Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moving in to DP's mortgaged house... who should pay?

291 replies

hollsmoi · 02/09/2021 20:36

I'm shortly due to leave my rental property to move in with DP who already owns a property. The plan is to live together there for a while and if all goes well, we will rent out his place and purchase somewhere together which is more suitable. We are in central London so DP currently rents out one of his bedrooms to a lodger (he makes a lot of profit from this), who will be moving out when I move in.

DP has implied that he expects us to split all outgoings for the house 50/50. Having never moved in to a partner's home, I'm not sure this is right. Without question I will be contributing 50/50 to all of the household bills, council tax, food shop etc. but part of me feels uncomfortable about essentially paying half of his mortgage as 'rent'. AIBU?

Also, when I move in we are needing to covert the spare bedroom to an office space and storage area for me e.g. desks, built in wardrobes and drawers for my things. DP has mentioned when "we" buy these things which again implies 50/50. WIBU to expecting DP to fund this since it's his property and in the event that things didn't work out, he would benefit from them i.e. they'd remain in his property. Thoughts welcome as I'm new to this!

OP posts:
TractorAndHeadphones · 02/09/2021 21:10

YABU on both counts.
If you’re not at the stage of the relationships where you’re pooling finances etc - you treat your DP the same as a flatmate . With whom you’d split bills and rent. Why should he have to subsidise you? In fact you’re actually losing him money!

The office space is being converted for you so you should fund it - if not fully at least half. If you weren’t there the conversion might not have any value so you’re not doing him a favour there other.

CrimeJunkie01 · 02/09/2021 21:12

@Horehound

In my mind, you were paying rent which is paying someone's mortgage so why is it different in this situation? I think YABU and you should be paying half.
This is exactly what I think!! So OP thinks she can live rent free just paying half the bills, if he wasn't her partner does she think anyone else would let her do this?!
MistySkiesAfterRain · 02/09/2021 21:13

A compromise could be...you don't pay him towards the mortgage, but instead you put the cost of half the mortgage into savings for when you do buy a home together, so it reduces the joint mortgage then.

Yes he loses the profit, thats his choice, yes he loses out now but in the long term its a gain for him/both of you.

And split the cost of furnishings now etc. as it sets a good tone for things being fair going forward.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 02/09/2021 21:14

You should cover whatever he lost from the lodger leaving plus pay half all bills. You should also buy your own office furniture and take it with you if you leave.

Planty13 · 02/09/2021 21:16

YABU. In a rented property you are paying towards your landlords mortgage. What’s the big deal? Just split it

Lockdownbear · 02/09/2021 21:18

Half the bills, half the interest on the mortgage, but nothing on the actual mortgage.

You should be putting money aside in savings to help with the house you plan to buy together.

Fairyliz · 02/09/2021 21:18

So his lodger is moving out and hes losing say £500 rent. You are moving in and saving £500 rent.

So in effect he is paying you £500 per month?

sunflowerdaisies · 02/09/2021 21:18

I was in the same situation. My now husband had a lodger to help with the mortgage so I did pay him rent when I moved in (a below market rate including utilities). I also paid for my own new wardrobe I needed!

I stopped when we got engaged and combined finances. If we'd broken up then I don't feel I'd have had any claim to anything or contributed to his mortgage particularly, I was paying less rent than I had been for my own flat so it was a win win.

CombatBarbie · 02/09/2021 21:21

How much does the lodger pay and what does DP expect you to pay monthly?

Saoirse82 · 02/09/2021 21:21

@FrownedUpon

We split everything 50/50. You can’t expect to move in, pay no rent/mortgage and for him to fund your new office space. That’s really cheeky.
This
Godwits · 02/09/2021 21:22

If it doesn’t work out 10 years down the line you’ve contributed a fair amount towards his mortgage and I think that may be taken in to account

Wrong. If OP remained unmarried she would be entitled to nothing. It's scary how people dish out nonsense in the form of advice on this forum.

Nogardenersworld · 02/09/2021 21:23

But you’re in rented now and paying someone else’s mortgage
And you’re expecting him to lose money from his lodger
And do up a room for you to make life convenient for you - that no other landlord would do
And for that you can live rent and mortgage free?

Even if you paid his mortgage you’d still be saving money and financially better off, and he’d presumably be worse because presumably his lodger is actually paying a bit over 50% of the mortgage - as is typically the case
But even that isn’t good enough for you?

And you keep saying ‘he said x implying x’ is there a reason you haven’t had a conversation with the man you are moving in with to discuss all of this clearly?

There’s no way for this to to be a fair power dynamic, you’re either in free housing and he’s losing money or you’re paying your partners mortgage whilst living in their house and getting no benefits and always at risk of being homeless.

Could you move into somewhere rented together, and let out his flat as eventually intended?

bigbaggyeyes · 02/09/2021 21:23

How much does his lodger pay him? Does it include bills? Maybe you could look at paying that. That way he doesn't lose out with his lodger moving out and you don't feel taken advantage of.

I think him paying 50% for the spare room is more than fair if it's you that he's doing it for.

Fubitch · 02/09/2021 21:23

Ypu meed to pay for the roof over your head, so yes you pay half in rent. Its not fair that he effectively pays twice because you live there. He should pay for anything structural or built in.

BillMasen · 02/09/2021 21:23

@Horehound

In my mind, you were paying rent which is paying someone's mortgage so why is it different in this situation? I think YABU and you should be paying half.
This. I’m always surprised by posters who are happy to pay a strangers mortgage but not contribute to their partners

You should pay all bill inc mortgage in proportion to earnings

notanothertakeaway · 02/09/2021 21:23

I think you should pay rent and utilities. The size of his mortgage is irrelevant, as that's between him and the lender

Darbs76 · 02/09/2021 21:23

I don’t think you should just pay half the bills. That’s not fair. You need to pay at least what the lodger was paying, or half his mortgage, whatever he’s comfortable with. I think you should pay for the fittings for the other room as it’s for you

RaininSummer · 02/09/2021 21:25

I think you should pay a sum and call it rent. Very unfair otherwise. If you split up then you paid rent which you would be doing anyway and if you stay together then it's joint money anyway if you are marrying and buying a place together. However, don't let it drag on too long without buying together.

JudyGemstone · 02/09/2021 21:25

My partner lives in my home. He pays 50% of all utilities and almost all of the food (cooks it too!). I pay all the mortgage as it’s my house.

It works out about equal that way.

AnnaSW1 · 02/09/2021 21:27

It sounds like you want to live rent free which isn't fair though

Embracelife · 02/09/2021 21:27

@Horehound

Ok just asked my husband who is always sensible. He says 50:50 on the mortgage is unreasonable but it's fair on everything else.

He gave the analogy of if I was driving his car he wouldn't expect me to pay half the cost of his car but would expect me to put fuel in it and I sure myself etc.

So yeh maybe your partner is being unreasonable here

But you are married
FruityBun · 02/09/2021 21:30

For the avoidance of doubt OP (sure you realise this anyway!) he is the legal owner of the house and has the benefit of all the equity.

If you split everything 50/50 including bills and mortgage and this is the same or less than you would pay renting elsewhere then it isn’t a disadvantage to you. The only difference is you’re funding your DP’s mortgage instead of your landlord’s.

If this annoys you and you have sufficient capital, is it possible to avoid moving in with your DP unless he registers you as a co owner. Buy your own place instead, let out a room & get your tenant to pay your mortgage?

LazySundayPlease · 02/09/2021 21:30

YABVU

Don't see it as paying the mortgage, see it as rent. You absolutely shouldn't get to live rent free because you are moving in with him. You pay 'rent' and if he uses that towards the mortgage (which obviously he will) then that's fine. His lodger is moving out to accommodate you after all!

As for the spare room, 50/50 seems generous as it's being done to accommodate you. Depending on how big the room is, this is especially true if he'd need to remove it if things don't work out for you two and he were to need it for a lodger in future. I might be tempted, if it were me, as the PP said to buy furniture that I could remove and take with me if it didn't work out but in that case you'd need to pay for it all or reimburse him at the point of taking it for his half.

On top of all this, yes, definitely pay 50/50 on all bills (assuming you earn similar amounts)!

I am actually still astounded that it sounded as if you thought you should live totally rent free!

JorisBonson · 02/09/2021 21:31

Now DH and I did this. He paid the mortgage, I paid an equal amount in bills, food, days out etc. I didn't want to contribute to his mortgage but did want to pay an equal share.

WaterBottle123 · 02/09/2021 21:31

@Horehound

Ok just asked my husband who is always sensible. He says 50:50 on the mortgage is unreasonable but it's fair on everything else.

He gave the analogy of if I was driving his car he wouldn't expect me to pay half the cost of his car but would expect me to put fuel in it and I sure myself etc.

So yeh maybe your partner is being unreasonable here

Behold! A man is here to give his mainly opinion!

Any reason you don't consider yourself 'sensible' and able to express your own view @Horehound ?