To choose glastonbury over my friends wedding

[Campingcarryon]

My good friend has just told me she is getting married the same weekend as glastonbury festival next year, for which I have tickets and have obviously by then waited 3 years to go, should it go ahead. I really want to go to the festival as getting tickets is incredibly hard and it’s the first time I have had tickets in 10 years. I love it there &
Post pandemic, I really want to just go and have some fun. I have a camper van so do it in a bit more luxury too.

I feel really bad but honestly I would rather go to the festival than the wedding but am I being really unreasonable? I can’t do both either as wedding is in a different part of the country. I don’t want to upset her either obviously 😬

@Roominmyhouse

I had this many years back, I went to Glastonbury and it didn’t impact our friendship. No one’s wedding will be ruined by one friend being missing - they’ll still have a great day without you!

Im not sure about that, I've read posts by bridezillas on here who would never forgive someone who declines a wedding invitation

Your friend didn't mind but that doesn't mean no one would mind.

Given the way you feel it is clear you should go to Glasto rather than resentfully to your friend’s wedding.

Have to be honest, if it was my wedding I’d be pretty upset you’d choose a festival over my wedding. But I absolutely wouldn’t want you there resentfully and reluctantly either. So as that is how you feel, best refuse the wedding.

When I got married I checked dates with the key people I wanted to be there. For everyone else I let them know the date when I booked, and some people couldn’t come. My cousin was running the marathon and couldn’t make it. It’s a shame, but just one of those things.

@MaudBaileysGreenTurban

If it's a very close friend, wedding should take precedence.

Why?

Er...becase your friend might want you at her wedding? If you think that partying in a muddy field with 180,000 strangers is more important than your friend's wedding, well you do you (as if you were ever going to do anything else

Go to Glastonbury. Prior commitment first.

I’d rather set fire to my own hair than go to Glastonbury but we’re all different - you should go since it’s so important to you.

Go to Glastonbury. Much more fun than a wedding and you already have tickets. Most would understand.

I think you go to the festival.
As a bride I’d be disappointed if you were a close friends as I don’t have that many to invite in the first place but I’d not be cross and it wouldn’t change my friendship.
Don’t tell her ‘we can celebrate your wedding another time’ though, because you can’t. Her wedding is that day and that’s it!

wow cannot believe the people telling op she should go to the wedding.

OP - I have been to Glastonbury and would really not want to go again. I am also not a particular fan of a big wedding tbh. So maybe I am a good person to ask. You should deffo go to Glastonbury, especially if you would rather do that. No compromise will work as the wedding is not nearby, you have booked £££ and v hard to get (whatever anyone says) tickets. please go and have fun.

if I were your friend I really would understand. Actually the key people at a wedding are bride and bridegroom. Everyone else is just nice to see. xyz person not being there (unless it is father of bride, for example) is not that important or even noticeable. I cannot tell you now who missed my wedding, or even anything very wonderful about the presence of the people who were there.

Those saying Glastonbury is just a festival, or you can get tickets again, yes that London Marathon analogy is a good one. What's really hard to get that you would love to do? Well, you can do it, you have booked it, but you miss a friend's wedding. Would you?

I have missed more than one wedding due to summer holidays and i am pretty sure no one minded. Least of all me.

100% go to Glastonbury. You'll regret it if you don't.

I'm assuming you'll be letting people down if you don't go to Glastonbury too. Who you going with?

"Hi Sarah, I'm really sorry but I won't be able to come to your wedding. Ive checked the dates and I'm away from thurs to mon at Glastonbury! Obviously it was cancelled last year and the tickets were moved to 2022! I'll be gutted to miss it but look forward to seeing the pics and hearing all about it over a slap up meal afterwards. My treat 😘"

Definitely go to Glastonbury. If I was your friend I wouldn't be in the least bit offended- you've already got the tickets so that's obviously what you will go to.

I had to do some picking and choosing this year as some things were rearranged onto the same date when they had been different weekends last year.

I would choose Glasto. As an aside, I was at a one day festival in Bristol yesterday (Idles, in case anyone was wondering) and it was the most bloody uplifting thing being in a crowd of people dancing and singing along to music. I hadn't realised how much I had missed that kind of thing

If I was your friend, I'd completely understand and actually encourage you to go to Glasto!
Plus you already had these plans, so you absolutely don't have to give up tickets you've waited years on getting.

I've never been to Glatonbury & have no interest in it so it's dates wouldn't register with me when booking my wedding!

You've booked it Op, you'd rather be there so that's your answer!

The only thing that might give me pause for thought is already having been once & who will be playing next year.

How close is she, I that if she is your "best friend" or somewhere close to that YABU.

If she is "just" one of a group of group of friends it might be ok.

Go to Glasto! Absolutely no debate in my eyes. Other posters saying Glasto happens every year have no idea how hard it is to get tickets!

@MrsLCSofLichfield you seem to be of the opinion a friend giving up their event would be the selfless thing to do but doesn’t that make the bride selfish if she would let it affect the whole friendship?

The selfless option is for them both to go ahead with their respective important events and be supportive of each other in their choices. The OP could easily turn around and demand they rearrange their wedding (it would be bonkers but she could) on the basis they should have checked with them before booking if their friendship was so important.

@MrsLCSofLichfield Well of course the bride wants OP there, otherwise she wouldn't have been invited in the first place.

That still doesn't explain why the bride's wishes have to take precedence over the OP's previously arranged event.

It all depends on how close a friend you are, I think.

Kolo has said what I was about to add. You are going on a 5 day holiday with dates that cannot be rearranged due to the nature of the holiday. Why should you be expected to cancel it?

@WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor

I would miss my own wedding for Glasto tickets. A true friend would understand.

Absolutely!!!

Go to Glastonbury!! 1000%. I’d tell her now and just explain you’ve had the tickets for 3 years. I’ve never even been to a festival but I’d totally understand and it is GLASTONBURY.

Unless your friend will be lonely if you don't go- and you are very close, the prior commitment seems a good reason to decline.

Perhaps the wedding itself will be streamed? (In time of covid this is more normal.)

Missing a few hours of G and watching the wedding from a happy muddy field instead of a church/registry-office bench means that you were with your friend in spirit despite the prior commitment.

You can still admire the dress/bridesmaids and laugh at the speeches. She will probably have plenty of company and might not have had much chance to see you on the day anyway.

Glastonbury tickets are similar to gold dust...you rarely get them. Tickets bought prior to wedding so prior event wins so Glastonbury. Anyway who thinks otherwise is being silly.