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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moving in to DP's mortgaged house... who should pay?

291 replies

hollsmoi · 02/09/2021 20:36

I'm shortly due to leave my rental property to move in with DP who already owns a property. The plan is to live together there for a while and if all goes well, we will rent out his place and purchase somewhere together which is more suitable. We are in central London so DP currently rents out one of his bedrooms to a lodger (he makes a lot of profit from this), who will be moving out when I move in.

DP has implied that he expects us to split all outgoings for the house 50/50. Having never moved in to a partner's home, I'm not sure this is right. Without question I will be contributing 50/50 to all of the household bills, council tax, food shop etc. but part of me feels uncomfortable about essentially paying half of his mortgage as 'rent'. AIBU?

Also, when I move in we are needing to covert the spare bedroom to an office space and storage area for me e.g. desks, built in wardrobes and drawers for my things. DP has mentioned when "we" buy these things which again implies 50/50. WIBU to expecting DP to fund this since it's his property and in the event that things didn't work out, he would benefit from them i.e. they'd remain in his property. Thoughts welcome as I'm new to this!

OP posts:
Freddiefox · 02/09/2021 20:40

I not sure what the right thing is, but no way would a partner move in my house and only pay 50 % of the utilities.

Freddiefox · 02/09/2021 20:40

But equally I wouldn’t pay someone else’s mortgage

Meggie2008 · 02/09/2021 20:41

My partner moved in to my mortgaged home recently and we split all household bills except the mortgage 50/50.
It's my house, so I would never expect or ask him to pay anything towards that.
If the things are being bought for you, I'd think you'd pay for them. My partner bought himself a computer desk when he moved in. I didn't pay anything towards it as it's not my computer, I don't use it, so I would never need a computer desk if he wasn't there.
Maybe your partner sees it the same way? He wouldnt need to buy additional wardrobes etc if you weren't there, so half the cost is fair?
Council tax/gas/electricity/sky/food shop etc we split equally.

ButterflyAway · 02/09/2021 20:41

A bit of YABU and YANBU. You are moving into a property, you can’t expect to live there for free rent wise. I would keep records of your payments towards it though, if it doesn’t work out 6 months down the line you’ve been paying rent and that’s all fine and well. If it doesn’t work out 10 years down the line you’ve contributed a fair amount towards his mortgage and I think that may be taken in to account. But bare in mine that if you ever get married the house will be a joint asset so it is fair that you contribute as such.

YABU about the office. He should not cover all of those costs. It is to benefit you, not him.

But that is my take on it, and my opinion isn’t the one that counts. How you feel about things does.

ButterflyAway · 02/09/2021 20:42

Bare in mind* (or bear. Never entirely sure which).

Jessaas · 02/09/2021 20:42

How much do you both earn?

If his mortgage was paid off I wouldn't think you should pay "rent", but I don't think you should pay nothing towards the mortgage. If you didn't live there you'd surely be paying rent elsewhere.

cochineal7 · 02/09/2021 20:43

I think you should contribute and pay ‘rent’, yes. Not sure how much is reasonable- is what he wants to charge reasonable for the area? He gives up on a profitable lodger who I assume pays a lot more. I also definitely think you should pay for your own office space - if it doesn’t work out he will want a lodger again perhaps so why would your desk etc. be of any value to him? With that in mind I would refrain from bespoke fixed fittings and get furniture and bookcases you can move out if need be.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/09/2021 20:43

There's another thread running about this.

My opinion, either you're paying the mortgage and therefore will own a share or you're not and don't. Bills 50:50 but I wouldn't be building built in wardrobes either.

DuckDuckGooses · 02/09/2021 20:43

YABU about the second room - you've mentioned it's being converted for you, surely you should fund all of this? (50/50 is him being nice!)

By you moving in he's no longer getting the money from the lodger, so if he needs that second source to help pay the mortgage perhaps you should pay the bills and he should pay the mortgage?

Horehound · 02/09/2021 20:44

In my mind, you were paying rent which is paying someone's mortgage so why is it different in this situation?
I think YABU and you should be paying half.

SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 02/09/2021 20:44

Yanbu. Splitting the bills is fine, his mortgage is still his mortgage and unless you’re getting a share of the property he can keep paying it like he’s always done in the knowledge that the financial benefit is his alone if you split up.

As for furniture costs, I’d buy non-fitted desk, wardrobe and drawers which you can take with you if you go. And pay for them yourself.

HollowTalk · 02/09/2021 20:45

@Freddiefox

But equally I wouldn’t pay someone else’s mortgage
You would pay a landlord's mortgage though.
GreenTortoise · 02/09/2021 20:47

I'd expect to pay half the mortgage as you would pay rent elsewhere?

Jumpingintosummer · 02/09/2021 20:48

You should be paying for all alterations to the second bedroom and a contribution towards either the mortgage or wear and tear repairs as you will have used the furnishings, carpets, bathroom, kitchen, white goods etc too. Your current attitude makes me think you would assume he meets all those costs as it increases the value of his property.

HollowTalk · 02/09/2021 20:48

Can't you just pay the same rent that you pay now and split the bills?

kittenpeak · 02/09/2021 20:48

Well, you're moving into a property you don't own, so you should pay rent, yes? If he wasn't your partner, and he was just a flatmate, you'd expect to pay rent and I don't think this is any different.

He had a lodger who paid him rent and who now isn't living there, so whilst you aren't a lodger, you should contribute. I wouldn't see it is paying your boyfriends mortgage, I would see it as paying rent.

From another perspective, I would want to pay rent: it means you can have your say in things and you are as equal as possibly can be, considering he owns the property.

PearlyRising · 02/09/2021 20:49

I think you need to get your own nest and feather that.

Floraflower3 · 02/09/2021 20:49

@Freddiefox

I not sure what the right thing is, but no way would a partner move in my house and only pay 50 % of the utilities.
Why would a partner moving in need to may more than half of the utilities (or am I missing something?)
Charlotte2020 · 02/09/2021 20:49

When I moved into my DPs mortgaged place, instead of giving him rent I put the same amount into savings. Eventually we bought our own place and those savings went towards the house purchase. That way it's not like you get a free ride and you aren't paying someone else's mortgage either.

Horehound · 02/09/2021 20:50

Ok just asked my husband who is always sensible. He says 50:50 on the mortgage is unreasonable but it's fair on everything else.

He gave the analogy of if I was driving his car he wouldn't expect me to pay half the cost of his car but would expect me to put fuel in it and I sure myself etc.

So yeh maybe your partner is being unreasonable here

Charlotte2020 · 02/09/2021 20:50

Paid 50/50 towards bills aswell (forgot to add!)

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/09/2021 20:51

@Horehound

Ok just asked my husband who is always sensible. He says 50:50 on the mortgage is unreasonable but it's fair on everything else.

He gave the analogy of if I was driving his car he wouldn't expect me to pay half the cost of his car but would expect me to put fuel in it and I sure myself etc.

So yeh maybe your partner is being unreasonable here

Good analogy.
freelions · 02/09/2021 20:52

I think it depends on a few things

Will he be 'better off' with you living there than he was with a lodger? If the amount you will be paying in total (bills, rent etc) is similar to or less than what the lodger paid them that seems fair enough.

Also how does your proposed contribution compare to your previous outgoings? Moving in with your DP shouldn't make you poorer than you were before

FlyingSoHigh · 02/09/2021 20:53

I never understand the responses on these threads. You move in. You no longer pay rent to cover a stranger's mortgage so you have loads more money. But you think paying rent to your boyfriend is wrong - you think getting free housing as the fair thing. And on top of that, you boyfriend is losing his lodger so he will be much worse off.
Reverse the genders here and people would be yelling 'cocklodger'!!!

OnceTheyDid · 02/09/2021 20:53

You should cover the cost of his lodger that he is losing.

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