To choose glastonbury over my friends wedding

[Campingcarryon]

My good friend has just told me she is getting married the same weekend as glastonbury festival next year, for which I have tickets and have obviously by then waited 3 years to go, should it go ahead. I really want to go to the festival as getting tickets is incredibly hard and it’s the first time I have had tickets in 10 years. I love it there &
Post pandemic, I really want to just go and have some fun. I have a camper van so do it in a bit more luxury too.

I feel really bad but honestly I would rather go to the festival than the wedding but am I being really unreasonable? I can’t do both either as wedding is in a different part of the country. I don’t want to upset her either obviously 😬

@medusawashere I've asked a couple of times and nobody has answered so maybe you can. If it wasn't a festival but an expensive holiday the OP had already booked with 5 friends would you think she should cancel it for the wedding?

@MyOtherProfile the people outraged at me choosing a festival over a wedding don’t seem to have an answer to this question! 5 days in the Seychelles is fine but 5 days at a festival is inexcusable 🙄 Proper snobbery and many bridezillas- this thread has been mind boggling to be honest!

[quote Campingcarryon]@MyOtherProfile the people outraged at me choosing a festival over a wedding don’t seem to have an answer to this question! 5 days in the Seychelles is fine but 5 days at a festival is inexcusable 🙄 Proper snobbery and many bridezillas- this thread has been mind boggling to be honest![/quote]
It’s because some people don’t GET Glastonbury OP. A lot think it’s just an annual concert you get tickets for and can cancel and just buy them again next year. If they knew more they’d realise it’s not like booking a holiday at all as booking a holiday is much easier to cancel and rebook as 1. The country is always there and 2. You can always manage book a holiday

Depends if you want to stay friends! Grudge will be held forever!

Plenty of people showing their true colours on this thread! So many Bridezilla’s projecting on your friends behalf! And your actual friend will probably be quite reasonable about it. From your update it’s good you told her the truth. She might even rearrange to accommodate a few of her friends.

Checking dates with key guests before booking is entirely normal. I’ve recently planned a wedding and most venues allow you to reserve a date free of charge for a couple of weeks so you can check out availability with key people.

We also checked a few calendars with major events (sports, music, bank holidays etc.) to avoid clashes with those. I don’t go to festivals so I don’t know when the dates are, but some family and friends do. If three of her guests have already said ‘no’ due to Glasto and it’s really important to her that they attend then she should have avoided the date. I assume she knew OP had tickets if they were close friends.

Glastonbury.

People send out invitations knowing that some people will not be able to go.

If you had booked any other holiday you would say ‘oh no! So sorry, that’s when our hol is booked’.

What’s the difference?

This thread is very interesting. There's an MN classic maxim which goes something like 'don't treat as a priority people who treat you as an option'. If that were applied here, then I'm thinking OP's decision would most likely lead to a slight shift in the friendship in the future.

OP is entitled to make the choice she wants to make, and isn't unreasonable for doing so, I know how hard Glasto tickets are to get.

Equally, I don't think wedding friend would be unreasonable to cool the friendship a little. Not because she's holding a grudge, that would be childish, but just because it would appear that OP doesn't value the friendship as much as wedding friend does.

If my best friend’s attendance at my wedding was paramount I would check the date with them at planning stage.

Getting married doesn’t entitle people to commandeer the lives of others.

@thing47

This thread is very interesting. There's an MN classic maxim which goes something like 'don't treat as a priority people who treat you as an option'. If that were applied here, then I'm thinking OP's decision would most likely lead to a slight shift in the friendship in the future.

OP is entitled to make the choice she wants to make, and isn't unreasonable for doing so, I know how hard Glasto tickets are to get.

Equally, I don't think wedding friend would be unreasonable to cool the friendship a little. Not because she's holding a grudge, that would be childish, but just because it would appear that OP doesn't value the friendship as much as wedding friend does.

But how do you know how much the wedding friend treats the OP as a "priority"? If she'd called and said "I'm thinking of this date, we absolutely want you there, are you free" then yes, priority. But if it's a large wedding, many will be in the "we'd love it if you could make it, but if not, no problem" category. And likely that may include the OP.

Fair point, MMMarmite. OP describes her as a 'close friend', but I guess we all vary in that description.

I think different people consider different things important. A lot of my family members are sports-mad, so I would always check wedding or party planning against big football or rugby tournaments, for example. But if wedding friend has no interest in music festivals herself, it might not have occurred to her to check Glasto dates.

@Campingcarryon this is a typical case of someone posting AIBU then getting cross when a few people say yes, actually in my opinion you are.

You've made your choice, you're happy with it. Hopefully your friend will understand. Either accept that other people may have different opinions and don't resort to calling them petty names or simply don't post. So tedious.

@grandadshat actually some of the comments have been ridiculous. I said already that the thread helped me confirm my decision which is why I asked but some of the posts telling me my friend should dump me etc are bonkers

I think it is unreasonable to pick a date out of a hat that suits YOU to get married and expect others to cancel holidays or in this case a 5 day longed for festival.

I can honestly say it would simply never occur to a lot of people to say "oh that's a pity, it's hard to find a date that will suit everyone".

If the friend is THAT important, it is often run by a few close friends.

The OP has nothing to feel bad about, she had already made plans.

I think it would be hugely presumptuous to expect someone to cancel arrangements they have made with 5 other friends....in fact THAT would be rude.

Why isn’t a friend able to say - ‘I’m so sorry but I’m just not available that weekend - I really wish I could be there. I was so upset when I read the date - that weekend of all weekends when I already have longstanding plans I just can’t change at all. I’m really sorry and upset I won’t be there for you’ (Said, not texted or emailed)

Why would a friend not accept that (no reason yet even given). How is it for the friend to then somehow police whether the reason is ‘good enough’ or will bring the friendship to an end.
Surely a friend wouldn’t even need to know (although of course you’d explain) because a friend would know you were upset and wanted to be there and would know you couldn’t change plans.
I’m not understanding these friendships which seem so fragile and judgmental and self absorbed as to be threatened by this situation.

These are two women who have been close friends for decades. Not 7 year olds devastated about someone not coming to their birthday party and ending a ‘friendship’ !

@Campingcarryon when you post in AIBU you will always get some ridiculously extreme views. But most of the comments against have been quite balanced IMO and it seems unfair to label someone as a bridezilla just because their wedding is important to them and they'd like their close friends to be there.

If she reacted by kicking off and becoming abusive over it then yes, bridezilla territory. Being disappointed about something that's important to you is just human nature.

Hopefully she will consider moving the wedding if others are also in the same position.

’Whether or not the friend forgives the op is really not the point here though is it?

It's about how her friend is going to feel & whether the op even cares.’

@RubySlippers123, it’s about them both being adults and the bride realising that although the wedding is of paramount importance to her she should have enough emotional maturity to realise that guests should not feel obliged to cancel things that had been planned well in advance of the wedding date being set.

Christ on a bike!

I cannot believe some of the self absorbed and entitled attitudes in this thread!

If you’re the kind of person that would ruin a friendship by ditching or being pissy with a good friend, because they didn’t drop everything and cancel prior commitments, purely to attend your wedding, then that makes YOU the poor friend, not them.

If you would put that much pressure on a friend and treat them with such contempt because you’re not getting your own way, that makes YOU the poor friend.

If you are making everything about you and what you want and would lay a massive guilt trip on a good friend because they couldn’t comply with your wants, that makes YOU a poor friend.

I’m glad I don’t have such fickle and self absorbed friends, like some of you on here appear to be.

The Bridezillas really have outed themselves on here!!

@browneyes77

Christ on a bike!

I cannot believe some of the self absorbed and entitled attitudes in this thread!

If you’re the kind of person that would ruin a friendship by ditching or being pissy with a good friend, because they didn’t drop everything and cancel prior commitments, purely to attend your wedding, then that makes YOU the poor friend, not them.

If you would put that much pressure on a friend and treat them with such contempt because you’re not getting your own way, that makes YOU the poor friend.

If you are making everything about you and what you want and would lay a massive guilt trip on a good friend because they couldn’t comply with your wants, that makes YOU a poor friend.

I’m glad I don’t have such fickle and self absorbed friends, like some of you on here appear to be.

The Bridezillas really have outed themselves on here!!

Agreed.

Nearly 30 years ago when we got married I thought weddings were an awful palaver, and we had as simple a wedding with 125 guests as was possible.

God only knows how some people cope with the fuss that some brides make of it.

Its really just one day.

I can truthfully say I have been blessed with a thousand better/happier days with my husband than the day we were married, and we had a great day.

The idea of loosing a good friend because she has other plans booked is just batshit.

How do these people deal with real life disappointments when they happen, goodness knows.

[quote Campingcarryon]@MyOtherProfile the people outraged at me choosing a festival over a wedding don’t seem to have an answer to this question! 5 days in the Seychelles is fine but 5 days at a festival is inexcusable 🙄 Proper snobbery and many bridezillas- this thread has been mind boggling to be honest![/quote]
Is it not a case of a UK festival ticket being fairly easily sold on (not sure what the actual process is like but a glasto ticket is highly sought after so finding a buyer wouldn't take long?) whereas a holiday abroad isn't as quite easy to rearrange or transfer to someone else? Factoring in flights, hotels, visas and things like hire cars, possible activities that might've been pre-booked.

I don't think there's a right or wrong in this situation. People just have different opinions.

You can't transfer Glastonbury tickets to someone else.

Plus the OP is taking her campervan, so providing accommodation for other members of the group, thereby letting them down if she doesn't go.

I agree OP that the snobbery on this thread is absolutely mindblowing. All-inclusive in the Maldives, quite understandable. But 5 days in a tent, how childish and weird!

Plus, I note, a nice little dose of 'oh if you find it hard to get tickets you can't be a real Glastonbury fan, you'd have contacts'. Fuck me. Fancy letting the proles apply, eh? Nice and inclusive...

Weddings can make or break relationships with friends and family. Just be prepared that she may hold it against you - which would be petty. Go to Glasto and have the best time, it's going to be epic and I'm so envious! I also haven't been successful at getting tickets in the last 6 years and would be buzzing if i had them

And people do need to get over their wedding day being such a big deal. Wow, you're in a fluffy dress, saying some words at at alter that you can easily back out of when you want to divorce, spending a fortune feeding people, pendantic about the order of the day, and then watching the drunkenness unravel and usually some tears at the end. What a magical day... for YOU and no one else!? I'll take a happy festival any day!

We checked with our family and closest friends before setting the date, so, you are absolutely not being unreasonable. Enjoy Glastonbury!!