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Original poster

DP doesn't think DS is disabled enough for a disabled parking space

351 replies

TheSoapyFrog · 31/08/2021 13:14

Yesterday we; me, DP, DS1 and DS2 (both 7) went to the park for the afternoon. DS 1 is autistic and has learning disabilities as well as hypermobility. He receives both components of DLA and has a blue badge.
I spotted two empty disabled parking spaces near the entrance and said we should park in one of them. DP drove over, but started backing into a regular parking space. I asked what he was doing and he said we should let someone who is properly disabled and in a wheelchair have the spaces.
He then stops the car and says that there isn't enough room for DS to get out in the regular space so we should get out now before he parks up.
I was really quite taken aback by his stupidity and told him this is exactly one of the reasons why DS has a blue badge; because there isn't enough room to get out in a regular space. He is disabled and they don't just give out blue badges to anyone who asks. I filled out forms and provided a lot of evidence. No, DS doesn't have a wheelchair but what the hell does he think the wagon that we pull DS1 around in is for?!

These weren't even the only disabled parking spaces in the car park, although I don't think DP was aware. But these were the ones nearest to the main entrance. The usual disabled parking bay has been blocked off due to new facilities being built.

Was I being unreasonable and should we have left the spaces for someone more disabled?

OP posts:
LaMontser · 31/08/2021 14:57

Good grief. You either have a blue badge or not, there’s not a sliding scale of disability when you get one. Of course he was an arsehole. He made things less safe for your son. Leaving a free space wasn’t “kind” or “considerate” - it was stupid and put your child at risk.

emilylily · 31/08/2021 14:57

@LagunaBubbles

Your circumstances meant that there was an alternative to blocking a disabled bay

Someone with a blue badge would be parking in the bay not blocking it.

She would have been 'using' the disabled bay for her son, just like anyone else who is disabled and has a blue badge.

She has to use a cart for her son and there is a serious risk to his health (from getting run over) of leaving the car away from the parking space; just as it would be difficult for another family to get someone out of the car, who uses a wheelchair, when not in a parking space.

Siameasy · 31/08/2021 14:57

Yanbu. You either have a BB or you do not. Since you do have one, you aren’t required to make decisions about your right to use those spaces as “the experts” have already made that decision for you and the decision was affirmative so don’t worry a minute more

Doodlebug71 · 31/08/2021 14:57

@BlankTimes

Show this image to Mr. clueless and for goodness' sake educate him on what disability means and how difficult it actually is to get a BB in the first place.

He really needs to understand your son's needs.

This. One has to qualify in so many ways to obtain a BB. Even when the qualification is automatic, one still has to apply, and explain precisely why it's needed, with documentary evidence.

Your spouse is being a knob.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 31/08/2021 14:59

I have to say I see his point. My mum is disabled and wheelchair bound, they have a WAV so getting in and out is a right palaver. Plus when it's just the two of them the closer to the destination he can park the better - cos it's hard work for an 78 year old with a hernia and health problems to push a wheelchair with a fully grown adult in.

So yes, if disabled space is limited I think if you have the option of another space it's considerate to think about those who have greater mobility issues than your own family.

greenlynx · 31/08/2021 14:59

He’s got blue badge because he needs it so your DP is unreasonable.
I would also look at the issue in a broader way. It feels like DP doesn’t take your son’s disability seriously enough. The attitude “ DS can manage” might damage your relationship on a long run because he won’t, his additional needs won’t disappear. There will be always need for adjustments so it’s better to be realistic.

karmakameleon · 31/08/2021 15:04

@DaphneDeloresMoorhead

I have to say I see his point. My mum is disabled and wheelchair bound, they have a WAV so getting in and out is a right palaver. Plus when it's just the two of them the closer to the destination he can park the better - cos it's hard work for an 78 year old with a hernia and health problems to push a wheelchair with a fully grown adult in.

So yes, if disabled space is limited I think if you have the option of another space it's considerate to think about those who have greater mobility issues than your own family.

Assuming that you don’t have a blue badge yourself, when you take your mum out do you use a blue badge space or do you leave them for someone more deserving?
AmaryllisNightAndDay · 31/08/2021 15:05

Couple of things. Your DP does sound a bit ignorant. You have a child with a disability, for any disability service there will alawys be someone else who is potentially "more disabled" and it's not top trumps. But also, it wasn't your DP's call. You are DS's mother, you have to get DS into his buggy, you told DP which parking space was best so you could do it safely and not in the middle of the car park. He had no business overruling your judgment.

Sirzy · 31/08/2021 15:05

@DaphneDeloresMoorhead

I have to say I see his point. My mum is disabled and wheelchair bound, they have a WAV so getting in and out is a right palaver. Plus when it's just the two of them the closer to the destination he can park the better - cos it's hard work for an 78 year old with a hernia and health problems to push a wheelchair with a fully grown adult in.

So yes, if disabled space is limited I think if you have the option of another space it's considerate to think about those who have greater mobility issues than your own family.

So by your own logic when you are with your Mum you park elsewhere leaving the spaces at the door free for people who need it more?

It’s not a race to the bottom. If someone qualifies for a blue badge then they can park in the spaces. It really shouldn’t be any more complicated than that.

LST · 31/08/2021 15:07

I don't have a chair but have a BB as I have terrible mobility. I need to open the door the whole way and being closer to the place we're going also helps.

Ninkanink · 31/08/2021 15:07

He has a blue badge. So you should park in the bay, as you are perfectly entitled to.

Your DP sounds a bit...ignorant. Obviously your son is ‘disabled enough’ since he’s got the badge!

There are also a lot of people on this thread that sound rather ignorant and uninformed.

Concernedaboutgranny · 31/08/2021 15:09

Your circumstances meant that there was an alternative to blocking a disabled bay

Using it. Not blocking it. Op's child is just as entitled to use a disabled space as anyone else with a blue badge.

Language is important.

3cats4poniesandababy · 31/08/2021 15:10

Considering you have to meet criteria to get a blue badge and your son has - crack on using them.

Lokdok · 31/08/2021 15:10

You didn't need the space since there were two of you and you could easily get him out and back in to the car. If you'd taken a disabled space then a person in a wheelchair may have had to go home because they physically had no other way to do it. You have a right to use a disabled space, yes, but in this case you managed fine without and I'd have done the same as your partner.

Needtosleepzzzz · 31/08/2021 15:11

People who use a wheelchair don’t trump all other disabilities. It doesn’t work like that.

Concernedaboutgranny · 31/08/2021 15:12

Id be pretty pissed off if my dp was deliberately trying to make life harder for my child disabled or not.

karmakameleon · 31/08/2021 15:14

@Lokdok

You didn't need the space since there were two of you and you could easily get him out and back in to the car. If you'd taken a disabled space then a person in a wheelchair may have had to go home because they physically had no other way to do it. You have a right to use a disabled space, yes, but in this case you managed fine without and I'd have done the same as your partner.
My DS is five years old and has a blue badge. Given his age, he will always have a carer with him who can ‘manage’ in the way that OP did. Does that mean that DS doesn’t need a blue badge and they should only be awarded to disabled people who don’t need a carer?
Threearm · 31/08/2021 15:14

My DD is nearly 7, autistic and a blue badge holder. She can walk and run fine, however she is incredibly dangerous in car parks. I have to be able to open her door fully to use her restraint seat.

They don't just randomly allocate badges

LST · 31/08/2021 15:14

@Aprilx

You wouldn’t have been wrong for using it of course, but I think he was being considerate leaving the space for somebody in greater need. It seems like all you needed to do was get out of the car a few seconds earlier.
Anyone with a BB can park there. Full stop. No disability trump's another
Rozziie · 31/08/2021 15:16

I think your husband is mostly right. You don't have to park in a disabled space just because you can. Your son getting out of the car before your husband parked up (with your help) isn't that much of a hardship. A disabled person alone in a car would not have the option to do that, so it would ruin their day out to arrive and discover they literally couldn't park at all.

LammasFires · 31/08/2021 15:16

@DaphneDeloresMoorhead

I have to say I see his point. My mum is disabled and wheelchair bound, they have a WAV so getting in and out is a right palaver. Plus when it's just the two of them the closer to the destination he can park the better - cos it's hard work for an 78 year old with a hernia and health problems to push a wheelchair with a fully grown adult in.

So yes, if disabled space is limited I think if you have the option of another space it's considerate to think about those who have greater mobility issues than your own family.

Maybe he could just go shopping on his own? Seriously, are you suggesting that a child isn’t entitled to be kept safe by his mother by using a BB space he’s entitled to?
LST · 31/08/2021 15:16

I can't believe the word 'blocking' has been used. Fucking hell. I thought we were moving on in the world

karmakameleon · 31/08/2021 15:16

@Lokdok

Incidentally, you say you’d have done the same as the OP’s partner, but is it just a hypothetical situation for you or do you actually have a disabled child?

BoredZelda · 31/08/2021 15:17

No, he isn't his dad and doesn't live with us either. I think you might have a point there. We weren't together when DS1 was diagnosed and he hasn't attended any his appointments

This is a bit of a red flag to me. Regardless of whether he is ignorant of disabilities etc, he is making a decision for you about what is best for your disabled son. He should be doing what you need.

He should have a wheelchair. If wheelchair services won’t provide it and you can’t afford it, there should be places you can get a funded chair. Pulling a child around in a wagon isn’t ideal.

BoredZelda · 31/08/2021 15:19

My mum is disabled and wheelchair bound

Wheelchair user. Your mother is a wheelchair user.

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