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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do I tell bf about what he ate?

337 replies

troobleflooble · 03/09/2021 19:55

I'm in a new relationship and he is vegan. While I'm not, I understand and appreciate his viewpoint and want to be respectful of his choices so I've become quite thorough at checking labels on things to make sure they are suitable for him.

Was at his place recently and noticed he had something in his fridge I've never tasted before so I picked it up to have a look. Out of habit I checked the label and noticed that it isn't vegan, in fact it's not even vegetarian! I don't think he has realised as, while he isn't militant about it, I'm sure he wouldn't want to eat it if he knew. The jar was half empty so he has definitely been eating it.

I don't want to make him feel bad by pointing it out but if you were vegan would you want to know? Should I say anything?

OP posts:

Jourdain11 · 04/09/2021 20:39

There is a specific brand of Kimchi (they sell it in Planet Organic and the like) which has a vegan and a non-vegi version, but with very similar labelling. I guess he might be used to getting it and maybe picked up the wrong one?

Blueskybird · 04/09/2021 20:43

He’s a big boy, I’m sure if he is really strict he would have checked the label when he first bought it. You know him best though, if you think he would be ok with you pointing it out then tell him.

Romney981 · 04/09/2021 20:46

@PlanDeRaccordement

I have been "identifying as vegan" since I was 11 which was ages ago, around 1973 and I would say you do have to be as vegan as possible to identify as a vegan. It isn't like being on a diet where you can have a cheat day and eat chips. I always check labels but there's always something that slips through. Recently my friend pointed out that the pickled onions in my fridge contained milk. I would not have checked pickled onions but was pleased that she pointed this out and I would not buy them again. So, OP, tell him.

Blackcat333 · 04/09/2021 20:49

@PlanDeRaccordement

No, don’t say anything. I’m sure he knows it’s not vegan or vegetarian and is eating it anyway. You don’t have to be 100% vegan in all things to identify as vegan. And some vegans do occasionally eat nonvegan for health reasons.

Erm yes you do. 🙄

Aggy35 · 04/09/2021 21:14

I'm plant based and have on occasion eaten stuff that isn't even vegetarian.For example if someone gave me something as a gift etc.Im sure he knows as we are used to checking labels.Not all vegans are militant and many rather eat something than waste it

TheStudyOfLife · 04/09/2021 21:22

@Aggy35

I know some people do as you do, but generally 'plant based' and 'vegan' are not synonymous- plant based typically means someone who avoids animal products in their diet, whereas vegan refers to an entire lifestyle. Someone eating occasional animal products is unlikely to call themselves vegan (although of course there will be individual exceptions), so I don't think this applies to the BF in question, who (it appears) is vegan, rather than simply plant based.

TheStudyOfLife · 04/09/2021 21:24

@Aggy35

The avoiding waste part is a fair point, and he may choose to finish the jar (probably not, but possible) or pass it on to someone else, but I suspect he'd rather know so he can avoid buying it in future.

DetroitNeedsADog · 04/09/2021 21:44

www.animalsaustralia.org/features/prawn-farming.php#:~:text=a%20few%20days).-,Female%20prawns%20have%20their%20eye%20sliced%20open%20or%20cut%20off,their%20ovaries%20when%20to%20mature. Just leaving this here..

DetroitNeedsADog · 04/09/2021 21:47

Sorry link didn't work. They cut off shrimps eyes to make them nature faster.

DetroitNeedsADog · 04/09/2021 21:47

Mature!

Chant353 · 04/09/2021 22:14

Yes, I’m a vegan and I would definitely want to know!!

Thisisworsethananticpated · 04/09/2021 22:51

DismantledKing

Hahahahaha

ellyeth · 05/09/2021 00:38

Maybe he's a "most of the time vegan". I'm a "most of the time" vegetarian. Some will find that hypocritical but I think it's better than nothing.

Or maybe he hasn't read the label. I think I would mention it to him.

Mothership4two · 05/09/2021 00:42

I'm a vegetarian and I would want to know.

I buy a lot of kimchi, as my son loves it, and it tends to be vegan, so I can understand the mistake. My son isn't vegetarian/vegan

bobblebeebob · 05/09/2021 08:45

Id be annoyed actually. Cos there you are bending over backwards to ensure you dont feed him anything against his principles and he doesn't care enough to read the
Labels himself

I used to have a friend like this. Vegan when it was convenient but often neglected to check crisp packet labels

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 05/09/2021 08:49

@bobblebeebob

Id be annoyed actually. Cos there you are bending over backwards to ensure you dont feed him anything against his principles and he doesn't care enough to read the Labels himself

I used to have a friend like this. Vegan when it was convenient but often neglected to check crisp packet labels

You'd be annoyed? That he made a mistake and therefore your thoughtfulness was what - wasted? Weird.

bobblebeebob · 05/09/2021 08:55

@CloseYourEyesAndSee
Yes i would. Its my emotional reaction. Back off

Bluesheep8 · 05/09/2021 09:09

Slightly off topic, but I was surprised to learn that Worcester Sauce isn't vegetarian/vegan because it's got anchovy essence in it.
Henderson's Relish is the vegan alternative, apparently.

ragged · 05/09/2021 09:13

no update?

Booknooks · 05/09/2021 09:14

@Bluesheep8

Slightly off topic, but I was surprised to learn that Worcester Sauce isn't vegetarian/vegan because it's got anchovy essence in it. Henderson's Relish is the vegan alternative, apparently.

Yeah it's surprising, especially milk powder in random items. What's even more annoying is when a product is 'accidentally' vegan ie just happens to not have any animal products in but then they add milk powder after several years. Guessing its down to cost or something, some brands so it before they launch something marketed as vegan for a higher price too.

Simonjt · 05/09/2021 09:15

@Bluesheep8

Slightly off topic, but I was surprised to learn that Worcester Sauce isn't vegetarian/vegan because it's got anchovy essence in it. Henderson's Relish is the vegan alternative, apparently.

Quite a few sauces are fish based, I don’t know if its still the case but the use of anchovy used to be a way of making salt content of products lower.

Original poster

troobleflooble · 05/09/2021 09:27

I told him!

It came up quite naturally as part of a wider conversation and although he wasn't happy that he'd been eating something not vegan, he said at least now he knows for the future and just won't buy that brand again. He was grateful that I'd mentioned it so I'm glad I said something.

I'm going to surprise him with a jar of homemade stuff that will be vegan. I'll make an extra one for myself as I really liked it 😆

OP posts:

ragged · 05/09/2021 09:37

home-made stuff sounds like a lovely gesture

WinTheNight · 05/09/2021 09:55

Glad you told him and it’s all sorted. And lovely that you’re going to make him some yourself. 🌱

TheChiefJo · 05/09/2021 10:08

@Bluesheep8

Slightly off topic, but I was surprised to learn that Worcester Sauce isn't vegetarian/vegan because it's got anchovy essence in it. Henderson's Relish is the vegan alternative, apparently.

You can't beat a splash of Hendos!

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