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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stopping neighbours coming into my garden?

218 replies

niehgboursandgarden · 31/08/2021 16:16

Sounds stupid doesn't it but how do I do this?

I have a 6ft fence. Not allowed to have a higher one as per council regs. I have a garden gate, that's kept locked.

I know they have been in there today because (as on previous occasions) a ball gets kicked over and a day or so later, it's suddenly not there. I saw the ball yesterday it was at least 20ft from the fence that separates our respective gardens so not like they could reach it from their garden.

I have been in all day but from my home office I cannot see my side gate nor the garden (I work at the front of the house so I can see deliveries etc). I am sick of the intrusion, I rarely ever use my garden because I don't feel safe out there, I only go out there if my DP or DC are with me.

What can I do? I don't think a camera would deter them. I'm sick of feeling I have no privacy.

If I confront them they will laugh and say I'm mental. And then I'll have months of the kids name calling me, and DP when he's here (he works away).

Moving is not an option for a couple of years yet and I am wary of escalating any dispute because then I'd have to declare it when I came to sell. I just want them to stop coming in my bloody garden!

OP posts:
JennaPenna · 31/08/2021 16:28

Op why do they give you verbal abuse?
You should never be made to be scared of going in your garden.
Has there been previous issues?

Bluntness100 · 31/08/2021 16:28

You are scared to go into your garden and your neighbours abuse you when you do?

kaleidoscopeheartless · 31/08/2021 16:28

Why do you need to get dressed to go out in your garden? Who is saying things to you?

Scbchl · 31/08/2021 16:29

I don't understand why this would even annoy someone. What actual harm does it cause anyone them popping in and out super quick to grab a ball.. you didn't even notice them. Some people on mumsnet really bewilder me with the petty things that annoy them. Id be more bothered by getting the door chapped eveytime they wanted the ball back than just popping in for it.

RickJames · 31/08/2021 16:29

You can't go in your garden in your pjamas and slippers?? How many doors do you need to unlock in a council property??

Sorry, yeah, they shouldn't just leap the fence at will but you are coming across as really precious! Come on.. throw the balls back, shout 'here's your ball!' and be a bit more friendly. Community is important - be nicer about annoyances. One day they might have to be tolerant about you.

PrincessNutella · 31/08/2021 16:29

What is wrong with this picture. You are so afraid of your locked back garden that you will only go back there when you have your CHILDREN to protect you? Aren't you supposed to be the one who protects them? Also, can't you look out the window and see what's out there before you step into that pit of horrors? If you live in England, it's not as if you are waking up with anacondas draped in the trees on the regular, or mountain lions growling at your back door, amirite? Also, what is so nightmarish about children collecting a ball? How do you cope with other horrible things like going to Tescos and School Mums?

Original poster
niehgboursandgarden · 31/08/2021 16:30

@MsWalterMitty

Such a shame you’re too afraid to use your own garden?... Is your area an unsafe place to live?
It's fairly safe where I live; I'm not afraid of crime generally. It is these neighbours who prevent me using the garden. Before they lived here I would be out there often however they have made it very difficult.
OP posts:
MaMelon · 31/08/2021 16:32

You could put a couple of cameras up on the fence, they don't need to be inside. We have a couple of Blink ones we can view from our mobile phones.

What sort of verbal abuse do they give you? Is it far more than just a few balls kicked over the fence?

niehgboursandgarden · 31/08/2021 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

kaleidoscopeheartless · 31/08/2021 16:36

I'll ask again who is saying things to you? The children? If so how old? The parents?

lannistunut · 31/08/2021 16:37

@PrincessNutella

What is wrong with this picture. You are so afraid of your locked back garden that you will only go back there when you have your CHILDREN to protect you? Aren't you supposed to be the one who protects them? Also, can't you look out the window and see what's out there before you step into that pit of horrors? If you live in England, it's not as if you are waking up with anacondas draped in the trees on the regular, or mountain lions growling at your back door, amirite? Also, what is so nightmarish about children collecting a ball? How do you cope with other horrible things like going to Tescos and School Mums?
Unkind post, don't think this tone helps the OP really.
Original poster
niehgboursandgarden · 31/08/2021 16:37

I wouldn't risk putting anything on the fence as it is between our gardens, I suspect they would take it down or 'break' it somehow. Say it fell off - that kind of thing.

I have a camera on the front of my house (for my car etc) I will move that to the rear. At least it might clear up how they are getting in, or narrow the possibilities.

OP posts:
MaMelon · 31/08/2021 16:37

No, they shouldn't be going into your garden given that you're not on good terms - that's not on.

What else do they do though? It must be pretty awful if you don't want to sit out there on your own.

Donotgogentle · 31/08/2021 16:39

Does it actually matter if a child comes over the fence to retrieve their ball?

mbosnz · 31/08/2021 16:39

It sounds like a rather horrible situation with horrible, cowardly, sneaky, abusive neighbours. I'd not be feeling too bloody friendly or tolerant towards them either!

Can you get some of those anti pigeon spikes and install on the top of your fence and along your gate? And definitely anti-slip paint on everything.

A ring doorbell that you can see who has come into the garden, and directly call them out on it, when it happens?

Original poster
niehgboursandgarden · 31/08/2021 16:39

@kaleidoscopeheartless

I'll ask again who is saying things to you? The children? If so how old? The parents?
It's the children (aged up to about 13-14) and the parents. The parents will have either told them to come in the garden or helped them to do so, the children are annoying but it obviously all comes from the parents.
OP posts:
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 31/08/2021 16:40

I'm a little confused but I'm assuming there's a lot more to this story? Why are they verbally abusing you? What are they unhappy/annoyed about? The issue with the balls or something different? And they are only shouting things at you and no-one else from your household?

mbosnz · 31/08/2021 16:40

@Donotgogentle

Does it actually matter if a child comes over the fence to retrieve their ball?
Yes. They do not have permission to be there, it's trespass. Children that trespass, grow up to be adults that think they have the right to trespass.

What happens if said child breaks their leg coming over that fence?

RickJames · 31/08/2021 16:41

Okay, so the real story is that you have neighbours that shout abuse to you if you or your DC are in your garden.

Nobody will be "cunty" as you so nicely put it, if that is the real issue.

What are they shouting? When and why? This actually sounds like a low-level police matter and not a ball throwing issue, like you presented it.

I would never accuse anyone of being precious over harassment. So, what's going on? Can we help you with the real issue? It sounds tough.

GemmaRuby · 31/08/2021 16:41

No they shouldn’t be going into your garden. But if you manage to stop them they will just be ringing your bell all the time to harass you to get their ball immediately… and will probably have a good time kicking it over deliberately so they can come round and bother you.

BecauseMyRingBurnsSheila · 31/08/2021 16:43

We have 3 balls and 2 elderly neighbours. When the ball goes over we knock to tell the neighbour at the end of the day (in case more go over) and she sends it/them back whenever suits her. If it takes her a few days or a week so be it. It's our mistake and her favour. Our garden has different levels and the neighbour has hand rails to steady her. Demanding it back at our convenience would be wrong.

Yes the OP could have thrown it back but as far as I'm concerned only at her convenience. It does NOT give the neighbour the right to trespass to get it back.

justasking111 · 31/08/2021 16:44

I was going to offer a solution until I saw the ops use of language. I can see why the neighbors might sneak in now

FAQs · 31/08/2021 16:47

It’s actually irritating having balls coming over into your garden if it’s often. OP old neighbours kids did this so I told them not to come in and I’ll check my garden each evening and if I spotted one I’ll chuck it back over. Would that work, if they don’t get it do you send them back over?

thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 31/08/2021 16:49

@justasking111

I was going to offer a solution until I saw the ops use of language. I can see why the neighbors might sneak in now
Of fuck off, I'm not surprised she's said cunty posters because some of you are.
Original poster
niehgboursandgarden · 31/08/2021 16:50

It will be things like the kids screaming from their garden she doesnt give our balls back, its the bitch who stole our balls etc and the parents then saying oh you need to ignore her because she's loony, she's stupid, she's mental etc etc.

Funnily enough they go to church every week and have a big sticker in their car saying 'Be Kind'. Not to me.

This all started because years ago a fence panel fell down between our gardens and in the meantime the kids kept walking in and playing in my garden which is much bigger than theirs. I asked them not to because there's dangerous stuff in my garden and was told it was my fault it was natural they'd want to come in and I was a bad neighbour for not replacing my fence (I did within a few weeks).

Last winter their fence on the other side (ie the one they're responsible for, between them and another neighbour) fell down. It took them 6 months to replace it. The irony of that wasnt lost on me.

Why am I scared? Because I don't want to listen to it - I do try headphones but I'm also worried they will just climb into the garden as clearly they are able to do so and don't seem to care if I'm home or not - and If I've got headphones I won't hear it. Or throw things at me, that also has happened before.

They are cowards so if we're in a group they do nothing.

OP posts: