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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel sad my looks are fading

399 replies

Losinglooks21 · 04/09/2021 23:29

Name changed for this, I know Aibu but just feel so sad that in every photo anyone takes of me I look awful. I am now 42, feel like I have progressively aged over the last two years (maybe covid/ lockdown related). Does it ever get better in your mid forties or should I just hide from the camera forever more?

OP posts:
user1471538283 · 05/09/2021 08:18

I always looked good in photos until I hit 50. Now I have to be really careful otherwise I look hideous or mad.

I'm sad my looks are fading. I'm exercising, trying to actually get dressed and have botox. But when I compare myself to my DM at my age I'm doing ok.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 05/09/2021 08:20

Your appearance isn't the only thing that defines you.

Furthermore, there are lots of ways to look good. My mum is in her 60s and looks fab, she doesn't look young, but she looks good because she smiles, she exercises and is healthy (not stick thin though), she chooses nice clothes that suit her but most of all she's fun and entertaining and that shines out of her. A person's attitude to life affects how they appear.

CaptainMyCaptain · 05/09/2021 08:20

Twenty years in the future you will look at photos of yourself in your 40s and realise that you looked quite good. Appreciate what you have now.

MsTSwift · 05/09/2021 08:21

Bagamayo I agree. It’s mentally moving on from that type of attractiveness that you need to do mid 40s. It’s biological though and can’t be changed whatever you do to your looks.

I really don’t miss the street harassment and weirdness in dealing with men I used to get when I was young and conventionally attractive. Much easier now!

Also feel I’ve “had my turn” but when I said this to my friend she went mad and suggested Botox! One of my dds is really stunning (not boasting it’s a fact) and already seeing the issues with it.

LouLou789 · 05/09/2021 08:23

I’m 61 now 😳 and one thing that’s helped me is I went to a new hairdresser after a house move and she’s 19 and gave me a sharp new hair cut and colour. Taken several years off my appearance.

PearlyRising · 05/09/2021 08:23

@nordica it can depend. I think I had a ''cute'' poppety little face which looked cute til 40 and now looks invisible at 51, but you know, big earrings!! More striking faces that might have been less conventionally pretty in their youth, those faces come in to their own after 40. JMO. I am very accepting of where I am now.

As I said to my daughter, there's no point being beautiful if you don't feel good about yourself inside because all beauty will give you is a better looking arsehole of a boyfriend. Feel good about yourself and your bf won't be an arsehole, your boss won't take advantage of you and your friends won't take you for granted. She gets this I hope although she's early on that journey but having witnessed some of her gorgeous friends being treated like free prostitutes by their arsehole boyfriends.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 05/09/2021 08:23

Make up gets wedged in there and looks awful.

Wearing too much makeup honestly makes it worse. Makes skin look saggy.

Guacamole001 · 05/09/2021 08:24

I only take selfies after seeing the hairdresser!

Comedycook · 05/09/2021 08:26

I think I had a ''cute'' poppety little face which looked cute til 40 and now looks invisible at 51, but you know, big earrings!! More striking faces that might have been less conventionally pretty in their youth, those faces come in to their own after 40

Oh interesting and true I think. My face was always pretty in a slightly cherubic, slightly plump but cute way...I was attractive when young but it's not lasting. I agree those women with more defined faces and sharper features probably look better if they age

Comedycook · 05/09/2021 08:27

*as they age

CeeceeBloomingdale · 05/09/2021 08:27

The fact is no one cares as much about your appearance as you do so no one is looking quite so hard as you do at yourself. This means you are probably being overly critical. While you're not going to turn back the clock and attract attention like you used to, you can appear confident and well presented and that is the impression you will leave. If you act nervous or self conscious, hide behind your hand or hair or for me the worst is when people talk negatively about how they look a lot then you will draw attention to it even more. Wear your nicest clothes, have your picture taken and smile a lot, you'll look back in a few years and be grateful you did.

thecognoscenti · 05/09/2021 08:31

This is why I'm oddly glad to have been ugly since I was about 6. When you're a 3/10 anyway there's nothing much further you can fall.

I do agree with a PP though. Getting older isn't the same as getting ugly - we're just a society which is totally obsessed with youth and which doesn't value age and experience, especially in women. You're maturing and that's a good thing.

Greytminds · 05/09/2021 08:32

I totally get this feeling. The real killer for me in the last 5 years is the awful bags under my eyes. Puffy dark circles. I look tired, haggard and washed out because of them. It’s so aging. When I’ve done with breastfeeding this baby (currently pregnant) I am going to do whatever it takes to fix them cosmetically. I don’t care about looking youthful, I just don’t want to look so worn out.

speakout · 05/09/2021 08:32

Is it your face that you are worried about OP?
I am nearly 60, but still feel attractive. I may have some lines and wrinkles on my face, but I exercise every day and eat well.
I can see well defined muscles on my abdomen, arms and legs, I keep my hair in top condition, it is shiny and soft.
I walk tall and stand proud.

traumatisednoodle · 05/09/2021 08:33

think I had a ''cute'' poppety little face which looked cute til 40 and now looks invisible at 51, but you know, big earrings!! More striking faces that might have been less conventionally pretty in their youth, those faces come in to their own after 40
So true I was at school with a girl who was in no way conventionally attractive looked her up on facebook the other day and she is really striking now.

LukeEvansWife · 05/09/2021 08:36

@BronzeBalonze Oh that is such a lovely thing to say, thank you Flowers

Alpenguin · 05/09/2021 08:38

OP I fell the same. I’m a few years older and I’ve never thought I was good looking but I wasn’t lumpy. I lost weight which has left me with a weird lumpy chin and lots of saggy skin around my neck. I don’t have anything larger than a shaving mirror in my house so constant FaceTime and zoom during lockdown gave me a shock. It’s more the effects of gravity than wrinkles that bother me. I wouldn’t know where to begin looking at Botox and I don’t want to look shiny and like a permanently shocked owl

LuubyLuu · 05/09/2021 08:40

I reckon a trip to:

  • a makeup counter for a full makeup refresh
  • the hairdresser, maybe even a new hairdresser, where you're guided by them
  • a department store for a personal shopping trip, or a visit from a stylist if you can afford it, to give you ideas.

I've found in my 40s that I've kind of 'faded', new makeup which made my features stronger mad a massive difference.

EishetChayil · 05/09/2021 08:43

You're more than how you look.

Enjoy life and say "fuck it" to the expectations that women should be magically ageless.

Embrace it and stop worrying!

endofthecorridoor · 05/09/2021 08:43

I know how you feel. I think the jaw line goes at 42 especially if you have excess weight on you. I’m 49 and have been doing more exercises especially weights which made me feel better all over. I also embraced new clothes as you don’t have to be restricted to high fashion just what suits you. I also discovered retinol the ordinary 1% in Sqalane. Use every night and really helps with skin looking older

Goingdriving · 05/09/2021 08:44

Menopause is a heavy hitter so my advice is to start preparing for it early - excercise and go into it at a healthy weight because it’s harder to shift fat in your fifties

RantyAunty · 05/09/2021 08:45

It does kinda suck. It feels weird like if I don't look in the mirror or someone reminds me, I'm ageless inside.

I'm probably going to get a facelift soon. I never had a strong jawline and it would be nice not to have a turkey waddle neck. Same with my eyes. They gotten rather droopy.

I don't think it'll make me look younger but less like a basset hound.

emeraldjones · 05/09/2021 08:49

It's outrageous that women feel like this as they get older. It's such an indictment of our culture that the standard for a woman is to be young, pretty and sexually attractive. Sadly it's so ingrained that we can't help but go along with it.

How to stop feeling sad? As PPs have said, be as healthy as possible, exercise, and above be interested in life. Really, people only notice what you look like for the first few moments of acquaintance or if they haven't seen you for ages. Yes, then they might think you look older/tired/ill or whatever but not for long.

I would rather smile and look pleasant than like a Thunderbirds puppet which is how people seem to end up after surgery and botox!

diamondpony80 · 05/09/2021 08:51

I know how you feel. At 41 I can see the aging starting to set in. In dim light I feel like I look the same as I always did, but when I see myself up close in the light there are definite down hill changes.

My face is starting to sag and there are lines there now that could only be fixed with botox. I've always woken up with a sleep crease on my face that would go away within about an hour - now it's there permanently and will probably just get deeper.

I started using retinol and Vitamin C serum recently and it definitely makes a difference to the texture of my skin - it makes it really smooth and foundation goes on really well. I don't think it reduces lines, but maybe I haven't been using it long enough.

I also use collagen which has made a huge difference to my hair and nails (my hair is no longer falling out and my nails are stronger and not splitting like they were), but I don't know if it's done much for my skin.

I have some weight to lose and although I really want to be size 10 again I do wonder if it'll leave my face looking worse. They do say that after a certain age you have to choose between your face and your body.

TrifleCat · 05/09/2021 08:51

You’re more than how you look.

Enjoy life and say "fuck it" to the expectations that women should be magically ageless.

Embrace it and stop worrying!

Love this !

Think about it OP, why do you place so much value on how you look? Do you place a lot of value on how other people look? Are people who you think look young and attractive more worthy to you ?