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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I have done more to accomodate their dietry requirement

166 replies

sliversurfer · 31/08/2021 22:04

I got married in 2019. We had a couple of vegan guests, so when picking options with experienced caterers, ensured that there were vegan options. The wedding breakfast was a cold buffet - bread, ham, cheese, vegan salads, olives, quiche plus individual vegan tarts for our v guests. The evening meal was chilli and there was a bean version.

One of the v. guests left early and we never saw her again. I heard through friend of a friend that she was annoyed that we'd not catered for her. I was slightly bemused but honestly, was one of many things I felt 'went wrong' at our wedding, and hadn't given it much thought until I bumped into another mutual friend recently who confirmed that she was indeed offended by our catering efforts and that she'd have needed more than salad to make the most of the free bar.

WIBU?

OP posts:
SeaShoreGalore · 01/09/2021 00:05

Given that any reasonable person would know that what you provided was absolutely fine, why are you posting?

GrandmaSteglitszch · 01/09/2021 00:08

The vegan tarts were given directly to the vegans, not left on buffet.

How do you know the caterers did this properly?
My betting is that they didn't.

As a vegan, I'm used to not being properly catered for and I don't get upset about it.

EspressoDoubleShot · 01/09/2021 00:19

Indeed
Not the op fault of course.I went on a work do, as the vegetarian food was sent out and summarily grabbed by the meat eaters
Next time when booking the vegetarian meals had assigned names

chickywoo · 01/09/2021 00:19

Sounds like they are being a bit precious,
We follow a halal diet and I would never expect anyone to accommodate with special food just for us (although they usually do) I am quite happy to make do & improvise with whatever is available even if that means eating potato, bread & salad Grin don’t get me wrong it’s lovely to have a nice meal at an event but you don’t go for the food do you, you go to join in with the special day.

Feelingmardy · 01/09/2021 00:24

I think they are supremely entitled. They were well catered for - tart, salad and possibly bread (they could ask caterers). It's really up yourself to expect every booze option to be vegan. I'm all up for supporting people's food choices but if you choose to restrict your diet, you can reasonably expect the choices available to you to also be restricted. As a host you need to ensure there is some food for those people with restricted diets (and you did). If they expected the same level of choice as an omnivore then they are people to cut off contact with as they are a-class arseholes.

Lovethewinter · 01/09/2021 00:25

I'm a fussy eater so I go to weddings knowing that food might be an issue for me so I just have some back up food in the car incase! She sounds a bit rude for making such a big deal about this so maybe it's not a big loss for you that she hasn't spoken to you since.

louderthan · 01/09/2021 00:26

Has everyone missed the mention of bean chilli?? Sounds like a hearty vegan stomach-lining meal to me...

stripedbananas · 01/09/2021 00:53

Sounds like you were lucky to get rid of her as a so called friend, silly woman.

I have a few veggie and vegan friends and none of them would get in a strop over food at an event like this.

They know it's their choice and are used to food being tricky at times they signed up to this way of life and know not to expect others to bend over backwards for them.

SheilaWilcox · 01/09/2021 01:01

Makes a lifestyle choice to limit what they will eat and then complains that what she could eat was limited.

Meh.

I don't like fish, fruit, vegetables, mayonnaise, salad. Bet there wasn't much on your buffet that I would eat either, but then it's my own fault and I wouldn't care less. (But might pop into McD's on the way home or order from room service.)

If I'm close enough to go to your wedding, then all I would care about is that I helped you enjoy your special day.

MrsFlinch · 01/09/2021 01:05

When you go to a wedding you have to accept that you may not like the food that is offered anyway, regardless of dietary requirements.
Two of of the last three weddings I’ve been to I’ve come away hungry as I didn’t like what was being offered (hog roast anyone???) with no other options apart from the sweet table!

Wouldn’t occur to me to complain or leave, I could’ve nipped to the kebab shop down the road at one but decided to suck it up and just wait till we got home.

It’s not like there was nothing she couldn’t eat, she just chose not to eat it, sounds a bit precious to me!

EccentricaGalumbits · 01/09/2021 01:09

I've been vegan or veggie for a long time and never ever expected anyone to cater for me. If they offer to, nice. But I try to research beforehand and decide to make do with what's on offer, look after myself or give the whole thing a swerve.

Half the time, the veg options are also the gluten/fructose/nut/taste/joy free options and are horrible.

phishy · 01/09/2021 01:16

I’ve just frantically checked the menu email from my wedding from years ago to see if we catered to our vegetarian guests. Phew, we did! Hoe no one was vegan.

TooBigForMyBoots · 01/09/2021 01:20

Maybe she didn't like chilli and wasn't sufficiently full after the tarts and salad.

superoz · 01/09/2021 01:30

Been vegetarian for years and had my fair share of weddings. I’d be overjoyed with bean chilli. One we went to was my cousin’s who were on a extremely tight budget and did burger and chips. So I had chips, Did I feel aggrieved? Nope.

My dc have multiple food allergies. I ask- but don’t expect them to be catered for at any party or family event. I offer to bring their own food and snacks for them just in case, and everyone is still talking to each other.

So OP it’s your former friend who is BU not you. To be honest she sounds completely entitled - some people just aren’t worth the effort.

EccentricaGalumbits · 01/09/2021 01:34

@TooBigForMyBoots

Maybe she didn't like chilli and wasn't sufficiently full after the tarts and salad.
There are plenty of vegans on my Facebook groups who are like that. Complain about the vegan options even when someone's gone to quite an effort, because they don't like spice, or garlic, and they're low-carbing and avoiding soy because of the shite they read on the web, oh and they HAAATE mushrooms.

Which is their choice of course, but they shouldn't then throw a strop at the person who tried to do the right thing.

The only person I know IRL who's vegan and intolerant to just about everything else carries food around with her everywhere because she's a reasonable person and understands that her particular needs are hard to meet.

user1471457751 · 01/09/2021 01:51

Can people please stop blaming the omnivores here. The OP has already said the vegan tarts were handed directly over to the relevant people and there was lots of the different salads left. And so what if the guest didn't like bean chili, some of the other guests might not have liked chili either , they didn't have a strop and cut contact with the bride and groom.

If you're fussy (like me) you take additional food with you because you're mature enough to realise not every whim can be catered for.

Themeparklover · 01/09/2021 02:51

You did absolutely nothing wrong vegan tarts salads and bean chilis is more than most events serve for vegans, I recently worked at an event where the only option was broccoli and jackfruit coleslaw. What more was she expecting? I'm gluten free and always make sure to bring my own snacks if the food options aren't great, I wouldn't stress too much clearly she just wasn't a very good friend x

BarbaraofSeville · 01/09/2021 04:20

@user1471457751

Can people please stop blaming the omnivores here. The OP has already said the vegan tarts were handed directly over to the relevant people and there was lots of the different salads left. And so what if the guest didn't like bean chili, some of the other guests might not have liked chili either , they didn't have a strop and cut contact with the bride and groom.

If you're fussy (like me) you take additional food with you because you're mature enough to realise not every whim can be catered for.

Exactly. Omnivores eat vegetables and salad too, it's not special weirdy food only for vegans.

The OP says there was food leftover and the standard of offering to vegans and omnivores alike was similar (quiche, bread, salad, then the chilli, all of which are hearty food options if you want to soak up a lot of alcohol, which seems like an odd thing to base your complaint on as you're painting yourself as being a bit immature).

PluggingAway · 01/09/2021 04:33

Totally ridiculous to leave someone's wedding early and stop speaking to them just because you felt they didn't offer enough of a range of vegan foods at the buffet. She sounds like a bit of a self-absorbed prick so I wouldn't worry too much about the loss of friendship.

IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 01/09/2021 04:38

@louderthan

Has everyone missed the mention of bean chilli?? Sounds like a hearty vegan stomach-lining meal to me...
Yeah the chilli should be filling. And most meat eaters would choose the meat version because of the farts.
shiningcuckoo · 01/09/2021 04:48

Sounds fine to me. I once went to a wedding. By the time my table was called for food at the buffet there was only rice left. We were also called last for pudding. Nothing left at all. Wasnt the fault of the bride and groom and no way would I have ever mentioned it and potentially spoilt their day or the memory of their day.

anon12345678901 · 01/09/2021 04:59

@TooBigForMyBoots

Maybe she didn't like chilli and wasn't sufficiently full after the tarts and salad.
Then that's her problem and not one to complain about or stop talking to the OP. If you have specific food choices, you accept what there is for you to eat. I'm gluten free so I bring food additions with me just in case the food at a buffet is limited.
IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 01/09/2021 05:06

I think OP should be offended that she clearly only came for the booze

OoglyMoogly · 01/09/2021 06:33

She showed you her true colours, didn't she!

She's no loss as a friend. Just another person reinforcing the stereotype that all vegans have because of a few militant vegans.

Dashel · 01/09/2021 07:00

Are you sure she isn’t using this as an excuse to not give the real reason?

I’m also vegan and wouldn’t at all be offended by this. I have been surprised how many caterers don’t understand exactly what veggie or vegan is, but that is a whole separate issue and I wouldn’t be blaming the bride and groom anyway.