Page 10 | To ask my almost 17YO to pay board?

stepupandbecounted · 03/09/2021 10:24

Additionally her siblings will have a carefree youth and fun to the age of 21 without having to pay you a penny. DD, on the other hand gets to do 40 hours every week, at least, and has to pay you for the privilege and she does not get the option just to enjoy being young for a while, and her future job options will be very limited in the future with such a basic education that basically stops at sixteen, and leaving school.

Do you not see what you are doing?

At least now she is committed to the apprenticeship you could level the playing field a little by putting the money away for her. So she has some chance of buying a house at some point....

ChargingBuck · 03/09/2021 10:38

This is extremely short sighted of you op. You are setting her up for a life of poverty and hard graft, rather than one with a good education that sets her up into a profession that will pay well, and will offer the chance to buy her own home etc.

This is hilariously hysterical projection @stepupandbecounted
.
Apart from your appalling snobbery, where you insult DD's choice of profession, because you are assuming it's one that doesn't lead to a nice MC white collar office job.

You do know people from all walks of life are allowed to save up & buy houses, don't you?

stepupandbecounted · 03/09/2021 10:41

You do know people from all walks of life are allowed to save up & buy houses, don't you?

Yes but generally you need the money to do so. Which is why being grabby is not helpful

stepupandbecounted · 03/09/2021 10:42

Especially because such a huge deposit is needed to buy a house these days.

ChargingBuck · 03/09/2021 10:42

@stepupandbecounted

Additionally her siblings will have a carefree youth and fun to the age of 21 without having to pay you a penny. DD, on the other hand gets to do 40 hours every week, at least, and has to pay you for the privilege and she does not get the option just to enjoy being young for a while, and her future job options will be very limited in the future with such a basic education that basically stops at sixteen, and leaving school.

Do you not see what you are doing?

At least now she is committed to the apprenticeship you could level the playing field a little by putting the money away for her. So she has some chance of buying a house at some point....

Oh NOW I see!

OP is Cinderella's stepmother, & is just passing DD off as her own daughter here, to gain sympathy.

Oh, will no one think of Cinderella's blighted life, unable to have a carefree existence on £800 disposable a month, with her mum still doing the basics for her, like shopping, cooking, cleaning & even providing the specific toiletries she prefers?

ChargingBuck · 03/09/2021 10:45

@stepupandbecounted

You do know people from all walks of life are allowed to save up & buy houses, don't you?

Yes but generally you need the money to do so. Which is why being grabby is not helpful

What grabby? Where?

Asking for £50 a week, which is all to be put aside for DD's driving lessons? The driving lessons that go with the car OP's mum has given DD, to increase her independence & career choices?

stepupandbecounted · 03/09/2021 11:20

Having only a GCSE level education is likely to be limiting fact. We have no idea in the long term if the apprenticeship will work out, hopefully it will be, but dd will be limited/capped by the salary ceiling.

Getting over excited about 14,000 PA at sixteen years of age and charging a child to live at home, rather than saving is limiting her chances further still. You can call it a fairytale, I call it the school of hard knocks with parents absolutely intent on their child never having a better future than them. The attitude if it is okay for me, and I survived it is okay for you. Rather than wanting something infinitely better for your own children. That kind of parenting is why some kids never make it out of the poverty trap, lack ambition and confidence because their parents make damn sure that they don't get above their station in life.

I say that as a child who left education far too early and I am from a working class background. You are doing her no favours taking away he her only advantage (the ability to save whilst her peers study and have free board) Her one and only benefit to working so early in life, is being taken away by her mother.

flashpaper · 03/09/2021 11:45

I'm really shocked at some of the opinions on here. I don't understand how charging board for a child earning a decent salary is limiting their chances and means you don't want them to have a better future than you had. Do you really think that their peers won't be charged board when they're earning enough? Most people I know were charged board when working and living at home. It teaches kids to understand how bills and finances work, instead of giving them a cushy lifestyle and then they're shocked when they hit the real world.
I don't think you're BU at all, OP.

Original poster

Icanflyhigh · 03/09/2021 12:07

@stepupandbecounted I'm beginning to think you are just an under bridge dweller if I'm honest.

You have no idea what DDs apprenticeship, you've used your limited knowledge of what traditional apprenticeships are made an assumption that she will be limited to a manual physical trade for the rest of her life.

I'm not going to out DD by saying what she is doing, but believe me, at the end of her apprenticeship she has an option to choose a specialism in her chosen field and continue her education - with the plan that she WILL in a few years time be amongst the highest earners in the country.

How dare you try and tell me what I should or shouldn't be doing with my DCs, they will all make their own choices and IF the younger two wish to go the more traditional route of GCSE, A Level and Uni, then fine. I never did that, I didn't go to Uni or get either of my degrees until I was 30 - but it has never held me back.

At this point it wouldn't make a jot of difference with you if I told you I was going to diamond encrust every penny DD contributes and feed it back to her on a silver spoon - you've decided you don't like how I've done things and nothing will change your mind. That's fine, I just hope those blinkers you wear don't squeeze your head too tight and give you brainache.

OP posts:

ChargingBuck · 03/09/2021 12:21

@Icanflyhigh

Brava!

Rozziie · 03/09/2021 12:22

@flashpaper I think from 18 onwards, absolutely fine. That's a legal adult who could rent independently. Under 18, no. The parents have an obligation and a legal responsibility for their child.

Balonzette · 03/09/2021 12:37

Usually I say YABU when people ask if they should charge their kids board, but in this instance I do think you're reasonable.

stepupandbecounted · 03/09/2021 13:25

You sound very highly strung op, and I am not sure what an under bridge dweller is, but I do know how hard it is to be sixteen, especially these days it is even harder.

Don't ask for advice if you don't want a variety of responses. If you are just looking to have your view reinforced rather than actual solid different views from other people don't bother posting. You sound like hard work tbh, with a ton of future headaches and family arguments ahead if you can't even take a different view on board.

Your welcome.

Cleverpolly3 · 03/09/2021 13:43

[quote Icanflyhigh]@stepupandbecounted I'm beginning to think you are just an under bridge dweller if I'm honest.

You have no idea what DDs apprenticeship, you've used your limited knowledge of what traditional apprenticeships are made an assumption that she will be limited to a manual physical trade for the rest of her life.

I'm not going to out DD by saying what she is doing, but believe me, at the end of her apprenticeship she has an option to choose a specialism in her chosen field and continue her education - with the plan that she WILL in a few years time be amongst the highest earners in the country.

How dare you try and tell me what I should or shouldn't be doing with my DCs, they will all make their own choices and IF the younger two wish to go the more traditional route of GCSE, A Level and Uni, then fine. I never did that, I didn't go to Uni or get either of my degrees until I was 30 - but it has never held me back.

At this point it wouldn't make a jot of difference with you if I told you I was going to diamond encrust every penny DD contributes and feed it back to her on a silver spoon - you've decided you don't like how I've done things and nothing will change your mind. That's fine, I just hope those blinkers you wear don't squeeze your head too tight and give you brainache.[/quote]
If you’re this self assured on the topic why did you waste everyone’s time by asking then?

Polkadots2021 · 03/09/2021 14:14

@Icanflyhigh

DD is 17 end of October. She started an apprenticeship earlier in the summer and earns £14.5k per year.

Apart from buying herself lunch each day (which she doesn't HAVE to do as there is food available to take from home) she has no other outgoings.

I have asked her to contribute £50 per week to the household, for that, she will have all food provided, washing done, all the hot water she can use, lifts to wherever she wants, pretty much whenever she wants them, a lift to and from work each day (we don't live on a bus route) and other usual stuff.

Well she's made me feel like the worst mother in the world for asking.
I've explained that we've lost her child benefit now, and I'm expecting her dad to stop paying maintenance too (not that his £17 a week makes a huge difference to be fair) but our outgoings have remained the same or increased.

On top of that I've asked her to pay her own phone bill. She had a brand new iPhone X in July on the premise that she would pay the bill. We haven't had a penny yet, but its attached to our BT account so if we don't pay it, we screw up our own credit rating.

The board I have asked her for will be put straight towards her driving lessons. I've already bought her provisional driving licence and she has a car waiting for when she has passed her test.

So AIBU for asking?
What would you do if she decides not to pay it? TIA x

She is BU! A family is a team and she's letting the team down, taking but not helping. If you were very wealthy that's another thing, but she can see it'd harm your credit rating if you don't pay for the phone which she even agreed ahead of time to pay, so she's being really unfair.

Polkadots2021 · 03/09/2021 14:18

@stepupandbecounted

Having only a GCSE level education is likely to be limiting fact. We have no idea in the long term if the apprenticeship will work out, hopefully it will be, but dd will be limited/capped by the salary ceiling.

Getting over excited about 14,000 PA at sixteen years of age and charging a child to live at home, rather than saving is limiting her chances further still. You can call it a fairytale, I call it the school of hard knocks with parents absolutely intent on their child never having a better future than them. The attitude if it is okay for me, and I survived it is okay for you. Rather than wanting something infinitely better for your own children. That kind of parenting is why some kids never make it out of the poverty trap, lack ambition and confidence because their parents make damn sure that they don't get above their station in life.

I say that as a child who left education far too early and I am from a working class background. You are doing her no favours taking away he her only advantage (the ability to save whilst her peers study and have free board) Her one and only benefit to working so early in life, is being taken away by her mother.

The OP made clear the £50 would go toward driving lessons for her DD! It's not really a school of hard knocks, more helping her DD put aside money for driving lessons which are really expensive but will help her in the long run. That's only really just over 2 hours week.

RTLGermanTV · 03/09/2021 14:32

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GreyhoundG1rl · 03/09/2021 14:40

^ Fucking hell...

TheQueef · 03/09/2021 14:43

@GreyhoundG1rl

^ Fucking hell...

And how much is the fee?

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/09/2021 14:50

£50/week sounds more than fair to me. I was her age when I started paying board of 25% of my take-home pay.

As to the phone, is there any way you can remove it from your BT account?

As parents it is our responsibility to prepare our offspring for independence, and part of that is financial independence. Board and paying for your own phone are the baby-steps towards that independence. Baby-steps, walk, run. You're doing the right thing by taking board off her.

AllTheSingleLadiess · 03/09/2021 16:30

I think you've had some crazy replies.

How many adults get to keep most of their salary for their own enjoyment ? I'm not saying that 16 year olds should be paying boring bills like council tax but she'll be having a great time on 14k minus £50pw

I think that there's some misunderstanding about apprenticeships too. My 20yo son did one and is now on £30k pa. When he's ready for the next level up (3-5 years), he'll be on £50k plus car. There are plenty of jobs higher that that too.

My son is smart but he scraped through A-levels and isn't really motivated or cut out for uni. However he really enjoys work, training and the qualifications he's done through work so apprenticeship has been a great way forward for him. OP has alluded to qualifications attached to this apprenticeship so it sounds like a good placement.

Apprenticeships aren't just for manual jobs and if my children were interested I wouldn't discourage them training as a tradesperson like a plumber anyway. I think that they are under rated as jobs and they are often the men who I see managing to do the school runs and have a nice standard of living.

stepupandbecounted · 04/09/2021 13:29

Well op now you have some offers from television channels you can let dd keep her own money until she is 18 - win win drinks on you!

Rozziie · 04/09/2021 14:34

@stepupandbecounted

Well op now you have some offers from television channels you can let dd keep her own money until she is 18 - win win

drinks on you!

She might not be too happy about how it will be portrayed - making your children pay rent is viewed as disgusting in most of the rest of Europe, working or not. I guarantee the angle would be 'look what's considered acceptable in the crazy UK'.

Rewis · 04/09/2021 15:13

I don't think a minor should have to pay board to live at their parents house. I think what she has to to pay for herself (ie fancier phone, cars etc) are under negotiation but I don't agree with paying board.

Cleverpolly3 · 04/09/2021 15:25

@Icanflyhigh

You’ve made the mirror now too …. In case you’re not aware.