Should I have done more to accomodate their dietry requirement

[sliversurfer]

I got married in 2019. We had a couple of vegan guests, so when picking options with experienced caterers, ensured that there were vegan options. The wedding breakfast was a cold buffet - bread, ham, cheese, vegan salads, olives, quiche plus individual vegan tarts for our v guests. The evening meal was chilli and there was a bean version.

One of the v. guests left early and we never saw her again. I heard through friend of a friend that she was annoyed that we'd not catered for her. I was slightly bemused but honestly, was one of many things I felt 'went wrong' at our wedding, and hadn't given it much thought until I bumped into another mutual friend recently who confirmed that she was indeed offended by our catering efforts and that she'd have needed more than salad to make the most of the free bar.

WIBU?

Whilst I understand your friend being annoyed, walking out on a wedding is ridiculous.

I was at a wedding recently which was very remote (so no where else to get food) and as the last table to be given food options, all of the veggie options had been taken by meat eaters and myself and another veggie were left without. The way I saw it, the hosts catered for us but the caterers should have done a better job at making sure anyone with dietary requirements are taken care of first.

To me, that should be standard practice - it usually is which is why meals with dietary requirements are generally served first on planes etc.

Thanks for the responses. I haven't been (bean!) stewing this, I just remembered when I bumped into mutual friend recently and genuinely wondered if we'd offered enough.

No, I don't miss their friendship, they have form for being a bit of a dick but are part of a wider group of friends and it would have been weird not to invite them.

@ANameChangeAgain

As a life long vegetarian I think you did a good job. We have so many different diets in our house its ridiculous- I'm vegetarian but eat majority vegan, DD eats white meat only and is lactose and gluten intolerant, DS has Childline on speed dial in case I give him two vegetarian evening meals in a row, DH eats anything but has a buffet phobia. My DD and I will make do, but DH and DS always have a local chippy clocked, this way they can sneak out, under the pretence of having to move the car, for a quick chippy tea and be back again without offending anyone. Your friend sounds hard work.

sorry, but this really made me laugh.

I have a vision of your dh and ds sneaking out and coming back wiping greasy fingers on their wedding suits with shifty looks and satisfied saited look about them

In my experience of buffet most meat eaters do not give a single thought to what's left for vegans or vegetarians.

If it's on the buffet table when they come through they help themselves. But I say this isn't their fault, most omnivores don't think outside of the norm, and eating meat is the norm.

I'd say when catering a buffet, that the majority of meat eaters will always consume decent vegetarian and vegan options. So make the balance heavily weighted towards vegan and vegetarian options with say 2/3 of the dishes or even 3/4. This way everyone is happy and everyone gets a choice.

Surely the issue here is - you are invited out for a party/meal by a friend, who has gone to considerable trouble and paid for it all ( whether it's a wedding, a birthday, or indeed just a meal at home is irrelevant ) you don't like the food - you flounce out 'offended' and have nothing more to do with the said friend.

Abominably rude whichever way you look at it. You are well rid.

Could your other friend be stirring things up? Have you tried contacting the vegan guest? Perhaps she’s just been busy…best to ask directly if it’s bothering you.

What you did for food sounds absolutely fine; it is annoying when omnis eat all the veg options but you ensured that didn’t happen. I wouldn’t expect a wedding couple to give my food a second thought on their day tbh. If they are paying caterers then it’s up to them to cover that so the bride(S)/ groom(S) can enjoy.

She’s a dick, you’re well rid.

The few times I’ve gone anywhere as a vegan ,with vegan food catered for ,the meat eaters all just had to have a taste of the vegan food ,so both times I was left with just salad as well..
It’s so rude of the meat eaters ,we are a family of vegans who literally had nothing to eat at a 60 th birthday party ,no expense spared because greedy meat eaters had to taste everything..we take our own food now

I'd say when catering a buffet, that the majority of meat eaters will always consume decent vegetarian and vegan options.

I think that’s true. It’s astounding how many people ‘ could never be vege/vegan’ but then go for this food. They shovel it in but they ‘don’t like vege/vegan food’.....of course. 😉

If most guests got a fancy / elaborate meal and a vegan got bread and salad, I can understand they might feel a bit shortchanged (but it would be rude to comment)

In this case, it appears that the whole menu was quite simple / informal (not a bad thing), and the vegan options were variations on what everyone else had. That seems fine to me

I keep reading on here about meat eaters scoffing all the vegetarian food. It seems odd that caterers wouldn't manage the quantities appropriately, if it keeps on happening

@Summersnake

The few times I’ve gone anywhere as a vegan ,with vegan food catered for ,the meat eaters all just had to have a taste of the vegan food ,so both times I was left with just salad as well.. It’s so rude of the meat eaters ,we are a family of vegans who literally had nothing to eat at a 60 th birthday party ,no expense spared because greedy meat eaters had to taste everything..we take our own food now

I eat meat, but if I go to a party, I don't want a plate full of sausage rolls, chicken, cocktail sausages, other meaty snacks. I'd like a variety of meat / veg dishes. And most people are the same

If I was standing right next to you and could see that there was only one vegan item left, then of course I'd be happy for you to eat it. But if I was ahead of you in the queue, I wouldn't think "Well, I'd like that, but better not have it in case a vegan might like it". I'd assume that the caterers know what amount to provide

That's rubbish that your whole family went hungry at a party, and I am sorry for that, but but I'd say it was the fault of the caterers, not the meat eaters

I think it sounds odd.

We are vegan and at a wedding in 2019 we were given a salad for starters, a few roasted veggies for the main and a bit of fruit for pudding. This was a big fancy hotel in the middle of nowhere so we were bloody starving, but no way would I have said anything or left!!! And next time I'm going to bring some emergency snacks just in case.

This is so silly of your guest. She could survive on a vegan tart, a beer and some salad until the chilli in the evening- she sounds very immature.

Just forget about it- you asked your caterers for vegan options and she's putting a retrospective downer on your special day with this.

Don't worry about it, you catered for vegans, upt to her if she choose to eat it or not.
Not every guest would of liked all the buffet food, or probably even chilli but thats their personal choice. Its what was provided and a variety for all diets.

If she had allergies or intolerances and you didn't cater for those at all, I could understand to a degree her point. But end of the day, she has chosen to be vegan. And it isn't the easiest to cater for when a large group of people, unless they are all vegan!

If you follow a very limited diet and are worried there won't be lots of choice for you (lets face it, a wedding buffet for omnivores isn't going to ever be vegan heavy is it) then you take something with you just in case.
She sounds like an entitled brat if shes holding that against you. You're better of rid of that drama.

@Summersnake

The few times I’ve gone anywhere as a vegan ,with vegan food catered for ,the meat eaters all just had to have a taste of the vegan food ,so both times I was left with just salad as well.. It’s so rude of the meat eaters ,we are a family of vegans who literally had nothing to eat at a 60 th birthday party ,no expense spared because greedy meat eaters had to taste everything..we take our own food now

Greedy meat eaters? or did you just mean people who like to eat a variety of different foods and are not so fussy there is literally only 2 things they will eat at a buffet?

So everyone else should just not eat the vegetable options in case a vegan wants them because the vegan has chosen not to eat anything else provided?

When I'm at a buffet, I might choose not to eat the sausage rolls. Not a fan of them. But I wouldn't be bitching about everyone else tucking into all the chicken nuggets just because I think I am entitled to them more because I've chosen not to eat the sausage rolls.

It doesn't sound like the caterer did a great job but thats not your fault.

Most people wouldn't slag it off to anyone if it would get back to the couple though.

She sounds like an annoying self-involved drama queen. Her own vegan tart with salad and then bean chili and vegan beer should be absolutely fine and it was considerate of you to arrange it.

Many people don't eat a lot of meat - or only eat it now and again - but don't think of themselves as vegetarian or vegan. For example, I think I eat meat less than once a week, at a buffet I might end up not eating meat so I think caterers need to give specifically vegan food to the vegans (as sounds like happened with you). All this talk of meat-eaters shovelling and guzzling non-meat is a bit weird. Food is food - there's no such thing as 'vegetarian' or 'vegan' food.

I think it's fine for meat eaters to also enjoy vegetarian options. Just because you eat meat and fish doesn't mean that's all you eat. Most omnivores often eat meat-free meals, don't they?

It's for the caterers to provide enough varied food to make sure those with restrictions are able to eat enough, and/or for the meal times to be organised in a way that makes that possible. Nabbing a veggie option at a sit down meal with pre-chosen selections is totally off, but otherwise people get to choose the food they want. Where do you draw the line? Meat-free carb side dishes? Salads?

I am a meat eater but there are certain meats I really dislike (wouldn't touch chicken with a barge pole, for example) so if that was what was on offer I'd eat the vegetarian option.

@sliversurfer

The vegan tarts were given directly to the vegans, not left on buffet. The salads were for everyone but there was plenty left at end. The beer was vegan, the wine wasn't - The disgruntled guest is a big beer drinker but the lack of vegan wine could have been the issue.

@sliversurfer

Thanks for the responses. I haven't been (bean!) stewing this, I just remembered when I bumped into mutual friend recently and genuinely wondered if we'd offered enough.

No, I don't miss their friendship, they have form for being a bit of a dick but are part of a wider group of friends and it would have been weird not to invite them.

well if they have got asshat form, there's your answer right there

@CatJumperTwat

she was indeed offended by our catering efforts and that she'd have needed more than salad to make the most of the free bar.

I find it very hard to believe she said that.

But also the OP says,

The beer was vegan, the wine wasn't - The disgruntled guest is a big beer drinker but the lack of vegan wine could have been the issue.

So it could be all about wanting to eat 'well' and get shit-faced on someone else's dollar.

@StiffyByng

A veggie friend of mine was at a business dinner once. The first course was a plate of grilled vegetables, which was fine. The caterers then presented it to her again as her main, but without the nicest ones, so she got a large plate of chicory and not much else.

That sounds like they got the courses back to front!

I would still have been a bit shit though.