To think a 3 & 4 year old should sit quietly through a wedding?

[appleturnovers]

I went to a wedding last week and I was pretty embarrassed as there were two children, 3 and 4 years old, who were just walking around wherever they wanted and speaking quite loudly, at points drowning out the vicar and even the bride and groom saying their vows. They were wandering around the altar, walking up the aisle, coming and standing next to the bride and groom, one of them even walked up behind the vicar as they were exchanging the rings.

In fairness, both sets of parents were part of the wedding party so were unable to do much, and the grandmother who was supposed to be minding them both was clearly trying but struggling to keep them in check.

I normally love seeing children at weddings as in my view weddings are a family event, and there were almost a dozen babies, toddlers and young children at my own wedding, but I don't remember a single one of them behaving anything like that. Then again, I don't have kids of that age myself so maybe I have unrealistic expectations about what sort of behaviour children that age are capable of...

So, AIBU to think that children aged 3 and 4 are old enough to sit reasonably still and quietly, (and I don't mean in complete silence, but perhaps whispering if they absolutely have to say something, and not wandering up to the bloody altar) during a 45 minute wedding ceremony?

Strap, in my case .

And this is why we had a child free wedding

Mine were fine at that age but then they attended church from birth and both theatre and classical concerts. I recognise that I'm quite unusual in taking them to such places being British but there were quite a few Italian preschoolers when I went to the opera in Italy.

Keeping kids quiet mostly is about preparing them properly

Without supervision no chance! Suorised grandma couldn’t keep them in check but someone needed to you cannot just expect them to sit quietly unsupervised at that age no. At most other weddings probably one parent at least could were both involved in the wedding party?

Do you have children? if so they must be particularly compliant children.

I wouldn’t expect children of that age to sit quietly or whispering to each other for 45 minutes through a boring wedding ceremony. They are too young to realise what is going on. It was up to an adult, whether part of the wedding party or not, to take them outside.

I took my almost 3 year old to a wedding yesterday and she couldn’t sit still during the hour long service. It’s too long to expect them to do that at that age. Though I did take her out and would not have let her go up to the alter or cause too much disruption in the church.

@TheWelshposter

Children attend church all the time, just because you find it boring it doesn't mean others do. Mine have always attended and sit in the pew with me

@Zzzzzzxxx

I would probably try to be a lot less judgmental if I was you. You don’t seem like a nice person

Hmmm. I ask a question to get other people's honest opinions, and that means I'm not a nice person? Projection perhaps..?

Maskless

Lets not forget many children lived in fear of being quite literally beaten - read older childrens books and they will often refer to "getting a licking", "father's belt" , father cutting a switch" etc.

Catholic churches sometimes have areas off the main church area, where people with young children can sit during the service without disturbing others.

Younger children were also probably left at the back in the care of older ones who could keep them occupied quietly - very different from being expected to just sit there quietly with no distraction.

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

That's pretty young to sit for 45 mins and watch 2 people talk to each other.

Then maybe they should have been taken outside instead of being allowed to ruin the couple's day.

@appleturnovers YABU. No way can 2 kids that young be expected to be quiet through a wedding.

Gogohm

Do you provide some quiet entertainment for a 3 year old though? Some books, colouring, maybe some stickers, sweets etc? Or even engage with them whispering etc?

It doesnt sound like that's what OP described.

I think the voting is somewhat skewed as there are two completely different questions.

1. Would you expect 3 and 4 yr olds to be able to sit quietly for 45 mins when they are bored (quite possibly having already been bored in the hours running up to that) ?

To which I would answer 'no' - mine wouldn't have been able to sit quietly for that long at that age, without being entertained / distracted and they were all used to going to Church weekly since they were born

1. Completely different question - Should the adult responsible for them have allowed them to wander round like that?

To which I would answer no. They should have been expecting to have to distract / entertain them, and, if that didn't work, take them out.

So, IMO, YABU to expect them to be able to sit still and quiet for so long, but YANBU to think the adult should have stepped up and actually parented them (whether a parent / Aunt / Grandparent or babysitter).

when the vicar calls them all out to front, you suddenly realise there are 15-20 children more than you realised - kids who were sitting quietly - they’re the children of the regulars who have learned how to behave in church. It is possible.

3 year olds though? Literally toddlers?

I struggle to shut the fuck up, sit still and face the front all the way through weddings. I'm 41.

Just do the vows, the 'does anyone object' (so we can all look around at everyone, just in case it gets exciting) the announcement it's official and the kiss. No need for the rest.

Kids meandering and making noise is surely just to be expected if there are kids there. I've never been to a wedding where there hasn't been

If the parents were part of the wedding party I'm assuming either bride & groom or MOH & Best Man, they were hardly in a position to take them out.
I'll assume Gran who was meant to be watching them was Mother of Bride or Groom she was hardly going to walk out of her kids wedding either.

I wouldn't have been too bothered by them wandering around, as long as they weren't charging about and becoming rowdy.
Sometimes it's less disruptive to let them wander quietly than to have them tantruming trying to keep them in a seat.

The grandmother should have taken them out. Its totally unacceptable to allow the. To wander about the church and altar on the couples special day. Honestly some people.

I don't know about 4 year olds but my oldest son is almost 3 and there is no way he would be able to sit still and quiet for a wedding ceremony. He struggles to sit in his seat for the duration of breakfast time!

I agree,

My then 2 & 3 year old managed it during our ceremony a couple of years ago.

Then maybe they should have been taken outside instead of being allowed to ruin the couple's day

How the fuck would it ruin the couples day? If they were that worried they wouldn't/shouldn't have invited them

I can barely sit through a wedding without fidgeting and I'm 46. YABVU to expect a 3 and 4yo to for a fraction of that time. The issue here is the supervision, not the kids.

Whoever was supposed to be looking after those children should have taken them outside. How awful to have your wedding ruined by selfish idiots.