To feel sad my looks are fading

[Losinglooks21]

Name changed for this, I know Aibu but just feel so sad that in every photo anyone takes of me I look awful. I am now 42, feel like I have progressively aged over the last two years (maybe covid/ lockdown related). Does it ever get better in your mid forties or should I just hide from the camera forever more?

@Guacamole001

I would just like to mention I do not have fillers done to 'please or attract men'. I just like to look good for me. Why would it be about chasing a man!

Why women assume that I get them done because I am single is just ludicrous.

Exactly - you do it for yourself . You don't do it for other people . However again I would say that the essential elements of being attractive and looking well are attitude and confidence .

Any room for an exercise bike in front of the TV? You can buy ones quite cheap these days and 30 mins exercise per day can make a huge difference to how you look and feel. I've had a few clients do it. Exercise is key and making exercise easier to do is key for a lot of people, too.

@LukeEvansWife, I think most people in general are a bit friendlier towards individuals that they think look pleasant. I smile first, but it's absolutely not about my looks -- which were only average/pretty to start with.

Ah okay. That makes sense.

I try not to make eye contact/smile at people in case they start chatting to me or something

I'm 44, a healthy weight, yet in the last two years I've developed a wattle and slight jowls. The mirror has become my enemy!

Are your looks fading or just changing??? Theres a difference! You can have a lot of fun working with a changing look....in my case, when I was young I had a very tight, high cheekboned look. I hated it when I started to get laxity in my face. I hated by dropped jawline. I hated my new thick waist and chunkiness! But actually I had to learn to look at myself through a different lens...ie when I looked in the mirror I had to stop looking for the old me and really stop and see the new me. That made a huge difference. I now see I have a new look and I love it! I dress differently to enhance my changed body profile. My focus is on my skin quality - not lifting but adding luminosity. I quite like my new softer look....I was very angular before. I think Im beautiful in a new and differment way. EMbrace it!!!!!!

Good point. I think a lot of people forget about the cruelty aspect of these new(ish) treatments

Botox works for me and takes the year a off and the look of permanently looking angry!! Its£250 for a 1ml vial which should give you a good boost. Do not be tempted to go cheap though and end up looking a frozen fright, you want to look "natural" but better. Def get recommendations and have a consult before you decide.
Try it, if you don't like it, it will wear off after about 3months. No use being sad as we are only here once! Good luck xx

I had hardly a line on my face until about 3 years ago although in my late 60s. Then I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and aged virtually overnight. Somebody once said about aging that " It takes twice as long to look half as good"

"I think the point being made is that there's almost a hierarchy of looks that goes: attractive young women, attractive older women/less attractive young women (with debate as to which is highest of those two) and unattractive older women. When an unattractive woman gets older she falls a place down the hierarchy and thats reflected in withdrawal of attention even from men who would previously have offered it based on her youth. I think this is what's being said?"

Yes, definitely, which is why in SOME ways (but not in others) ageing is even worse for less attractive women.
If you want to be a bit blunt about it. let's imagine someone is a 1/10 in terms of looks, that same person might be 5/10 at 25 in the eyes of a forty year old man. When that woman is herself 40 she is then a 0/10 or a 1/10. Obviously, not everything in life is about looks, but that's what this thread is about.

"Even physically unattractive people manage to find partners, usually with people at a roughly similar level of attractiveness to themselves."

Yes, but if you're older AND unattractive, it's hard to find a man at a similar level as their dating value hasn't declined in the same way.

@Chocaholic9

Fish oils (omega 3's) also reduces damage to skin that leads to wrinkles.

I challenge the posters on here who are depressed about their looks to start eating 5-10 portions of veg per day and salmon 3 times per week for a few months then report back. And cut out all the crap like sugar, processed foods, caffeine and alcohol.

I doubt it will get rid of all their wrinkles and sagging. It might make them look slightly better, but at what cost? No cups of tea or glasses of wine with friends? Life is really too short for that.

Im 48 and very depressed about getting older. Face still looks good, no wrinkles (have never sunbathed , never been drunk am teetotal and gave up smoking in 2005) Ive now started to do something about the weight i put on in lockdown when i didnt see the point of it while being made to be a scruffbag. But but the mid 2000s seems like 5 minutes ago not two decades ago. I was 30 in 2003 and id just lost ten stone and ended up having a very passionate four and a half year affair with a man i met at work. The last month has been hell . Ive been very depressed and crying and shaking a lot. It could be peri. I miss him but how can that be after over 13 and a half years. Though i have thought about him in that time. I miss the vibrant young woman that i was then. I miss living in normal times. Between the ages of 30 and 35 was my best time. I felt love and passion and like a woman. For the past 18 months i havent even felt human. Now i just feel like i am cracking up. I wasnt alone during lockdown but was lonely.

@ttcissoboring

I am late thirties OP and starting to feel it, which is why I work hard on maintaining a good body as I think no matter what happens to my face (which I cannot control and I don't want surgery), then my body is something I can control and with hard work can look good with! A toned body IMO makes you appear much youthful even if you have a mature face etc

I actually though don't want to look young again either - I much prefer as someone said the 'she looks good for age'.

The male gaze doesn't happen hardly anymore and I'm fine with that - I suspect they can see when you're of a certain age you've matured past the point of being easily manipulated so don't bother!

The problem with this is that in your early 40's you notice the skin start to change on your body. So while you can have a good, fit body, the skin on the inside of your thighs, breasts and upper arms around your inner elbows start to become creepy and thin, even a bit on your stomach too. You also start to see cellulite that you didn't see in your late thirties. By 43 most people will notice this on their skin, unless they are genetically very lucky. You can use products, such as retinol and vitamin c much more easily and inexpensively than on your body. That was the real shock for me, the start of the change in skin texture.

I quite like ageing - I’ve never been a stunner and now I’m 50 the expectations are lower.
It’s quite liberating to worry less about how I look. I’ve just lost 4st so am feeling healthier but it has aged my face.
So long as I look clean snd healthy I’m happy. The pressure is off and I’m glad of it!

I feel this too! I'm visibly older and fatter than I was two years ago, and I look so tired! It feels silly to be vain when so many people have had real issues with their mental and physical health and financial stability, but I just don't want to get dressed up to go out because I know that I still won't look good even after spending loads of time getting ready!

And that fucking NHS advert about lockdown pounds
a im doing something about it.
b. you wanted the fucking lockdowns

I am 47. I have had all the Botox, fillers etc and eventually packed it all in because I looked in the mirror one day and realised I still looked like a forty plus years woman although I was now starting to look a bit odd as well. You can’t pass for a young women anymore, it’s a harsh fact. What you can do is make the most of what you have got and be an attractive older woman. I sympathise op because I have been there but I came out the other side and am much happier. The beauty industry plays on women’s insecurities sadly.

Awwww I completely understand.

I know this sounds hideously vain and shallow but I really don’t want to look old and am struggling with it too. Nearing forty now, and have always been attractive but noticing all the little things creeping in.
My gran always says I should enjoy growing old as some are not given that privilege, my husband says I need to live in the moment, because in ten years time I’ll be wishing I looked like I do now Doesn’t help though, I just want to look like I did in my twenties.

I have this too, need 50 pics to find one good one, and yes, I’m older than I was and can’t do anything about that really, but please remember that phone cameras are really not that flattering. Even our cat always looks like some rough feral street cat on most pics, when in RL he’s incredibly handsome. No one is immune. Yes, the photos look like the subject, and you can tell who it is, but almost every time, they catch you at not your best.

Have Botox and a few fillers . Don’t get hung up on it. I bet you look fine

I found I aged massively between 50 and 55 and struggled a lot. I decided to just be the best version of myself and accept i was indeed aging which, as my Gran used to say, is better than the alternative. Certainly keeping fit and looking after yourself helps ( i used environ AVST) but it happens to us all sadly. Try to be happy with what you've got OP and dont be unrealistic- our society is harsh on women getting older.

I would want to ask, OP, are you HAPPY? No, scrap that, overused word which raises expectations too high, are you CONTENT?
I suppose I've always been considered attractive, hasn't helped me in life one jot!
I've been through divorces, death of a significant other, mental health problems, severe money worries, but.. I got to a certain age & suddenly Got It.. it's not all about ME!
I'm on my own now & never been as content.. I laugh all the time, and from hiding away from people, (I still enjoy my own company though) I ASK other people, 'how are you?' and I'm interested..
I thank God for my many blessings and am grateful. I'm not a religious nut, I just sit out with my coffee and say 'thanks, Lord, another beautiful day, I've got my family, a roof over my head, food in the fridge, my health is fair (I'm in my 60's now.)
I look after an elderly family member with severe illness, and there are sometimes not enough hours in the day. No problem! I'm being useful.
I do have to admit as a PP said, I have let my hair go.. aww sod it, long hair is ME, it makes me feel good! I used to be regarded as tall when I was young, before today's generation of willowy six footers - now I'm short & fat.. so what!
Every time you get a sad thought, turn it on it's head - something like 'I might be going grey, but how BLUE it makes my eyes look'!
Do you know what I mean? It gets to be a habit, looking on the bright side. Hugs to you..

Im 50+ and prior to lockdown, took care of my hair, makeup skin figure clothes etc. but was pretty much invisible since i hit 40. Fine.

Since the advent of masks however, Ive noticed everyone looks at me - its quite a stark reminder of when i was young and the startling truth that its my face that makes me invisible (bitchy resting face with jowls now sadly). When i take my mask off I'm invisible again.

@Hekatestorch mentioned many people have aged during lockdown.
I agree.
Went to a 40th Wedding Anniversary Garden Party last Saturday ( the day @Losinglooks posted this thread ) -1st social function since Jan 2020 .
During the speeches I was looking around at the people there who I would normally see every Christmas Eve at this anniversary couple's house.
It really struck me how aged everyone looked compared to Christmas Eve 2019 !
So don't be too hard on yourself @Losinglooks21, put it down to Covid and you are not alone!