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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moving in to DP's mortgaged house... who should pay?

291 replies

hollsmoi · 02/09/2021 20:36

I'm shortly due to leave my rental property to move in with DP who already owns a property. The plan is to live together there for a while and if all goes well, we will rent out his place and purchase somewhere together which is more suitable. We are in central London so DP currently rents out one of his bedrooms to a lodger (he makes a lot of profit from this), who will be moving out when I move in.

DP has implied that he expects us to split all outgoings for the house 50/50. Having never moved in to a partner's home, I'm not sure this is right. Without question I will be contributing 50/50 to all of the household bills, council tax, food shop etc. but part of me feels uncomfortable about essentially paying half of his mortgage as 'rent'. AIBU?

Also, when I move in we are needing to covert the spare bedroom to an office space and storage area for me e.g. desks, built in wardrobes and drawers for my things. DP has mentioned when "we" buy these things which again implies 50/50. WIBU to expecting DP to fund this since it's his property and in the event that things didn't work out, he would benefit from them i.e. they'd remain in his property. Thoughts welcome as I'm new to this!

OP posts:
TractorAndHeadphones · 03/09/2021 15:01

Lodgers still have rights
www.tenancyagreementservice.co.uk/lodger-legal-rights

Lockdownbear · 03/09/2021 15:05

He made me see that it is a bit weird to be expecting your gf/bf to pay half towards what is their asset

That's my logic why should she pay toward his asset. Its a relationship not a business deal.

ManifestDestinee · 03/09/2021 15:07

That's my logic why should she pay toward his asset. Its a relationship not a business deal

And why should she live rent free? It's a relationship not a freeloading, money saving enterprise

TractorAndHeadphones · 03/09/2021 15:09

@Lockdownbear

He made me see that it is a bit weird to be expecting your gf/bf to pay half towards what is their asset

That's my logic why should she pay toward his asset. Its a relationship not a business deal.

Then the argument stretches to ‘why should she pay any of the bills or expenses - it’s not a business deal’.

The difference is that you (and several posters) view it as a capital expense, contributing to the assets.
Others like myself view it as a normal expense like gas, water, and electricity.
Again though I don’t think half is fair - the interest and a bit on top yes, but not nothing . I don’t suppose you mean nothing either .
Anyway OP is going to discuss it so there’s no point in the thread anymore

Makhiaman · 03/09/2021 15:13

What’s the female equivalent of a cocklodger?

Of course you should pay half of everything.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/09/2021 15:20

@Lockdownbear

He made me see that it is a bit weird to be expecting your gf/bf to pay half towards what is their asset

That's my logic why should she pay toward his asset. Its a relationship not a business deal.

Why should it cost him money but save her hundreds? And if the sexes were reversed she'd be told he's a cocklodger who's just using her to save up for his own deposit.
SleepingStandingUp · 03/09/2021 15:22

@Lockdownbear

He made me see that it is a bit weird to be expecting your gf/bf to pay half towards what is their asset

That's my logic why should she pay toward his asset. Its a relationship not a business deal.

So the day after the wedding its ok to demand she starts paying half? Should he expect back pay too?

My ex charged his new gf half the rent but saved it up on the understanding that if they split he'd give it back and if they married it would be a lump sum off the mortgage / towards the wedding etc

KingdomScrolls · 03/09/2021 15:33

I owned my flat when DH moved in, everything was 50/50 including mortgage and it was costing him significantly less than his previous rental. When i sold it the profit went into our joint property, and even then he wanted me to ringfence my equity, I said no because we were about to get married anyway. Frankly I think he is being generous paying for half of a home office he has no need for when he's already losing money by losing his lodger.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/09/2021 15:37

@KingdomScrolls

I owned my flat when DH moved in, everything was 50/50 including mortgage and it was costing him significantly less than his previous rental. When i sold it the profit went into our joint property, and even then he wanted me to ringfence my equity, I said no because we were about to get married anyway. Frankly I think he is being generous paying for half of a home office he has no need for when he's already losing money by losing his lodger.
Did you add him to the mortgage deeds?
Lockdownbear · 03/09/2021 15:40

So the day after the wedding its ok to demand she starts paying half? Should he expect back pay too?

The day after the wedding she'd be able to put claim on the house.
I don't know English laws but in Scotland he wouldn't be able to sell without her signature. And she'd be able to claim on any increase in value from the point of the wedding. But not on what he owned at the point of the wedding.

So definitely no she shouldn't back-pay and actually I think she should seek legal advice before putting anything into it even if she was married.

Hekatestorch · 03/09/2021 15:46

@Lockdownbear

He made me see that it is a bit weird to be expecting your gf/bf to pay half towards what is their asset

That's my logic why should she pay toward his asset. Its a relationship not a business deal.

So she can financially benefit. Which she is, even paying half.

He is losing out even if she pays half. So is she just doing it as a money saving exercise instead of seeing it as a relationship.

And actually, tying your finances together in anyway needs to looked at removing the emotion from the situation. It's not an emotional decision to make.

Its a financial one. Op is benefitting, even without having an interest in the property. He is not. And was better off with his lodger.

Lockdownbear · 03/09/2021 15:47

Then the argument stretches to ‘why should she pay any of the bills or expenses - it’s not a business deal’.

Because presumably she's using sharing the heating and other living expenses. He shouldn't be trying to profit out his gf.

cupofdecaf · 03/09/2021 15:55

How is this any different from when a man moves into a woman's house and she loses benefits because she's no longer living as a single parent? No one would tell her the man shouldn't contribute.
In OPs situation her OH is losing the income from the lodger.
In my view you should pay him a reasonable rent but that isn't automatically half of the mortgage. Not only are you living there, his lodger is moving out and you're taking over and working from the spare room. You can't expect that for free.
I also would say you should pay all the cost of setting up your office. If you're worried about his assets/ property then could he rent it again if it's fitted out as an office? If not you're not increasing its value. Buy furniture you can take with you or sell if you want but I think you're being cheeky expecting him to fund any of it.

When my DH moved into my house he paid rent and 1/2 of the shared bills. We also wrote an agreement that meant if something happened to me he wouldn't lose his home straight away. Now we're married it's all immaterial and frankly he's done rather well out of it given how much it's gone up in value. His reasoning was he'd be paying rent elsewhere and didn't expect to live somewhere for free. I equally didn't take the mick and paid for all maintenance/ repairs etc.

Hekatestorch · 03/09/2021 16:21

He shouldn't be trying to profit out his gf.

He isn't.

callmeadoctor · 03/09/2021 16:47

Continue to pay the same as lodger, and move your own desk etc in (I assume you have one?)

Thisisworsethananticpated · 03/09/2021 16:54

I’d say a fair deal would be shared bills
And a contribution to mortgage
Not 50% that’s a tad high

LittleMysSister · 03/09/2021 17:01

The difference is that you (and several posters) view it as a capital expense, contributing to the assets.
Others like myself view it as a normal expense like gas, water, and electricity.

Yes I agree.

I feel like if someone allowed a friend to move into their mortgaged place with them no one would think twice about a fixed amount being charged - but that somehow becomes unfair if it's a partner?

I'd never expect to live for free with somebody, half the bills is nothing.

jacks11 · 03/09/2021 17:16

Perhaps not 50% of the mortgage, but you shouldn’t be expecting rent-free whilst he pays the mortgage and 50% of living costs. He is losing the income of his lodger and whilst you should not have to “make that up”, you should pay something. If you weren’t living there you would have rent to pay, afterall. Perhaps the going rate of a room in a shared house in the area would be a good start?

As for the cost of converting a room into an office for you to wfh- these are costs solely for your benefit. Get furniture you can take with you if you leave, if it’s something you are concerned about.

Kithic · 03/09/2021 17:17

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I’d say a fair deal would be shared bills And a contribution to mortgage Not 50% that’s a tad high
even if 50% of mortgage is say £300 and 50% of local rent is £500 ?
KintsugiCat · 03/09/2021 17:18

Really depressing how many people see this as a financial transaction.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 03/09/2021 17:34

If the room that is currently rented to a lodger is to become your exclusive wfh office then you should be paying whatever the lodger paid.

TractorAndHeadphones · 03/09/2021 17:41

@KintsugiCat

Really depressing how many people see this as a financial transaction.
Money is a major cause of disagreement in many relationships. Thinking about it and open financial conversation bodes well for the future. Unlike people thinking they’ll be fine because ‘luuuurve’ only to find themselves screwed years down the line.

We should be teaching more people to think about the financial, legal implications of relationships. Not turning a blind eye because feelings.

RaginaPhalange · 03/09/2021 17:42

So you want to live there and not pay a penny? If you want to live there then I think 50/50 is fair. Also the things that you need to be able to live there then you should pay for them yourself he's being fair in saying he would pay for half.

Hummingbird18 · 03/09/2021 17:44

I've been living in this same set up for two years. We decided my partner would pay all the mortgage and I would pay for all the bills, as the cost is similar. It's worked well for us. We are now married and looking at buying a place together.

Dreamingofbeergardens · 03/09/2021 18:02

@TractorAndHeadphones exactly. It's crazy how many people just expect to live somewhere for free...I'm glad the OP is going to have a discussion with her partner tonight.

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