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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I have done more to accomodate their dietry requirement

166 replies

sliversurfer · 31/08/2021 22:04

I got married in 2019. We had a couple of vegan guests, so when picking options with experienced caterers, ensured that there were vegan options. The wedding breakfast was a cold buffet - bread, ham, cheese, vegan salads, olives, quiche plus individual vegan tarts for our v guests. The evening meal was chilli and there was a bean version.

One of the v. guests left early and we never saw her again. I heard through friend of a friend that she was annoyed that we'd not catered for her. I was slightly bemused but honestly, was one of many things I felt 'went wrong' at our wedding, and hadn't given it much thought until I bumped into another mutual friend recently who confirmed that she was indeed offended by our catering efforts and that she'd have needed more than salad to make the most of the free bar.

WIBU?

OP posts:
StiffyByng · 01/09/2021 14:51

Nope, chicory was the main feature of the starter, with a small tower of grilled veg too. Second time round she got the chicory and some salad garnish!

CatJumperTwat · 01/09/2021 15:01

SpindleWhorl I think the OP mentioned the free bar to paint herself in a good light. I don't believe the guest ranted to anybody that she couldn't take advantage of the free bar because the food wasn't enough.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 01/09/2021 17:06

they have form for being a bit of a dick ...

Imagine my surprise - but they've got even more now

Margerine78 · 02/09/2021 17:34

I've been a veggie my whole life and recently went vegan and I can safely say your 'friend' needs to get a grip. I'd never expect people to cater for me, when I go to restaurants with my (majority) meat-loving friends and family, I eat whatever's on the menu that I can - if that amounts to chips and side salad from the starter menu so be it.

Plus your wedding food sounds lush for veggies, baffled as to what else she was expecting? Honestly some vegans give the rest of us a bad name!

Perky1 · 02/09/2021 17:35

Sounds like you catered for her very well. I don’t understand her problem. I am vegan and find that when I attend a bring and share gathering my food is the most popular stuff on the table. Last time when I held back to let others eat there was nothing but crap sausage rolls and stodgy cakes left for me. I did find some grapes and chopped tomatoes and then was criticised for putting too much on my plate. I give up!!

WimpoleHat · 02/09/2021 17:40

It’s astounding how many people ‘ could never be vege/vegan’ but then go for this food.

As others have said, most people like to eat a range of food. People who will eat meat don’t only eat meat! Totally agree with @Bookworm20. Isn’t that the point of buffet food - that people can choose what they want and not have to have what they don’t?

Mollymoostoo · 02/09/2021 18:03

Sorry, your wedding was in 2019? People need to get a grip.

butterpuffed · 02/09/2021 18:08

I was just about to put a similar post, can't understand why it was posted Hmm

SallyWD · 02/09/2021 18:21

Maybe someone else ate the vegan tarts and she just saw the salad? I'd be annoyed to just have salad. I'm vegetarian and have often seen meat eaters devour the vegetarian options before I get a look in!

SallyWD · 02/09/2021 18:23

By the way, the vegan food you offered sounds lovely and sufficient. I just think maybe she didn't get a look in.

TheChiefJo · 02/09/2021 18:24

@butterpuffed

I was just about to put a similar post, can't understand why it was posted Hmm
Because OP only recently had this woman's feelings confirmed to her by a mutual friend.
butterpuffed · 02/09/2021 19:43

Oops, must've missed that bit Smile

Yourcatisnotsorry · 02/09/2021 20:16

She is BU. Even if you’d forgotten to get anything vegan she is BU to leave early and not talk to you. She could have nipped to the shop for some snacks and continued having a great time celebrating with you. We went to a wedding recently where our dietary requirements were messed up, all 4 of us have a particular requirement but the caterer only made enough food for 1. We made the best of it and would not dream of mentioning it to the bride and groom or being upset with them.

purpletrees16 · 02/09/2021 20:56

As some one with allergies who is a child of the 80s people need to bring cereal bars! You can’t expect mass catering to accommodate you. And then you don’t have to leave if it’s a bit small nor eat it if it’s a feast.

Karwomannghia · 02/09/2021 21:05

Some people are never happy. Sad really.

Sewaccidentprone · 02/09/2021 21:10

I’ve been veggie for decades. Long before it was ‘popular’. I went to a fund raising bbq (they knew I was coming and am veggie) and the offerings were meat burger, meat sausages and bread rolls (&sauces)

That was it. No salad.

If I was vegan I’d have been v happy with what was offered. I’ve been to buffets where I’ve only been able to eat crisps and salad (the bread had all been sniffled by the locusts descending while I was at the bar!)

Ariadneslostthread · 02/09/2021 22:14

SuperCaliFragalistic

Being vegan is usually a lifestyle choice and if she chooses not to eat the food you provide then that's up to her. It's called fussy eating and I'm sick of people expecting to be served totally different food because of a passing fancy.

Ok...so Vegan is somwhere between “lifestyle choice, fussy eating”, and a “passing fancy” ?. Wow , strange that, because I’m a vegan because I care about our planet, and the animals on it, and also I’m anaphylacticly allergic to ANY dairy. You see, to your comment, it would be be ok then to say Non Vegans are entitled, selfish and greedy then ?. DId you put your brain into gear before typing your comment, which had nothing to do with the OP post ?. And incidentally OP, I think you were thoughtful enough, but as others have said, I think it’s likely everyone else just ate everything on offer. I ALWAYS take my own food everywhere- if I’ve been catered for , that is a bonus. If I’d have been your friend, I’d have taken my own reserve of food - and if she was so bothered about the free bar, I’d say that booze mattered more to her than food !. I’d dump her 😁

ellyeth · 02/09/2021 22:25

If your dietary requirements are very different from what most people eat, I think you should expect there to be less provision. It seems that what you offered for vegans was reasonable.

I'm inclined to think that people who make a big fuss about their dietary requirements (unless they are related to allergies or other health conditions) are really enjoying the opportunity to be offended and outraged. Most people who are vegetarian or vegan accept with good grace what is on offer - as a several previous posters have indicated.

Frankly I wouldn't waste too much time worrying about people like this. They are not good friends and they are very rude.

gogohm · 02/09/2021 22:35

I've ordered pizza to a wedding on two occasions be there was nothing for my veggie dd (she autistic and fussy too so pasta with broccoli isn't going to cut it) I didn't make a fuss but I know the bridge explicitly told the caterers to serve her quorn cutlets with the roast potatoes etc and instead it was a pile of barely cooked pasta twists and broccoli a pet hate, then 18 months later almost a repeat except it was this cabbage type dish

cherish123 · 02/09/2021 22:37

You made the best effort you could. She sounds ridiculous and high maintenance.

WeatherwaxOn · 02/09/2021 23:02

I was at a wedding recently with a sit down meal.
The meat eaters got a Sunday roast style meal. The vegetarians got roast veg + mushroom Wellington. The vegans got a vegetable medley with a few roast potatoes.
For dessert the meat eaters and vegetarians got chocolate tart with cream. The vegans got fruit salad.
Whilst the dietary needs were accommodated, it didn't seem like an equivalent meal in terms of "bulk'/how filling it was.

Your salads/chilli sound great but as other posters have said, I wonder if the specifically vegan food got snaffled by the omnivores.

Leontine · 02/09/2021 23:40

She is BU but many years ago I went to a wedding where the wedding breakfast was afternoon tea. Only meat sandwiches were presented, despite me ticking the vegetarian box on the RSVP. Spoke to the waitress, no problem they’d just forgotten to bring the veg friendly sandwiches out. They bring them to the table and I hear “ooooh egg” and a bunch of meat eaters snaffled them. They literally took them from my plate when my back was turned!! Shock

Harmonypuss · 03/09/2021 02:27

@danadas

^No not at all. I am coeliac so have dietary requirements as a need rather than a choice. It's great if I am catered for but I always make sure I have stuff with me in case I can't eat anything (cross contamination tends to be an issue at buffets).

I wouldn't expect to be specifically catered for.^

I'm not coeliac but do have several food allergies and intolerances, so I'm there with you on this.

I usually tell my host not to count me in the numbers for catering because I always have my own food with me to avoid the precise issue of cross-contamination.

The food the OP says she provided, I would possibly (if I could speak to the caterer first) be able to have a ham sandwich, but there would have been nothing else suitable for my dietary issues at all for the whole event.

I know it is really difficult to ensure everyone is properly catered for at events, and I used to organise meetings and conferences as part of my job. Knowing how difficult it is to cater for me, I was always discussing menus with my delegates and venue caterers and even then it wasn't always perfect.

You do what you can, you try to cater so that everyone should be able to find something they like but if there are serious issues that you know about, then you should discuss them with all concerned. In the case of the OP, it appears she did nothing wrong, maybe the caterer just didn't provide enough veggie options.

jontyl · 03/09/2021 08:05

The caterers should always put out loads of vegan options regardless as many people often 'try' vegan food when out. That's why there's often none left for the regular vegans. So many BBQ's I have attended the vegan burgers get eaten by omnivores. I now take my own.

BarbaraofSeville · 03/09/2021 08:16

@Leontine

She is BU but many years ago I went to a wedding where the wedding breakfast was afternoon tea. Only meat sandwiches were presented, despite me ticking the vegetarian box on the RSVP. Spoke to the waitress, no problem they’d just forgotten to bring the veg friendly sandwiches out. They bring them to the table and I hear “ooooh egg” and a bunch of meat eaters snaffled them. They literally took them from my plate when my back was turned!! Shock
A lot of these problems are down to terrible caterers. Even if there hadn't been any requests for vegetarian food, they shouldn't serve only meat sandwiches, most people like a variety.

An egg or cheese sandwich is a perfectly normal food item that most people will eat and should be included as part of a balanced sandwich buffet spread, not only on request for vegetarians.

Likewise things like onion bhajis, samosas, crisps, hummus, falafels, crudites, pasta or bean salads etc.