Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 7 8 9 10 11 12

Original poster

Moving in to DP's mortgaged house... who should pay?

291 replies

hollsmoi · 02/09/2021 20:36

I'm shortly due to leave my rental property to move in with DP who already owns a property. The plan is to live together there for a while and if all goes well, we will rent out his place and purchase somewhere together which is more suitable. We are in central London so DP currently rents out one of his bedrooms to a lodger (he makes a lot of profit from this), who will be moving out when I move in.

DP has implied that he expects us to split all outgoings for the house 50/50. Having never moved in to a partner's home, I'm not sure this is right. Without question I will be contributing 50/50 to all of the household bills, council tax, food shop etc. but part of me feels uncomfortable about essentially paying half of his mortgage as 'rent'. AIBU?

Also, when I move in we are needing to covert the spare bedroom to an office space and storage area for me e.g. desks, built in wardrobes and drawers for my things. DP has mentioned when "we" buy these things which again implies 50/50. WIBU to expecting DP to fund this since it's his property and in the event that things didn't work out, he would benefit from them i.e. they'd remain in his property. Thoughts welcome as I'm new to this!

OP posts:

Lockdownbear · 03/09/2021 21:17

@Hummingbird18

I've been living in this same set up for two years. We decided my partner would pay all the mortgage and I would pay for all the bills, as the cost is similar. It's worked well for us. We are now married and looking at buying a place together.

That seems a raw deal to you. So he effectively puts all his money into an asset that he'll always have. Meanwhile you buy all the food and pay his living expenses. So you'd have nothing at the end of the relationship.

underneaththeash · 03/09/2021 21:32

I would pay same as the lodger plus cost of re-purposing the room to your needs.

Fubitch · 03/09/2021 21:45

So you'd have nothing at the end of the relationship

That's right, she doesn't own the house, he does.

Lockdownbear · 03/09/2021 22:08

@Fubitch

So you'd have nothing at the end of the relationship

That's right, she doesn't own the house, he does.

At which point it is stupid to move into a partners house when you'd be financially better off buying your own.

Jigsawtrain · 03/09/2021 22:30

You should be paying what the lodger paid and paying for the kitting out of the new office/storage room. It doesn’t need to be fitted stuff so then you can take it with you if it doesn’t work out.

TractorAndHeadphones · 03/09/2021 23:27

@Lockdownbear but there's nothing stopping her from buying - since mortgage costs are lower than rent. If she wasn't in partner's house she'd have to pay rent which costs more.

Hummingbird18 · 05/09/2021 15:26

@Lockdownbear at the end of the relationship? We are now married! I know it could have gone the other way though so I suppose it was risky in that sense. However, me paying all the bills still worked out cheaper than when I was living on my own renting and paying all the bills! This then gave me the chance to save up faster for my own deposit so I still benefited from this arrangement. I also didn't feel happy putting money into his mortgage, it is his asset and I wouldn't want to make any claim to it. I also felt weird about paying him rent like a lodger rather than his girlfriend! We are now buying somewhere together and putting equal money in so it will be 50:50.

strivingtosucceed · 05/09/2021 15:51

@TokenGinger

I can never understand why people are happy to pay a landlord's mortgage for years on end but then not be prepared to contribute to a loved one's mortgage even when it means they'll be financially better off.

You've said you'll be £300 a month better off even if you do pay rent to him. Why on Earth should he provide you with free housing (obviously you're paying bills), for you to financially benefit yourself? You're already benefiting if you do pay your fair share.

This is it really, especially when you are saving money or they are losing money by you moving in with them. It just seems really entitled.

Everyone thinks "If I pay I won't benefit from the gains of the house" but you didn't place your capital in the property and you have no risks either. If you want to benefit, stump up some cash to put in as equity or stay renting.

TractorAndHeadphones · 05/09/2021 16:04

[quote Hummingbird18]@Lockdownbear at the end of the relationship? We are now married! I know it could have gone the other way though so I suppose it was risky in that sense. However, me paying all the bills still worked out cheaper than when I was living on my own renting and paying all the bills! This then gave me the chance to save up faster for my own deposit so I still benefited from this arrangement. I also didn't feel happy putting money into his mortgage, it is his asset and I wouldn't want to make any claim to it. I also felt weird about paying him rent like a lodger rather than his girlfriend! We are now buying somewhere together and putting equal money in so it will be 50:50.[/quote]
This seems fair .. you didn't explicitly pay for 'the mortgage' but you covered his share of the bills. The amount evens out more or less even if it's another name.

Also the risk is the same as for a lodger - as a single person and with the money saved from renting you could've found somewhere else to live. Very different from the 'unmarried SAHM with 3 kids' scenario so frequent on MN.

MissyMooKins · 05/09/2021 17:13

You pay 50/50 and 'rent' and you pay for all of the stuff you need to convert the room to your office.

MissyMooKins · 05/09/2021 17:14

Or more fairly you should pay him what he's losing from the lodger. Plus you buy your own office stuff.

Wannakisstheteacher · 05/09/2021 17:22

Any man who expected to live rent free, whilst his partner gave up their lodger, would absolutely be labelled a cock lodger. He seems to be getting a really raw deal here.

honeybuns007 · 06/09/2021 08:36

I feel all consumable costs -food, utilities etc should be split equally (unless one person eats like a demon and then they should contribute more). He should pay his mortgage. You should pay rent. You are creating wear and tear and benefitting from enjoyment of the space do you should contribute by paying rent. Maybe not market rates. Anything needed for you like a desk you should pay for. Anything needed by you but that will improve the house that you can't take with you if you split up is negotiated. Depends on what it is and how much it costs.

AmelieLovesAutumn · 06/09/2021 22:35

@hollsmoi

Have you talked to him yet? Did you manage to agree on what was fair to you both?

Hont1986 · 06/09/2021 22:58

I'd like to see the thread where someone's DP is moving in and has offered to pay half the mortgage interest only.

Noideaatall · 07/09/2021 00:05

I was the DP in this situation, and also gave up renting out a room so lost income. My partner refuses to pay towards the mortgage as "he gets nothing out of it" but is happy to let me provide a house for our children despite earning slightly more than me. It doesn't feel fair at all. He also chooses how much he pays a month. Safe to say there's not much relationship left there now.

Flip

1 2 ··· 7 8 9 10 11 12

Swipe left for the next trending thread