To think a 3 & 4 year old should sit quietly through a wedding?

[appleturnovers]

I went to a wedding last week and I was pretty embarrassed as there were two children, 3 and 4 years old, who were just walking around wherever they wanted and speaking quite loudly, at points drowning out the vicar and even the bride and groom saying their vows. They were wandering around the altar, walking up the aisle, coming and standing next to the bride and groom, one of them even walked up behind the vicar as they were exchanging the rings.

In fairness, both sets of parents were part of the wedding party so were unable to do much, and the grandmother who was supposed to be minding them both was clearly trying but struggling to keep them in check.

I normally love seeing children at weddings as in my view weddings are a family event, and there were almost a dozen babies, toddlers and young children at my own wedding, but I don't remember a single one of them behaving anything like that. Then again, I don't have kids of that age myself so maybe I have unrealistic expectations about what sort of behaviour children that age are capable of...

So, AIBU to think that children aged 3 and 4 are old enough to sit reasonably still and quietly, (and I don't mean in complete silence, but perhaps whispering if they absolutely have to say something, and not wandering up to the bloody altar) during a 45 minute wedding ceremony?

That's pretty young to sit for 45 mins and watch 2 people talk to each other.

Have you met any 3 or 4 year olds?

Most might manage to sit (if given something to occupy them - books, crayons, a screen) for 15 minutes. Expecting them to remember to whisper that whole time? Nope! 45 mins with little/no adult attention (with parents being part of the wedding) was a ridiculous ask of children that age with nothing to occupy them..

Honestly I’d struggle to get my 3 year old to sit and be quiet but I’d also take her outside if she wasn’t able to sit quietly I wouldn’t have let her roam around and be noisy at a Wedding

My kids would have struggled at those ages to sit for 45 minutes.

But I would have taken them out and never let them wander around like that.

Yabu. It's incredibly boring for children that young. That being said, grandma shouldve whisked them off outside so they weren't disturbing the wedding because that sounds awful

Ps and yes I also wouldnt allow them to roam - someone should have taken them out/occupied them with a screen with headphones.

You definitely have unrealistic expectations

I imagine this is why many people have a child free wedding

LOL

I'm with you on this one OP. Especially the 4 year old.

Although if I were the parents I would have come prepared with bribes (chocolate covered raisins or something). Wouldn't usually resort to this, but would make an exception for a wedding!

I have a 4 year old and she wouldn’t manage that no

3 & 4 yr olds should sit quietly but not all of them are capable of it or may want to on that particular day!

I did feel sorry for my friend who had a child free wedding. Somehow the children of two of the bridesmaids were there for the church and the meal. The children weren’t quiet and were playing loudly at the side of the church. I was also a bridesmaid and was very happy to leave my children at home.

I don’t think they are old enough, but that doesn’t mean they should have been allowed to just wonder around being noisy.

If they were my kids, me or DH would have taken them outside so as to not disturb the ceremony. I think it’s appalling that the parents didn’t do that.

YANBU the parents should have removed those children. How disrespectful to the bride and groom

Can't believe some posters are suggesting it's ok! We live in a strange world lol

Granny should have taken them out but if it was her daughter / soon etc it's difficult. I'd have given them a phone with kids YouTube on

You’re being unreasonable to expect them to sit quietly for that length of time. Wedding ceremonies are dull for adults, nevermind children. However, I agree they shouldn’t have been allowed to roam - someone should’ve taken them outside.

Ttcisso

Op didnt ask if parents should have removed them.

Shes saying it's reasonable to expect a 3 & 4 year old to sit quietly, whispering only, with nothing to occupy them and little adult supervision/engagement, for forty five minutes.

Perhaps not reasonable to expect the children to sit still and be quiet but they should have been removed and not allowed to disrupt the wedding.

Have you never noticed in chain restaurants in particular, how the staff give young children drawing materials to keep them occupied while they wait 20 minutes for their meal?

No one is saying it’s ok just whether a 3/4 year old can manage it and mine wouldn’t, I struggle to keep her quite on the bus home from shopping for 15 mins never mind 45

I got married a couple of weeks ago and our 3 year old spent a good part of it trying to crawl between our legs as we said our vows and then got cross with the priest when he didn’t wrap her hand up in his stole along with ours On the bright side she did better than my cousin’s son, who legged it out of the church and into the road in the middle of her ceremony!

Anyway, not unusual and it may depend on how close they were to the bride/groom whether they would have wanted them taken out

Quiet*

Mine would have sat quietly but they were used to going to church.

My nearly 4 year old struggled at a wedding a few months ago. It was a casual ceremony, He sat in his seat the whole time and mainly whispered and sat and watched but he did once say quite loudly ‘I’ve got a sharp toe’ as he forgot he was supposed to be whispering. If he was getting restless I would have taken him out (we were sat at the back for this reason just incase) and I certainly wouldn’t have let him wander around.

45 minutes of sitting still with no distraction is a tall order for most 3 and 4 year olds.

Sounds like it hadn't been thought through or planned for properly. Not the kids fault.