To choose glastonbury over my friends wedding

[Campingcarryon]

My good friend has just told me she is getting married the same weekend as glastonbury festival next year, for which I have tickets and have obviously by then waited 3 years to go, should it go ahead. I really want to go to the festival as getting tickets is incredibly hard and it’s the first time I have had tickets in 10 years. I love it there &
Post pandemic, I really want to just go and have some fun. I have a camper van so do it in a bit more luxury too.

I feel really bad but honestly I would rather go to the festival than the wedding but am I being really unreasonable? I can’t do both either as wedding is in a different part of the country. I don’t want to upset her either obviously 😬

@Marylou2

I've never been to a wedding that I enjoyed more than Glastonbury,including my own. And I'm still happily married 20 years later.

😂👍

Unless you've experienced the hell of hitting refresh for an hour on a Sunday morning as someone tweets how few tickets are left you can't just say that you can go again next year!

True, but this is no different from trying to get tickets for any legendary band – the Stones, Springsteen, Fleetwood Mac etc. You can even get tickets to Coachella from the UK if you're prepared to to keep doing this endlessly.

@thing47

Unless you've experienced the hell of hitting refresh for an hour on a Sunday morning as someone tweets how few tickets are left you can't just say that you can go again next year!

True, but this is no different from trying to get tickets for any legendary band – the Stones, Springsteen, Fleetwood Mac etc. You can even get tickets to Coachella from the UK if you're prepared to to keep doing this endlessly.

I don't know, I've been to see many bands over the years, many gigs that sold out within minutes, but Glastonbury is another level of rage inducing annoyance.

Whilst I personally would rather go to prison than Glastonbury (no, never been a criminal but prison is universally known to be pretty dire, isn't it?!), it really does sound like your heart & soul is set on Glastonbury and you'd be horribly resentful if you went to the wedding, even if you tried hard not to be.

Either way, you have to tell her and asap! The longer you leave it, the more obvious it will be that you've been pondering over it. It may just be me, but I know I'd be more hurt knowing that you spent time trying to choose, as oppose to just immediately responding with "Oh bugger! That's the weekend Glastonbury starts!"

@Boredmotherofone

Whilst I personally would rather go to prison than Glastonbury (no, never been a criminal but prison is universally known to be pretty dire, isn't it?!), it really does sound like your heart & soul is set on Glastonbury and you'd be horribly resentful if you went to the wedding, even if you tried hard not to be.

Either way, you have to tell her and asap! The longer you leave it, the more obvious it will be that you've been pondering over it. It may just be me, but I know I'd be more hurt knowing that you spent time trying to choose, as oppose to just immediately responding with "Oh bugger! That's the weekend Glastonbury starts!"

She told her several days ago!

YANBU to politely decline. You’re already committed to something you really want to do. Sure you’re disappointed the wedding is not at another time and sure you friend is disappointed you can’t come but it’s not the end of the world nor your friendship. If she’d really wanted to guarantee your attendance she would have checked date before confirming her venue. When I got married I put in a lot of effort to ensure I didn’t clash with major things - it was a football World Cup year for example - but fully expected that the date wouldn’t suit everyone. Not everyone could come and that was totally fine.

YANBU. At weddings the bride and groom usually don't have more than a few minutes to speak to each guest, and frankly, she probably won't really notice on the day that you're not there!

Also, if she's a real friend she's not going to huff about you sticking to a prior committment that you've spent no less than three years eagerly anticipating.

Her focus is going to be on her new DH anyway: it just doesn't make sense for you to give up a maybe once in a lifetime opportunity to do something you've been longing for just to be one of a crowd for a few hours that, frankly, you don't want to be part of.

If it was my wedding, I'd certainly understand and not feel my day was ruined by one friend's absence.

What a quandary? But it is your choice and I think that all the above comments are very honest and relevant.
I will say that I went to see nearly every band, rock concert and event that came up whan I was younger. I never regretted any of them, despite pickpockets, rainstorms, long hikes to-and-from the venues and all the other inconveniences.
I now am so pleased I saw so many classic (and crap) acts, from bands that have now disbanded and lost members, but they are now shown on TV and You tube and I know I once saw them live and they were special in their day and 'I was there'. I am not even a great music fan, really, but they are now a precious part of my memories and history.

You can volunteer as a litter picker for Glasto 😂 Free tickets every year. IANBU.

You've booked to go away already, that's life!

Enjoy the festival. Only the couple will really remember the wedding.

If it was a close friend I wouldn’t miss their wedding unless I physically wasn’t able to attend (which happened with a friend whose wedding clashed with birth of DS). I wouldn’t consider you as a close friend anymore in your situation OP. Most people are having more intimate weddings post COVID. Depends if you are willing to lose this friend, no matter how understanding they might be.

Well OP isn't "physically able to attend" because she will be at a pre-booked event hundreds of miles away

You are already busy on that date and can't go.
I would go to Gastonbury and not wedding.

The choice is more worthwhile, just go, it’s really impossible to have both