DH 'too busy' for housework

[Terriblyterriblybusy]

DH is still working from home, and is often 'too busy' to clear away any of his lunchtime dishes or unload the dishwasher from the overnight wash.

This means I have to do it when I get home from my (also) very busy day at work.

I wouldn't mind if he was genuinely busy but I came home to a shithole today; DH had been to the supermarket to buy himself lunch and left evidence of it everywhere, while I had actually given up my lunch break in order to do a family shop at the supermarket.

I've now arrived home with the children, and he has hidden away in his office, leaving me to clear up his mess and do all the evening duties while he is 'too busy' and must continue working.

I know I am not BU in hoping that he can at least clear up after himself, but I have no idea how to broach it without basically accusing him of lying. What should I do?

Aren't we all.

Don’t clear it up?

make him do it. Leave it for him.

Well he has zero respect for you.

I would have blown up about this some time back. Tell him you don't want to live like this.

It's not that he's too busy it's that he doesn't think it's his job. And you agree - if he doesn't do it you do it for him.

So there's no need to accuse him of lying, just explain that you're not his mum, plates don't magically jump into the dishwasher, you're equally busy and it's not your lunch.

Tell him to clear up after himself like a grown up

Stop enabling his behaviour. Ask him how he expects you to clear up after him when you also work and manage the DC. Write out a list of what needs doing and divide it. Ask him how he'd find time if he was single?

Amazing how he’s ‘too busy’ but won’t just make do with what’s in the house for lunch - he fits in time to go to the shop as that’s important. Emptying the dishwasher and cleaning up after himself however is apparently not.

I think being ‘busy’ is a red herring. Would he behave like that in an office? Just leave his rubbish everywhere? I doubt it. The issue here is that he sees it as your job to pick up after him. He needs to see it as a non-optional part of his day, part of his work. Or, even better, to see you as a fully equal human who isn’t responsible for cleaning up his mess. How you get him to see that is another matter though…

Dump it all back on his desk at the end of the day and tell him to get up earlier in the morning to sort it out. Repeat until he stops being a twat. I have a very busy wfh job and I put my dishes in the dishwasher/ do laundry etc..

Stop clearing up after him. Easier said than done, because he obviously doesn't are about living in mess and you do. Alternatively, dump all his shite onto his desk.

If you need space to move in the kitchen, sweep everything into a plastic bag - food, plates, the whole lot - and dump it on his desk. Eventually he will no longer be busy, he can sort the bag of crap out when he finishes work later.

Also, you're too busy to cook him any dinner.

What should I do?

Nothing.

Dump the remnants of his lunch in his office. Don’t empty the dishwasher, just let the dirty washing mount up so that when he finally does it he also has to load it.

Wait until he finishes work then ask help to clean kitchen down and empty dishwasher. If he can’t spare 5m lunch break then don’t waste yours either. When he appears hand him kids and say they need tea cooking and all dishes are in dishwasher oh and I’m off Tesco as I was to busy lunch time.

Pile the plates and cups up on his desk?
DH is pretty tidy but he isn't always. I started putting his random objects that turned up around the house in his office, on his chair. He never really puts them away from there unless he's doing a major clean up. But at least they're not in my space, they're in his.

Stop cleaning it up. When he comes down from his office, make him clean it.

Leave it for him to do, if he still does not do it by the next day move it into his office. It takes less than thirty seconds to put things in the dishwasher, unless he is working double shifts in intensive care he really does not have a valid excuse.

Dishwasher, I've learned to try and let that not get to me so much. No one else seems to want a tidy bench and I do, so I tend to be the stacker. In return, I willfully ignore the clean dishes when they're finished. Eventually he unpacks them if I leave them for long enough. Sometimes I bribe the kids to do it.

Wait until he finishes work then ask help to clean kitchen down and empty dishwasher. If he can’t spare 5m lunch break then don’t waste yours either. When he appears hand him kids and say they need tea cooking and all dishes are in dishwasher oh and I’m off Tesco as I was to busy lunch time.

I sincerely wish I could, but his time management skills are lacking; they would end up in bed two hours late with a belly full of McDonald's if I left him to it

I pick it all up and throw it all over the floor of his office, every single time. I would also never cook or do laundry for this piss take masquerading a human being.

You buy a big ugly plastic laundry basket with plenty of holes to allow stink and crumbs to escape.

You scrape into it all the dirty dishes, food remnants, used tea bags, used coffee grounds, packaging, partially eaten packets and general mess he has left everywhere.

You then place his dirty clothes on top, of which I suspect he also goes through plenty and leaves them everywhere, before ceremoniously dumping it in front of him and telling him to sort it out or shove it up his arse.

Stand up for yourself and stop serving him like you are his maid.

You are enabling his poor treatment of you.
Stop it, because he sure as hell won't.

Shocking that you put up with that. You need to go berserk in his arse. But mainly you need to learn to be assertive as swallowing your discontentment is definitely not good for your health and so he gets you twice really. A: you do all the work for him. B: you are making yourself unhappy by accepting it and not expressing your discontent. Start by making yourself happy. Think of what you would like to do after work and start from there.

Can you explain how horrid it is coming back from work and having start cleaning up after another adults lunch and doing dishwasher when it could make such huge difference if he spent 5-10min when WFH to do it. He must make few cups of tea over course of the day he can put few dishes away while kettle boils.

It’s the whole cup next to dishwasher thing, it’s constant low level job that’s I’m never going do and I don’t care if all falls on you. Does nothing great for your relationship