Stopping neighbours coming into my garden?

[niehgboursandgarden]

Sounds stupid doesn't it but how do I do this?

I have a 6ft fence. Not allowed to have a higher one as per council regs. I have a garden gate, that's kept locked.

I know they have been in there today because (as on previous occasions) a ball gets kicked over and a day or so later, it's suddenly not there. I saw the ball yesterday it was at least 20ft from the fence that separates our respective gardens so not like they could reach it from their garden.

I have been in all day but from my home office I cannot see my side gate nor the garden (I work at the front of the house so I can see deliveries etc). I am sick of the intrusion, I rarely ever use my garden because I don't feel safe out there, I only go out there if my DP or DC are with me.

What can I do? I don't think a camera would deter them. I'm sick of feeling I have no privacy.

If I confront them they will laugh and say I'm mental. And then I'll have months of the kids name calling me, and DP when he's here (he works away).

Moving is not an option for a couple of years yet and I am wary of escalating any dispute because then I'd have to declare it when I came to sell. I just want them to stop coming in my bloody garden!

Have they ever come and knocked for the ball? How did that go?

It will be things like the kids screaming from their garden she doesnt give our balls back, its the bitch who stole our balls etc and the parents then saying oh you need to ignore her because she's loony, she's stupid, she's mental etc etc

every few days one sails over ... we do throw the balls back - admittedly not always the same day they knock

OP, I think you are exacerbating the situation. If you start throwing balls back when you see them, or within a few minutes of them knocking to ask you, then they wouldn't be able to say "she doesn't give our balls back"". And that might decrease any other verbal abuse they are prone to give. And that might turn your garden into a nicer place to be.

If they are climbing over your fence then I'd second the anti climb paint that was suggested, and possibly the cat spikes (which are plastic and won't actually hurt them, they're just v uncomfortable). You could also plant thorny bushes against the fence to deter them?

I would also echo others who have said use your garden - just try and build up to it, starting off with a few minutes and work up. Wear headphones as others have said so the noise is cancelled and it gives you a distraction.

Increase your cameras and start taking a record of their behaviour if it escalates.

When they come to your door to ask for their ball back - what do you say to them?

[quote FAQs]@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves op said they call her names such as mental and stupid. They do sound like arseholes tbf.[/quote]
Ta. I missed that.
They do indeed sound like arseholes and there's absolutely no reason the op should put up with it.
Or the pile on she's getting here.

I was going to offer a solution until I saw the ops use of language. I can see why the neighbors might sneak in now

You do know this is AIBU….on MN…?

One of my (not next door) neighbours has just put spikes on the tops of their brick walls.

Could you do that?

They should put a net up their side to catch the balls before they leave their garden; if it is happening all the time.

Blinkin' heck. Do posters really thing that the op should be on call to be a ball girl? Or that the neighbours should be constantly popping over onto her property at their own volition?

I thought spikes on top of the fence were illegal for some reason?

I will look into that though - albeit I'll have to fit it when they're out or get someone in to do it.

Anything like that tends to create a 'reaction' if it's me doing it - we had someone in to lay a patio, and someone else to cut tops off some bushes and trees - silence.

I jetwash the patio/paint the fence - a load of shrieking from the mum and kids about how their garden is flooding/ covered in paint/ I'm damaging their fence (it's MY fence that I replaced!), yes she's mental next door blah blah blah...

and so it goes on.

Christ you’re such a drama llama. Just give the kids their balls back and ignore them.

@Cailleach1

They should put a net up their side to catch the balls before they leave their garden; if it is happening all the time.

Blinkin' heck. Do posters really thing that the op should be on call to be a ball girl? Or that the neighbours should be constantly popping over onto her property at their own volition?

Apparently so. She should probably give them a key to the gate and take a batch of apology cookies every time she throws a ball back over

@justasking111

I was going to offer a solution until I saw the ops use of language. I can see why the neighbors might sneak in now

Well some of the posts to OP were quite cunty.

And OP only said to ‘some’ people who are being cunty.

are they owners or tenants?

God, they sound awful. Those kind of Christians... hmmmm....

Get a hot tub, get some flashing lights. Buy bones from the butcher and char them on the barbecue every night from 5pm. Invite local stoners to smoke cannabis in your garden. Get the local motorbike chapter round to have a meet on your drive once a week. Ignore them completely when they stress and hand-wring.

Or start going to their church and freak them out. They'll be scared you blow their reputation as meek, christian folks.

But seriously, you must use your garden - record their abuse with phone or camera and speak to local police once you have evidence. They won't want to be exposed as rough bullies.

And don't beat up the mumsnetters- your original post made you sound unreasonable. People can only react to what is written.

Good luck!

@Donotgogentle

Does it actually matter if a child comes over the fence to retrieve their ball?

Do you let your children do this? Or allow your neighbours’ children to do it to your garden? Climbing in over six foot fences?

It’s very much not normal, no matter how many of you seem to want to fight to say so.

OP, I’m sorry you’re dealing with living next to these people. I’ve no practical suggestions other than to try to catch them in the act, though I fear even that won’t help - they seem to have no shame. But your local PCSO might want to have a chat about it with them.

We lift the fence to retrieve our balls if the neighbour doesn’t throw them back (they don’t mind). Not sure what you can do.

The easiest solution would be to throw the balls back sooner, it’s obvious that they don’t always knock to ask because sometimes you take more than a day to throw it back, so yeah they climb over. And if them climbing over to retrieve a ball makes you anxious itd be easier to just throw the balls back quicker. If you’d thrown the ball back this morning before work they wouldn’t have come in.

Clearly they shouldn’t come in, and they absolutely don’t have the right to, but you can’t change them unfortunately so it’d be easier if you either accept they will climb over and retrieve balls (which isn’t the end of the world considering it’s quite far from your living space, and they arnt doing any damage), or throw the balls back quicker. Then they’d probably stop verbally abusing you too seen as they are commenting on you not throwing the balls back over.

Pretend you’re having a spiritual crisis and ask their vicar round. Entertain him/her in the garden

Or start going to their church and freak them out. They'll be scared you blow their reputation as meek, christian folks

I would do that or do you know anyone else who attends the same church? You could invite them round for a cup of coffee and just sit in the garden with them chatting. They would then be worried you would start telling everyone about their behaviour.

Maybe you could seek counsel from the priest of that church about how to deal with neighbours, without mentioning names. Invite him/her round for the coffee and sit in the garden

Also welcome to AIBU where you could say the neighbours have set your dog on fire and someone will tell you they are justified. No they shouldn't be in your garden, they are bullying shits.

@Flowers500

Christ you’re such a drama llama. Just give the kids their balls back and ignore them.

So she's verbally abused, people are trespassing in her garden, she's frequently called mental and she's the drama llama?

Cross posts with @Alternista

@JaffaRaf

The easiest solution would be to throw the balls back sooner, it’s obvious that they don’t always knock to ask because sometimes you take more than a day to throw it back, so yeah they climb over. And if them climbing over to retrieve a ball makes you anxious itd be easier to just throw the balls back quicker. If you’d thrown the ball back this morning before work they wouldn’t have come in.

Clearly they shouldn’t come in, and they absolutely don’t have the right to, but you can’t change them unfortunately so it’d be easier if you either accept they will climb over and retrieve balls (which isn’t the end of the world considering it’s quite far from your living space, and they arnt doing any damage), or throw the balls back quicker. Then they’d probably stop verbally abusing you too seen as they are commenting on you not throwing the balls back over.

To be fair to the OP, throwing them back isn't just a case of popping out the back - she has to go down 2 flights of stairs, unlock 2 doors and go up another external flight of stairs to reach the garden. She shouldn't have to do that every time a ball comes into the garden to prevent them from shouting 'she's mental'

@JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue

It will be things like the kids screaming from their garden she doesnt give our balls back, its the bitch who stole our balls etc and the parents then saying oh you need to ignore her because she's loony, she's stupid, she's mental etc etc

every few days one sails over ... we do throw the balls back - admittedly not always the same day they knock

OP, I think you are exacerbating the situation. If you start throwing balls back when you see them, or within a few minutes of them knocking to ask you, then they wouldn't be able to say "she doesn't give our balls back"". And that might decrease any other verbal abuse they are prone to give. And that might turn your garden into a nicer place to be.

What if the OP is working though? It would drive me made if the doorbell kept ringing because some kid had kicked their ball into my garden! I can hardly break off a call because a kid wants their ball back!

On a side note, I love your user name!

Actually I don’t mind if the neighbours kids come and retrieve their balls. I throw them back when I see them but we’re not always here.

It was a genuine question. But it sounds like there’s a lot more going on here than a few balls over the fence.

The last ball in garden thread people were advising op to pop the balls and never give them back, people should learn not to throw/ kick over the fence etc etc

This thread had attracted a load of vipers!!

OP I would feel the same as you and be really annoyed! Not sure what you could do but think a camera could be a starting point?

Use your garden though, headphones so you can’t hear the noise. I never understand why people get kicks out of making other people uncomfortable

@Flowers500

Christ you’re such a drama llama. Just give the kids their balls back and ignore them.

I ignore them completely. I answer the door to them and throw balls back - admittedly not always immediately but I never destroy them or refuse to hand them back. I have not engaged with them at all in 5 years or more (since the fence incident I mentioned earlier) and nothing changes.

I've lived in what many people might think of as 'bad' areas but I've never dealt with people who behave (and allow their kids to behave) like this.

Thing is if I knew they would keep to their own garden I could tolerate all of it because I know I will be moving. It's the intrusion - and fear of intrusion - that is the worst part.