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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP doesn't think DS is disabled enough for a disabled parking space

351 replies

TheSoapyFrog · 31/08/2021 13:14

Yesterday we; me, DP, DS1 and DS2 (both 7) went to the park for the afternoon. DS 1 is autistic and has learning disabilities as well as hypermobility. He receives both components of DLA and has a blue badge.
I spotted two empty disabled parking spaces near the entrance and said we should park in one of them. DP drove over, but started backing into a regular parking space. I asked what he was doing and he said we should let someone who is properly disabled and in a wheelchair have the spaces.
He then stops the car and says that there isn't enough room for DS to get out in the regular space so we should get out now before he parks up.
I was really quite taken aback by his stupidity and told him this is exactly one of the reasons why DS has a blue badge; because there isn't enough room to get out in a regular space. He is disabled and they don't just give out blue badges to anyone who asks. I filled out forms and provided a lot of evidence. No, DS doesn't have a wheelchair but what the hell does he think the wagon that we pull DS1 around in is for?!

These weren't even the only disabled parking spaces in the car park, although I don't think DP was aware. But these were the ones nearest to the main entrance. The usual disabled parking bay has been blocked off due to new facilities being built.

Was I being unreasonable and should we have left the spaces for someone more disabled?

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 31/08/2021 13:48

I knew you’d say he wasn’t his dad! Says it all, really.

I have a blue badge and whilst I can walk unaided (mostly), I can’t get in or out of the car unless the door is fully open, so I need the extra space. I’ve been completely stuck sometimes when people have parked too close before I got my badge. Use it if you have it, it’s there for a reason. Your DP is being silly: does he think your ds isn’t ‘disabled’ enough or something?

HosannainExcelSheets · 31/08/2021 13:48

@TheSoapyFrog Flowers

I think people can find it hard to see the extent of a disability when they aren't in the thick of it all the time. From what you've said, and having a child with ASD myself, I'd be completely with you. But I know other people are really shocked my DS gests DLA and gas an EHCP. They Oy see the good bits...

It sounds like you're probably going to need more support with mobility as time goes on too. So your DP needs to get inside with you can support you.

LammasFires · 31/08/2021 13:48

The BB is to help you keep DS safe.
You need to be confident about overruling your partner’s stupidity, or your son may well bolt and get hurt.

Travis1 · 31/08/2021 13:50

By wagon I assume you mean an adapted buggy? In which case your partner is even more unreasonable than I first thought

Original poster
TheSoapyFrog · 31/08/2021 13:50

@Anoisagusaris

What sort of wagon does he use?? Do you mean a buggy or a some sort of cart??
It's a pull along wagon, a bit like the ones people use when they go to the beach. It has a seat belt in. He grew out of his original mobility pushchair and can't fit in the ones for his age range. He needs one for a teenager/adult, but I can't afford one right now. Wheelchair services won't help because he can walk, although not far. For now the wagon suits us.
OP posts:
Booknooks · 31/08/2021 13:50

No you shouldn't have left the spaces, you're entitled to use the disabled spaces, and it sounds like a regular space is not suitable or safe. Is it the first time he has driven you all somewhere? You know him best, it sounds like perhaps he didn't think through what he was saying or doing, and he should adapt and learn what's safe for your son.

LammasFires · 31/08/2021 13:50

@Darthwader

I think he made the right call. You managed fine between the pair of you and did not require the disabled space so it was nice to leave them for people who could not manage without them. OK, you had to get out of the car before your DH pulled into the space but did that matter?
Have you ever tried to restrain a child larger than yourself with no sense of danger and a desire to bolt? It didn’t end badly this time.
Scautish · 31/08/2021 13:51

YANBU 100%

Anyone disagreeing doesn’t understand different disabilities and their impact and I’m sorry you have such an ignorant partner.

MinkeDinkie · 31/08/2021 13:52

I don't think your DP was being unreasonable, especially if there are currently less disabled bays than usual.

You are of course perfectly entitled to use them, but if it is possible and safe not to, it is a kind thing to leave them for those whose options are a disabled bay or go home.

Miniroofbox · 31/08/2021 13:52

I’m pure scunnered with the notion that you should only park in a disabled space with a blue badge if you’re in a wheelchair. It really is an attitude that needs to change.

PepsiHoover · 31/08/2021 13:52

So your abilist DH thinks your DS disability isn't a real or proper disability? Because that's how it comes across to me.

user1471457751 · 31/08/2021 13:53

It's really annoying our society still hasn't moved past thinking the only legitimate disability involves a wheelchair.

Tigertigertigertiger · 31/08/2021 13:53

The spaces are for people like your son but that was really kind of him to think like that

BlankTimes · 31/08/2021 13:53

Show this image to Mr. clueless and for goodness' sake educate him on what disability means and how difficult it actually is to get a BB in the first place.

He really needs to understand your son's needs.

DP doesn't think DS is disabled enough for a disabled parking space
Lockdownbear · 31/08/2021 13:54

@kokosm

Surely in theory a wheelchair user could also get out of the car in the road where there's more space, it would just be dangerous and inconvenient, just as it is for OP's son, so they're not more entitled to a blue badge than anyone else who meets the criteria.
And how does the disabled driver get their can then into the disable space.

Even if they were a passenger it's not a quick open the door and hop out is the faff of getting the wheelchair out and transferring into it.

Op I think in this occasion DH is right esp when some of the disabled bays are out-of use.

Original poster
TheSoapyFrog · 31/08/2021 13:56

I honestly don't believe DP is embarrassed by DS1. If I thought he was, I'd have ended it a long time ago.
I think he's a bit uneducated and possibly a bit ignorant though. I think he's still of the mindset that you're only really disabled if you're in a wheelchair.

OP posts:
MMMarmite · 31/08/2021 13:57

I can understand why he's hesitant - I qualified for a blue badge at one point as I couldn't walk far, but tried to use a normal space if there was one near enough.

But it sounds like your DS really does need the extra width. I think DP needs to pay more attention to ds's difficulties and be aware of this.

parietal · 31/08/2021 13:58

you are fully entitled to the disabled space & should be using it.

and I wish there were somewhere that would give you a proper wheelchair. I can't believe that a wagon is comfortable or safe for your son.

Disneycharacter · 31/08/2021 13:58

If you genuinely don't need it in that moment, and the walk to the shop wasn't excessive, then would leave it for someone with a greater need. The fact you would have had to get out before he parked is an irrelevance and just a reflection of how small spaces are nowadays. It would have been the same for anyone

If DS had been having a meltdown or was in pain from the EDS then of course you should use the disabled areas.

It seems to be lost in people that there were only 2 disabled spaces remaining.

mongoosebaby · 31/08/2021 13:59

After your update, I can't believe anyone thinks you shouldn't be using a disabled space! Stay safe OP, please don't let anyone make you feel guilty for doing the best for your son.

thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 31/08/2021 13:59

Blue badges are not easy to come by, I know because I have one, and if you have one then you are entitled to park in a disabled bay. No further information needed.

MulberrySquash · 31/08/2021 13:59

You have a blue badge for your son and are entitled to use it. There aren't levels of entitledness. I have a blue badge and my son would also qualify for one if I needed to apply, so we use the space.
Wheelchair users don't trump others with a disability and there are usually enough spaces to go around at most shops etc.

RandomMess · 31/08/2021 14:00

I think your DP was wrong but as you both there and you could manage safely it was considerate to use a normal space on that occasion.

Separately you need to get through to your DP that your son is disabled and needs his badge and his mobility is a huge issue because he needs to use the wagon and his bolting issue.

I am just Shock at your DP ignorance tbh!

Scautish · 31/08/2021 14:00

This thread is a perfect example of the prejudice and ignorance disabled people have to face every day. It’s absolutely shocking.

LagunaBubbles · 31/08/2021 14:01

Your circumstances meant that there was an alternative to blocking a disabled bay

Someone with a blue badge would be parking in the bay not blocking it.

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