Should I have done more to accomodate their dietry requirement

[sliversurfer]

I got married in 2019. We had a couple of vegan guests, so when picking options with experienced caterers, ensured that there were vegan options. The wedding breakfast was a cold buffet - bread, ham, cheese, vegan salads, olives, quiche plus individual vegan tarts for our v guests. The evening meal was chilli and there was a bean version.

One of the v. guests left early and we never saw her again. I heard through friend of a friend that she was annoyed that we'd not catered for her. I was slightly bemused but honestly, was one of many things I felt 'went wrong' at our wedding, and hadn't given it much thought until I bumped into another mutual friend recently who confirmed that she was indeed offended by our catering efforts and that she'd have needed more than salad to make the most of the free bar.

WIBU?

Time and time again, I hear vegetarians / vegans say that there isn't enough food for them at events. Out of interest, can any caterers explain whether they agree this is an issue, and if so, why don't caterers offer more vegetarian / vegan food at a buffet?

Also, in a private house, I can understand the host taking an easy option e.g. fruit salad, but it seems a cop out for professional caterers, who could presumably make a batch of vegan brownies, and defrost a few at a time, when required

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Did the vegans get a look in on the vegan tarts? Or did they get snaffled by omnivores?

A very good point. I have seen meat eaters indulging in the veggie proteins at barbecues leaving none for the vegetarians. It requires signage, "for true vegans/vegetarians only".

Exactly this. I have catered for a number of events and watched the meat eaters shovel the veggie/vegan option onto their plate of meat as a side dish

I hate this attitude. Shovel? How fucking rude! Vegetarians seem to think that "meat eaters" should only eat the meat, and leave the vegetables alone for the non meat eaters. Like I should have a sausage roll and not "shovel" some salad on as a side dish? Bloody stupid.

A very good point. I have seen meat eaters indulging in the veggie proteins at barbecues leaving none for the vegetarians. It requires signage, "for true vegans/vegetarians only"

Meat eaters don't always want meat. True vegans and vegetarians want everyone to reduce their intake, not try and get them to eat more of it.

Leaning just at this moment that "vegan wine" is a thing... would never have considered that alcoholic beverages were not vegan.
I must admit I'm grateful I had the worst dietary requirement of any guest at my own wedding and made a point of not moaning at myself.

I agree with the poster who said that as a person with dietary requirements, I never expect to be catered for. I bring my own snacks and if there's something I can eat, all the better.

I totally see where you are coming from as you had tried to be all inclusive. The problem is that Vegans get salads offered to them all the time, so after 150 such experiences, it can feel like the last straw. However, to leave because of it is just plain rude. She could have talked more about it and a solution found.

I am not vegan, but I am vegetarian. I get pissed off with the number of times people cook me fish. I am not pescatarian, so I do not eat fish. Strangely a lot of people think that a fish is not an animal.

Also, I love cheese. However, thousands of restaurants think that slapping some goats cheese on chewy ciabatta upon a mountain of rocket leaves with a drizzle of balzamic dressing is clever. No it is not. Although tasty I agree, it is cheap, unoriginal, unimaginative and not something I expect to pay restaurant prices for. I could do that at home with 2 minutes of preparation. Then some places even offer it again as a main course! Seriously, I have had to politely suffer formal restaurant dinners where my only veggie options were both goats cheese starter and goats cheese main meal and so much rocket that I felt like a cow eating grass. The only difference was that the main meal had more ciabatta, more rocket and some communal garlic potatoes that were scoffed by all the others before I could get no more than a forkful. Similarly, I have had tart starter and tart main meal. Also, bean chillies are not for everyone.

So, yes tarts, salads and bean chillies are great, but for a special occasion it is probably best to ask in advance for some menu ideas. It is no excuse for her rude behaviour. So, I would try to contact her and show her this thread, and ask her what would help you improve in future events.

@ManifestDestinee

A very good point. I have seen meat eaters indulging in the veggie proteins at barbecues leaving none for the vegetarians. It requires signage, "for true vegans/vegetarians only"

Meat eaters don't always want meat. True vegans and vegetarians want everyone to reduce their intake, not try and get them to eat more of it.

Exactly. The next best thing to everyone being properly vegetarian/vegan is for as many people as possible to hugely cut down on the amount of meat they eat and mostly eat plant based food with meat being a small part of the overall diet or each individual meal.

So vegetarians can't really complain if someone has an onion bhaji and a falafel off a buffet, if they've also had a ham sandwich.

But it can be the fault of the caterers, but not a reason to accuse meat eaters of deliberatly 'shoveling veggie options onto their plates' as if they do this solely to piss off the vegetarians. I've seen so many buffets that contain most of ham sandwiches, sausage rolls, pork pies, mini sausages and scotch eggs, which are pretty much all the same food, so it's pretty boring if you're not excited by processed pork and/or pastry.

By "help you improve" I really mean "how to cater better for vegans" in future.

@ManifestDestinee

A very good point. I have seen meat eaters indulging in the veggie proteins at barbecues leaving none for the vegetarians. It requires signage, "for true vegans/vegetarians only"

Meat eaters don't always want meat. True vegans and vegetarians want everyone to reduce their intake, not try and get them to eat more of it.

I totally agree. However I should have said "when the veggie options are limited in quantity". Sometimes, a person with a dietary requirement (and it could be a gluten-free bread roll) gets to eat nothing due to someone else not being sensitive to their needs. The eater might eat half the dietary items and then go on to eat the meat as well.

Certainly veggie/vegan produce is not just for vegetarians. I dislike it when some V's complain about that. However, in the case of a few vegan supplies for the few vegans, it is important to ensure that they do not miss out on a meal.

So many of the vegetarians/vegans on here seem to be confusing omnivore with carnivore. Just because somebody eats meat that does not mean that they only eat meat. There is a really condescending attitude towards omnivores here, how we are 'greedy' and snaffle food. No, its called helping yourself to the options you want to eat at a buffet.

@sallyWD if you had bothered to read the full thread you would see that yes, she did in fact get a look in. The vegan tarts were handed to the vegans and there was loads of the vegan salads left over. She wasn't denied anything

@user1471457751

So many of the vegetarians/vegans on here seem to be confusing omnivore with carnivore. Just because somebody eats meat that does not mean that they only eat meat. There is a really condescending attitude towards omnivores here, how we are 'greedy' and snaffle food. No, its called helping yourself to the options you want to eat at a buffet.

True, but when there are only a few vegetarian supplies, it is unfair for an omnivore to leave none (or insufficient) for the vegetarian. Otherwise, I fully agree.

True, but when there are only a few vegetarian supplies, it is unfair for an omnivore to leave none (or insufficient) for the vegetarian. Otherwise, I fully agree

That's not for the omnivores to manage though, they can't. If I go up to a provided buffet, I have no knowledge of how many vegans or vegetarians are in attendance, and I don't know how much there is of any given food. So I can't choose my food in order to leave enough non meat food for those who choose not to eat it.
You can't blame me and say it's unfair, I can do literally nothing about it.

@user1471457751 Please forgive me! The vegan was definitely being most unreasonable.

Veggie here and I would have been happy with tart and salad and bean chilli!

I guess the tarts could have been scoffed by the non vegans leaving them with only salad.... But if they were only dished out to the vegans then they are being unreasonable!

If you want to have a strict diet you simply can't expect the level of catering that everyone else has!

Personally I would have been more than happy with what you put on. Vegan wine is tricky because 1 most wines don't tell you they are filtered with animal products and 2 most vegans I know don't even realise they are (until I point it out).

Sounds like they are making a fuss over nothing to be honest. To walk out and not see you again is massively over dramatic and probably speaks volumes about the person who walks out of a wedding because the food isn't good enough!

I’m vegan- you did nothing wrong, your friend is really rude. A tart plus salad plus bean chilli is better than I’ve had at a lot of weddings!