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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP doesn't think DS is disabled enough for a disabled parking space

351 replies

TheSoapyFrog · 31/08/2021 13:14

Yesterday we; me, DP, DS1 and DS2 (both 7) went to the park for the afternoon. DS 1 is autistic and has learning disabilities as well as hypermobility. He receives both components of DLA and has a blue badge.
I spotted two empty disabled parking spaces near the entrance and said we should park in one of them. DP drove over, but started backing into a regular parking space. I asked what he was doing and he said we should let someone who is properly disabled and in a wheelchair have the spaces.
He then stops the car and says that there isn't enough room for DS to get out in the regular space so we should get out now before he parks up.
I was really quite taken aback by his stupidity and told him this is exactly one of the reasons why DS has a blue badge; because there isn't enough room to get out in a regular space. He is disabled and they don't just give out blue badges to anyone who asks. I filled out forms and provided a lot of evidence. No, DS doesn't have a wheelchair but what the hell does he think the wagon that we pull DS1 around in is for?!

These weren't even the only disabled parking spaces in the car park, although I don't think DP was aware. But these were the ones nearest to the main entrance. The usual disabled parking bay has been blocked off due to new facilities being built.

Was I being unreasonable and should we have left the spaces for someone more disabled?

OP posts:
nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 31/08/2021 13:16

If you could manage in a regular space I would see his point but this is the whole reason blue badges exist! So he has room to get out without having to do it in the road. He's being a bit daft.

DancesWithTortoises · 31/08/2021 13:17

I am a wheelchair user and it would be kind if people who could park elsewhere left the extra large spaces for those of use who need the chair to access where we are going.

Or we have to go home.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 31/08/2021 13:19

Blue badges aren't given out like sweeties.
If he has one it's because he needs one and is as entitled to have use of the space as any other blue badge holder.

Lockheart · 31/08/2021 13:19

I can see his point, but if your DS can't get out of the car in a regular space and he has to let you out before he parks then it's a nonsensical argument in that particular case!

Angryfrommanchester1 · 31/08/2021 13:19

The spaces are there for you, and the authorities agreed that your DS meets the criteria for being able to use them.

user1471457751 · 31/08/2021 13:19

@DancesWithTortoises but the OP clearly did need the extra space for her son hence why her partner needed them out of the car before he could park.

NailsNeedDoing · 31/08/2021 13:20

It sounds like one of those situations where neither of you were wrong or right and you just had different opinions.

If it was of no detriment to your son to park in a regular space apart from having to get out of the car a few seconds earlier, then I can see why your husband made the choice he did. Your family had the option to use a regular space, but not all families who are dealing with a disability have that choice, it’s a disabled space or nothing at all, and your DH was being considerate of them.

Excited101 · 31/08/2021 13:21

There were 2 adults for both children and the situation was totally manageable. I can absolutely see DP’s point. Other times it’ll be imperative that you can use the spaces if one of you are on your own perhaps. I don’t think his decision was unreasonable

HarrietsChariot · 31/08/2021 13:21

I think he's right, he's just trying to be considerate. Your circumstances meant that there was an alternative to blocking a disabled bay, you could use a normal space with a workaround. Some badge holders might not have that luxury.

Just because I have an entitlement to do something doesn't make it the right thing to do in all circumstances.

kokosm · 31/08/2021 13:22

Surely in theory a wheelchair user could also get out of the car in the road where there's more space, it would just be dangerous and inconvenient, just as it is for OP's son, so they're not more entitled to a blue badge than anyone else who meets the criteria.

freelions · 31/08/2021 13:24

I don't think you or your partner were being unreasonable it was just a difference of opinion

You are obviously entitled to use a disabled space but I can understand your partner's logic in wanting to leave the space for a wheelchair user

TeenMinusTests · 31/08/2021 13:24

@kokosm

Surely in theory a wheelchair user could also get out of the car in the road where there's more space, it would just be dangerous and inconvenient, just as it is for OP's son, so they're not more entitled to a blue badge than anyone else who meets the criteria.
Not if they are driving the car!
kokosm · 31/08/2021 13:26

What about when there's a wheelchair user who wants to get on a bus, but the space is already occupied by someone else - also in a wheelchair?

If there's more people who need to use certain facilities than there is capacity, that's a reason to be annoyed at the powers that be for not providing enough, not to begrudge a 7 year old their use.

Miniroofbox · 31/08/2021 13:28

@DancesWithTortoises

I am a wheelchair user and it would be kind if people who could park elsewhere left the extra large spaces for those of use who need the chair to access where we are going.

Or we have to go home.

You can need larger spaces without being a wheelchair user though? I do.
NailsNeedDoing · 31/08/2021 13:28

@kokosm

Surely in theory a wheelchair user could also get out of the car in the road where there's more space, it would just be dangerous and inconvenient, just as it is for OP's son, so they're not more entitled to a blue badge than anyone else who meets the criteria.
Not really if they need to be in the car to park it. Plenty of wheelchair uses can drive you know!
Clarice99 · 31/08/2021 13:30

The criteria for a Blue Badge has been met; therefore, you are eligible to park in a disabled parking space and display the badge accordingly.

Not all Blue Badge holders are wheelchair users. The Blue Badge is the qualifying criteria to park in the designated spaces, not a wheelchair.

YANBU.

Chloemol · 31/08/2021 13:30

Ihave family members with disabled badges. One uses a wheelchair, the other two do not, but both have mobility issues, both need to be able to open doors wide to get out, both have been through hoops to get the badges

We use disabled spaces, they are for all disabled badge holders regardless of disability requirements for wheelchairs

HosannainExcelSheets · 31/08/2021 13:38

Is your DP DS1's Dad? I could see his perspective more if he doesn't live with DS1 full-time. But otherwise I think the point of having a blue badge is to be able to park safely where you can access your car and the facilities you are using.

Original poster
TheSoapyFrog · 31/08/2021 13:41

I'll had that DS can't exit the car unaided and that on more than one occasion we've had to pay out when he's lost his footing and slammed the door into the car next to us.
We usually keep him in the car until we've got his wagon and our bags out. He is a bolter with no danger awareness, so we secure him in the wagon until we're out of the carpark. Due to a genetic disorder, he's exceptionally large for his age (around the same size as a 12-13 year old) and I struggle to hold on to him sometimes.

OP posts:
Wroxie · 31/08/2021 13:43

He is embarrassed of being seen with a disabled child (at worst), or embarrassed of being seen using a disabled space without someone in a wheelchair (at best). Either way he's being ridiculous but I'd be leaving him over the first one. You know which it is, if you think about it. Now what are you going to do about it?

Anoisagusaris · 31/08/2021 13:43

What sort of wagon does he use?? Do you mean a buggy or a some sort of cart??

Original poster
TheSoapyFrog · 31/08/2021 13:43

@HosannainExcelSheets

Is your DP DS1's Dad? I could see his perspective more if he doesn't live with DS1 full-time. But otherwise I think the point of having a blue badge is to be able to park safely where you can access your car and the facilities you are using.
No, he isn't his dad and doesn't live with us either. I think you might have a point there. We weren't together when DS1 was diagnosed and he hasn't attended any his appointments
OP posts:
Darthwader · 31/08/2021 13:45

I think he made the right call. You managed fine between the pair of you and did not require the disabled space so it was nice to leave them for people who could not manage without them. OK, you had to get out of the car before your DH pulled into the space but did that matter?

knittingaddict · 31/08/2021 13:46

For what it's worth op my mum has a blue badge. She doesn't use a wheelchair, a walker or crutches. She walks just fine. She is however blind and someone decided she deserved a blue badge, so if there's a disabled space free, we use it.

Your husband needs educating and you are definitely not being unreasonable.

Darthwader · 31/08/2021 13:46

Just read the update. I'll change my answer to you do need the space.