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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband's nighttime wee

336 replies

canichange · 02/09/2021 16:28

Every night between 3 and 4 am, my husband gets up and goes for a wee in our en-suite. It's a fairy big bedroom and a big bathroom, so it's not like he is 'in the room', but he wakes me up and I can't get back to sleep.

He's been doing it forever, but we have a 4 and 2 year old who wake for the day between 5 and 5:30 and it's exhausting. If I'm lucky enough to doze back off to sleep, it's never long before the DCs are up so I'd only ever manage to grab a few minutes max.

He tries to be quiet but we live in an old house which creaks. I wouldn't mind if it was the odd night here and there, but it's basically every night. My day started before 4am today Sad

He seems to think it's just his body clock that wakes him up and he needs to go for a wee to be able to get back to sleep Confused I told him to stop drinking anything after teatime to see if he can break the habit - like when you are trying to get a toddler dry at night!

So:
YABU - let the poor man have his wee and go back to sleep.
YANBU - he needs to train himself to break the habit.

OP posts:
PrincessNutella · 02/09/2021 22:26

If you don't want to live with someone who wees in the middle of the night, Madame, don't marry a man. They have to wee in the middle of the night. It gets worse when they get older. That's how they work. Just like we ladies have periods. It is time to give your head a wobble, I am afraid.

Pedalpushers · 02/09/2021 22:26

Yeah I'm in the medical field and it's absolutely normal for any adult to wake up to pee in the night. Being desperate and regularly unable to hold it isn't normal, but a full bladder doesn't just magically appear at 7am.

Jonnywishbone · 02/09/2021 22:33

Prostate cancer PSA check?

tickledtiger · 02/09/2021 22:33

I used to be on medication which made me pee frequently day and night. So I sympathise with both of you. If you need to go you need to go.

however I think YANBU because it’s reasonable for a couple to practice good “sleep hygiene” so you can BOTH sleep well. Part of that would be not tanking up on water in the evening and to work on any habitual wakings.

Rosebel · 02/09/2021 22:38

Gosh I usually wake up at least once often twice in the night to have a wee. Seems worse since having our 3rd baby.
Luckily it doesn't usually wake my DH but if he told me I couldn't have a wee I wouldn't be happy.

cakewench · 02/09/2021 22:41

I’m fairly easily disturbed in the night and we now sleep in separate bedrooms which helps so much.

I do the same as your DH as well, though, and it doesn’t matter when I stop drinking Sad the only time I don’t wake up to wee is if I’ve had a lot of alcohol and am thus dehydrated (so, not often and not something I’d recommend as a solution!)

When we do share a bedroom, I use foam earplugs as other people have recommended. If you’re worried about not hearing children, I find even just having one earplug in can help.

Lorw · 02/09/2021 22:43

Im 25 weeks pg and literally up every hour and a half for a wee 😂 good job my DH sleeps like a log but I had a weak bladder beforehand

Defo try earplugs, you’d be surprised 😁

AllisoninWunderland · 02/09/2021 22:46

I’ve not read the whole thread but two tips;

  1. Increase fluids earlier in the day to stretch bladder capacity but slow down from tea time onwards.
  2. Put legs up higher than heart late afternoon or early evening. If a person spends a lot of time standing or even sitting in a normal chair all day, fluid pools in the lower limbs. By raising legs high for half an hour ish, the fluid goes back into your kidneys and bladder before bed.

This partly explains why lots of people wake in the night to pee. When we lay down in bed at night the fluid can make it’s way back up to the urinary system easily. This is especially true the older we get.

thinkfast · 02/09/2021 22:48

How old is your DH? Night time peeing for men can be a symptom of prostate cancer. Does he need to get checked out?

NotJuryDutyAgain · 02/09/2021 22:53

He should at least try to drink more earlier in the day and stop after a certain point, to see if it helps. It's selfish not to at least give it a try. I try to do that for my own sake, because I hate waking and needing to pee in the middle of the night.

idontlikealdi · 02/09/2021 23:00

@1987qwerty

Unless he's over 60 or has a medical condition this shouldn't be happening.
I'm 39 no medical conditions, I always wee in the night, what a useless statement.
skybluee · 03/09/2021 02:08

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. If I was waking up my partner at 3am and they were being bothered by it and unable to get back to sleep afterwards, of course I'd want to try things to alter it.

Aside from anything else, having zero fluids for breakfast, zero fluids through the day and then having the entire lot in the evening doesn't sound healthy at all.

Personally think he should try -

  • spacing drinking fluids out throughout the day evenly
  • if that doesn't work, just try no caffeine after midday for a while
  • anything you can do to change it i.e. earplugs. although stopping him actually getting up helps both of you out, so that would be the ideal solution.

If he doesn't want to try any of these things imo you have bigger problems though.

Good luck.

Bobsyer · 03/09/2021 02:29

It’s perfectly possible that his body is waking him out of habit. It’s also possible he just can’t change that.

I think you’ve possibly also got yourself into the habit of not dropping back off because you’re expecting to be woken soon anyway.

I don’t have a solution because noise at that time of the morning, if it wakes me, doesn’t keep me awake - but I’m sure there must be one.

Georgewontsleepnow · 03/09/2021 02:32

My DH has an empty fabric softener bottle by the bed for a night wee! He's not lazy, we don't have an en-suite and the risk of waking kids on bathroom run is high!

Suzi888 · 03/09/2021 02:35

He puts some TP down first and sits to pee?
Good job you don’t sleep with me, I’m on my second pee😂

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 03/09/2021 02:36

YABU to expect him not to go to the loo but I don't think it's unfair to expect him to drink more in the day and bit just at night. Having said that, it probably wouldn't make a difference at that time. It's not like it's a couple of hours after going to bed.

arcof · 03/09/2021 03:27

When he wakes at 4, can he not leave the room (leave the door open) , go and wee in another bathroom and then snooze on sofa or spare room til he wakes for the day? You still haven't answered which part of him weeing is waking you up?

magicalmama · 03/09/2021 04:26

It's completely normal for people of all ages to get up in the middle of the night to pee.

Dehydration is bad for your health, and many people are dehydrated often and don't even realise it.

I think adding soundproofing, a thicker rug, oiling the door and other steps like that might be the solution?

silentpool · 03/09/2021 05:57

YANBU, the broken sleep would drive me mad. Separate bedrooms!

LaBellina · 03/09/2021 06:02

If it were the reversed and a woman came here and asked if it was unreasonable of her partner to ask her to stop drinking even so much as a glass of water after dinner to avoid having to do a wee in the middle of the night the responses would probably be that he was being abusive and controlling towards her. Not saying that you are OP but I think your request goes too far and it’s not ok to tell anyone when they can or can’t have a drink or go to the bathroom.

LaBellina · 03/09/2021 06:03

And yes agree with pp if it disturbs your sleep so much the solution is probably separate bedrooms.

Balonzette · 03/09/2021 06:12

YABU! He can't not wee, or deliberately dehydrate himself Confused

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 03/09/2021 06:19

I would find it odd. Isnt the whole point that you produce the hormone so your pee concentrates and you don't need to go at night? I've only ever had to wee at night when pregnant. DH doesn't ever wee at night unless he's had a lot of booze.

Rugsofhonour · 03/09/2021 06:38

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

icedcoffees · 03/09/2021 07:39

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I would find it odd. Isnt the whole point that you produce the hormone so your pee concentrates and you don't need to go at night? I've only ever had to wee at night when pregnant. DH doesn't ever wee at night unless he's had a lot of booze.
The hormone you produce wakes you up and alerts you that you need to go for a wee - it doesn't stop you needing to wee altogether.