DP doesn't think DS is disabled enough for a disabled parking space

[TheSoapyFrog]

Yesterday we; me, DP, DS1 and DS2 (both 7) went to the park for the afternoon. DS 1 is autistic and has learning disabilities as well as hypermobility. He receives both components of DLA and has a blue badge.
I spotted two empty disabled parking spaces near the entrance and said we should park in one of them. DP drove over, but started backing into a regular parking space. I asked what he was doing and he said we should let someone who is properly disabled and in a wheelchair have the spaces.
He then stops the car and says that there isn't enough room for DS to get out in the regular space so we should get out now before he parks up.
I was really quite taken aback by his stupidity and told him this is exactly one of the reasons why DS has a blue badge; because there isn't enough room to get out in a regular space. He is disabled and they don't just give out blue badges to anyone who asks. I filled out forms and provided a lot of evidence. No, DS doesn't have a wheelchair but what the hell does he think the wagon that we pull DS1 around in is for?!

These weren't even the only disabled parking spaces in the car park, although I don't think DP was aware. But these were the ones nearest to the main entrance. The usual disabled parking bay has been blocked off due to new facilities being built.

Was I being unreasonable and should we have left the spaces for someone more disabled?

@bumblingbovine. Why are people not getting this, and have you actually understood the OP ? The BB is not just designed to help the disabled person, it’s meant to make the carers’ lives easier as well. On what planet do you think DH was doing this ? This is a difficult to control child with autism, who has no awareness of danger and has a tendency to bolt - there wasn’t enough space to get out in the parking space so they had to get out in the road before he parked. The lack of understanding of the basics of qualification for a BB is astounding.

@bumblingbovine49

The thing is you had two adults so didn't really need the extra space as one could get out with DS before the other parked so I can see you DH's point. If you or DH were on your own with your DC then that is different as you would need the space so that the driver could park before supervising DS as he left the car

I know of children who require three carers before they can step safely beyond their front door. The OP states she struggles to prevent this child bolting on her own and they leave him in the car until they are ready to strap him into a wagon.

@bumblingbovine49

The thing is you had two adults so didn't really need the extra space as one could get out with DS before the other parked so I can see you DH's point. If you or DH were on your own with your DC then that is different as you would need the space so that the driver could park before supervising DS as he left the car

Read the ops posts. She did need the space. You're wrong.

@bumblingbovine49

The thing is you had two adults so didn't really need the extra space as one could get out with DS before the other parked so I can see you DH's point. If you or DH were on your own with your DC then that is different as you would need the space so that the driver could park before supervising DS as he left the car

Did you read the ops posts about what getting him out of the car involves?

The same type of people who demand to know why you’re not wearing a mask even though you have an exemption lanyard. They get short shrift these days.

There is no such thing as an 'exemption lanyard'. There is a hidden disabilities lanyard with sunflowers designed to alert others in service roles to the fact the wearer may need support or extra time. So they can approach them and see if they can help.

Absolutely stunned and depressed than 14% of people think YABU. Completely sick of people thinking that disabled children like ours can cope just like normal kids when it’s convenient for us.

If they didn’t need to use disabled spaces, they wouldn’t have a badge. It really is as simple as that.

Are there any charities that might help you with a chair? We’ve had a lot of help with equipment from New Life

@Tibtom. I beg to differ - the hidden disabilities lanyard is a different thing. My GP issued a letter stating that I am exempt from wearing a mask for medical reasons and advised that it might make things easier if I obtained a mask exemption lanyard. They’re available online or from the appropriate disability support group. Mine clearly states I am exempt from wearing a mask for medical reasons. I struggled with a mask at the height of the pandemic and chose to stay at home rather than go out without one, but I started to venture out once the lockdown restrictions eased. The onus is on the wearer to ensure that they can prove they are exempt. I carry the GP’s letter and also a print off from the YouGov website stating that members of the public are not legally entitled to demand details of the qualifying conditions.

[quote Rosscameasdoody]@Tibtom. I beg to differ - the hidden disabilities lanyard is a different thing. My GP issued a letter stating that I am exempt from wearing a mask for medical reasons and advised that it might make things easier if I obtained a mask exemption lanyard. They’re available online or from the appropriate disability support group. Mine clearly states I am exempt from wearing a mask for medical reasons. I struggled with a mask at the height of the pandemic and chose to stay at home rather than go out without one, but I started to venture out once the lockdown restrictions eased. The onus is on the wearer to ensure that they can prove they are exempt. I carry the GP’s letter and also a print off from the YouGov website stating that members of the public are not legally entitled to demand details of the qualifying conditions.[/quote]
Ok, what does your exemption lanyard look like? I presume not a sunflower one like the hidden disability ones? hiddendisabilitiesstore.com/shop.html

Great isnt it @cricketmum84?
My mum has legs but due to a stroke can only walk about 5 metres, very slowely with a frame
My son also has legs and very mobile but due to his severe autism and learning disabilities has zero awareness of danger both have a blue badge and both are equally entitled to a disabled space.

Honestly @x2boys the mind boggles! I'm sure some people think it's a piece of piss to get a BB. You and me both know that it's really not.

The level of shortsightedness on this thread is really depressing me!

@cricketmum84

Honestly *@x2boys* the mind boggles! I'm sure some people think it's a piece of piss to get a BB. You and me both know that it's really not.

The level of shortsightedness on this thread is really depressing me!

I know, and that people think there should be a hierarchy is depressing, there should be more spaces full stop!

He's being a plank!

That's EXACTLY why ds has the blue badge!

I have an invisible physical disability (spinal but I'm actually being told medically to avoid mobility aids for as long as possible as that will make me worse and using what strength I still have will keep me more well/mobile for longer) plus I have mh issues that also affects my mobility/travel I have a disabled railcard, I sit in the disabled seats when I need to. I don't have a car at the moment and don't go anywhere really so no blue badge as yet but when I need to I'll get it and use it! That's what it's for

I get pip enhanced mobility because between alllll the various health issues I have getting around even at home is bloody difficult!

Clearly as he couldn't get out/be taken out of the car in the regular space he needed the extra space afforded to the disabled so dp should have parked there! Twit!

As he's not ds dad and you don't live together so I'm thinking you've not been together long? I'd be cutting my losses and moving on

I think he's still of the mindset that you're only really disabled if you're in a wheelchair.

Totally outdated and incorrect mindset. If he met/saw me he would think I wasn't disabled yet I can't walk more than 10-15 steps without needing to take a breather/get my bearings/let my back settle

@Tibtom

The same type of people who demand to know why you’re not wearing a mask even though you have an exemption lanyard. They get short shrift these days.

There is no such thing as an 'exemption lanyard'. There is a hidden disabilities lanyard with sunflowers designed to alert others in service roles to the fact the wearer may need support or extra time. So they can approach them and see if they can help.

You can get lanyards that have "mask exempt" written on big letters all-over them. Lanyards/cards/whatever are not needed but people use them to prevent any verbal agro they might get. I know I did.

@Tibtom www.godropship.co.uk/uploadfile/products/v/20210517/HOM-52562-3.jpg. This link is just one of the sites that sells them for a couple of quid. I obtained one from my disability support group. The lanyard has the sunflower design and has ‘I am exempt from wearing a mask’ and on the reverse is written ‘be kind, keep your, distance, thank you for understanding’.

If you think about it, there would be no point in myself and others with obvious disabilities wearing something that indicated a hidden disability for mask exemption purposes. As I said in the above post somewhere, you can’t just buy one and wear it, you have to be able to prove that you are exempt if asked by Covid enforcement. I carry a letter to that effect from my doctor.

The lanyard is meant to stop members of the public approaching and quizzing disabled people about their disability - it doesn’t so I also carry the print off from YouGov stating that members of the public are not legally entitled to question people about their medical conditions. The same is also true for BB holders, but you’d probably be surprised at the amount of times I’ve been asked, despite the disability being obvious.

You were as entitled to use that space as any wheelchair chair user.

Your DH attitude is a huge red flag.

If you are entitled to a blue badge you can park in disabled spots. It is easier for you and your children.

I wonder if he is embarrassed? I couldnt be doing with that.

@user1471538283

If you are entitled to a blue badge you can park in disabled spots. It is easier for you and your children.

I wonder if he is embarrassed? I couldnt be doing with that.

I wondered that too. Or it could just be that he doesn’t understand the disability - as so many others on this thread have demonstrated all too clearly. This isn’t DP’s son and he doesn’t live with them, so it could well be that he just doesn’t have enough experience and is of the mindset that says disability = wheelchair. That doesn’t give him the right to override the OP though - she knows her sons needs so he should have done as she asked.

I can see both points of view but mostly I agree with you.

I have a blue badge for a condition that flares, reducing my mobility to two sticks, ultimate pain in most joints, and the coinciding fatigue because everything's harder. On some days, I'm perfectly fine and don't use badge. If I was half and half, able to walk but knowing I'd pay for it, if there were only 1/2 spaces left, I wouldn't use them but 5/6 free I'd use them, and on stick days when balance is zero and pain high, 100% even if only 1 left.

So I can see your husband's point of view if there were only 2 left and he thought you could manage, but you are perfectly entitled to use it so 'managing' isn't an issue and you can complete your task more easily. I wonder if your husband has had a run in with a vigilante blue badge checker, or just doesn't like to draw attention to it.

Mostly, I come down with you when there's a kid involved...I can manage myself at 43 but with a little one it's different. I reckon some idiot has said something to him, or he's nervous about it having heard of something similar going on.

I had my dad living with me for 3 years before he died. He used a wheelchair. I found physically manoeuvring him extremely difficult.
I’ve lost count of the times we had difficulties because people who were not entitled to parked in a disabled space. I wish I could shake your partner’s hand and thank him!
It’s not all about you! Your partner understands this, you could learn much from him.

@Lentil63

I had my dad living with me for 3 years before he died. He used a wheelchair. I found physically manoeuvring him extremely difficult. I’ve lost count of the times we had difficulties because people who were not entitled to parked in a disabled space. I wish I could shake your partner’s hand and thank him! It’s not all about you! Your partner understands this, you could learn much from him.

This is an old thread. But you are wrong. The only entitlement to park in a blue badge space is a blue badge. Which OP's son had, so they had every right to park there.