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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moving in to DP's mortgaged house... who should pay?

291 replies

hollsmoi · 02/09/2021 20:36

I'm shortly due to leave my rental property to move in with DP who already owns a property. The plan is to live together there for a while and if all goes well, we will rent out his place and purchase somewhere together which is more suitable. We are in central London so DP currently rents out one of his bedrooms to a lodger (he makes a lot of profit from this), who will be moving out when I move in.

DP has implied that he expects us to split all outgoings for the house 50/50. Having never moved in to a partner's home, I'm not sure this is right. Without question I will be contributing 50/50 to all of the household bills, council tax, food shop etc. but part of me feels uncomfortable about essentially paying half of his mortgage as 'rent'. AIBU?

Also, when I move in we are needing to covert the spare bedroom to an office space and storage area for me e.g. desks, built in wardrobes and drawers for my things. DP has mentioned when "we" buy these things which again implies 50/50. WIBU to expecting DP to fund this since it's his property and in the event that things didn't work out, he would benefit from them i.e. they'd remain in his property. Thoughts welcome as I'm new to this!

OP posts:
Proudboomer · 02/09/2021 22:55

My son hopes to buy next year and his partner will move in with him but they won’t be buying jointly.
My son will pay the mortgage and his partner will pay bills and food.. she will be paying less but as my son earns more it will leave them with about the same disposable income.

Batshitkerazy · 02/09/2021 23:00

Hmm I’ve been on both sides of this

  • moved into my ex’s mortgaged home, and now my current partner lives in my mortgaged home. I only contributed towards bills with my ex and similarly, my partner only pays half the bills now. There’s just something that doesn’t sit right with me, about charging a partner rent.

I think that the big factor here is the loss of income from the lodger. You want your boyfriend to be better off financially with you moving in (as he’ll be getting money towards the bills) not worse off. I think making up that shortfall would be the decent thing to do, especially if you are already used to renting. The office space should be funded by yourself if you’ll be having sole benefit of it.

Good luck for the move Smile

CarrotTops · 02/09/2021 23:02

@RandomLondoner but it's not the same as renting half a house. You don't have the same rights, you haven't chosen where to live or how much the mortgage costs. The owner of the house has chosen the house based on what they can afford and what they like. Op has no say in that. What if you own a 5 bed detached property and OP rents a studio flat?

Why the fuck should you pay 50% of the rental value if they don't have a mortgage? Do you charge you partner taxi fares if you drive them to tesco? Its a relationship not a business transaction.

Hekatestorch · 02/09/2021 23:03

@CarrotTops the dp rented the room out to make money, not because he can't afford it. Op says the mortgage payment is low.

The dp is gaining anything. He is losing money by op moving. Even if she pays half.

Dreamingofbeergardens · 02/09/2021 23:05

I never understand why people suggest a couple should rent together instead. It's his home, doesn't make sense to spend more money on rent instead of living in the home he owns!
OP I think you need to work out an amount of rent to pay your DP or figure out how else you can pay which makes things fair. And I think you should pay for your office furniture.

BoredZelda · 02/09/2021 23:05

Pay your way. Why should you live for free? Whether you pay a randomer rent, or him half the mortgage, it’s the same thing.

Same with the office furniture. Why should he pay for your office furniture? I wouldn’t even be asking him to go half’s.

Hekatestorch · 02/09/2021 23:06

[quote CarrotTops]@RandomLondoner but it's not the same as renting half a house. You don't have the same rights, you haven't chosen where to live or how much the mortgage costs. The owner of the house has chosen the house based on what they can afford and what they like. Op has no say in that. What if you own a 5 bed detached property and OP rents a studio flat?

Why the fuck should you pay 50% of the rental value if they don't have a mortgage? Do you charge you partner taxi fares if you drive them to tesco? Its a relationship not a business transaction.[/quote]
But then she can chose to not move in. She can choose to keep paying more in her own place. Until they can afford to buy/rent together.

And she will be sharing the main bedroom and having another bedroom to herself.

She can get the same rights by having an agreement signed

DoubleEx · 02/09/2021 23:08

@Charlotte2020

When I moved into my DPs mortgaged place, instead of giving him rent I put the same amount into savings. Eventually we bought our own place and those savings went towards the house purchase. That way it's not like you get a free ride and you aren't paying someone else's mortgage either.
This is exactly what DH and I did too.

OP you need to be aware of where you stand legally if you move in with him. Because he lives in the property too you will only have the legal status of lodger, not tenant. Tenants have a lot of rights and protections in law. Lodgers have far fewer. If your DP decided he wanted you out of his house, he’d only need to give you a week’s notice.

In consideration of you moving from a secure legal position to a much more precarious one, I think it’s fair enough for you to say that you’re happy to cover your share of the bills (or even all the bills, if you’re happy to split it that way) but you’re not helping to pay off the mortgage on a property you have no title to, and no equity in.

CarrotTops · 02/09/2021 23:13

Currently me and Dp rent, but I own a lot of the furniture. Lets say I bought my TV on credit

Dp benefits from my TV because he gets to use a nice TV and doesn't have to pay for it (or rent one if he can't afford to buy). I'm happy for DP to use my TV because I love him, I bought a TV I could afford to pay for and ultimately it was my choice to buy the TV. If the relationship ends I will then leave with the TV, because I own it

What I won't do is choose a massive TV, charge DP half the credit and then fuck off with the TV at the end of the relationship. We can all see that would be a massive dick move. But when the assets get bigger suddenly DP is expected to pay half the TV

The problem here is OPS DP has chosen to buy something he actually can't afford to pay for, and has been reliant on a lodger for years. This has left him in a sticky situation when he wants to move his partner in,

Dee1975 · 02/09/2021 23:17

What difference does it make if you pay rent to a landlord, who in turn will use that money to pay off their mortgage, or rent to your DP? Your last post says you will be saving money pm. So surly that’s a win win?

userxx · 02/09/2021 23:20

You need to pay some sort of rent.

ManifestDestinee · 02/09/2021 23:20

DP has implied that he expects us to split all outgoings for the house 50/50. Having never moved in to a partner's home, I'm not sure this is right. Without question I will be contributing 50/50 to all of the household bills, council tax, food shop etc. but part of me feels uncomfortable about essentially paying half of his mortgage as 'rent'. AIBU?

So you want to live rent free, while he pays? You're a cocklodger

Also, when I move in we are needing to covert the spare bedroom to an office space and storage area for me e.g. desks, built in wardrobes and drawers for my things. DP has mentioned when "we" buy these things which again implies 50/50. WIBU to expecting DP to fund this since it's his property and in the event that things didn't work out, he would benefit from them i.e. they'd remain in his property. Thoughts welcome as I'm new to this!

So not only do you want him to house you for nothing, you want him to buy you an office to work in and wardrobes for your stuff, while you pay nothing?

He should run, you're covered in red flags.

HarrietOh · 02/09/2021 23:22

I’m about to do same but no way am I going to pay my DP’s mortgage. I’m giving up my own to move in with him so I’ll bank the money I was paying on my mortgage into savings, ready for when we do pay together.
I could pay half this mortgage each month then one day he can throw me out on the street if he wanted. It’s his asset not mine.

FabulousIAm · 02/09/2021 23:23

Why would you move into a partner's house who owns it without being put on the mortgage and paying half of it? They aren't your landlord and your'e not their tenant.That's basically saying that you will eventually spit up. So why bother moving in at all?!

DoubleEx · 02/09/2021 23:25

What difference does it make if you pay rent to a landlord, who in turn will use that money to pay off their mortgage, or rent to your DP?

She has much less legal rights and protections paying rent to her DP than she does as a tenant on a proper lease.

In fact she has hardly any. It’s a legally vulnerable position to be in.

I moved into my DH’s mortgaged house and did loads of research beforehand so that’s how I know. When I realised he could kick me out at any time if things went to shit and I’d have absolutely no rights at all, I told him I wasn’t going to feather his nest for nothing in return. So we came to an arrangement we were both happy with.

Hekatestorch · 02/09/2021 23:25

@CarrotTops The problem here is OPS DP has chosen to buy something he actually can't afford to pay for, and has been reliant on a lodger for years. This has left him in a sticky situation when he wants to move his partner in,

Where have you got this from? Where has op said she is moving in because the lodger is moving out?

Op says the mortgage payments are small. In your example if you getting the TV made your dp alot better off and you alot worse off, of course they should help you pay.

Also if you dp decided the TV is the majority for his use (like op is getting more use out if the bedrooms) then he should pay.

If your dp can't watch a TV without paying towards it (like grown adults can't live somewhere without paying for it) and would pay more to watch another TV why wouldn't he pay a smaller amount towards watching your TV

Hekatestorch · 02/09/2021 23:28

She has much less legal rights and protections paying rent to her DP than she does as a tenant on a proper lease.

That's really easy to sort though.

timeisnotaline · 02/09/2021 23:30

If you’re saving money by paying half and he’s losing money that sounds fair. Re the office of course id be buying the furniture if I were you but there is no chance that would include having built ins put in. Why pay 1000s for something fixed when the plan is you don’t live there that long? Just go buy a wardrobe and desk like everyone else and if it doesn’t work out you take it with you. Where you have a problem is if he’s insisting on an expensive option. You buy it, it’s for you, you choose.

DoubleEx · 02/09/2021 23:32

@Hekatestorch

She has much less legal rights and protections paying rent to her DP than she does as a tenant on a proper lease.

That's really easy to sort though.

Only by putting her on the deeds.

You can’t be a tenant if your landlord lives in the same property as you. You can only be a lodger. (In the U.K. that is. I don’t know if it’s the same in Scotland, if op is even in Scotland?)

Hekatestorch · 02/09/2021 23:40

You can’t be a tenant if your landlord lives in the same property as you. You can only be a lodger. (In the U.K. that is. I don’t know if it’s the same in Scotland, if op is even in Scotland?)

My understanding is there slightly different types of lodgers. There can be a notice period written into and agreement and it should always be 'reasonable'.

Also as op is saving money, she can also save a fund should she need to leave. Either by her own accord or his.

Happyfeet1972 · 02/09/2021 23:43

That's a difficult one as he has a lodger. Normally I'd advise that you pay him half of the rent you are currently paying- that way you are both benefitting to the same amount I.e current rent is 800, give him 400, you save 400.
However, if he is losing out on a lodger - it doesn't seem fair that you live rent free and save what I presume is a fair few hundred a month whilst he loses out on hundreds. I can see the argument for not paying half his rent however if doing so still leaves you 300 better off a month and means a loss for him, it doesn't seem an unfair arrangement.

When I moved in with my then DP, I put my previous rent in a savings account which I then used for something for both of us. He hadn't given up a lodger though.

Happyfeet1972 · 02/09/2021 23:44

Half his mortgage that should read

jimmyjammy001 · 02/09/2021 23:45

@FlyingSoHigh

I never understand the responses on these threads. You move in. You no longer pay rent to cover a stranger's mortgage so you have loads more money. But you think paying rent to your boyfriend is wrong - you think getting free housing as the fair thing. And on top of that, you boyfriend is losing his lodger so he will be much worse off. Reverse the genders here and people would be yelling 'cocklodger'!!!
Completely agree, if you moved in together and had to rent everything would be split 50/50, why should it be any different if one person has saved up and brought a house, they are loosing a lodger paying full rent by partner moving in, should either be paying full rent or close to it.

If not happy then both move out and rent and pay 50/50 because its someone else's mortgage, presumably when/if you move in together and buy a place and he rents his house out it won't be fair that he receives money from that

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 02/09/2021 23:46

I was in this exact position

Lodger paid 750
mortgage was 1550
my now DH was moving in
i asked for 500 rent and he wanted to pay 700 we settled on 600.

He saved 400 pm vs private rental which he put in savings and i was still able to top up my savings so everyone was a winner. We put all the cash into our (now) home
We also were very much "a team" and fair doesnt mean equal i was shelling out 1400 vs his 600 but he was a lower earner and i had the benefit/security of ownership and we were wprking toward a bigger goal.

My friend was also moving in with her boyfriend.. she was the lower earner. He insisted she pay lodger room rate and half of bills.. his rationale was this was less than her private rental. She was keen to move in so agreed 🙄🙄🙄

She has now had a child with him (unmarried 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️) she had to use her savings to continue to provide her "half" while on mat leave and ended up going back to work at 6 months because she couldnt "afford it" (their household income is at least 150k probably more in the 200 range )

Be careful with what you are signing up for

Joystir59 · 02/09/2021 23:49

I wouldn't move in to a partner's house and give up my own tenancy unless we were married/wedding scheduled, or I was on the mortgage and deeds.