your life. See the most recent NICE guidelines.

@speakout

RainCloude

That is my experience too. I am slimmer now menopause has passed, fitter- my skin is clearer and brighter, my hair is glossier.
My mental and emotional state has never been better now hat I am no longer subject to monthly fluxes of hormones.
Women who have easy menopause are unnoteworthy and don't make for interesting reading.
We hear far more about women who have a difficult menopause.

Why medicate healthy women?

Because even though your hair might be glossy, the lack of estrogen in your system post menopause makes you far more likely to suffer from heart disease and osteoporosis.

@speakout

Who would not benefit? Seems beneficial for everyone unless the risk is too much for certain people? Even women who don't get bad menopause symptoms will have a higher risk of osteoporosis etc.

I never felt the need.
HRT is not without risks, including DVT, some cancers, heart disease etc.
If osteoporosis is a concern there are other non hormonal medications that can address that issue separately and more specifically.

Menopause is a natural process, not something that always needs medicated.
No doubt it helps many women, and I have been lucky, but not all women need HRT.

Menopause isn't a natural process. It's only within the last 100 years that women could confidently expect to live much past 50. Before that the average life expectancy for a woman was roughly 48. So most women would have died before experiencing menopause.

Even if you still want to argue that it's a 'natural' development, then well so is developing cancer, diabetes, heart disease et al. But we damned well medicate them to Hell and back in order to improve quality of life and life expectancy.

On a personal note, I was diagnosed with early breast cancer last year. My oncologist insisted I stop HRT - though interestingly my menopause specialist said it was far from a black & white decision. And that the very latest research is now leaning toward prescribing HRT for breast cancer survivors if their symptoms are severe.

In my circumstances, despite having already had BC, I am still more likely to die from heart disease (because of very low estrogen) than of cancer.

Menopause isn't a natural process. It's only within the last 100 years that women could confidently expect to live much past 50. Before that the average life expectancy for a woman was roughly 48. So most women would have died before experiencing menopause.

That is a flawed conclusion.
Average life expectancy of 48 includes many individuals who died in infance or childhood, so that figure of 48 includes a high number of childhood deaths. Many women lived to a good age.

Because even though your hair might be glossy, the lack of estrogen in your system post menopause makes you far more likely to suffer from heart disease and osteoporosis

You gotta die of something. 🤷‍♀️ Personally I’d pick heart disease over dementia any day of the week and you can take calcium supplements.

Why look for problems before the menopause? See how you go on, before it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy of having an awful time.. personally, I sailed through it.
Lucky, optimistic, I don't know, but I didn't go into it expecting to have to have HRT!

I wear make-up every day and my torso is awful . I have pretty good legs for my age. Recently I had my brows microbladed. I am 60 painful yes ,but I have no regrets.
So be kind to yourself and if you feel like it treat yourself to something .

@RainCloude

I've heard that HRT is all very well but when you have to stop taking it (and you WILL have to stop taking it - you can't stay on it for the rest of your life) the symptoms/ageing is horrendous.

Luckily I've never needed it and have been post menopause for 7 years. I look better now than I did just before, and during, menopause. I definitely am slimmer and still have a waist. I remember during menopause I did feel that I would never look good again however. To anyone dreading menopause - don't. The scare stories get more airtime than the stories from people who don't have problems.

You are wrong about this . You can take it for the rest of your life according to many expert menopause doctors .

I don't think it is about scare stories - it is being well educated , well prepared and ready to take action to ensure you have a good quality of life in later years .

@speakout

I see all ageing as a kind of disease to be honest.

So popping pills at every stage in natural life processes would help fix what then?
I think a reliance in medication may prevent many people addressing deeper root causes of ill health.
Medication saves lives and improves quality of life for many.
But so much ill health is more to do with lifestyle than ageing.

You say menopause is a natural life stage which it is but women now live to a much longer age and have many more years to live with this . In 1900 the life expectancy was 47 whereas today it is 82 .

Its a while ago now for me but the HRT that was available then turned me into a total harridan...a screaming and throwing things bitch. I absolutely get being offered to all women but I don't think all women should take it.

@RainCloude it’s good to hear a positive experience

@Gwenhwyfar

"Some might benefit from HRT, others might not"

Who would not benefit? Seems beneficial for everyone unless the risk is too much for certain people? Even women who don't get bad menopause symptoms will have a higher risk of osteoporosis etc.

People will only benefit if they are prescribed the right HRT for them. I was not, hence my comment. There is no one size fits all solution to perimenopause, people have different symptoms and different needs. There are many different types of HRT. There are different options available on the NHS and privately. Many will be prescribed HRT by a GP who isn't knowledgable enough and this can cause some not to feel the benefits of HRT because it isn't the right kind for that particular person.

I had an atypical experience. My body stopped producing progesterone but continued to produce oestrogen. I had classic perimenopause symptoms so my GP prescribed HRT which contained oestrogen which made everything worse. It was awful. In the end, I went to see a private specialist realised what was going on and put me on the correct (for me) HRT.

Additionally, there are different kinds of HRT, some are more synthetic than others. Some people might be more sensitive than others, and this will hinder their effect.