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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I have done more to accomodate their dietry requirement

166 replies

sliversurfer · 31/08/2021 22:04

I got married in 2019. We had a couple of vegan guests, so when picking options with experienced caterers, ensured that there were vegan options. The wedding breakfast was a cold buffet - bread, ham, cheese, vegan salads, olives, quiche plus individual vegan tarts for our v guests. The evening meal was chilli and there was a bean version.

One of the v. guests left early and we never saw her again. I heard through friend of a friend that she was annoyed that we'd not catered for her. I was slightly bemused but honestly, was one of many things I felt 'went wrong' at our wedding, and hadn't given it much thought until I bumped into another mutual friend recently who confirmed that she was indeed offended by our catering efforts and that she'd have needed more than salad to make the most of the free bar.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 31/08/2021 22:06

Did the vegans get a look in on the vegan tarts? Or did they get snaffled by omnivores?

Cherrysoup · 31/08/2021 22:06

Sounds like you made a good effort. Why are you now worried? Have you never seen her again? Tbh, I haven’t seen quite a few guests since my wedding, we’ve moved on, moved to the other end of the country. Don’t take it to heart, you did the right thing at the time.

Zarene · 31/08/2021 22:06

Nah, you’re good.

What you did sounds fine, and even if something did go wrong if she were a decent friend she wouldn’t just stop speaking to you about it!

KindergartenKop · 31/08/2021 22:08

Most people aren't vegans, she needs to accept that.

Bluntness100 · 31/08/2021 22:08

I don’t think she’s reasonable to be offended but I do think what often happened is hosts put out a very limited amount of vegan food and guests think it’s just normal buffet so free for all and it’s eaten before the vegans hit the table.

Worrywoofandrepeat · 31/08/2021 22:11

She sounds a bit entitled. You did enough regarding catering. Her issue, don’t let it worry you.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 31/08/2021 22:11

Sometimes with buffets the vegan and vegetarian stuff gets nabbed by the meat eaters. But the "make the most of a free bar" comes across really greedy and entitled. Like you should have spent more on food to fill her up so you could spend more on alcohol too?

There were vegan options though so I think you did your bit.

Waspsarearseholes · 31/08/2021 22:12

Your 'friend' is very easily offended and extremely rude. I wouldn't miss her too much if I were you.

squee123 · 31/08/2021 22:14

Does sound like a pretty poor offering on your part. If she didn't know the bread was vegan she basically just had salad to eat plus the tart, assuming that she knew that was vegan and it didn't all get eaten by everyone else before she got to it. Did you have a vegan dessert option for her other than a sad bit of fruit?

Personally I like to make sure my guests have plenty of food regardless of their dietary choices. It's miserable being hungry at an event.

But equally she is totally overreacting and it seems rather unreasonable to cut you off for it!

Waspsarearseholes · 31/08/2021 22:14

Was the alcohol at the free bar that she was hoping to make the most of all vegan?

PurpleDaisies · 31/08/2021 22:16

Did the vegan food get eaten before she got to it?

Merryoldgoat · 31/08/2021 22:16

Personally I don’t think that’s enough, especially in a buffet where other people nab stuff.

Having said that I wouldn’t be ‘offended’ and not talking to someone because of it is ridiculous.

idontlikealdi · 31/08/2021 22:17

Vegans and vegetarians are hard done by at buffets, omnivores eat everything and the vs are under catered for everyone else to eat what they can eat too. Olives and salad wouldn't make me happy.

I'm a fully fledged meat eater.

CheeseTiger · 31/08/2021 22:17

Sounds like the meat-eaters ate all the vegan food before she got there if she only had salad.

danadas · 31/08/2021 22:18

No not at all. I am coeliac so have dietary requirements as a need rather than a choice. It's great if I am catered for but I always make sure I have stuff with me in case I can't eat anything (cross contamination tends to be an issue at buffets).

I wouldn't expect to be specifically catered for.

SunbathingDragon · 31/08/2021 22:18

I think you probably could have done more to ensure she got an equivalent meal that she could eat. However, I’ve been to weddings before where I haven’t enjoyed the food but never thought to blame the bride and groom so I think she is BU and easily offended.

Lentil63 · 31/08/2021 22:20

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Did the vegans get a look in on the vegan tarts? Or did they get snaffled by omnivores?
Yeah, this happens all the time but it’s still harsh to be put out by hosts who’ve tried.
Boombadoom · 31/08/2021 22:20

Sounds like you did plenty.

When I went to my brothers wedding, my vegetarian daughter has the choice of bread rolls or plain jacket potatoes. Fuck all else was vegetarian. Poor show.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 31/08/2021 22:20

She needs to get there quicker then. 🙄

Bluntness100 · 31/08/2021 22:20

@CheeseTiger

Sounds like the meat-eaters ate all the vegan food before she got there if she only had salad.
Yes that’s what I think happened. Usually it’s a small amount of veggie food out but it’s shoved out with everything else, so no one knows it’s a small amount for limited guests. So it goes quickly, thus leaving the veggie thinking she only had a salad.
Wavypurple · 31/08/2021 22:22

I’m a vegetarian now but was vegan for years.

Whenever I went to a function or even restaurant I fully accepted that I probably wouldn’t be able to eat anything other than a salad without dressing or some chips and that was fine with me because

a) it wasn’t my event/wedding
And
b) most people aren’t vegan and I’m not so special as to expect the entire world to cater to me (bit dramatic but you get my point)

Sounds like you made a considerate effort to make sure that your guest had something to eat and I think that was good enough in itself.

TheChiefJo · 31/08/2021 22:23

Were the vegan tarts clearly earmarked for the vegans? This could be the problem. Though I'd expect professional caterers to know not to put these things on the buffet unmarked.

Greenrubber · 31/08/2021 22:28

She sounds like an entitled dick!
And I'm vegan!

Original poster
sliversurfer · 31/08/2021 22:29

The vegan tarts were given directly to the vegans, not left on buffet. The salads were for everyone but there was plenty left at end. The beer was vegan, the wine wasn't - The disgruntled guest is a big beer drinker but the lack of vegan wine could have been the issue.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 31/08/2021 22:32

What a cf. You are well rid. People can eat what they're given as far as I'm concerned.

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