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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP doesn't think DS is disabled enough for a disabled parking space

351 replies

TheSoapyFrog · 31/08/2021 13:14

Yesterday we; me, DP, DS1 and DS2 (both 7) went to the park for the afternoon. DS 1 is autistic and has learning disabilities as well as hypermobility. He receives both components of DLA and has a blue badge.
I spotted two empty disabled parking spaces near the entrance and said we should park in one of them. DP drove over, but started backing into a regular parking space. I asked what he was doing and he said we should let someone who is properly disabled and in a wheelchair have the spaces.
He then stops the car and says that there isn't enough room for DS to get out in the regular space so we should get out now before he parks up.
I was really quite taken aback by his stupidity and told him this is exactly one of the reasons why DS has a blue badge; because there isn't enough room to get out in a regular space. He is disabled and they don't just give out blue badges to anyone who asks. I filled out forms and provided a lot of evidence. No, DS doesn't have a wheelchair but what the hell does he think the wagon that we pull DS1 around in is for?!

These weren't even the only disabled parking spaces in the car park, although I don't think DP was aware. But these were the ones nearest to the main entrance. The usual disabled parking bay has been blocked off due to new facilities being built.

Was I being unreasonable and should we have left the spaces for someone more disabled?

OP posts:
thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 31/08/2021 14:02

I thought after the previous disabled parking thread which is still running, that there'd be more understanding. Seems not

OhLookAtThat · 31/08/2021 14:04

YANBU. Blue badge holder here, invisible disability, no wheelchair. Some days I am fine, some days I can walk only a couple of steps.

I often feel guilty if I use them but I have to remind myself I AM disabled. I can be fine and then all of a sudden pass out. Also experience chronic pain, dislocations etc so would be buggered if that happened and my car was parked ages away. I understand why your husband feels like that, I really do but he shouldn’t.

Bagelsandbrie · 31/08/2021 14:05

@TheSoapyFrog

I honestly don't believe DP is embarrassed by DS1. If I thought he was, I'd have ended it a long time ago. I think he's a bit uneducated and possibly a bit ignorant though. I think he's still of the mindset that you're only really disabled if you're in a wheelchair.
Aside from the issue you’ve posted about this really doesn’t bode well for a long term relationship with him when you have a child with the issues yours has. He needs to do some research and step up a bit otherwise you’re going to have all sorts of battles and issues.
Original poster
TheSoapyFrog · 31/08/2021 14:06

I do want to add that the bay with the disabled parking spaces was relocated to another entrance, so we weren't in one of the only two spaces, but I admit we didn't see the signs about it until we had got out.

OP posts:
Miniroofbox · 31/08/2021 14:06

I am only getting to the point of accepting my disability and right to spaces.

I travelled at the weekend and I really struggled through the airport and I’ve resigned myself to asking for assistance next time.

But because I’m not in a wheelchair I shouldn’t use the accommodations I’m entitled to?

Clarice99 · 31/08/2021 14:09

I think he's a bit uneducated and possibly a bit ignorant though. I think he's still of the mindset that you're only really disabled if you're in a wheelchair.

With that attitude, he's more than a bit ignorant.

I have multiple disabilities as defined by the Equalities Act. I'm not a wheelchair user.

Your DP needs to educate himself. And he needs to be more understanding and supportive of your son's needs.

Don't you find it hard OP to be with someone who puts your child's safety at risk due to their ignorance?

ittakes2 · 31/08/2021 14:12

I am sorry your son is 7 and this is the first and only time you have argued over a disabled bay? Is this something he does all the time or is this first time? Maybe he did clock the other disabled bays were out of action.

nonotmenotI · 31/08/2021 14:12

You have been allocated a badge for him so he's been assessed as being in need of one.

Dump the bf.

Ds has a blue badge, it has made things so much easier for us. There's a lot of ignorance about blue badges and what qualifies. I've had a woman scream at me before because I parked in a disabled space with ds and blue badge displayed. She wanted to check it was real.

phishy · 31/08/2021 14:14

YANBU, my mum has a blue badge and is the type of person who would leave a BB space for someone 'who needs it more', but would also suffer with more pains that night because she had to contort herself in a regular space.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/08/2021 14:14

I think it’s clear yanbu

You have the badge for a reason, and the circumstances required you to use the disabled bay.

Samcro · 31/08/2021 14:16

he has a BB so you should use a space.
its not top trumps. dd is in a wheelchair, so obviously has a bb so we used disabled parking when she is with us. that is what BB are for.

pickingdaisies · 31/08/2021 14:17

I'm aghast at the number of pp's who think your DP was right. He was wrong for two things - first for not understanding your son's needs, and second for completely ignoring your request that he park in a disabled space. You know your son's needs better than he does. You understand the danger of him bolting or damaging a neighbouring car.
Does DP overrule you often? You need a long hard talk with him, because that's not on.

RedToothBrush · 31/08/2021 14:22

@Angryfrommanchester1

The spaces are there for you, and the authorities agreed that your DS meets the criteria for being able to use them.
^This.

The fact somewhere does not have enough spaces for blue badge holders is not your fault.

You and other badge holder should complain to store / council about the lack of adequate disabled facilities on site which is producing conflict with other customers.

karmakameleon · 31/08/2021 14:26

You and other badge holder should complain to store / council about the lack of adequate disabled facilities on site which is producing conflict with other customers.

If people who are entitled to use blue badge spaces don’t because of some misguided sense of public duty, the people who manage the car park will think that provision is plentiful.

MrsScrubbithatescleaning · 31/08/2021 14:30

@ittakes2

I am sorry your son is 7 and this is the first and only time you have argued over a disabled bay? Is this something he does all the time or is this first time? Maybe he did clock the other disabled bays were out of action.
The DP isn’t the father of the boys. OP hasn’t said how long she’s been with her DP.

OP, your DP is a bit of an idiot. Make it clear to him next time that you NEED the extra space that a disable bay requires.

namechange30455 · 31/08/2021 14:32

Did he actually say your DS was "not properly disabled"? He doesn't sound like someone I'd want around my disabled child tbh!

Dotell · 31/08/2021 14:32

@Darthwader

I think he made the right call. You managed fine between the pair of you and did not require the disabled space so it was nice to leave them for people who could not manage without them. OK, you had to get out of the car before your DH pulled into the space but did that matter?
What a stupid thing to say. What do you think people who use wheelchairs did before disabled parking spaces.
Thelnebriati · 31/08/2021 14:37

Did he make you get out of the car in the middle of the car park?
If he objected to using the space then I don't understand why he didn't park in the blue badge space to let you take your child out of the car; then move the car to a regular space?

bringincrazyback · 31/08/2021 14:37

YANBU. Your DS has a blue badge because he has disabilities, simples. It's disheartening that some people still don't seem to think invisible disabilities are a thing.

WeatherwaxOn · 31/08/2021 14:38

I have a friend who is autistic (with many co-morbid conditions, and currently waiting investigation of some new physical issues). They can't use a regular parking space for many reasons; whilst not physically disabled "per se" they have some mobility problems, and disabled spaces allow more room to get in and out of the vehicle more comfortably. Closer proximity to the shop makes it less stressful/easier to escape to, and the knowledge that usually there will be a space to park in provides some reassurance and thus a coping mechanism for the difficult experience of managing a supermarket shop/DIY store shop.

Sirzy · 31/08/2021 14:39

Ds has a blue badge.

He is autistic and also a part time wheelchair user. His need for the space is the same whether he is using the chair or not. The proximity to where we are going is even more important if he isn’t in his chair!

Aprilx · 31/08/2021 14:48

You wouldn’t have been wrong for using it of course, but I think he was being considerate leaving the space for somebody in greater need. It seems like all you needed to do was get out of the car a few seconds earlier.

karmakameleon · 31/08/2021 14:50

@Aprilx

You wouldn’t have been wrong for using it of course, but I think he was being considerate leaving the space for somebody in greater need. It seems like all you needed to do was get out of the car a few seconds earlier.
This is basically saying that any disabled person who is accompanied by an able bodied carer should leave the place for someone in ‘greater need’. Nothing in the blue badge rules to say that for good reason.
emilylily · 31/08/2021 14:52

YANBU.

If your son is a bolter- he could get run over if you can't stop him in a normal parking space.

If he scratches the neighbouring car, you could have to pay for it.

I think it shows that your DP doesn't have a good understanding of your son's condition yet.

Bagelsandbrie · 31/08/2021 14:53

@Aprilx

You wouldn’t have been wrong for using it of course, but I think he was being considerate leaving the space for somebody in greater need. It seems like all you needed to do was get out of the car a few seconds earlier.
Well you could argue that about anyone who has a blue badge. How ridiculous. The whole point of the blue badge scheme is to make things equally accessible to everyone. Why should a disabled person have to stop their car, get out and then repark (not to mention this assumes someone else is driving!)…? How many non disabled people would like to do that every time they went out?