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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stopping neighbours coming into my garden?

218 replies

niehgboursandgarden · 31/08/2021 16:16

Sounds stupid doesn't it but how do I do this?

I have a 6ft fence. Not allowed to have a higher one as per council regs. I have a garden gate, that's kept locked.

I know they have been in there today because (as on previous occasions) a ball gets kicked over and a day or so later, it's suddenly not there. I saw the ball yesterday it was at least 20ft from the fence that separates our respective gardens so not like they could reach it from their garden.

I have been in all day but from my home office I cannot see my side gate nor the garden (I work at the front of the house so I can see deliveries etc). I am sick of the intrusion, I rarely ever use my garden because I don't feel safe out there, I only go out there if my DP or DC are with me.

What can I do? I don't think a camera would deter them. I'm sick of feeling I have no privacy.

If I confront them they will laugh and say I'm mental. And then I'll have months of the kids name calling me, and DP when he's here (he works away).

Moving is not an option for a couple of years yet and I am wary of escalating any dispute because then I'd have to declare it when I came to sell. I just want them to stop coming in my bloody garden!

OP posts:
WomanStanleyWoman · 01/09/2021 11:04

@HotPenguin

If they are coming in to get their ball they DO have a right. One of the situations in which you can trespass is to retrieve "chattels" on someone else's property. That could be a ball, your dog, or any other possession. Yes it would be polite to knock and ask, but perhaps they are scared of you if they don't do this?
Even if you’re the one who has actually thrown that ‘chattel’ onto the property? The OP hasn’t stolen the balls.
HarrietsChariot · 01/09/2021 11:07

The "chattel" defence might work once or twice, but if it's a repeated issue like this the onus would be on the neighbours to stop throwing the ball over the fence.

Think how ludicrous it would be otherwise. I could deliberately put something through my neighbour's letterbox and then enter their property to retrieve it!

CloudPop · 01/09/2021 11:18

I'm amazed it is so widely considered to be completely ok to hop into neighbours gardens. I really don't agree.

CharityDingle · 01/09/2021 11:20

It is, as you have said, OP, a form of bullying. I guarantee that they are doing it deliberately. I had a short time living next to the likes of that. It's horrible.

The verbal abuse is something that could be reported to the police. Nobody should have to put up with that.

fluffedup · 01/09/2021 11:39

Years ago I lived next to a nice family with two teenage boys whose footballs kept getting kicked into my garden.

They would knock on the door to ask for them back but the problem was, I was rarely home since I was mostly out at work or out socialising or asleep. So I told them to knock first, if I didn't answer, just go in the garden and get the ball.

There's a world of difference though between allowing a child you know and like to go in your garden to get his ball, and allowing rude abusive arseholes, especially as it seems the balls are often kicked over on purpose.

bringbacksideburns · 01/09/2021 11:48

I'd put anti vandal paint everywhere. They sound unpleasant.

ablutiions · 01/09/2021 11:49

I'd do a big loud prayer meeting in your back garden. With full choir. Invite them over Grin

Karlee30 · 01/09/2021 11:51

Maybe just throw the ball back over when first spot it?

shutthedamndoor · 01/09/2021 11:51

I would absolutely buy motion activated sprinklers. It won`t stop them being unpleasant - but it will stop them coming in your garden - after the first couple of soakings.

TheWeatherWitch · 01/09/2021 12:06

You asked for a solution.
I gave you one. Anti vandalism paint on your side of the fence. Yet you still say you can’t because your neighbours would push the fence over.

You will not return lost footballs because you were in your pyjamas.
You over hear your neighbours telling their children you are “looney”
You have an excuse for every supposed ‘wrong’

You love being a victim don’t you?

Put anti vandalism paint up, return lost balls. Quit being the centre of attention.

callmeadoctor · 01/09/2021 12:17

I think that there are 2 issues, all the "ball over the fence" ideas are worth trying. (Particularly stopping the panels being pulled up which is very easy to sort).
But the OP doesn't want to sit outside because she is uncomfortable, how about a big gazebo or marquee set up against the fence with one side up so that you feel a bit more shielded, plus they won't know whether you are there or not? (obviously I know you shouldn't have to do this, but could just make it more comfy for you to be outside?)

DameAlyson · 01/09/2021 12:37

Appalling victim blaming in this thread. If the op had posted that her husband called her a bitch, fat cow, mental, stupid etc if she didn't jump to do what he wanted the instant he wanted it, there'd be a resounding LTB. As it's neighbours, she's supposed to be up early in the morning, interrupt her work, be out late at night in her dressing gown, to rectify a problem of their making.

And the fence may not be damaged now, but if teenage boys are regularly climbing it, it soon will be.

CloudPop · 01/09/2021 12:50

@fluffedup

Years ago I lived next to a nice family with two teenage boys whose footballs kept getting kicked into my garden.

They would knock on the door to ask for them back but the problem was, I was rarely home since I was mostly out at work or out socialising or asleep. So I told them to knock first, if I didn't answer, just go in the garden and get the ball.

There's a world of difference though between allowing a child you know and like to go in your garden to get his ball, and allowing rude abusive arseholes, especially as it seems the balls are often kicked over on purpose.

Exactly !
chitchatchatter · 01/09/2021 16:08

@TheWeatherWitch

You asked for a solution. I gave you one. Anti vandalism paint on your side of the fence. Yet you still say you can’t because your neighbours would push the fence over.

You will not return lost footballs because you were in your pyjamas.
You over hear your neighbours telling their children you are “looney”
You have an excuse for every supposed ‘wrong’

You love being a victim don’t you?

Put anti vandalism paint up, return lost balls. Quit being the centre of attention.

What a nasty post. Stop victim blaming.
HollowTalk · 01/09/2021 16:15

I know you say you can't move for a couple of years but I would do anything possible to move in that situation because it's so clearly affecting your mental health.

memberofthewedding · 01/09/2021 16:17

You can get an utdoor caera on Amazon for about £50 (possibly less) which runs on a rechargeable battery and lasts about 2 weeks. I have them all round my house and they give a great view down to the bottom of the street. You can save the pictures to the cloud or to your own webspace and keep them as long as you wish.

I caught my NDN dumping rubbish onto my lawn, printed the thumbnails and stuck a message thrugh his door threatening to inform the police unless the mess was cleared up within 24 hours. He was out at 6.15 am next day clearing it up. Moreover he now knows I have proof that he committed a criminal offence and can hold it over his head for the foreseeable.

When any balls come over my fence they get thrown back into the street when my nephew visits - once a week. I am not a ball park attendant.

Original poster
niehgboursandgarden · 01/09/2021 16:56

@TheWeatherWitch

You asked for a solution. I gave you one. Anti vandalism paint on your side of the fence. Yet you still say you can’t because your neighbours would push the fence over.

You will not return lost footballs because you were in your pyjamas.
You over hear your neighbours telling their children you are “looney”
You have an excuse for every supposed ‘wrong’

You love being a victim don’t you?

Put anti vandalism paint up, return lost balls. Quit being the centre of attention.

I have no idea what you are talking about? Where have I said they will push the fence over?

I've not commented on any suggestions about anti climb paint. I know that legally there can be issues with using this (iirc you have to have a notice up or something) and of course if they're lifting the panel or going over the gate painting the fence won't help me. I think the cat deterrent spikes are a better idea and I've previously said I'm going to get someone out to fit those for me - and secure the panels so they can't be lifted.

I have no desire either to be a victim. That's such an odd thing to say. I go out of my way to have anything to do with these people and try to make myself as unobtrusive as possible! I don't want them to feel sorry for me i want to be invisible to them. Sadly because they are unpleasant bullies they want to make my life a misery.

OP posts:
MaMelon · 01/09/2021 18:57

@TheWeatherWitch

You asked for a solution. I gave you one. Anti vandalism paint on your side of the fence. Yet you still say you can’t because your neighbours would push the fence over.

You will not return lost footballs because you were in your pyjamas.
You over hear your neighbours telling their children you are “looney”
You have an excuse for every supposed ‘wrong’

You love being a victim don’t you?

Put anti vandalism paint up, return lost balls. Quit being the centre of attention.

Nasty little mouth you’ve got on you there. That was totally unnecessary.
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