Am I a rude friend or am I the only mom of the group?

[Samafe]

Last week I was one of the bridesmaids at a wonderful wedding. I am now 8 months pregnant and have a DS which is 2yo. DH was also invited. The wedding was abroad, so I brought my DS with us.

I was the only one with kids amongst my friends at that wedding. (All college friends, last time I saw them all together was pre covid).

As bridesmaid I had few "duties" before, during and after the ceremony and I paid big attention to do everything that was requested - leaving DS to DH so that he would not create any disruption.

The rest of the time, DH and I both looked at DS, which is a very active toddler so he was running around, asking for me etc. I did my best to dedicate time and attention to my friends but often failed because I had to go run after my DS, or help him eat, etc.

Also being 8 months pregnant, I tried to avoid the overcroded areas inside and preferred sitting outside to lower covid risk - while they were always gathering around the wine area which was super loud and crowded.

We left the wedding at 11.45 PM, while the wedding went on until 4 AM with Disco Music etc.

During the day I noticed my friends being irritated by the fact that I had sometimes to cut discussions short because DS was calling me, or irritated because the buggy was "ruining" the pictures, my dress was dirty at the end of the evening because the cake landed on it etc.
Please Note all the comments never came from the bride, only from other guests.

The day after, I contacted my friends if we wanted to meet for breakfast (we were all staying in the same hotel) and they were really cold. We met anyway and they told me I was rude, I was always distracted by my DS, I am not the same person I was before having kids, I should have stayed with them until 4 AM instead of cutting the night short, I was ruining pictures because I was always carring around my purse, I should have sit down with them inside instead of sitting outside in the garden, my bridesmaid dress was a mess etc

I was honestly really surprised to hear that, It was the first time spending time with them since a while, I normally hang out more with other friends with kids and never had problems.

I apologized to them but felt really alone and sad.

I wonder now: was I really rude? Should I have handled this differently?

My DH thinks that once they will have kids they will look back at that wedding night and realize I did the best I could, but I am afraid I am maybe so used to be a mom that I did not realize I was behaving poorly.

People on this thread are wondering why you 'let' your 2 year old interrupt you are hilarious and clearly as clueless as your so-called friends are.
These women who criticised you at the wedding are bitches. I don't think you should have apologised to them. In your place, I wouldn't want to have anything to do with them again.

I think the child interrupting is rude, a few of my friends have young kids and this only happens with one of them it’s frustrating never finishing a sentence then sitting waiting for them to finish and them coming back. The others explain to their children to wait!

When one of them is 8 months pregnant and you aren’t why don’t you book surprise tickets to a rave for them!

You have moved on with your life and your friends have yet to catch up. Maybe they are a bit resentful at this

Careful! There is an insinution here that people who choose to have children are somehow more mature and developed as adults than those who do not. There are many highly intelligent and creative women who make an unselfish and assertive decision not to go down that route and to be child free.

They sound like a sack full of assholes. You were very polite not to point this out.

It's a tough one. Obviously you carried out your official bridesmaid duties. But perhaps weren't as available as they were hoping on other occasions. I'm sure their comments come from a place of being disappointed that they didn't get to chat to you as much as they'd hoped. Not entirely unreasonable if your husband was there to field your toddler as he wasn't in the formal wedding party. Cutting conversations short can become irritating after a while (and I've had two kids). Same for buggies being in shot, as it's avoidable.

I've taken a baby and toddler to a wedding I was bridesmaid at. My husband kept them in our hotel room for the ceremony and did most of the supervision so I could focus on my friend. (I should admit that my toddler managed to do a projectile vomit over the entire table and wall when sat at breakfast with the bride's parents the next morning. So I know it can be challenging juggling kids at a wedding).

Expecting you to stay up until 4 when heavily pregnant (or, for that matter, not) is not reasonable.

Why was buggy on the photos. Surely your dh would have the buggy and the toddler.

Sounds like your dh didnt step up. He should have been running around and feeding toddler.

I definitely don't think that the bridal party are jealous that the OP now has 'more in her life' because she has children. Seriously! 😂

There's no way I'd be staying up until 4am, regardless of children/pregnancy. But yeah, I would expect that my husband would be doing the majority of the childcare e.g. entertaining, feeding, watching if we were attending MY friend's wedding. Especially if I was a bridesmaid. The interrupting is annoying too.

Your 'friends' are bitches hth.

@Hopdathelf

Some of their points were totally unreasonable. However the following also stood out to me as you being rude: During the day I noticed my friends being irritated by the fact that I had sometimes to cut discussions short because DS was calling me

That's not rude. That's just what it's like when you are a mother to a toddler

OP I don't think you've done anything wrong! How can they expect you to stay up that late when 8m pregnant. I would have struggled until 11.45!

That's just what it's like when you are a mother to a toddler

Even though the dad was supposedly there doing childcare?
They should be pissed off with him.

@Albgo

People on this thread are wondering why you 'let' your 2 year old interrupt you are hilarious and clearly as clueless as your so-called friends are. These women who criticised you at the wedding are bitches. I don't think you should have apologised to them. In your place, I wouldn't want to have anything to do with them again.

I know! I'm so surprised people think 2 year olds can manage not to interrupt! (Qué a barrage of perfect mother's saying their two year olds never interrupt! 😂)

@PurpleDaisies

That's just what it's like when you are a mother to a toddler

Even though the dad was supposedly there doing childcare?
They should be pissed off with him.

Kids often ask for one parent over another. Quite hard to explain to a 2yo mummy's with her friends you can't talk to me!

@Albgo

People on this thread are wondering why you 'let' your 2 year old interrupt you are hilarious and clearly as clueless as your so-called friends are. These women who criticised you at the wedding are bitches. I don't think you should have apologised to them. In your place, I wouldn't want to have anything to do with them again.

So true. If you didn't attend your toddlers needs then they probably would have said something about your toddler running wild and ruining the wedding experience. These are no friends to you unfortunately. As a stranger on this forum, I'm surprised you did your best by putting in so much effort whilst being 8 month pregnant mother to a 2 yo and fulfilling your bridesmaid duties at the same time, maybe this is why these so called friends decided to walk on you like that. I would never do what you did, never in a million years. I would arrive as a guest and leave as a guest, that's it.

@PurpleDaisies

That's just what it's like when you are a mother to a toddler

Even though the dad was supposedly there doing childcare?
They should be pissed off with him.

Did they explicitly only invite DH to look after the toddler? Because that's rude...

I wouldn't ignore my own child regardless of what my role was in someone's wedding (obviously in the middle of speeches etc excluded as I'd expect my child to be respectful of those or for DH to do the bulk of parenting for those sections of the event) and if they'd expected me to id respectfully decline said role.

This is why we had a strict "No Children" policy at our wedding. Everyone had the best time and no one had to run off to look after their kids.... oh and nothing was broken.

Am 50:50 - the going home early wouldn't bother me. Nor would the dirty dress at the end of the eve. But for the photos and your son interrupting you constantly, yes. Where was you DH while this was going on ? Buggy should have been no part of the official photos.

For me personally if you were bridesmaid, then I would have expected your husband to do the majority of the looking after of your toddler

This where was your dh? He should have taken the lead in the care of your toddler. I'm a mother to 3 dc and I find it rude when adults allow children to interrupt a conversation and start talking to them. It sounds like you segregated yourselves from the wedding party and didn't get involved with the rest of the group. Having the buggy in the photos isn't ideal. I imagine it isn't as black and white as what you have posted and likely fault lies in between. I would never have taken a 2 year old to my friends wedding more so if I'd been bridesmaid aswell.

@Boredhimtodeath

I think the child interrupting is rude, a few of my friends have young kids and this only happens with one of them it’s frustrating never finishing a sentence then sitting waiting for them to finish and them coming back. The others explain to their children to wait!

When one of them is 8 months pregnant and you aren’t why don’t you book surprise tickets to a rave for them!

a few of my friends have young kids and this only happens with one of them

Well exactly. They are YOUNG! Quite easy to explain to a 7 yo to wait...2, not so much!

Jeez, some of these comments are so unrealistic

Sorry but that was a really crappy way to treat a friend. They've no right to be like that and owe you a huge apology. This isn't about not understanding what it's like to have kids and be pregnant, it's bitchy pure and simple.

One interpretation of this OP could be that you were good to go at all at 8 months pregnant. There are several people who would’ve used this fact as either a reason or an excuse to pull out of proceedings completely.

Your ‘friends’ are being unreasonably nasty OP.

If there was an 8 months pregnant woman as part of the group I’d be checking she was OK after a lively party the night before not being cold towards her ffs!!!

Why were they annoyed at you carrying around a purse? As in, a purse with cash in to buy a drink? Or something else?

Why was the buggy in the photos? Were these the professional snaps taken by a photographer?

You've changed since you had kids 😂

No fucking shit Sherlock, hopefully that wasn't the brainy one of the outfit.

My 2 year old does interrupt. My point is that in that situation, if he was, I'd be asking my husband to manage him while I spoke with my friends. It's not an unreasonable ask.

Looking after your DS is not being rude. It's what being a parent is, until they're old enough to look after themselves.

Again I’m on the fence on this one as I suspect much is in how it’s portrayed

Did your son drop the cake down your dress? I think if you predominantly sat outside and didn’t join in and also were constantly cutting short conversations then they may have a point on some of it, but clearly not on the staying up and partying.