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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moving in to DP's mortgaged house... who should pay?

291 replies

hollsmoi · 02/09/2021 20:36

I'm shortly due to leave my rental property to move in with DP who already owns a property. The plan is to live together there for a while and if all goes well, we will rent out his place and purchase somewhere together which is more suitable. We are in central London so DP currently rents out one of his bedrooms to a lodger (he makes a lot of profit from this), who will be moving out when I move in.

DP has implied that he expects us to split all outgoings for the house 50/50. Having never moved in to a partner's home, I'm not sure this is right. Without question I will be contributing 50/50 to all of the household bills, council tax, food shop etc. but part of me feels uncomfortable about essentially paying half of his mortgage as 'rent'. AIBU?

Also, when I move in we are needing to covert the spare bedroom to an office space and storage area for me e.g. desks, built in wardrobes and drawers for my things. DP has mentioned when "we" buy these things which again implies 50/50. WIBU to expecting DP to fund this since it's his property and in the event that things didn't work out, he would benefit from them i.e. they'd remain in his property. Thoughts welcome as I'm new to this!

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 02/09/2021 20:53

Is he willing to have your name added ?
I moved into my now husband’s home many moons ago. I contributed what I could (not much, he was far further up the career ladder than I was at the time, he’s older than I) he had me named as joint owner.

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 02/09/2021 20:53

I think three general consensus on here is that you would pay towards household bills - whatever you both agree is fair.
As for the mortgage - he should be responsible for that as if you separated you wouldn't benefit from anything to do with the house.
In your situation with regards to the office / storage space, if you specifically require that then yes I think you should pay for that.

Babyghirl · 02/09/2021 20:54

@hollsmoi
I would bank transfer the rent/mortgage money so if everything goes tits up in time you have a paper trail to say you have been paying your share and then would have a case to fight with.

ThinWomansBrain · 02/09/2021 20:54

how much is he losing from not having a lodger?
unreasonable of you to expect you to pay nothing other than 50% of bills - how much rent are you saving?
Ans if you need an office - are you planning to WFH and be there all day every day?

In his shoes I'd be hanging on to the lodger and suggest you continue renting.

LaikO · 02/09/2021 20:54

Paying 50% of everything, mortgage included, is fair. You pay rent now anyway, it's not fair for you to live there rent-free while he still pays his mortgage.
I think splitting the spare room adjustments with you is more than fair, it needs to be done for your benefit, so wouldn't be at all unreasonable for you to have to fund it yourself without his contribution.

Hekatestorch · 02/09/2021 20:55

There's no right way to do this.

Dp pays a towards all bills. We split it depending on wage.

But I earn x5 what he does and have a tiny mortgage.

I still have far more left over money than him, but also I have 2 kids. On the other hand he does more around the house and does do alot of child care (not his bio kids) to support my career. He would prefer to pay more, but I prefer we both have plenty of 'fun money' and personal savings when he did pay more, I put more in join savings, so didn't really change much.

We both out in joint savings based on our wages too. That's for joint expenses. Going out, holidays etc.

I do pay for all home improvements. Again, it's my house and my investment. So I prefer that.

However, if dp wanted or needed an entire room converting for his own use, not a chance would I pay for that. I wouldn't even go 50:50. I would expect him to pay.

Sparklyboots · 02/09/2021 20:55

Id pay half the interest on the mortgage payment and put the equivalent in a savings account, OP, agreeing with your DP that those savings will go toward the capital on the shared property. That way if you do split up before buying together, you haven't just paid his mortgage off for a few years and been left with nothing. The capital repayments on a mortgage are the equivalent of savings for him personally while he owns and you are unmarried

Soontobe60 · 02/09/2021 20:55

When you pay rent, you don’t benefit from this financially after you leave the property. When you pay a mortgage, generally people benefit from the increase in value and equity in the house when they sell up.
I would suggest you pay 50% of all the bills apart from the mortgage. Save the money you have been paying for rent so that if you do buy somewhere together you’ll be able to contribute a bigger share of the deposit.

Hekatestorch · 02/09/2021 20:55

Oh and I have never got the 'why should you pay part of his mortgage' argument.

Why should an adult live rent free?

Kithic · 02/09/2021 20:57

@Freddiefox

But equally I wouldn’t pay someone else’s mortgage
If you rent it's quite likely you will be paying someone else's mortgage Hmm

Op should think about rent in her area, and then bring that down a bit. It is tough to work out how much is fair

lanthanum · 02/09/2021 20:57

"Also, when I move in we are needing to covert the spare bedroom to an office space and storage area for me e.g. desks, built in wardrobes and drawers for my things. DP has mentioned when "we" buy these things which again implies 50/50. WIBU to expecting DP to fund this since it's his property and in the event that things didn't work out, he would benefit from them i.e. they'd remain in his property."

If you moved out, he would need to convert the room back to a room suitable for a lodger, so the office furniture would be a nuisance. It might be reasonable to assume that you would take the furniture which has been bought to suit your needs with you if you leave.

Original poster
hollsmoi · 02/09/2021 20:57

Thanks everyone for the responses so far! I'd be saving a bit of money (about £300 per month) even if I was paying half of the mortgage, as his payments are low and I he will lose money as he made a profit from the lodger

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 02/09/2021 20:58

If you didn’t live with him presumably you’d be paying someone else’s mortgage in the form of rent? It is reasonable for him to expect you to pay rent on top of utilities, although not necessarily at 50% of his mortgage. Your rent should be comparable to other properties in your local area.

In terms of the furniture it’s probably better if you each buy specific items so that in the case if things ending you can take your half with you rather than you paying 50% of the costs but the assumption being it’s all his. So perhaps he buys the fitted wardrobes but you buy the desk and chair.

Finally if I was paying rent and utilities I wouldn't expect to be contributing towards any unexpected costs, any needed repairs or major refurbishments should be covered by him.

FrownedUpon · 02/09/2021 20:58

We split everything 50/50. You can’t expect to move in, pay no rent/mortgage and for him to fund your new office space. That’s really cheeky.

GinIronic · 02/09/2021 20:59

I would stay in your rented home and see if this relationship develops. If you move in with him and it doesn't work out , you will be homeless. If you find you cannot live without each other you can get married and the paying rent problems are resolved.

Hankunamatata · 02/09/2021 20:59

Split everything but mortgage 50/50.

And of course you should split the cost of converting all the space you need with extra furniture.

Hankunamatata · 02/09/2021 21:01

Or you move in on lodger terms and pay what lodger was paying

Gwenhwyfar · 02/09/2021 21:01

"You would pay a landlord's mortgage though."

I've rented all my life and never paid my landlord's mortgage. They have always owned outright.

KintsugiCat · 02/09/2021 21:03

Work out from your relative income levels what a fair split is. So basically you both pay the same percentage of your income.

Pay a fair share of bills/expenses etc. Also put an amount equivalent to fair share of the mortgage/rent into a savings account each month. Then it can go toward deposit on joint purchase.

That way you are contributing equally to your future together, but spreading the risk of it not working out equally too.

Also pay something towards improvements. Work out how much in the basis of how much it is he’ll be sacrificing in the form of rent whilst you stay there, and pay something like your fair share of that. He’ll benefit from uplift in value from the improvements, so again, you are spreading risk evenly.

But also be watchful of someone who’s out to financially abuse you in some way. Equal shares is fine, but there

Mayorquimby2 · 02/09/2021 21:04

Seems he's trading one type of lodger for another

KintsugiCat · 02/09/2021 21:04

Posted too soon!

But there needs to a sense that you will have one another’s backs against the outside world, rather than you’re being exploited.

FiFiTrixa · 02/09/2021 21:07

I think a fair contribution to the mortgage is for you to pay 50% of the interest charged each month. This would protect your partner in the event that things don’t work out as he will have been paying 50% of the interest and 100% of the capital

BraveGoldie · 02/09/2021 21:08

So you are saving money from the proposed arrangement and it is costing him money, but you are still not satisfied?

Why does he owe you to subsidise his life?

BraveGoldie · 02/09/2021 21:08

Subsidise your life.

Kithic · 02/09/2021 21:10

Why shouldn't op pay any 'rent'

Should op live rent free?

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