Moving in to DP's mortgaged house... who should pay?

[hollsmoi]

I'm shortly due to leave my rental property to move in with DP who already owns a property. The plan is to live together there for a while and if all goes well, we will rent out his place and purchase somewhere together which is more suitable. We are in central London so DP currently rents out one of his bedrooms to a lodger (he makes a lot of profit from this), who will be moving out when I move in.

DP has implied that he expects us to split all outgoings for the house 50/50. Having never moved in to a partner's home, I'm not sure this is right. Without question I will be contributing 50/50 to all of the household bills, council tax, food shop etc. but part of me feels uncomfortable about essentially paying half of his mortgage as 'rent'. AIBU?

Also, when I move in we are needing to covert the spare bedroom to an office space and storage area for me e.g. desks, built in wardrobes and drawers for my things. DP has mentioned when "we" buy these things which again implies 50/50. WIBU to expecting DP to fund this since it's his property and in the event that things didn't work out, he would benefit from them i.e. they'd remain in his property. Thoughts welcome as I'm new to this!

I understand your perspective - you are paying half of his mortgage but he is the one ultimately owning the asset. However, you are being unreasonable because that's exactly how rented properties work.

You mentioned you are in rented accommodation at the moment. Therefore you are paying rent to live in the property that someone else owns, and the owner is possibly paying off that property's mortgage with your rent, plus making a profit out of it.

I don't see why you would expect to live rent free in your partner's home but are fine paying rent to a landlord. In the end the landlord still owns the place, right?

If you don't feel comfortable paying "rent" to your partner, then perhaps you should find a place that you can rent together instead? He can maybe rent out his property in the meanwhile to cover his mortgage.

Yabvu about the room being converted for YOU. Of course you should pay half of that. He doesn't need to convert anything for you so to be honest I think its pretty generous of him to offer to pay half.
Also, you have been paying someone else's mortgage and some for however long you have been renting properties but now you want to pay nothing towards the actual roof over your head?

I wouldn't be paying towards his mortgage but I don't understand why you expect him to buy your furniture. Just don't get built in stuff.

I think you should pay rent and buy the cupboards out of the money you are saving. He's probably worried about money because his income is going down! You should have it in writing that you are paying rent not contributing to the mortgage. I think any savings you make should be saved towards the new house but remain yours in case of split (making up for him having some of the mortgage paid).

It is a bit worrying that you use the word 'implied'. Have you not sat down with your calculators and had a very clear discussion about all this?

He is losing the income from having a lodger so 50/50 sounds right to me. Am I right to assume people would only have the intrusion of a lodger if they financially needed to? So chances are he does need that money? I might be wrong, I just know I'd personally only have a lodger if it was absolutely essential.

As for your office, definitely you should be paying to furnish that. Does it have to be fitted? If you're going to be buying a place together it seems a waste to get a fitted office now. Can't you get something that you could take with you, whether that be in your next home with him or your own place if things don't work out?

@JorisBonson

Now DH and I did this. He paid the mortgage, I paid an equal amount in bills, food, days out etc. I didn't want to contribute to his mortgage but did want to pay an equal share.

So your total for bills, food days out etc (which should be half yours anyway) in total - equalled half the mortgage?

Or you paid your share but excluded the mortgage?

Don’t understand the squeamishness around ‘contribution towards the mortgage’. It’’s thé cost of a roof over your head - not a voluntary expenditure that merits the word ‘contribution’. The owner gets equity but the only way for you to share is to own as well. Otherwise your landlord gets that!

Also to add - in this case he’s losing a paying lodger. OP should defo make up. But she seems to think it’s her right to live rent free…

I think you should pay 50% of everything, including mortgage, if you are on similar salaries.

I don't understand why you think you should be subsidised to live rent free, especially as you will still be £300pm better off than you are now.

It is not as if he's charging you market rent or trying to make a profit, and he's losing the income he receives from his lodger.

I also think you should split the cost of the work in the spare room. Would he be doing this work if you didn't need the room adapted for your use? No. If you are worried about paying towards built-in furniture, buy freestanding furniture so you can split it if you separate.

Tricky one !
I moved in with my OH (together nearly 10 years now)
I pay the mortgage on my own, then 50/50 on bills and he pays for his car.
Just works for us

Don't pay towards his mortgage.
Don't pay rent -you don't have a rental agreement do you -he can boot you out anytime?

Yes it's different to rent because there is no contract and no tenancy. OP can be told to fuck off at any point.

I guess it's a bit late but I just wouldn't have agreed to this at all OP. I would have wanted to move somewhere that was yours jointly, rather than you moving into what is and will remain his home and you have absolutely no right to be there other than his say so.

Do you have DC?

Of course should pay towards the mortgage. But as others said, think of it as rent rather than contribution to his mortgage.

I’m making assumptions but I imagine you will be using many of his things - his sofa, bed, pots, pans, toaster - kitting out a home costs thousands. I think it’s cheeky to expect to use his property and possessions effectively like a fully furnished rental property.. but pay no rent. Paying 50% of bills is irrelevant as you’d have these costs on top of rent wherever you lived.

The furniture, I wouldn't pay for fitted wardrobes but I think you should pay and own the freestanding stuff so desk, chair, units, shelves etc.

I moved in with my DH to his house. I paid half of all bills but he paid the mortgage. We moved and now own jointly.

Not half the mortgage but something as he will be paying the whole of the lodger's rent for you to live there otherwise. You could give him half of what the lodger used to give plus 50% of bills. I would pay for all of my own office furniture. You could always take it with you when you leave. He really should not be forced to pay for it all because it is his house and he is giving you the use of a room.

you were renting - and now you are still renting. I would pay what his lodger was paying plus split the bills. You need a desk? You buy one.

Is this a reverse?

Yabu. How cheeky to expect to live rent free when you would still be saving money whilst paying half and he would lose out
Unlesd you're married, it isn't any different than a flatmate...would you expect to live in a flat owned by a friend rent-free? No, you would pay them rent

I'm really surprised at some of the replies. I own my own home and live alone. If DP wanted to move in id expect him to pay half of everything. If he wanted some nice office furniture and my spare bedroom converting into an office, I'd expect him to pay for that too.

If you were paying rent on a different property, you'd likely be paying someone's mortgage. It's no different to moving into your partner's house. You're living there for less than you could rent somewhere else for, and contributing to wear and tear on the property. I think it's only right you split the payment half and half (or proportionate to income).

Doesn't anyone just talk to their partner and ask them questions anymore?

How much was he receiving from the lodger and how much would your 50% be in £?

I think YABU re furniture, because if you break up, it may be of no use to him.

Would the furniture be cheap from IKEA?

Thanks everyone for the responses so far! I'd be saving a bit of money (about £300 per month) even if I was paying half of the mortgage, as his payments are low and I he will lose money as he made a profit from the lodger

So the move will save you money and lose him money?

Sorry OP but I don't think you can complain under those circumstances

Hopefully the relationship will go from strength to strength and soon you'll own a place together

I can never understand why people are happy to pay a landlord's mortgage for years on end but then not be prepared to contribute to a loved one's mortgage even when it means they'll be financially better off.

You've said you'll be £300 a month better off even if you do pay rent to him. Why on Earth should he provide you with free housing (obviously you're paying bills), for you to financially benefit yourself? You're already benefiting if you do pay your fair share.

@fourminutestosavetheworld

I'm really surprised at some of the replies. I own my own home and live alone. If DP wanted to move in id expect him to pay half of everything. If he wanted some nice office furniture and my spare bedroom converting into an office, I'd expect him to pay for that too.

Most people agree with you which is an ice change from the gender bias 😎