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Original poster

Stopping neighbours coming into my garden?

218 replies

niehgboursandgarden · 31/08/2021 16:16

Sounds stupid doesn't it but how do I do this?

I have a 6ft fence. Not allowed to have a higher one as per council regs. I have a garden gate, that's kept locked.

I know they have been in there today because (as on previous occasions) a ball gets kicked over and a day or so later, it's suddenly not there. I saw the ball yesterday it was at least 20ft from the fence that separates our respective gardens so not like they could reach it from their garden.

I have been in all day but from my home office I cannot see my side gate nor the garden (I work at the front of the house so I can see deliveries etc). I am sick of the intrusion, I rarely ever use my garden because I don't feel safe out there, I only go out there if my DP or DC are with me.

What can I do? I don't think a camera would deter them. I'm sick of feeling I have no privacy.

If I confront them they will laugh and say I'm mental. And then I'll have months of the kids name calling me, and DP when he's here (he works away).

Moving is not an option for a couple of years yet and I am wary of escalating any dispute because then I'd have to declare it when I came to sell. I just want them to stop coming in my bloody garden!

OP posts:
Odisia · 31/08/2021 17:59

Honestly OP, the fence issue was years ago. If I understand correctly the 6 months it took them to repair their fence didn't directly affect you, so it shouldn't be bothering you after all this time. You're making yourself anxious and upset.

The simplest solution is just to throw a ball back when you see it. Balls over the fence happen when you have kids next door. It's annoying, but it happens.

It seems you're really anxious about this but just chucking the balls back is the easiest solution.

Original poster
niehgboursandgarden · 31/08/2021 18:00

@HalzTangz I wouldn't go outside in my pyjamas because of said neighbours, and because I really couldn't be bothered to go down and then up flights of stairs to sort it out, especially as I'd be doing it on my own as DP is away - it was 8pm or so and I figured it could wait til today. If they were some poor deprived kids who only had 1 ball I might've tried to rush to do it this morning but I was on a work Teams call at 7.30am and barely made that. I thought I'd do it later.

I'm not aware of having anxiety, certainly I've not been told by GP or similar I have it. I'm not sure how else I would know. Dealing with these people is the only thing in my life that causes me concern - when they go out I feel as free as a bird.

OP posts:
DilysPhyllis · 31/08/2021 18:04

I'm not sure why you're getting so much stick OP, you're doing nothing wrong. My DS's have kicked plenty of balls over in their time I'd have been horrified if they'd trespassed on someones property to get them back! They either went round to knock and ask politely or waited until the neighbours threw them back, in the case of some gardens that could be a week or 2 as due to the layout of the gardens they weren't easy to spot. Mine are older now but we have neighbour kids whose balls come over. I'll chuck them back if I'm in the garden or if they come and knock but don't rush out to throw them back the minute I spot them if not. I don't know what to suggest OP it sounds horrible but you're doing nothing wrong. At 13/14 they should be able to control a ball enough for it not to repeatedly go over, if they can't then they should be finding a bigger space to play ball games in. That's certainly what I expect of my teens, they go off to the park to kick a ball round now, an average garden is just too small for powerful teen kicks!

Loudestcat14 · 31/08/2021 18:05

Dealing with these people is the only thing in my life that causes me concern - when they go out I feel as free as a bird.

That's really not a healthy state of being, OP. It sounds as though they are causing you anxiety. Is it just the fence that's been an issue?

Original poster
niehgboursandgarden · 31/08/2021 18:05

For the final time, I do not retain the balls indefinitely.

If I see one, I will return it. I don't always immediately scurry down and up the stairs like a handmaiden, but nor do I keep it forever or burst it (which quite a few neighbours used to do with our balls as children - you learnt not to let your ball go over after that happened once). I don't have some 'stash' of balls I'm collecting.

Sometimes I might not have seen a ball before they knock. Recently when the trees were topped a ball fell out, we slung that back too. Once they knocked at 9.30pm when it was dark, I have no lights in the garden so said I'd throw it over next day (which we did).

I can see how some of you probably think oh if only I did everything they want they'd be nice to me. They wouldn't because they're bullies and they don't think like that.

OP posts:
MrsTidyHouse · 31/08/2021 18:07

OP you say your maximum allowed fence height is six feet. Have you double-checked this? Some councils changed to two metres when going metric, which would give you another six inches to play with. Might be worth consulting your planning department.

DumplingsAndStew · 31/08/2021 18:09

You keep saying you usually or sometimes give the balls back quickly. What's the reasons why you don't or wouldn't?

HarryBoa · 31/08/2021 18:09

I cannot believe the responses you're getting. Your neighbours are awful. You're not to blame for their behaviour. They have no right to access your garden for any reason and you're not being unreasonable in not wanting them to.

Honestly I do sometimes wonder the people who comment on these threads if they're actually as receptive to CF behaviour as they imply they are. My suspicion is that those same people are the first to berate a poster on a different thread for "letting other people take advantage".

Tistheseason17 · 31/08/2021 18:10

Please stop giving the OP a hard time about the bloody balls being thrown back.

My neighbour has balls coming over all the time. I do not live my life sat by the window waiting for them to instantly throw them back - give the OP a break.

My neighbours are not arseholes so I do not get abuse if they are not immediately bounced back. My neighbours would shout over the fence if I'm in the garden to throw it back or knock on my door - which is normal neighbourly behaviour.

People climbing over fences and verbally abusing over a flipping ball is not normal and stop trying to normalise it and make OP feel worse.

mbosnz · 31/08/2021 18:12

The onus is not on the neighbour that is verbally abused and intimidated to return balls to the verbally abusive and intimidating neighbour asap.

The onus is on the verbally abusive and intimidating neighbour to keep their fucking balls on their side of the fence, shut the fuck up, and stop trespassing.

Tistheseason17 · 31/08/2021 18:12

@DumplingsAndStew

You keep saying you usually or sometimes give the balls back quickly. What's the reasons why you don't or wouldn't?
Maybe she's at work - maybe she's not sat at her window for the benefit of her neighbours, maybe OP has other priorities than her neighbour's balls.

I throw balls back as soon as possible but they are not my priority. - especially if it's pissing down.

Also, it makes zero difference how quickly she throws them back as they continue the abuse .

Tistheseason17 · 31/08/2021 18:13

@mbosnz - exactly!

Original poster
niehgboursandgarden · 31/08/2021 18:13

@Loudestcat14

Dealing with these people is the only thing in my life that causes me concern - when they go out I feel as free as a bird.

That's really not a healthy state of being, OP. It sounds as though they are causing you anxiety. Is it just the fence that's been an issue?

Between us as neighbours you mean? Yes that seems to have been the 'origin' of issues, prior to that I never really spoke to them. They moved in after me, we might've said hello now and then but that was it, and that stopped long ago.

Our houses are not attached so there's no direct noise nor any related issues that they ever raised - no history of issues they were brooding on before the fence was the last straw or anything.

Around the time of the fence I came home one day to park on my driveway and found their children riding scooters on it. Asking them to play elsewhere (as I needed to park my car) was me being nasty too but the fence issue was definitely before that. The fence was the last time I spoke to either parent, I ignore all the comments made in my direction/ about me. I only speak to the children if they knock at the door for a ball. That's it.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 31/08/2021 18:15

Your neighbours sound absolutely feral.

HarryBoa · 31/08/2021 18:15

@DumplingsAndStew

You keep saying you usually or sometimes give the balls back quickly. What's the reasons why you don't or wouldn't?
Wtf?! OP doesn't exist to throw balls back to anyone, let alone rude, entitled children.
RandomMess · 31/08/2021 18:25

I think you should get a CD of modern Christian worship music and start playing but in your garden. Actually spend a lot more time in your garden.

Speak to your DH and DC about trying their church out now you've been saved.

Grin
HalzTangz · 31/08/2021 18:28

From reading an update they do knock, and it's not always returned swiftly

DumplingsAndStew · 31/08/2021 18:28

@Tistheseason17 @HarryBoa

Wow. Hangry? Calm down, it was a simple question.

Never once did I stipulate that I thought the OP should give the balls back immediately, I just asked if there were particular reasons why she doesn't.

She said they knock on the door (or the window) and she sometimes doesn't return those balls until the following day. I was just questioning why, as there might be a way to defuse the situation.

chitchatchatter · 31/08/2021 18:29

I had something very similar. Teenage kids regularly kicking footballs over the fence. Swearing at me and name calling from both them and their parents when I didn’t return the balls quickly enough (in their opinion). They would jump the fence too. When I did return them, the footballs would come over the fence again within the hour. The fact that my focus was on caring for both of my parents at home who were both terminally ill rather than returning their footballs was of no importance to them.

The occasional mis-hit ball coming into my garden=fine. Regular and deliberate occurrences and jumping the fence=not fine.

I can’t believe some of the entitled comments on this thread. People have a right to enjoy their gardens in peace and quiet and are under no obligation to be running backwards and forwards to retrieve footballs as soon as they come over the fence. We have other things to do, like, working or as in my case caring for the terminally ill.

Like the OP, this was just one example of my neighbours’ general arseholery not only towards me but others too, I was just unlucky to live right next door to them and so bore the brunt of it.

I moved in the end and am now surrounded by lovely neighbours all of whom have children of varying ages that are a delight to live next door to.

Mantlemoose · 31/08/2021 18:35

If you've never had bad neighbours it is so hard to understand. I've been there, I get it. It's taken me 10 years to get 'over' my neighbour - she's still there, but now I am comfortable ignoring her and capable of telling her to f off if need be. I wouldn't bother with spikes, you know where that would go, it's just added stress you don't need. They won't change, but you can change. You need to toughen up, it's the only way. This is why I prefer animals to humans.

Mantlemoose · 31/08/2021 18:36

Also, my neighbour is a 70 something year old woman who goes to church every sunday!

Original poster
niehgboursandgarden · 31/08/2021 18:37

@chitchatchatter I'm so sorry you went through that whilst trying to care for your parents. I can't imagine how hard that must have been. I'm glad you were able to move in the end.

I know what you mean about the deliberateness - there are a lot of children next door, plus often they have friends round, and some of the balls that come over are deliberate, I have seen them kick or throw a ball straight over to annoy a sibling. Then later or next day sibling does the same. Once we were away for the weekend a couple of years ago (before the coming into the garden started), came home to 6 or 7 balls in the garden. There's no way all of those were accidental.

OP posts:
HalzTangz · 31/08/2021 18:37

I somewhat agree but equally I don't think we are being the truth.
If she is returning the balls when the kids knock or when she spots them like she says, then why would the neighbours shout that she's stealing the balls. I think more happened with the fence 5 years ago which is key to why there is this feud now

RandomMess · 31/08/2021 18:40

If they are climbing over the fence or lifting panels anti climb paint is legal.

BigButtons · 31/08/2021 18:42

my neighbours' kids are forever coming into my garden to get their balls. I think it's funny when they try and be discrete about it.
I can't see why it is an issue personally.
The kids next door to me know they can get their balls whenever they want but to be careful of the plants, which they are.