To think no-one needs to be discussing anyone else’s will before they’re actually dead?

[AlternativePerspective]

Thread after thread after thread on here from posters pissed off over what they’re apparently not going to inherit and how they’ve been hard done to.

Why do people seem to think they’re entitled to inherit anything? Especially before the person is even dead.

I honestly have no idea what’s in my parents’ will, I’m guessing they will have divided up their money between me and my sibling, but it’s their money, and frankly the idea of wanting to know where it might be going once they’re dead is surely incredibly crass.

Personally I hope they spend it, and I find it sad that anyone doesn’t have all the things they could in life just so they can make provision for their children in death.

Personally if my child behaved like some here do about my money when I’m gone I would see to it that he didn’t get a penny.

No-one is entitled to anyone else’s money, and the sense of entitlement says far more about the entitled than the giver.

The final death of a branch of our family is going to leave a nasty taste because: The old uncle, a childless widower has collected inheritances from his sister and brother to add to his share of the family business.
This original business was formed 2 generations ago. He is now likely to leave the business and associated house out of the family to a manager. We also suspect that a family in the village befriended him and have already sucked a fair bit from him will get more.
We are not close enough to have inherited and our branch of the family was not in the business so not personally affected.
As people here say, legally, once it is yours you can do as you wish. However the family some of whom are cousins of the people who built it up should not be neglected.

However the family some of whom are cousins of the people who built it up should not be neglected.

@Wandawide - why is it any of your business who the uncle decides to leave his assets to? And why "should" someone inherit, just because they are a cousin of someone who built up the uncle's business? That just seems such a distasteful & entitled viewpoint.

The only thing important to know their wishes. My mams friend hubbie was buried back in his hometown. My dad my mam wanted him where his kids are so we near grave. My friend was say the mum left house to son a big fallout with that among the others!!

If you left something thing to my SN brother it makes things very awkward. If it's part of a house and selling that house becomes near impossible and that's what's nearly happened recently, what's he going to do with an eighth of a house? If you leave him money some benefits may stop till the money runs low and then someone has to reapply for him and he may not get what he previously had and all that happened is the money went to the state causing issues along the way.

Also people who cannot adult being left property especially rental property is a nightmare.

Rarely have I seen a more bollocks OP on MN.

Your reasoning is literally do it my way or take the highway. Are you always this blinkered OP?

My family have got nothing and I I'd rather help my parents out than expect them to leave me anything. My DiIL is something else I'm often flabbergasted by her audacity and sense of entitlement. She dragged her DH and children over 300 miles to the funeral of her DHs grandmother who they'd hardly ever visited or kept in touch with - her first comment on arriving was how much is Grandmothers house worth - I took great delight in telling her it was a council house and she had no money.

The second thing was as soon as she had a child she's dropping massive hints to us about her DS's inheritance from us and that we should invest in his education and also help buy them a house. She sent DH to talk to us about it and I happened to see a text message flashing up on his phone telling to make sure he put her case across - or else! We help all our grandchildren out with college fees etc but her bullying tactic are highly off-putting. Also between her and her DH their incoming salary is massively greater than we'll ever have - somehow I don't think they be helping us out in our old age .....

My Dads elderly neighbour was very wealthy. It was common knowledge (even I knew!) that her will left her wealth to set up a charitable trust. She had no children, and passed away in her late 90’s. Turned out she’d never told her nephew about her Will, and he’d already committed it to his five grandchildren’s very expensive school fees. Care fees wouldn’t make big inroads into the multi-million fortune of someone in their mid-90’s, do not such a stupid decision to say “Auntie V will pay”.

If she had just told him about it then a lot of hurt and anger would’ve been avoided.

Personally I’d massively increase inheritance tax on non-dependents. It’s an outrageous level of unearned wealth that recipients generally benefit from twice (once growing up in a privileged background then again when they inherit).

But failing that I do genuinely believe a “good” will is one with no surprises, and that stipulates who has what. With no “oh but she said I was to get her jewellery/ pictures / bath mat/ whatever” allowed: clearly in the Will how “emotionally charged” things are to be divided up and how valuable things are to be shared. So it absolutely should be discussed before the person dies.

@Malbecfan- please (please!) get a him to set up a power of attorney.

My parents and my dad's parents used to often start banging on about their wills.

Hardly my fault is it.

*My Dads elderly neighbour was very wealthy. It was common knowledge (even I knew!) that her will left her wealth to set up a charitable trust. She had no children, and passed away in her late 90’s. Turned out she’d never told her nephew about her Will, and he’d already committed it to his five grandchildren’s very expensive school fees. Care fees wouldn’t make big inroads into the multi-million fortune of someone in their mid-90’s, do not such a stupid decision to say “Auntie V will pay”.

If she had just told him about it then a lot of hurt and anger would’ve been avoided*

Or if her nephew (and his children) had lived within their means, not had a sense of entitlement to someone else’s money, not made commitments based on money they didn’t own and not been greedy grabby avaricious people, a lot would have been avoided too.

although I can understand your perspectives op, at the same time one perspective consider by some business people, it's financially astute to cover all bases.

If she had just told him about it then a lot of hurt and anger would’ve been avoided.

Eh?
If the nephew hadn't imagined he was entitled to somebody else's money, & gambled on that entitlement by spending cash he couldn't afford, there would have been no problem to have 'hurt & anger' about.

Also, @Saz12 - maybe she didn't mention her Will to this nephew because it didn't occur to her that it was any of his business, & didn't know that he was eagerly spending money in the expectation of being given hers?

Another perspective on this conversation is that some people deliberately use their wills to sow discord and upset.

They enjoy the knowledge whist alive of the acrimony/angst/upset their bequests will create and revel in their secret.

In some cases, it may well be justified. A final "fuck you" to someone whose behaved very badly to them.

That said the repercussions often ripple more widely.

Cutting out one child can lose the other the support of a sibling for life for example.

Expecting an inheritance is foolhardy. There are many reasons why this may not happen.

One thing is very clear from these threads is how many people are ignorant of issues such as voluntary divestment of assets for example re: care fees or the tax implications of the 7 year rule.

That's why getting proper legal and financial advice over wills is a sound investment as is actually speaking to your family about your plans unless your intent is to leave a legacy of upset.

As a family we respected our dms privacy and never discussed her will. None of us had any interest in inheritance etc. But when she died there was very big implications pension wise that could have been averted if even one of us had chatted it through with her. It was just upsetting to see her hard saved money being returned to the government..something she had not known would happen. Not allowed continue to receive pension with significant savings. We had no idea she was saving as very astute with money.
As a big family we were covering most of her expenses with birthday money/ gifts etc wanting her to be very comfortable. She never looked for this ..we enjoyed doing it.
A conversation or two beforehand would have been useful even if she decided to leave the money to charity.

My dads care homes will be getting the lot!

It’s seriously presumptuous to assume you’ll dodge a care home situation... definitely not something to count your chickens over!

@TheWayTheLightFalls

No one is entitled to inherit, of course you’re right. But financial planning is important and responsible and we’re all open about our wills in my family

I think this is very pragmatic. My parents have just gone through hell sorting out my DGM’s affairs and as a result (hoping to avoid me having to go through the same) they’ve sent me a current copy of their will, put all important docs in a folder marked with my name in their home and emailed some poor soul in an investment bank asking him to verify my identity now rather than wait until they pass .

A bit overkill but I can understand the reasoning.

Having also gone through hell with a surprise Will 💯 agree with this.

If you don’t mind me asking, is there something specific about pensions? My dad has a great one and there’s no provision for it in his will (he’s given us copies)

Sorry that was to @junebirthdaygirl

Financial planning is really important, as pp have said.

Financial planning based on presumed inheritance (or even inheritance that is written in a will) is foolish and grabby.

We have planned financially based on what we have and what we earn. A couple of inheritances have been great blessings but we absolutely didn't count on them beforehand.

I'm NC with my abusive mother so as regards my own inheritance, I wish the cat and dog home well in their newfound wealth when it comes.

For others I think the issue is often not what they are getting, but where someone has always had the feeling that they played second fiddle to a sibling, an unequal split in the will tends to confirm that.

I disagree. It makes financial planning a nightmare if you have no idea what your future prospects are, and it is only sensible to ensure that parents, grandparents etc have made suitable provision to minimise inheritance tax.

Oh well, we couldn't have that, could we? Honestly, just listen to yourself "future prospects" indeed.

We’ve discussed our plans with the children. Dh will pass before the youngest reaches adulthood and there is an increased portion to go into trust because of it.
I’ve tried to have a discussion with mil about ensuring the dc get anything that would come to their father. She is not ready to accept dh’s diagnosis and have that conversation. Maybe it was grabby and I hope my kids don’t suffer for it, but she was determined to know the minutiae of our affairs so I ventured into hers.

There are some awful grabby people out there but there are also lots of people who've been made promises for years so I can totally understand the upset when those promises don't come to fruition.
Since I was a small child my mother had always promised a certain piece of jewellery it was not asked for but I was constantly reminded by her that when she's gone it will be mine. Years later me and my siblings were summoned to her home as she wanted to inform us that she was in the process of doing her will and wanted to ask what belongings of hers we would like. I found it really difficult and protested that I simply didn't want to discuss it and that whatever she chooses to leave me was up to her, she pushed and pushed so I said ok the said piece of jewellery to which the response was oh no you can't have that because your sibling has asked for it. Now it's hers to do what she likes with but I can't help but feel lied to for all those years.
My siblings know exactly how much their house costs and what sort of fraction they would get I've got not interest in that instead I'm thinking about costs of skips and how long it will take me to sort through their belongings because I know siblings won't help out. Some will find my way of thinking crass too but after supporting my DH through losing both his parents and the sibling fallouts after I'm just happy with what I've got and anything I receive when my parents die is a bonus just it's not expected.

Yanbu. But it's very clear that there are more selfish people out there than we realise, who only care about their own family and are wanting others to die to fulfil their needs.

@Babdoc

I disagree. It makes financial planning a nightmare if you have no idea what your future prospects are, and it is only sensible to ensure that parents, grandparents etc have made suitable provision to minimise inheritance tax. It could be a huge relief to an adult son or daughter with severe health problems for example, if they knew theirfuture was financially secure even if theybecame unable to work long term. Adult offspring can plan future moves up the housing ladder if they know an inheritance will help with the deposit. And so on.

I strongly disagree with this.

You should never use someone else's money as part of your financial planning, as you don't know how much will be there when they die.

Maybe it will be used for care costs. Maybe for many luxury holidays etc. Parents etc might live well into their 90's.

Have known a few who thought they would inherit a nice sum and as a result didn't save or plan their own financial future and they got a nasty surprise when the will was read as nothing or very little left to distribute.