Do I tell bf about what he ate?

[troobleflooble]

I'm in a new relationship and he is vegan. While I'm not, I understand and appreciate his viewpoint and want to be respectful of his choices so I've become quite thorough at checking labels on things to make sure they are suitable for him.

Was at his place recently and noticed he had something in his fridge I've never tasted before so I picked it up to have a look. Out of habit I checked the label and noticed that it isn't vegan, in fact it's not even vegetarian! I don't think he has realised as, while he isn't militant about it, I'm sure he wouldn't want to eat it if he knew. The jar was half empty so he has definitely been eating it.

I don't want to make him feel bad by pointing it out but if you were vegan would you want to know? Should I say anything?

@Lessstressedhemum that sounds like hell! Would you move?

I am viewed pretty much as a freak and folk are always "sympathising" with me. And the number of times I've been told that a good steak would sort out my health problems beggars belief!

Sounds like some of my in laws. 🙄 It’s very annoying, must be even worse to live in a place where being vegetarian or vegan is so rare.

@MrsSkylerWhite

I’d mention it. My vegetarian mum (of 35 plus years) didn’t know Worcestershire sauce has anchovies in it. Was very glad I told her.

Worcestershire Sauce scares me. Very few people know it has anchovies in. I am allergic to fish, so I no longer eat at barbecues etc as I've had too many near misses.

He’s already bought it so don’t tell him. It won’t make him feel better and it won’t save any animals so there is no winner.

Bet he won’t buy it again though.

If he's a vegan, he would definitely want to know!

I’d hate to be the bearer of bad news (assuming he didn’t know) but it’s probably best you say. If I was him I’d rather someone told me if I’d made an honest mistake, it’s not the end of the world.

Maybe I belongs to someone else

Can you buy the vegan kind, and just say, that you realised the one he had wasn't vegan, and is he OK if you swap for one that is.
That way he can thank you rather than feeling your trying to score points,

Just say 'what's this' and see what he says. He's either vegan or not. I hate the 'I'm veggie but eat chicken and fish' and the 'im strict vegan' but you see them narffing down a steak and Guinness pasty at the station. If you have a food preference that you want other people to cater for - at least bloody stick to it yourself!

If he's narffing meat at home he can't expect you to be wasting time faffing around (been a strict veggie myself for 20 odd years and I would be less strict when people were doing food for me as I know its a lot to understand, would never make people cater for special diet that I don't even bother doing myself).

Though I would just buy the same thing in his fridge and give it to him at my house with a 'well you eat it at home' because let's face it - he knows it's not vegan and bloody loves it.

I'd personally tell him, I have a food allergy and intolerance to other things and will rarely make a mistake when checking labels, and only when I have symptoms will I start rechecking stuff to find what the issue is. He won't have symptoms so unless he checks again himself or you tell him he won't know.

because let's face it - he knows it's not vegan and bloody loves it.

🙄

Can you not just ask him about it?
To satisfy your curiosity, & give you useful info about how strict you yourself need to be with ingredients like stock cubes etc if you cook for him?

Why are you so hesitant about an absolutely vanilla conversation that you need to post here for advice about how to tackle it?
Is it because of his character, or is it because you are shy?

Can confirm that I have accidentally bought things with meat/dairy in and I would absolutely rather be told. Thank you for noticing and telling him!

I'd be very grateful if you pointed out to me that I was eating something non vegan by accident. It's up to him then if he wants to Chuck it or not but you've told him at least.

@ChargingBuck

Can you not just ask him about it? To satisfy your curiosity, & give you useful info about how strict you yourself need to be with ingredients like stock cubes etc if you cook for him?

Why are you so hesitant about an absolutely vanilla conversation that you need to post here for advice about how to tackle it?
Is it because of his character, or is it because you are shy?

She's probably asking vegans whether they would rather know they have eaten fish to avoid eating it again, or live in blissful ignorance. It's a thoughtful question to ask.

I’m vegan and I would definitely want to know. Although I scrutinise every thing I pick up sometimes ingredients change in things you’ve taken for granted to be vegan. Sometimes if I’m in a rush I’ll get things I’ve had in the past only to discover they’ve changed the recipe and isn’t vegan anymore but that’s extremely rare on my part. I thought kimchi was vegan but I would have looked at the ingredients before I bought it for the first time so I would have realised.
Definitely tell him.

@bemusedmoose

Just say 'what's this' and see what he says. He's either vegan or not. I hate the 'I'm veggie but eat chicken and fish' and the 'im strict vegan' but you see them narffing down a steak and Guinness pasty at the station. If you have a food preference that you want other people to cater for - at least bloody stick to it yourself!

If he's narffing meat at home he can't expect you to be wasting time faffing around (been a strict veggie myself for 20 odd years and I would be less strict when people were doing food for me as I know its a lot to understand, would never make people cater for special diet that I don't even bother doing myself).

Though I would just buy the same thing in his fridge and give it to him at my house with a 'well you eat it at home' because let's face it - he knows it's not vegan and bloody loves it.

He not 'narffing meat' (wtf is that word??) he's accidentally eaten a minuscule amount of fish paste as an ingredient. It's easily done. I've eaten things with milk powder in because I've assumed first and checked later - does that make me 'not vegan and bloody loves it'??

@FleasInMyKnees

Was it a fatball

Yes, I came on here hoping for another fatball! 🤣🤣🤣

I wouldn't know how to feel OP.
I had vegan relative come to stay for 6 weeks few years ago- she is from New Zealand, so no an eas trip to make. She and her OH stayed over christmas and it was a lot of work Many of my family love meat and dairy and catering for 7 people over the fesive period was challenging. Things like separate potato mash without butter, different gravy, cashew cream, oat milk
We visited an ice cream parlour on the last day she was visiting us and she ordered a huge knickerbocker glory. Full dairy ice cream, piped whipped cream- and scoffed the lot. I was gobsmacked. I had spent the last 6 weeks making sure I used different knives and chopping boards for butter and vegan spread.

I am sceptical about veganism. Any vegans even posting here should think about devices they are using.
Most smartphones and tablets use adhesives and stearates from animal bones.
Buses and bicycles use lubricants and materials in tyre production from animal sources.

I had this dilemma when unnoticed a product contained whey. I asked another vegan if I should say something, and they said I should, so I did. The person I told was very grateful and said that explained why they had been having stomach ache after eating vast amounts of it.

@PlanDeRaccordement

No, don’t say anything. I’m sure he knows it’s not vegan or vegetarian and is eating it anyway. You don’t have to be 100% vegan in all things to identify as vegan. And some vegans do occasionally eat nonvegan for health reasons.

What a load of crap. Sorry to be blunt but of course being vegan means eating only vegan food. Otherwise you're just a non-vegan 'eating vegan food'. The whole point of the label is that it's restrictive wrt animal products.

There is a huge variety of kimchi brands out there, a lot of them are vegan. As a vegan myself I buy /make kimchi all the time, absolutely love that stuff! It is quite possible that he really did not realise that it contains shrimp paste, because in my experience I've only come across vegan varieties in UK supermarkets, and it is only in specialised Korean shops that I can recall coming across the shrimp-added version. As yours is a new relationship, I would thread very carefully, you don't want to embarrass him by pointing out this faux-pas (assuming that it is indeed a faux-pas and not intentional). I'd come up with some casual convo scenario where you'd start discussing, say, Korean cuisine, and what recipes are /aren't suitable for vegans, then light-heartedly mention "oh, I didn't realise that the traditional Korean kimchi recipe contains shrimp paste" or something along those lines. Will give him an opportunity to register this information and then do with it what he choses, rather than bluntly pointing out the non-vegan item in his fridge.

@speakout

I wouldn't know how to feel OP. I had vegan relative come to stay for 6 weeks few years ago- she is from New Zealand, so no an eas trip to make. She and her OH stayed over christmas and it was a lot of work Many of my family love meat and dairy and catering for 7 people over the fesive period was challenging. Things like separate potato mash without butter, different gravy, cashew cream, oat milk We visited an ice cream parlour on the last day she was visiting us and she ordered a huge knickerbocker glory. Full dairy ice cream, piped whipped cream- and scoffed the lot. I was gobsmacked. I had spent the last 6 weeks making sure I used different knives and chopping boards for butter and vegan spread.

I am sceptical about veganism. Any vegans even posting here should think about devices they are using.
Most smartphones and tablets use adhesives and stearates from animal bones.
Buses and bicycles use lubricants and materials in tyre production from animal sources.

You're sceptical about veganism?? Most vegans understand that we cannot live lives that are entirely free of animal abuse. Just because you met one flaky twat doesn't mean veganism isn't real

She's probably asking vegans whether they would rather know they have eaten fish to avoid eating it again, or live in blissful ignorance. It's a thoughtful question to ask

@CloseYourEyesAndSee - thank you.

That wouldn't have occurred to me - I'd just have calmly pointed it out in the moment, in case he didn't know. Give him the facts, let him make his own decision ...