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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband's nighttime wee

336 replies

canichange · 02/09/2021 16:28

Every night between 3 and 4 am, my husband gets up and goes for a wee in our en-suite. It's a fairy big bedroom and a big bathroom, so it's not like he is 'in the room', but he wakes me up and I can't get back to sleep.

He's been doing it forever, but we have a 4 and 2 year old who wake for the day between 5 and 5:30 and it's exhausting. If I'm lucky enough to doze back off to sleep, it's never long before the DCs are up so I'd only ever manage to grab a few minutes max.

He tries to be quiet but we live in an old house which creaks. I wouldn't mind if it was the odd night here and there, but it's basically every night. My day started before 4am today Sad

He seems to think it's just his body clock that wakes him up and he needs to go for a wee to be able to get back to sleep Confused I told him to stop drinking anything after teatime to see if he can break the habit - like when you are trying to get a toddler dry at night!

So:
YABU - let the poor man have his wee and go back to sleep.
YANBU - he needs to train himself to break the habit.

OP posts:
zingally · 02/09/2021 19:47

It's very rare that I don't get up at least once for a wee in the night... Sometimes it's twice!

BrendaBubbles · 02/09/2021 19:48

Him needing a wee in the middle of the night is no more medically concerning than you being unable to get back to sleep after a brief interruption. Maybe you don't need as much sleep as you think.

thedancingbear · 02/09/2021 19:49

YANBU. Perhaps you could arrange for him to be catheterised?

gogohm · 02/09/2021 19:51

Yabu I have to go most nights too, it's just nature calling

chocolateorangeinhaler · 02/09/2021 19:52

Has he got enlarged prostrate problems? Might be worth a check with a GP.

Don't be mad, he's not doing it on purpose. Just remember that in a few years you'll be getting up when menopausal night sweats start.

If it's that bad go into separate rooms for a while.

GoingOutOutNEVER · 02/09/2021 19:55

Teach kids the time as soon as possible and then tell them not to get up before clock is on 7am and then put the time an hour behind and hey presto you all get a lie in until 8

Vbree · 02/09/2021 19:58

Oh my god you are being unreasonable. I get up to wee once in the night. My husband wouldn't dream of trying to stop me going to the toilet! I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep with a full bladder.

Looubylou · 02/09/2021 20:03

I was about to say YABU until I read your later posts - he sounds selfish and unwilling to consider your wellbeing and feelings. You have to make all the changes because of his bad habits (drinking pattern that is, not needing a wee 😂). Stronger words are needed. He could change, and drink more daytime fluids, if he cared.

FuchMyLife · 02/09/2021 20:27

I for one don't think you're being unreasonable

It's not normal for a man in his early thirties to be going loo every night at that time, the disruption to his and your sleep is gonna have a negative impact in the long run

Is this a recent development or has he always been like this?

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 02/09/2021 20:48

Tell him you’ll be wearing earplugs (and sleeping in another bedroom if you’ve got one) and therefore he is doing all night wakings and early mornings until he’s made a serious effort to break the habit.

After that he is doing half of them, because you don’t get to sleep in the day either, and what you do in the day is just as important as what he does.

Applesarenice · 02/09/2021 20:48

It would be just as easy to train yourself to go back to sleep

GoddamnCars · 02/09/2021 21:05

Separate rooms are a godsend. My partner snores like a pneumatic drill and I sleep right through the night...in the next room. I don't function well without a good amount of sleep. He complained about it for a while but he got over it.

minipie · 02/09/2021 21:06

@Applesarenice

It would be just as easy to train yourself to go back to sleep
Indeed. If it’s so easy for him to train himself not to wee at night, it’s equally easy for you to train yourself to go back to sleep…
Alaimo · 02/09/2021 21:08

My DH was the same. Now, he goes to the toilet before we go to bed. Then we usually read or chat for 15-30mins, and then, just before going to sleep, he goes to the toilet again. That seems to help avoid 4am toilet trips most nights.

Thatsjustwhatithink · 02/09/2021 21:08

Just incase...a GP check for diabetes and prostate check. Blokes in the 39s should be able to sleep through the night without having a piss.

Always better to check

Thatsjustwhatithink · 02/09/2021 21:09

*30s

Thatsjustwhatithink · 02/09/2021 21:14

@canichange

www.menshealth.com/health/a19544246/waking-up-at-night-to-pee/

It's normal in blokes over 65...not early 30s. Please have read and discuss with your partner. People always judge quickly on Mumsnet, but men often refuse to discuss any urology related issues.

minipie · 02/09/2021 21:22

@Alaimo

My DH was the same. Now, he goes to the toilet before we go to bed. Then we usually read or chat for 15-30mins, and then, just before going to sleep, he goes to the toilet again. That seems to help avoid 4am toilet trips most nights.
I do this and still need a nighttime wee! Sigh.
Svenalma · 02/09/2021 22:00

Move out of the room with the ensuite job done.

Sommernacht89 · 02/09/2021 22:03

Buy a tent and peeing bottle for him😀

ufucoffee · 02/09/2021 22:05

Why does he go in the en-suite? I'd hate that. When we get up during the night we always go out into the main bathroom so as not to disturb the other person too much although I've already been disturbed by his ear shattering snoring about 50 times.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/09/2021 22:05

Buy him a large Oasis bottle to keep besides the bed, then he cab pee into that without waking you up and keep it on his bedside table until its full

icedcoffees · 02/09/2021 22:20

@Thatsjustwhatithink

Just incase...a GP check for diabetes and prostate check. Blokes in the 39s should be able to sleep through the night without having a piss.

Always better to check

Please stop perpetuating this Hmm

Many people do need to get up in the night to wee and no, they don't all have diabetes or need their prostates checking.

All humans are different. Just because you can hold it for eight hours overnight, doesn't mean everyone can.

I've never been able to. I can count on one hand the number of times I've ever slept through the night without needing to wake up for a wee.

I'm only 32. I'm not diabetic, I don't have a hidden prostate that needs checking - I just need to pee a lot!

Ifonlyidknownthen · 02/09/2021 22:22

Do you have a house with a bedroom not being used? Me and dp have own bedrooms, for reasons similar to this, I hated the snoring, farting, getting up to pee, general restlessness of DP, plus he likes the TV on late in the bedroom. Sleep so much better without sharing my bed/room with anyone.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 02/09/2021 22:24

@icedcoffees

Indeed.

Now of course we have a completely different situation on our hands if this is new behaviour and then it should certainly be looked at.

However, the OP has stated he doesn't drink during the day and catches up at night so the reasons for the night time tinkle is quite clear and doesn't in anyway suggest diabetes or cancer. If the bugger was indeed diabetic, he would be gulping it down all day, not just at night.