To feel sad my looks are fading

[Losinglooks21]

Name changed for this, I know Aibu but just feel so sad that in every photo anyone takes of me I look awful. I am now 42, feel like I have progressively aged over the last two years (maybe covid/ lockdown related). Does it ever get better in your mid forties or should I just hide from the camera forever more?

@5128gap There is still lots of misinformation about menopause, particularly about how those under 50 need to be period-free for 2+ years before they can be considered post-menopause, whereas it's 1 year for those over 50.

Hormones tests only say so much, they give a snapshot of your hormones at that particular time. Many GPs don't even have the knowledge to read the female hormone panel correctly, I know mine didn't and managed to miss I had stopped producing progesterone and my FSH levels were sky high and was in perimenopause due to premature ovarian failure.

GPs are supposed to prescribe HRT based on your symptoms. What I recommend is consult the NICE guidelines and try again. Alternatively, consider making an appointment to see Dr Louise Newson. Although you will need to pay for the appointment and female hormone panel, she will prescribe on the NHS and send the prescription to your GP

I'm 29, 4 kids aged 8 and under. Work from home.and actually think I have aged looks wise a lot since the lock downs happened! Stress. Definitely feel worse than I did before the lockdowns. I lost weight in the first lock down. Have put it all ordering and after the second. I seem to have less time and less organised than before the lockdown

"Before that the average life expectancy for a woman was roughly 48. So most women would have died before experiencing menopause."

Not necessarily. I've always been told/read that in the 'old days' there was a lot of infant mortality that brought life expectancy down. Those that made it past a certain age had a good chance of living to old age, even if not as old as now.

"That is a flawed conclusion.
Average life expectancy of 48 includes many individuals who died in infance or childhood, so that figure of 48 includes a high number of childhood deaths. Many women lived to a good age."

Cross posted.

@mamabear715

Why look for problems before the menopause? See how you go on, before it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy of having an awful time.. personally, I sailed through it. Lucky, optimistic, I don't know, but I didn't go into it expecting to have to have HRT!

Did you read the poster above about atrophy? That can be really painful and a big problem even if you're celibate. She has this problem despite taking HRT now.

"I see all ageing as a kind of disease to be honest.

So popping pills at every stage in natural life processes would help fix what then?"

I'll pop as many pills as I can if it makes my life and health better.

"Many will be prescribed HRT by a GP who isn't knowledgable enough and this can cause some not to feel the benefits of HRT because it isn't the right kind for that particular person."

Thanks for the explanation. I'm currently lucky enough to live in a country where I can have direct access to a gynaecologst and perhap also an endocrinologist so don't neceesarily have to rely on the GP.

Average life expectancy is just that, average. So infant mortality balancing out living to your 80s. I’ve researched my ancestry and my Victorian ancestors made it into their 70s and 80s, they were not affluent either!

Im currently watching Justice on Talking Pictures TV. Its a legal series from 1971. Margaret Lockwood plays the lead. Ive googled and she was 54 when it was made. She comes across as elegant yet strong with an amazing presence in this.

Okay so this is my 5p worth. Every time you look at you photos from the last decade, don't you think "wow, I was good looking". At the time you feel pretty average.
I truly think we need to flip how we see ourselves and enjoy where we are now.

@myfaceismyown

Okay so this is my 5p worth. Every time you look at you photos from the last decade, don't you think "wow, I was good looking". At the time you feel pretty average. I truly think we need to flip how we see ourselves and enjoy where we are now.

Tbh I don't. I look at my old photos from when I was run ragged looking after my children while working etc, with no spare time or money for myself, and in my 40s when I let the perimenopause weight creep on, and think I looked horrible. Yes I looked younger, until 40s, when i looked older than i do now, but youth doesn't compensate for my poor figure, less than great hair and clothes that didn't much suit me. I look so much better now. Which in a way is kind of flipping it too, as I really don't associate beauty with youth. It's so much more about time, effort and some money in my case at least.

I didn’t realise what good looks I had until I lost them

I'm in my early 50's and look back at pictures of me in my 40's. I didn't like what I saw anymore so I had a face lift and my eye lids sorted out. It has taken 10 years off, I'm so chuffed with the results and the speed of recovery, the procedure only takes 3 hours and 12 days later all is looking good. I'm now 3 months in, I've seen a few friends I've not seen for a long time, they say how amazing I'm looking, how good my skin looks and what diet or skin cream have I got. Some close friends I've told, but as it's so natural looking, there's really no need to tell anyone. I now feel amazing now.

@Santina

I'm in my early 50's and look back at pictures of me in my 40's. I didn't like what I saw anymore so I had a face lift and my eye lids sorted out. It has taken 10 years off, I'm so chuffed with the results and the speed of recovery, the procedure only takes 3 hours and 12 days later all is looking good. I'm now 3 months in, I've seen a few friends I've not seen for a long time, they say how amazing I'm looking, how good my skin looks and what diet or skin cream have I got. Some close friends I've told, but as it's so natural looking, there's really no need to tell anyone. I now feel amazing now.

Do you mind saying how much it cost?

Do you mind saying how much it cost?

Not at all, to have both procedures done together it was £7,698. I was expecting it to be 10k and was pleasantly surprised. I am in the south of England, it might be cheaper in other parts, I would just say do your research, and do it well.

@Santina

Do you mind saying how much it cost?

Not at all, to have both procedures done together it was £7,698. I was expecting it to be 10k and was pleasantly surprised. I am in the south of England, it might be cheaper in other parts, I would just say do your research, and do it well.

Thank you for replying. That sounds more reasonable than I would have thought.

There are some good-looking older women. Maybe we will get lucky and look great too, like that actress in Downton Abbey (Isobel Crawley). She is gorgeous.

I feel like this but then I think of friends who have died and who would love to have lived ,whatever they looked like. Age is a privilege denied to many xx

I could have written your post! I’m exactly your age and also feel the pandemic has played a huge part in my aging.

I think being fairly attractive and slim was a big part of my identity (in my own head) so really struggling with it.

What I really need is to lose weight though.

me too I don't look fine

I really think we go through an "awkward" phase as we age like teenagers do. When everything looks and feels tired and things don't fall into place as easily as they used to. You just need to find your mojo again, by that I mean change your mindset and/or lifestyle, which can be quite a process. I think the late 30s/40s are a time of warning for us, to get healthier before we hit our 50s when things can really start to go downhill! (speaking from experience lol).

I am 54 and I have come to terms now with my fading looks, but I am really trying to maintain things as best I can.
Have any of you tried " Caci non surgical face lifts?" They really do tighten up your skin. I look so much better after a few monthly sessions. I do Botox and filler in my cheeks and "Pinocchio " lines too, but obviously more expensive.

Botox and filler is the way. , don’t bother with anti age cream it doesn’t work.