Stopping neighbours coming into my garden?

[niehgboursandgarden]

Sounds stupid doesn't it but how do I do this?

I have a 6ft fence. Not allowed to have a higher one as per council regs. I have a garden gate, that's kept locked.

I know they have been in there today because (as on previous occasions) a ball gets kicked over and a day or so later, it's suddenly not there. I saw the ball yesterday it was at least 20ft from the fence that separates our respective gardens so not like they could reach it from their garden.

I have been in all day but from my home office I cannot see my side gate nor the garden (I work at the front of the house so I can see deliveries etc). I am sick of the intrusion, I rarely ever use my garden because I don't feel safe out there, I only go out there if my DP or DC are with me.

What can I do? I don't think a camera would deter them. I'm sick of feeling I have no privacy.

If I confront them they will laugh and say I'm mental. And then I'll have months of the kids name calling me, and DP when he's here (he works away).

Moving is not an option for a couple of years yet and I am wary of escalating any dispute because then I'd have to declare it when I came to sell. I just want them to stop coming in my bloody garden!

@niehgboursandgarden

My garden is on different levels, the ball was on a level I only saw last night when I was already upstairs in my pyjamas. I wasn't going to get dressed to go back downstairs, unlock all the doors to go outside and throw it over. I was going to do it after I finished work today or ask my DC to do it, but it's no longer there.

and tbh it doesn't give them the right to trespass into my garden.

I wasn't going to get dressed to go back downstairs, unlock all the doors to go outside and throw it over. I was going to do it after I finished work today or ask my DC to do it, but it's no longer there.

Pop on a dressing gown, or a jumper and nip downstairs and pop it over. Its not a royal visit!

You wont be able to prove anything unless you put up a camera, or are in the garden when it happens.

They don't sound very nice but I still think you just need to throw the balls back and try to de-escalate this.

@Jigsawtrain

Throwing the ball back seems the obvious solution

So does the kids knocking on the OP's door to ask for it back if she hasn't seen it.

I'm with you OP. They need to ask for the ball and not trespass onto your garden. Its annoying if its a regular occurrence. Anyway winter soon.

@niehgboursandgarden

It will be things like the kids screaming from their garden she doesnt give our balls back, its the bitch who stole our balls etc and the parents then saying oh you need to ignore her because she's loony, she's stupid, she's mental etc etc.

Funnily enough they go to church every week and have a big sticker in their car saying 'Be Kind'. Not to me.

This all started because years ago a fence panel fell down between our gardens and in the meantime the kids kept walking in and playing in my garden which is much bigger than theirs. I asked them not to because there's dangerous stuff in my garden and was told it was my fault it was natural they'd want to come in and I was a bad neighbour for not replacing my fence (I did within a few weeks).

Last winter their fence on the other side (ie the one they're responsible for, between them and another neighbour) fell down. It took them 6 months to replace it. The irony of that wasnt lost on me.

Why am I scared? Because I don't want to listen to it - I do try headphones but I'm also worried they will just climb into the garden as clearly they are able to do so and don't seem to care if I'm home or not - and If I've got headphones I won't hear it. Or throw things at me, that also has happened before.

They are cowards so if we're in a group they do nothing.

Op I'm so sorry if I have this wrong. They should not be saying horrible things about you and neither should the parents. But they are saying things like you won't give their balls back. Do you withhold their balls for a while before returning them. As neighbours you both have issues with each other way make it worse by not giving the ball back. If you did their would be mo reason for them to go in your garden.

I'm your post you made a comment about them taking a long time to fix their fence. It was not even om your side of the garden . Yet you commented on it. It had no effect on you . Maybe maybe they took a long time due to money.

It sounds to me like you may be part of the problem? 6 of one half dozen of the other. Maybe pick your battles.

Be grateful you don't live in Belgium OP.
www.theguardian.com/world/2021/aug/24/footballs-coming-home-legal-right-to-retrieve-a-lost-ball-in-belgium

I reckon that balls in garden are topic, not issue. The neighbours are enjoying abusing, bullying, and intimidating OP, with verbal harassment, compounded by coming into her garden without permission, at will. They are justifying this to themselves and others by saying that OP is not throwing their balls back in a suitably timely fashion (in their opinion).

And how come these kids have such piss poor aim that at their age they're still firing multiple balls regularly over this particular neighbour's fence, the one they have a difficult relationship with? What a coincidink, as my daughter would say.

its the bitch who stole our balls etc and the parents then saying oh you need to ignore her because she's loony, she's stupid, she's mental etc etc

Have you had another thread about nasty neighbours?

One ball every few days doesn't seem so crazy for the summer holidays tbh. When they knock you don't answer or throw the balls back, so what are they to do? Have you told them you don't want them going in the garden? If you don't see them it seems like they must wait til you're out or busy which may be done out of courtesy.

What would you want them to do when a ball goes over?

@MaMelon I agree it’s not the simplest solution given were the garden is, the simplest solution would be to let them come get the balls themselves so she didn’t have to go into the garden really, but that’s the bit that’s making her anxious so even though she really shouldn’t have to, it’d just be the easiest way to prevent intrusion as the only reason they are coming in the garden.

@SheliasBroomIsLonger

Or start going to their church and freak them out. They'll be scared you blow their reputation as meek, christian folks

I would do that or do you know anyone else who attends the same church? You could invite them round for a cup of coffee and just sit in the garden with them chatting. They would then be worried you would start telling everyone about their behaviour.

Maybe you could seek counsel from the priest of that church about how to deal with neighbours, without mentioning names. Invite him/her round for the coffee and sit in the garden

Also welcome to AIBU where you could say the neighbours have set your dog on fire and someone will tell you they are justified. No they shouldn't be in your garden, they are bullying shits.

I do vaguely know 2 of the senior people in the local branch of their church (it's one of the new faith type ones) as they're parents of a child my DC went to primary school with - not a close enough connection to really help though!

I'm going to put up the camera, and see if I can get someone local to fit spikes on the fence, and on top of the gate - as well as nail the panels in too.

Schools go back in the next couple of days so getting it done on a weekday could work well, it will be a fait accompli by the time they know anything about it.

I'm also dogsitting for 2 weeks next month for a friend, so I will be out in the garden every day with the dog - sadly more cuddly puppy than aggressive guard dog, but it will at least get me out there more.

I felt absolutely despairing when I started this thread but am feeling more optimistic now, which has to be good even if it doesn't last. Thanks for the helpful suggestions.

I agree @JaffaRaf - letting them come in might be the lesser of the 2 evils. It's a really difficult one though - I imagine if they had a better relationship the OP might be a bit more tolerant of the kids retrieving their balls, but their behaviour is such that I suspect many people wouldn't feel so inclined. Sounds an awful situation to live with.

@niehgboursandgarden I do think the twat brigade is out in force here.

The ball is irrelevant, they have no right to enter your garden without permission. End off. There is no debating it. Whether you throw the ball back within seconds or a month, the point is they should not be coming over and helping themselves.

Get cameras up, I would also put signs up saying people wntering without permission. are trespassing and therfore you will not be held liable for any accidents that may befall them.

If you can establish how they are getting in you stand a far better chance of stopping them.

But you shouldn't have to feel so intimidated in your own home. Can you speak to your local safer neighbourhood pcso and see what support or advice they can offer?

It does, you have my sympathies OP. Shame you can’t just attach a big tennis style net to the top of the fence really.

As they were just coming in to get the ball back I don’t really think it’s a big deal. You would have probably been annoyed if they’d come and rung on your doorbell and asked? Surely that would have been more of an intrusion?
Obviously it’s your space and you should feel safe and not put upon but maybe just chalk this up to kids wanting their ball back in school holidays. You could always drop a note round saying please let me know if you need you’re ball back in future and I’ll Chuck it over 🙂. It’s nice to be neighbourly and also means that you might feel more at ease 🤞🏻

And how come these kids have such piss poor aim that at their age they're still firing multiple balls regularly over this particular neighbour's fence

13/14, which OP says the older children are, is really too big for back garden football. They ought to go to a park or playing field, where they can have a proper kickabout.

First thing to do is to use a camera to work out how they're getting in. Then you can take steps to block their access. It might be as simple as screwing down a panel if they are lifting them.

@niehgboursandgarden

My garden is on different levels, the ball was on a level I only saw last night when I was already upstairs in my pyjamas. I wasn't going to get dressed to go back downstairs, unlock all the doors to go outside and throw it over. I was going to do it after I finished work today or ask my DC to do it, but it's no longer there.

and tbh it doesn't give them the right to trespass into my garden.

You don't need to get dressed. You could have popped out in your PJs. You could have returned the ball before starting work. I find it bizarre that you are scared to ask the neighbours to be more careful in the first place, ask the neighbours to knock for the ball, just throw the ball.

Do you suffer anxiety?

@niehgboursandgarden

My garden is on different levels, the ball was on a level I only saw last night when I was already upstairs in my pyjamas. I wasn't going to get dressed to go back downstairs, unlock all the doors to go outside and throw it over. I was going to do it after I finished work today or ask my DC to do it, but it's no longer there.

and tbh it doesn't give them the right to trespass into my garden.

True, it doesn't give them the right, but why are you scared to go in your garden now?

@Generalpost

I do give the balls back. The fact they say something doesn't make it true. It's no more true than that I'm a loony, or a witch or fat, ugly or stupid.

Give and take can't all be one way.

I think you missed the point about the fence. They gave me a load of grief about my fence which I replaced in a few weeks. When it came time to replace THEIR fence, they took 6 months. They might well have had money problems but so might I - they didn't consider that when they were telling me to get it fixed asap!

I do pick my battles. I cannot spend all my time checking the garden for balls. It's a big garden, and I can't see out into it except from upstairs. I simply don't have time to check multiple times a day IF a ball is in the garden so I can go through the palaver of going outside to chuck it back purely to pre-empt them helping themselves.

If you google ‘football stop net’ it does come up with a range of nets, hard to say if any of them would work for your garden obviously, but it could stop balls from coming over and make it harder for them to climb over.

I am concerned that you putting spikes up will be seen as a mini act of aggression, and invite retaliation. Just throw the balls back as soon as you can for a while and see if you can de-escalate this nastiness.

I've just re-read this thread and I can't work out why the OP is getting such nasty responses. Of course it's not acceptable for the children next door to go in her garden to retrieve their balls without her permission and she is under no obligation to return them in a 'timely' manner. At 13/14 years old they are well old enough to understand trespass.

OP I would begin by getting enough cameras to cover your property, together with notices announcing their presence, since just that may be enough of a deterrent to stop the name calling and trespassing. Most cameras are motion activated so the name calling won't trigger it but you can get some that are constantly recording.

Brackets to stop fence panels being lifted as a PP suggested.

Next put a thin plank along the top of each fence panel, so anyone putting their hand on the top of the fence panel puts their hand on the edge of this thin plank rather than the top of the panel. The extra bits need only be a couple of inches high and should be flimsy, so not only are they uncomfortable to grab, but it will be difficult to climb over without breaking them. And that is the point - if they break that it's criminal damage, hopefully captured by the CCTV, which will be a police matter where mere trespass would not.

Going to their church or befriending someone they know from there, as a PP suggested, is also a good idea though a bit time consuming.

If all that doesn't work you could speak to the mum and ask her one last time to stop, it sounds like she will tell you to fuck off, then tell her you will go on Next Door, where you use your own name, and ask people there for advice on children name calling, encouraged by parents. With a picture of your back garden so they can see the fence layout. That would be obvious to a lot of people who know them what they have been doing. Hopefully they will stop to avoid that happening.

But yes they're arseholes.

Use anticline paint on the fence and gate, and out spikes on the top of the fence, as long as it’s yours

OP if it's a fence you are responsible for then you have every right to add trellis or those spiky bird deterrents. Fit a camera, if they break anything get them to pay for it.
In the mean time stick a note through their door telling them to knock after X time to retrieve ball, and that they are not permitted to just enter your garden.
Also start recording what they say and report them to the council.
And to prevent everything just throw the ball back when you see it.
Kids can be annoying, but I can see it from there side too, she never throws it back (tbf it's a bit weird that you don't)